NEWS report: 'LSD makes users lose weight'
That makes sense, it's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it.
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
NEWS report: 'LSD makes users lose weight'
That makes sense, it's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
God's Evil Twin
What like this?Originally Posted by Smifffy
Science Is But An Organized System Of Ignorance"Pornography: The thing with billions of views that nobody watches" - WhiteManBehindADesk
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
The American flag on the moon has turned white due to the exposure of solar radiation.
That's great. Now France can claim that they've landed on the moon.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Meow
I like drugs because you still have the same problems you had before except now you can't get upstairs because they're made of fish.
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Meow
Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching away from a big box of chocolates.
An older man, sitting on the bench across the way, says "Y'know, son, if you keep eating those chocolates that way you're going to get fat, and acne, and bad teeth".
Little Johnny says "Y'know, sir, my grandfather lived to be 102"
The man asks "Oh, and did he eat big boxes of chocolate every day?"
Johnny replies "No. He minded his own fucking business"
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Scooter boy
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around the Warehouse
when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, “Doesn’t matter, --- let's look for yours."
Argo Solvo Interio Putus
'tart tourmenter
A teacher asked her class "who can tell me the names of the 3 great kings who brought happiness and peace into peoples lives?" Little Johnny threw up his hand. No other hands were raised. "Yes Johnny?" Little Johnny said "well there's Drin-king, Smo-king and Fuc-king"!
Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow aren’t just the 4 cycles of an engine
Meow
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he has achieved, winning seven Tour De France races while on drugs...
When I was on drugs I couldn't even find my bike.
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Meow
Back when Unstuck was a kid, there was no internet
So people would sometimes have to walk for miles just to call him a cunt.
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Anorak
Sorry in advance for this one
17 year old daughter asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
DAD: "You know the rules..."Only if you suck my cock" .
Daughter" sighs and drops to her knees. Dad whips his cock out and she gets to work. Instantly, she recoils in disgust.
Daughter: "Eurrghh! It tastes like shit!"
DAD: " Yeah, your brother wanted to borrow twenty dollars..."
Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken
111000101000100010011110
Reckon that's one for the sick jokes thread dude.
"A shark on whiskey is mighty risky, but a shark on beer is a beer engineer" - Tad Ghostal
Hardcore Punk
Only if they wanted to get stabbed in the eyeball with a fork.Back when Unstuck was a kid, there was no internet
So people would sometimes have to walk for miles just to call him a cunt.
For a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.Keep an open mind, just dont let your brains fall out.
Anarchic Wild Child
"So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."
Meow
A politician found himself at the gates of hell.
He panicked and ran in but found himself running down an endless hallway.
Just when he thought he could run no longer he saw a door.
Above the door was a sign that read "SOULS".
He ran in the door and saw the devil sitting behind a desk.
The devil looked up and saw the politician and said " what...you wanna buy it back??"
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
BogOff-Cant you see I'm busy?
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crępes.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
When chemists die, they barium.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
PMS jokes aren't funny; period...
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
Broken pencils are pointless.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Velcro - what a rip off!
"Do not worry about old age; it does not last."
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