Friday jokes

[Berries]

I bemoan the standard of the spelling in New Zealand but this has to be taking the piss?

[Akzle]

I bemoan the standard of the spelling in New Zealand but this has to be taking the piss?

i knew a sidney once. great legs. great legs.

[sidecar bob]

I bemoan the standard of the spelling in New Zealand but this has to be taking the piss?

But the destination abbreviation is still SYD. Demonstrates the stupidity of govt funded charter schools.

[Akzle]

today's logic-leaping class bought to you by bob:

But the destination abbreviation is still SYD. Demonstrates the stupidity of govt funded charter schools.

[Big Dog]

today's logic-leaping class bought to you by bob:

Especially given how unlikely anyone with a job has attended one.


Stupid phone / Tapatalk, apologies in advance.

[Smifffy]

But the destination abbreviation is still SYD. Demonstrates the stupidity of govt funded charter schools.

Probably wasn't even done by someone that went to school in NZ...

[husaberg]

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Yes, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the Woman , slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Woman, could you step out of your vehicle please!

Woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

Woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

Woman digs into her handbag and pulls of his purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you Woman, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

[Berries]

i knew a sidney once. great legs. great legs.

I think I just met him. Now I know why it is called Darling Harbour.


Could do with shaving them but.

[Swoop]

My favourite drawings at the Muhammad cartoon festival in Texas were the two chalk outlines out front.

[Swoop]

I can't help but think that Will and Kate have missed a trick with this name thing. Elizabeth Paris Mercedes would have been a nice blend of modern and historical while also being the Cluedo answer for "what happened to Granny"?

[Smifffy]

Apparently Kate had asked the Queen what the secret was to a long and happy marriage in the Royal family.

The Queen replied "Always wear your seatbelt, and never piss me off..."

[Swoop]

Texas police have raided the homes of the two terrorists who attacked the cartoon contest in Dallas. They found a stash of:

20 AK47s
10 Uzi 9mm machine pistols
2 Rocket launchers
And a quantity of various side arms including 3 0.5" Desert Eagles

A spokesman for the Dallas police force said "I am shocked, never in my 25 year career as a law enforcement officer, have I ever encountered a domestic residence with so few firearms inside"

[gjm]

How to get chocolate into a US movie theatre...

[roogazza]

[gjm]