Friday jokes

[EJK]

[husaberg]

[idb]

Its obviously a joke right....

Attachment 321577

The pipes let it down a bit.

[Maha]

The pipes let it down a bit.

On the up side, the pillion has for once got the better seat it would seem.

[husaberg]

The pipes let it down a bit.

It does have decent Excell rims.
It reminds me of that bubble sidecar in Mad Max. Actually that's kind of what it really needs.

[anebv8]

A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm...."I'd like to buy a horth" he says "What sort of horse?" said the owner."A female horth," the owner shows him a mare."Nithe horth," says the dwarf."Can i thee her eyth?" owner picks him up shows the eyes,"Nith eyth",says the dwarf,"Can i thee her teeth?" owner picks him up shows the teeth."Nith teeth," he says,"Now can i see her twot?" the owner picks him up and shoves his head deep inside the horses vagina,pulls him out.The dwarf shakes his head and says,"Perhaps i should weewaze that..."Can i see her wun awound?"

[anebv8]

Just wanted to let you all know that I had a terrible accident today, but I am doing better now. I decided today to go horseback riding which I haven't done in years. Well, I go on the horse and started out slow, and then we went a little faster and then we were going as fast as the horse could do. All of a sudden I fell off and caught my foot in the stirrup and the horse was dragging me around in a circle. If it weren't for a quick thinking man (I owe my life to) I would probably not have made it. Thank goodness the store manager at The Warehouse came out and unplugged the machine.

[anebv8]

During one of his campaign trips, Donald Trump is visiting an elementary school and goes into one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asks Mr. Trump if he would like to lead the discussion of the word "Tragedy." So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy."
"No," says Mr. Trump, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted businessman. "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Mr. Trump searches the room."Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room, a boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If a private jet carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaims Mr. Trump, "That's absolutely right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either.

[anebv8]

Three Toronto surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed..



One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Ontario. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident;

I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.



The second surgeon said.. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident;

I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold Medal in track and field events in the Olympics.



The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs”. Several years ago a man was high on cocaine and marijuana

and he rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour.

All I had left to work with was the man's blonde hair and the Horse's ass.

I was able to put them together and now he's running for President of the U.S.A!"

[Black Knight]

Little Johnny had blown up a balloon and was bouncing it around the house annoying the hell out of his Mom.She insisted he put it away while she went off to the shops,but no,as soon as she was gone out it comes again and Johnny bounced it so hard it went into the bathroom and down into the toilet bowl-no way was Johnny going to retrieve it from that place.Mum arrives home and is busting for a dump,sits on the toilet and its a runny one,stands up to wipe and notices this large shit bubble in the pan.She rings her doctor explaning this thing who comes right over to investigate.He is down on his knees investigating,pricks the bubble with his pen and it explodes covering him with crap.
"Well" says the Doc ''in all my 30 years of practice I have never actually seen a fart"

[bbnet]

Breaking News from France: Marcel Marceau was arrested yesterday for unspeakable acts but has yet to make a public comment.

[YellowDog]

Health & Safety

[anebv8]

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. “Do you need some help?” I asked.

She replied, “I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can’t get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?”

“Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?” I asked.

“No, just this remote thingy,” she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, “Why don’t you drive over there and check about the batteries. It’s a long walk.”

[anebv8]

Teacher: what does the feathered chicken give you?

Student: Eggs.

Teacher: Very good,now what does the pink pig give you?

Student: Bacon.

Teacher: Great! Now what does the fat cow give you?

Student: Homework

[YellowDog]

Dear Abby,

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating!

Also, since he lost his job 14 years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one.

All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull with his buddies and have sex with hookers while I work so hard to pay our bills.

Since our daughter went away to college and then got married, he doesn't even pretend to like me, and hints that I may be a lesbian.

What should I do?

Signed: Clueless



Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. You don't need him anymore! Good grief woman, you're running for President of the United States!