From Daughter to Matriarch

So, we cant keep her in hospital any longer. Mom is well enough to be somewhere else. Everyone (her son, her daughter, her grandchildren, her doctor, the wonderful hospital social worker) wants her in a transitional care place so she can attempt to rebuild herself just a little before she goes home, Mom wants to be home. Nothing we can do to prevent her from going home, so she goes home. She scored 30/30 in a cognitive test days before so we all know she is making well thought out choices, they are just not sensible.

Mom wants to die. She clearly states "the sooner my heart stops the better". I know she cant manage at home, I have to accept it is her choice.

What hurts is I am over 2 hours away, I cant be there. I am terrified she will die alone, and in distress and without dignity. I can not do a damn thing. I accept it is her call and reassure her grandchildren that it will be ok, and that Mom has to do this for her, and that I am comfortable with her choices.

I lie.