Share your txt jokes

**Lissa** · 14th February 2008, 13:57

Why should u never throw your old viagra out onto the lawn?
It causes the worms 2 go rock hard and they fuck your lawnmower!

**nodrog:Me** · 14th February 2008, 15:50

Valentines: Flowers $80, dinner and movie $130, hotel room $200, the look on your face when she says she has her period, PRICELESS!

**Finn** · 14th February 2008, 15:57

Just sent to me...

Sorry to bother u but this is quite urgent! Are you able to come to a charity pancake competition tonight? Organisers have the pans and ingredients, they just need a tosser.

**Naki Rat** · 14th February 2008, 16:23

I got a sweater for Xmas. What I really wanted was a screamer or a moaner.

**Naki Rat** · 14th February 2008, 16:26

Thank you for your order in our sex shop, you asked for the large red vibrator in our wall display. Please reselect as that is our fire extinguisher!

**Finn** · 14th February 2008, 16:32

I've started the new alcohol diet! It's fucken great... I've lost 3 days in the first week.

**Stirts** · 14th February 2008, 16:40

Roses are red,
Violets are corny,
When i think of you
Ohh baby i get horny,
Eat me,
Beat me,
Bite me,
Blow me,
Suck me,
Fuck me,
Very slowly,
if you kiss me,
dont be sassy,
Use your tongue and make it nasty!!!!

**BIHB@0610** · 14th February 2008, 16:43

hhhhiiii issss ttthhhatt thhee ssexxxx shoppp thattt selllls ttthe bbiggg blackkkk vibbrattttorss??? I bbbougghttt onnne yesssterdddday, hhhooww ddoo Iii ttturrrn tthhe fffuckkkingg thhinggg offffff????

**Stirts** · 14th February 2008, 17:10

sing a song of bum sex an ass full of cum 4&20 fat cocks forced up yer bum. when the orgy is over & your bum begins to sting.
wasnt it a bad idea to take it up the ring

**ynot slow** · 19th February 2008, 21:36

Congratulations from www.sweetshop.com,you have won the weight of your dick in sweets.

To collect your tictac go to www.tinydick.com.

**ynot slow** · 19th February 2008, 21:39

Bad taste due to events lately but shows the warped sense of humour out there,this sent to me yesterday evening.

The chopper pilot who crashed into placemakers was unlucky,had he crashed into mitre 10 he'd be ok as everyone comes out better off at mitre 10.

**the mouse** · 23rd February 2008, 13:41

23 people have been reported found stuck to the walls and ceiling of a train station in Dublin. Police believe Irish Muslims have set off the first "No More Nails" bomb.

**flyingcrocodile46** · 23rd February 2008, 23:56

People who fuck Australians

are too lazy to masturbate

**Wheeliemonsta** · 3rd March 2008, 13:48

A new vibrator out for just out for women is so realistic that just before she reaches her climax, it cums, farts, goes limp & switches itself off !!!

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A recent study asked women if there asshole twitched after sex... ?

98 % said no, he just lies there scratching his balls !!!

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I lay in bed the other night looking at the clear sky & endless horizon...

And in that moment of absolute tranquility I thought...

Where the fucks my roof !!!

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Husband & wife go for marriage guidance...

When asked by the councellor if they had anything at all in common the husband replied "Yes, neither of us suck cocks" !!!

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Scientists have discovered the average cock weighs about 8 ounces but cant decide what the average cunt wieghs...

Pop on the scales & ring me back please !!!