Boomerangs.
Frisbees for lonely people.
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Boomerangs.
Frisbees for lonely people.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Of an enviable height
My buddy Archie has refused to give me his recipe for Italian bread.
Fuck Archie huh.
"It's hard to keep an open mind, when so many people are trying to put things in it"
Forum whore
My friend Gav died from an overdose of heartburn tablets the other day... I just can't believe Gavisgon!
"Statistics are used as a drunk uses lampposts - for support, not illumination."
Anorak
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar.
The bartender says,
"I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
Originally Posted by Katman
Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Enigma
You'd never go hungry with Nigella Gaz.
If it weren't for flashbacks...I'd have no memory at all..
Enigma
xxxx
You'd never go hungry with Nigella Gaz.
If it weren't for flashbacks...I'd have no memory at all..
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
If you wipe your arse with your bare hand, but think pork is dirty?
You might be a Muslim.
If you have a $3000 machine gun and a $5000 rocket launcher, but can't afford shoes?
You might be a Muslim.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Hardcore Biker
3 little somethings that caused me to chuckle.
Scooter boy
I turned to my colleague and asked, "Do you smell something burning?"
23 years we've worked together at the Crematorium and that joke never gets old.
Argo Solvo Interio Putus
Scooter boy
i saw 6 guys walking round the cemetery yesterday with a coffin on their shoulders they were walking round and around for at least 20 minuets. i said to my friend i think they've lost the plot.
Argo Solvo Interio Putus
BogOff-Cant you see I'm busy?
One dark night in a small town of Roselle Park, New Jersey a fire
started inside the local sausage factory.
In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to
all the fire departments for miles around.
When the first fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage
company president rushed to the fire chief and said, 'All of our
secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant.
They have to be saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire company
that brings them out and delivers them to me.'
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire
departments had to be called in because the situation became
desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president announced that the
offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000!
Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire
truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Peterstown
section of Elizabeth, NJ . This fire department was composed mainly of
Italian firefighters over the age of 65.
To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by
these Italian firefighters, passed fire engines parked outside the
plant, and drove straight into the middle of the inferno!
Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old
timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting
to save their own lives. Within a short time, the old timers had
extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.
The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for
such a superhuman accomplishment he was raising the reward to
$200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave
elderly Italian firefighters.
A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on
camera' reporter asked the Italian fire chief;
'What are you going to do with all that money?'
'Wella,' said Chief Pasquale De Luccinelli, the 70-year-old fire
chief, 'de fursta tinga we gonna do isza fixa de brakes on dat
fockinna truck!!'
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I got a call from head office to tell me that two members of staff have accused me of sexism.
They didn't name names, but I bet it was 'Jenny Shit Tits' and 'Buffalo Cunt'.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Despite being in a critical condition, Pauline Cefferkey doesn't have Ebola!
She is simply the first woman to catch 'Man Flu'!
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
SH1 rider
An Englishman walks into a pub, there are usually a Scotsman, A welsh man and an Irish man as well but they are still watching the Rugby World Cup.
Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people. --- Unknown sage
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