vifferman
23rd July 2009, 00:24
Or: No Prizes for Outstanding(ly bad) Driving
I dunno if it's just because I'm really tired this week, so I'm less intolerant, or it's some weird phases of the moon, or what, but in the last few days I've witnessed some REALLY crappy driving. (Yes, even crappier than your abnormally sub-substandard shite!) If it wasn't for the inconvenience of having to change buses and sit in an uncomfortable seat, I might even consider taking public transport! Yes, shocking, I know!
Friday Night
We head off to Roundabouta, that crazy city infested with roundabouts to confound the elderly inhabitants. That didn't work as well as the bureaucrats hoped, so they invented new sport: roundabouts with traffic lights - some in the middle of the roundabout, so you may have to stop half way round!
Anyway - this isn't about Unintelligent Traffic Systems.
On the way, in the dark and rain, not once but three (3!) times we experienced The Last Second Dasher, who planted his foot at the very last minute, roaring through amber lights, only to get held up metres later by traffic.
Saturday
Safe inside. I heard some crazy driving, but this time no power poles were harmed by stunting, so we didn't have to break out the camp cooker...
Sunday
We didn't experience the Crazed Lake Rotorua Rammer'n'Tyre Shooter-outer (http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10585717), just the normal garden variety of Rotorua-ite who crawls along at 35 km/h in the middle of the road. Quite relaxing really.
However (but!) on the way home, we did get overtaken by Mr Mistachio, in his Westlake College School van, loaded with impressionable youfs, towing a boat. I dunno why he needed to overtake us when we were doing 100 km/h anyway, but I was glad I wasn't in the car in front, as he nearly clipped it pulling in abruptly and not allowing for the trailer. Oops...
What did you gain, Sir? Though we were meandering along sedately, and in No Particular Hurry, we passed you not many kilometres down the road, so it's not as though you got back to Westlake significantly sooner.
Ah! Maybe it was a Salutory Lesson: "Now pay attention, boys, and I'll show you what NOT to do when driving with other people's sons in your care!"
Well, at least it was less illegal than the plonker in an Audi RS4 wagon, who passed us in Maramarua, at over 100km/h in a 70km/h zone, on double yellow lines. You get the fuckwit prize for the day. Congratulations.
<_<
(Where's a traffic cop when you need one?)
Monday
I'm VERY late for work, courtesy of a burst watermain. Yay.
Nevertheless, I somehow feel I should wait just a second or two when the lights at the end of our street turn green.
Lucky. Very lucky.
Mrs Silly-Bitch roars through from the right, having decided that she was going through the lights, red or not. :eek5:
Maybe I should have gone. It would've made more of an impression on her then my energetic tootling did.
Tuesday
The plumber was delayed, so I went to work late for nothing. Still, I get to see the LateCrazies, instead of the early variety. Y'know, like Mr. I-Work-For-The-Council-So-There's-No-Hurry-Eh? who tootles along at 30 km/h, in both lanes, in his traffic truck, pissing off everyone behind him who's not too busy applying makeup or pies to their faces to notice.
Or like Ms. Fookt-If-I-Know-How-This-GiveWay-Shit-Works, who pauses overly longly at intersections and roundabouts, hoping in vain that a traffic light will fall from the sky and tell her it's OK to proceed. I refrain from giving her a helpful nudge. (It's the vifferbabe's car, and she'd killl me mostly dead if I customised the front bumper....)
Ooh! Oooh! Waddabowt "My Car's So Fookin Wide that I have to pull right over to the left, and come to a stop to go around this right-hand corner without hitting the curb or tipping over".
Just go.
And don't get in my way.:angry2:
And then.. and then... on the way home, someone DID just go! :eek5:
You know the scenario: You're approaching an intersection, someone's waiting to go, and they just look at you and pull out anyway, as if to say, "What? What?!? You've got brakes, innnit? Use them! I'm outta here!"
The motoring equivalent of giving a complete stranger the fingers.
Yeah, well up you too, buddy!
Wednesday
I'm on the Northern Motorway, and the SUV in the left lane is weaving dangerously. Aha! One of them there blardy cellphone abusers!
I get alongside, and sure enough, he's got his hand up to his face.
AHA!! I thought so! Told you so!! :yes:
But no! :confused:
He's got his finger RIGHT UP his nose, digging for buried treasure so frantically that either it's stuck, or he's gone too deep and poked himself in his frontal lobe! :crazy:
A new low...:eek5:
If I was (heaven forbid!) a motorway cop, I'd achieve my <s>daily</s> monthly quota before donut time each morning....
