White trash
24th March 2005, 15:48
In my position as general layabout and dogs body, you get alot of down time. Two ways of spending this time. One is to fuck around all day checking out internet porn or posting on KB, the other, to test ride bikes I'd normally not look twice at.
First thing that strikes you about the Valk', is it's enormously wide, chrome covered, flat six engine. It's a friggen monster! Despite this, the machine looks relatively in proportion albeit very long and low. The tyres are fatter than yo momma and the bike screams "HEAVY".
Sling a leg over and you'll quickly find this aint the case. A low saddle height and an even lower center of gravity mean that even this 65kg weakling has no problem standing it up. Reverse gear, engaged by pulling a lever and hitting the starter button, makes maneauvering the beast a cinch.
Once running, this is without a doubt the quietest, smoothest bike I've ever sat astride. Triumph triples are good, this thing you literally can not tell it's running. A quick twist of the throttle and you're rewarded with a lovely (if muted), six cylinder note not too dissmilar to a Porsche.
Changing to first gear, there is no discernable click/clunk/graunch I've come to expect from modern gear bags, the neautral light simply dissapears and you guess you're in gear. Easing the clutch out, the bike glides (that sounds so gay, but it's the only word to describe it) away from the curb with no fuss and a surprising lack of torque reaction that normally plagues north/south crank motorcycles. Changing gears is extremely fuss free and amazingly smooth.
Now for the cool bit which inspired me to type this shit. Twist the grip, and fucken hold on! As the tacho needle sweeps through the range, the bike pulls harder, the engine making the most delicious sound I've ever heard from a bike motor. Cruisers, by definition, have absolutley no right to perform this well, your brain tells your stupidly grinning face. The harder it revs, the stronger it pulls. At 1200rpm, it will smoothly pull away in TOP GEAR! It has grunt everywhere and I challenge the most hardened sportsbike rider to take one for a blat and not piss themselves laughing.
Worrying points include a severe lack of front brake power. Sorry Mr Honda, but a machine of this girth and mass, cabable of these velocities, requires decent front stoppers. The stockers don't cut the mustard.
Handling is obviously ponderous, given the extreme wheel base and weight, however, it holds a good line and has enough cornering clearance to get by. The suspension is soft and wallowey but it's up to the job for a tourer or cruiser so I can't really complain. You get good leverage from the bars and funnily enough, I think I could embarras a few people on this bike.
Would I *persoanlly* buy it? Fuck no! How gay do you think I am? But if I won Lotto on Saturday night, I'd have an 1800 in the gargre with twin superchargers and open pipes. You would soo me in court for feeding the neighbours stupid fucken dog to it for breakfast.
To answer an unasked question, yes, it wheelies just fine.
First thing that strikes you about the Valk', is it's enormously wide, chrome covered, flat six engine. It's a friggen monster! Despite this, the machine looks relatively in proportion albeit very long and low. The tyres are fatter than yo momma and the bike screams "HEAVY".
Sling a leg over and you'll quickly find this aint the case. A low saddle height and an even lower center of gravity mean that even this 65kg weakling has no problem standing it up. Reverse gear, engaged by pulling a lever and hitting the starter button, makes maneauvering the beast a cinch.
Once running, this is without a doubt the quietest, smoothest bike I've ever sat astride. Triumph triples are good, this thing you literally can not tell it's running. A quick twist of the throttle and you're rewarded with a lovely (if muted), six cylinder note not too dissmilar to a Porsche.
Changing to first gear, there is no discernable click/clunk/graunch I've come to expect from modern gear bags, the neautral light simply dissapears and you guess you're in gear. Easing the clutch out, the bike glides (that sounds so gay, but it's the only word to describe it) away from the curb with no fuss and a surprising lack of torque reaction that normally plagues north/south crank motorcycles. Changing gears is extremely fuss free and amazingly smooth.
Now for the cool bit which inspired me to type this shit. Twist the grip, and fucken hold on! As the tacho needle sweeps through the range, the bike pulls harder, the engine making the most delicious sound I've ever heard from a bike motor. Cruisers, by definition, have absolutley no right to perform this well, your brain tells your stupidly grinning face. The harder it revs, the stronger it pulls. At 1200rpm, it will smoothly pull away in TOP GEAR! It has grunt everywhere and I challenge the most hardened sportsbike rider to take one for a blat and not piss themselves laughing.
Worrying points include a severe lack of front brake power. Sorry Mr Honda, but a machine of this girth and mass, cabable of these velocities, requires decent front stoppers. The stockers don't cut the mustard.
Handling is obviously ponderous, given the extreme wheel base and weight, however, it holds a good line and has enough cornering clearance to get by. The suspension is soft and wallowey but it's up to the job for a tourer or cruiser so I can't really complain. You get good leverage from the bars and funnily enough, I think I could embarras a few people on this bike.
Would I *persoanlly* buy it? Fuck no! How gay do you think I am? But if I won Lotto on Saturday night, I'd have an 1800 in the gargre with twin superchargers and open pipes. You would soo me in court for feeding the neighbours stupid fucken dog to it for breakfast.
To answer an unasked question, yes, it wheelies just fine.