The instructions are simple...
The wife asked me what I was doing on the internet last night. I told her I was looking for flights. "I love you!" she said and then she got all excited. That night we had the most amazing sex ever... which is odd because she's never shown an interest in darts before.
Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I got banned from Whitcoulls today for moving all the 'Caution - Wet Floor' signs to the '50 Shades of Grey' shelf.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
NEDWN VIII
Parents using text speak is the opposite of LOL.
Dickens Cider
I've taken up extreme sports lately, I went parachuting, cliff diving, then bungee jumping. Next I plan to watch the new Batman film, wish me luck...
No body move... I dropped my brain
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
When my wife told me Scandinavian languages don't have the letter 'R' I immediately thought...
No way!
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Likes Jiggle in the Wiggle
That took a bit, but I finally got itOriginally Posted by Swoop
Dickens Cider
A man sat crying one day...
His wife said "What's wrong dear?"
To which the man replied "I'm home sick"
His wife said "Home sick? You are home!"
"Yeah I know" said the man "but im fucking sick of it!!"
No body move... I dropped my brain
SH1 rider
Scotsman walks up into a Public Library and asks the Librarian "dey ye hae any books on suicide?
to which she stops what shes doing and says "Buggeroff, ye'll no bring it back"
Dickens Cider
Girl flashed by Scotsman - "Oh that's gruesome"
Scotsman - "Gi' it a touch love an' it'll gruesome more"
No body move... I dropped my brain
The instructions are simple...
After a night of drugs, drink and dancing I got pulled over by the police in the early hours of the morning. As I stumbled out of my car the copper started checking my number plate, got on his radio and said "Charlie, Whiskey, Tango". I thought "How the fuck does he know what I've been doing tonight...?"
Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
BogOff-Cant you see I'm busy?
Dear Sir:
The results from the laboratory confirm that the red ring around your penis was not cancerous. It was lipstick.
We apologise for the amputation.
Regards,
Dick Less, MD, F.R.C.s.
BogOff-Cant you see I'm busy?
A little boy goes to his
dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let
me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the
family, so call me The Prime Minister..
Your mother is the
administrator of the money, so we call her the Government
We are here to take care
of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will
consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother,
we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and
see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes
off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he
hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby
has severely soiled his nappy.
So the little boy goes
to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her,
he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny..
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the
little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all
about.'
The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the
Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and
the Future is in deep shit.'
Forum whore
Took me a while too. I was looking for the dirty bit!
"Statistics are used as a drunk uses lampposts - for support, not illumination."
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
The head of the Somali Olympic squad has apologised to officials on behalf of their team after realising that shooting and sailing were two separate events.
Also, having watched the London 2012 Opening Ceremony, I must say that I've seen better Bond girls.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
..........
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
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