Need dumb job ideas

[Lorax]

e.g. at a party when someone asks you what you do, you reply:

"Oh, I make sure the spaces between the crossing stripes is correct" and so on.

Ideas?

[popa griffin]

Test 9volt batteries with your tounge.

[SixPackBack]

e.g. at a party when someone asks you what you do, you reply:

"Oh, I make sure the spaces between the crossing stripes is correct" and so on.

Ideas?

Ticket law abiding motorcyclists and lie in court.

[spookytooth]

drill the arsehole hole in dolls

[Laava]

drill the arsehole hole in dolls
Using????????????

[SlashWylde]

Nostril hair trimming specialist for Rodney Wayne hair salons.

[Mschvs]

Lab rat, testing the effectiveness of laxatives.

[Taz]

Lab rat, testing the effectiveness of laxatives.

Now that would be a shitty job.....

[one fast tl1ooo]

A pet psychologist

[vifferman]

A guy I used to work with used to write "Computer Psychoanalyst" as his occupation when traveling for work. I never knew what my job title was (they never told me), and I got into trouble at Immigration once for writing "Computer Dude".
My grandfather used to tell his kids he worked in a jam factory, whittling the seeds to put in the strawberry jam.

Here's one, based on when I worked in a furniture shop. One of the guys I worked with was a real clown. We had shelves that had had the knots cut out and replaced with a solid core. He told me, "Oh - they don't waste the knots; they send them to the rocking horse factory to be used as arseholes for the rocking horses!"
So there's a job: making arseholes for wooden rocking horses.

[Karl08]

I make and star in "Art movies"

I sell crack

I am a test subject for police Tasers

I measure and ensure that wine gums are all of a uniform size.

[Taz]

Who'd want to wear a wine gum uniform? Or why would you want one that size?

[Laava]

Syringe prep expert for Amy Winehouse

[firefighter]

My favorite,
"I change the batteries in cats eyes....you know the little lights in the middle of the road ?"

Only chicks ever believe you, and it's a good judge for whether you wanna have her make you breakfast in bed or send her home in the morning......:laugh:

[Marmoot]

International Porn Star.

Say it with a nice proud smile.

[Stirts]

Flatulence Analyst
Inhale the “gases” emitted by subjects who have consumed nearly half their weight in baked beans. To find out if a fart can be an accurate symptom of intestinal health.

Being a cashier in the store behind the shooting range.
http://www.popularwealth.com/funny-pictures/worst-job-in-world-07.jpg

Beauty Contest Judge, in Chernobyl.
http://www.popularwealth.com/funny-pictures/worst-job-in-world-09.jpg

[steelestring]

... adult web master ...
my best friend actually dropped out of uni to do this and still is in the porn industry.

[Brian d marge]

e.g. at a party when someone asks you what you do, you reply:

"Oh, I make sure the spaces between the crossing stripes is correct" and so on.

Ideas?

Ha you do it to !!!!

I use Vacuum cleaner salesman or encyclopaedia salesman

the key point is you MUST appear to be enthusiastic, start of slow and get more and more passionate ( for example the new Dyson turbo flow has a new micro sponge filter that actually scrubs the air clean )


Trust me they will never speak to you again

I did this once in Belamys in Wellington ( long story ) and I was asked by a person who thought I shouldn't have been there ,,,,,She got the vacuum cleaner salesman, I think she was the MP for the Chatams )


If the person is interested in you they wont mind what you do !

Stephen

[slofox]

I tell people I am a drug dealer...it's true - I have a wine shop...


My brother had a good one. He's a GP. When asked what he did he replied "I'm a health beneficiary" (that's true too I guess). The questioner then said "Oh, that's no good. Been sick have you?" To which brother brightly replied, "No not really!". The other person then sidled away as fast as possible...

[gatch]

I light the fires inside the street lights at night..

And on my days off I paint the little red stripes around the top of bowling pins..

I wonder if people would believe, if you were short, and said you sit inside the coke machines and decide whether to accept or reject coins, then pass the can through the slot ?

[MIXONE]

I bend the bananas on a banana boat.
It's true!

[slofox]

I bend the bananas on a banana boat.
It's true!

What do you do with them to make them bend, huh? huh? huh?
Actually don't answer that, I don't wanna know...

[Maha]

My Brother and I own a Cab Company in Auckland, betwen us, we know every street in the greater Auckland area.

You will get a question like, ''oh yeah, well wheres Godfrey st''??

You say...''ah, thats one my Brother knows''....

[mikeey01]

You know those shiny things in the centre of the road, cats eyes?
Well I clean those!

[Lorax]

"look through the books at the library and if there are any with pages with the corner folded, well, I, um, pretty much, undfold em."

Extreme deep sea diamond miner.

Disabled toilet usage monitor.

[MattRSK]

I put the stickers on to the apples!

[vindy500]

I change the traffic lights

[Jantar]

I pass water.:innocent:

[marty]

I'm an artist for the government.























Drawing the dole...

[marty]

Dolphin Trainer at Seaworld. I'm over here with Massey University at the moment looking for fresh dolphins. I'm off to Cook Straight tomorrow - the small ones in the Straight are the best and easiest to train.

[marty]

Biscuit designer at Arnotts. I designed the Squiggle you know, after spilling mustard and tomato sauce on a toffee pop one day

[marty]

Pilot......

[ynot slow]

Coleslaw dressing input for KFC.

[Karl08]

I put the dimples in Golf Balls

I wrap fruit burst for Pascalls

I put the funk in funky

I teach old dogs new tricks

I put the man in manly

I test make up on animals, and they look wonderful!

[Fiendish Zen]

I've always liked the oldies:

'Left-handled screwdriver salesman'

'Skyhook installer'

'Tartan paint mixer'

also

'Dyson hoover bag designer'

:D

[c4.]

I hunt Cougars

[Dean]

I take naked pictures of my mum and sell them on trademe

[ready4whatever]

IM A BIKER RIDER:

1. i have strong fingers
2. i no wen to slow down an speed up
3. i have great stamina and endurance
4. i always wear proper protection
5. i have the fastest "lap" times
6. i no how to work my tools
7. i love getting down and dirty
8. the harder and faster i go the beta
9. i no how to get around a tight an tricky area wit ease
10. i always practice

[RC1]

chief excecutive porcelin maintenance officer ,

[Reckless]

I'm a fitting room attendant in a lingerie shop! :yes:

[MSTRS]

I'm employed by the bra manufactureres to go round all the stores and cut a stitch on every bra in stock, so that the underwires come out.

[MadDuck]

Condom Inspector :sunny:

[Stirts]

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[old fartz]

a banana bender I put the curves in them

[balans]

Dumb jobs: chriopractor, homeopath, naturopath and so on.

[Pedrostt500]

I'm a Mattress tester and bounce calibrations exspert, its a tough Job I tell ya.

[EJK]

I sell sea shells by the seashore. The shells I sell are surely sea shells. So if I sell shells on the seashore, I'm sure I sell sea shore shells.

[Flynn]

Work for Leader brothers as a pilot..... they make soap and i pilot it up in piles:shit:

[EJK]

e.g. at a party when someone asks you what you do, you reply:

"Oh, I make sure the spaces between the crossing stripes is correct" and so on.

Oh ok then.... Speak with clear and strong voice...


I Sell SEX!


Who cares? When they are drunk, they will eventually forget about it.