I dunno if it's just because I'm really tired this week, so I'm less intolerant, or it's some weird phases of the moon, or what, but in the last few days I've witnessed some REALLY crappy driving. (Yes, even crappier than your abnormally sub-substandard shite!) If it wasn't for the inconvenience of having to change buses and sit in an uncomfortable seat, I might even consider taking public transport! Yes, shocking, I know!
Friday Night
We head off to Roundabouta, that crazy city infested with roundabouts to confound the elderly inhabitants. That didn't work as well as the bureaucrats hoped, so they invented new sport: roundabouts with traffic lights - some in the middle of the roundabout, so you may have to stop half way round!
Anyway - this isn't about Unintelligent Traffic Systems.
On the way, in the dark and rain, not once but three (3!) times we experienced The Last Second Dasher, who planted his foot at the very last minute, roaring through amber lights, only to get held up metres later by traffic.
Saturday
Safe inside. I heard some crazy driving, but this time no power poles were harmed by stunting, so we didn't have to break out the camp cooker...
Sunday
We didn't experience the Crazed Lake Rotorua Rammer'n'Tyre Shooter-outer (http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10585717), just the normal garden variety of Rotorua-ite who crawls along at 35 km/h in the middle of the road. Quite relaxing really.
However (but!) on the way home, we did get overtaken by Mr Mistachio, in his Westlake College School van, loaded with impressionable youfs, towing a boat. I dunno why he needed to overtake us when we were doing 100 km/h anyway, but I was glad I wasn't in the car in front, as he nearly clipped it pulling in abruptly and not allowing for the trailer. Oops...
What did you gain, Sir? Though we were meandering along sedately, and in No Particular Hurry, we passed you not many kilometres down the road, so it's not as though you got back to Westlake significantly sooner.
Ah! Maybe it was a Salutory Lesson: "Now pay attention, boys, and I'll show you what NOT to do when driving with other people's sons in your care!"
Well, at least it was less illegal than the plonker in an Audi RS4 wagon, who passed us in Maramarua, at over 100km/h in a 70km/h zone, on double yellow lines. You get the fuckwit prize for the day. Congratulations.
<_<
(Where's a traffic cop when you need one?)
Monday
I'm VERY late for work, courtesy of a burst watermain. Yay.
Nevertheless, I somehow feel I should wait just a second or two when the lights at the end of our street turn green.
Lucky. Very lucky.
Mrs Silly-Bitch roars through from the right, having decided that she was going through the lights, red or not. :eek5:
Maybe I should have gone. It would've made more of an impression on her then my energetic tootling did.
Tuesday
The plumber was delayed, so I went to work late for nothing. Still, I get to see the LateCrazies, instead of the early variety. Y'know, like Mr. I-Work-For-The-Council-So-There's-No-Hurry-Eh? who tootles along at 30 km/h, in both lanes, in his traffic truck, pissing off everyone behind him who's not too busy applying makeup or pies to their faces to notice.
Or like Ms. Fookt-If-I-Know-How-This-GiveWay-Shit-Works, who pauses overly longly at intersections and roundabouts, hoping in vain that a traffic light will fall from the sky and tell her it's OK to proceed. I refrain from giving her a helpful nudge. (It's the vifferbabe's car, and she'd killl me mostly dead if I customised the front bumper....)
Ooh! Oooh! Waddabowt "My Car's So Fookin Wide that I have to pull right over to the left, and come to a stop to go around this right-hand corner without hitting the curb or tipping over".
Just go.
And don't get in my way.:angry2:
And then.. and then... on the way home, someone DID just go! :eek5:
You know the scenario: You're approaching an intersection, someone's waiting to go, and they just look at you and pull out anyway, as if to say, "What? What?!? You've got brakes, innnit? Use them! I'm outta here!"
The motoring equivalent of giving a complete stranger the fingers.
Yeah, well up you too, buddy!
Wednesday
I'm on the Northern Motorway, and the SUV in the left lane is weaving dangerously. Aha! One of them there blardy cellphone abusers!
I get alongside, and sure enough, he's got his hand up to his face.
AHA!! I thought so! Told you so!! :yes:
But no! :confused:
He's got his finger RIGHT UP his nose, digging for buried treasure so frantically that either it's stuck, or he's gone too deep and poked himself in his frontal lobe! :crazy:
A new low...:eek5:
If I was (heaven forbid!) a motorway cop, I'd achieve my <s>daily</s> monthly quota before donut time each morning....