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View Full Version : 2000 Valkyrie. Thrashed by Trash.



White trash
24th March 2005, 15:48
In my position as general layabout and dogs body, you get alot of down time. Two ways of spending this time. One is to fuck around all day checking out internet porn or posting on KB, the other, to test ride bikes I'd normally not look twice at.

First thing that strikes you about the Valk', is it's enormously wide, chrome covered, flat six engine. It's a friggen monster! Despite this, the machine looks relatively in proportion albeit very long and low. The tyres are fatter than yo momma and the bike screams "HEAVY".

Sling a leg over and you'll quickly find this aint the case. A low saddle height and an even lower center of gravity mean that even this 65kg weakling has no problem standing it up. Reverse gear, engaged by pulling a lever and hitting the starter button, makes maneauvering the beast a cinch.

Once running, this is without a doubt the quietest, smoothest bike I've ever sat astride. Triumph triples are good, this thing you literally can not tell it's running. A quick twist of the throttle and you're rewarded with a lovely (if muted), six cylinder note not too dissmilar to a Porsche.

Changing to first gear, there is no discernable click/clunk/graunch I've come to expect from modern gear bags, the neautral light simply dissapears and you guess you're in gear. Easing the clutch out, the bike glides (that sounds so gay, but it's the only word to describe it) away from the curb with no fuss and a surprising lack of torque reaction that normally plagues north/south crank motorcycles. Changing gears is extremely fuss free and amazingly smooth.

Now for the cool bit which inspired me to type this shit. Twist the grip, and fucken hold on! As the tacho needle sweeps through the range, the bike pulls harder, the engine making the most delicious sound I've ever heard from a bike motor. Cruisers, by definition, have absolutley no right to perform this well, your brain tells your stupidly grinning face. The harder it revs, the stronger it pulls. At 1200rpm, it will smoothly pull away in TOP GEAR! It has grunt everywhere and I challenge the most hardened sportsbike rider to take one for a blat and not piss themselves laughing.

Worrying points include a severe lack of front brake power. Sorry Mr Honda, but a machine of this girth and mass, cabable of these velocities, requires decent front stoppers. The stockers don't cut the mustard.

Handling is obviously ponderous, given the extreme wheel base and weight, however, it holds a good line and has enough cornering clearance to get by. The suspension is soft and wallowey but it's up to the job for a tourer or cruiser so I can't really complain. You get good leverage from the bars and funnily enough, I think I could embarras a few people on this bike.

Would I *persoanlly* buy it? Fuck no! How gay do you think I am? But if I won Lotto on Saturday night, I'd have an 1800 in the gargre with twin superchargers and open pipes. You would soo me in court for feeding the neighbours stupid fucken dog to it for breakfast.

To answer an unasked question, yes, it wheelies just fine.

Holy Roller
24th March 2005, 16:11
Interesting read bout the nakid goldwing :shake:
I could see myself astride one of them but at $23K I think that i'd need to wait a while, a long while :Pokey: How does the Nomad compare with the Valkrie that you have there?

White trash
24th March 2005, 16:13
Interesting read bout the nakid goldwing :shake:
I could see myself astride one of them but at $23K I think that i'd need to wait a while, a long while :Pokey: How does the Nomad compare with the Valkrie that you have there?

Funnliy enough, it doesn't. Nomad's very gutless and really bad handling by comparison. It is, however, a shit load cheaper and has the touring gear attached.

Riff Raff
24th March 2005, 16:29
To answer an unasked question, yes, it wheelies just fine.
Show us the proof!

White trash
24th March 2005, 16:36
Show us the proof!

You of all people should be able to take my word for it......

Riff Raff
24th March 2005, 16:43
You of all people should be able to take my word for it......
Well, lets see, Bella has been in your shop now for 4 weeks and I still haven't seen you wheelie her, so why should I think you would be wheeleeing a bigger cruiser?????

Paul in NZ
24th March 2005, 16:51
Look, I could not agree more..

When Vicki and I went to a Honda Dealers Corporate track day a while back I scored a session at Manfield on one. Shit was i disappointed, all the other dudes had 600's, VTR's Blackbirds an shit and I got this thing... (the first 1600 version I think) So I grabbed the Vickster and sat her on the back and off we wobbled... WOO HOO! Fark I was IMPRESSED!

