Better than a flu shot!

[Nasty]

Miss Beatrice,

The church organist,

Was in her eighties

And had never been married.

She was admired for her sweetness

and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor

came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room...

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it.

The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity

about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

'Miss Beatrice', he said,

'I wonder if you would tell me about this?'

Pointing to the bowl.

'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful?

I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.

The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu All winter.'

[Robbo]

Here's another religous one


THE VICARS SALARY


At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.

Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Southland and Otago, stands up and proclaims:

'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Holden every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.


Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says,

'If the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education for his children!'

More sighs and loud applause.


Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,

'If the Vicar stays, I will give him sex.'

There is total silence.


The Preacher, blushing, asks her:

'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you to say that?'

Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies:

'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Fuck him'