It's not like an actual engine, more like someone attached a really big rubber bungy to the front or a big hand is pushing you towards the horizon and you are catapulted down the road in eerie silence. weeeeeeeeeeeeee.......

Coming onto the front straight we got it lined up (eventually) and hit the go to jail button... Wowsers, 180 eyewatering kph 2 up and it's time to throw out the anchors which (after the guzzi) I had no issues with. Cornering left a $10,000 trail of crome plate shavings on the deck but it kept it's line really well and sat like a tank on the road. Lesser bikes were scared to pass...

After 15minutes of utter hilarity I was actually gagging for a go on the Gold Wing.

When we parked the monster I fully admit to grinning like a randy gibbon that's just discovered masterbation... Laughing away I was amazed to get a whack from the Vickster... "You wanker. she frothed, obviously none to pleased about something... "My first time on the track EVER. The least you could have done was go fast..." (last bit over her shoulder as she stalked off)

OMG - It was smmooother than Carlos Santana so Vicki just assumed we were going slow... Well we were flat out and 180 on one of them on a short straight aint slow... And less we did pass some folk on sports bikes. Amazing bike...

Two Brothers did a straight pipe kit (6) for them and built one with twin superchargers off a VW or porsche (one each side of the tank) that out ran a fireblade off the line... so YES... If I win Lotto I want one 2...

Pauls Verdict?

More fun than rubber underpants full of warm salad dressing. Get one before they all go....

White trash
24th March 2005, 16:56
Well, lets see, Bella has been in your shop now for 4 weeks and I still haven't seen you wheelie her, so why should I think you would be wheeleeing a bigger cruiser?????

If I hadn't sold the poor wretch today, I'd proove I can.....

Riff Raff
24th March 2005, 16:58
If I hadn't sold the poor wretch today, I'd proove I can.....
You'd better have sold her to a decent, loving home!

Blakamin
24th March 2005, 23:25
Worrying points include a severe lack of front brake power. Sorry Mr Honda, but a machine of this girth and mass, cabable of these velocities, requires decent front stoppers. The stockers don't cut the mustard.

you not meant to try stoppies on one of dem fings... fucks the front end.....

Racey Rider
25th March 2005, 08:37
Reading through that I found myself thinkin, " Dam that boy must be good at foreplay!"

But one thing didn't quite click.


... A quick twist of the throttle and you're rewarded with a lovely (if muted), six cylinder note not too dissmilar to a Porsche.

Like You've ever been close to a Porsche!!!
:laugh:

Paul in NZ
31st March 2005, 19:02
Reading throught that I found myself thinkin, " Dam that boy must be good at foreplay!"

But one thing didn't quite click.



Like You've ever been close to a Porsche!!!
:laugh:


Hey ya gotta get close if you are going to steal one....

Pwalo
1st April 2005, 08:28
WT does this mean that WMCC will be getting one ready for the next race season?

Whoops not a Suzuki, but just imagine block passing on one of those things, or even backing it into a corner.

Paul in NZ
1st April 2005, 09:20
Finally found a picture of the two brothers thing.. And a Japanese one..

vifferman
1st April 2005, 09:30
Finally found a picture of the two brothers thing.. And a Japanese one..
Oooohhh.... the Japper one looks nice, expecially with the Gattling gun zorst....

Paul in NZ
1st April 2005, 10:05
Oooohhh.... the Japper one looks nice, expecially with the Gattling gun zorst....

If you look at the TB one, it has 6 straight pipes. Woo Hoo...

The gatling gun one is an example of how much effort some people put into these things. Very cool...

I once nearly bought a Cafe-racer GL1000. Didn't look as cool as this but had all the same elements. (fairing, zorst etc)



Cheers

White trash
1st April 2005, 10:17
I once nearly bought a Cafe-racer GL1000.

Now why the fuck does that not surprise me.....

Paul in NZ
1st April 2005, 10:45
Now why the fuck does that not surprise me.....

Dunno... I guess you are not easily startled? End result of an adventurous life I suppose?

:niceone:

Paul N