Best comeback line

[Mystic13]

I rode out of a parking building in town today and as I stopped on the footpath trying to squeeze the mobile out of my tight jeans pocket this worker dude walks past.

So I say.. "Hey can you tell me the time?"

Without hesitating he replies..

"Get a Harley... it's got a clock"

Damned impressive comeback I thought.

So what brilliant comebacks have you heard and bike related would be better.

[ManDownUnder]

I used to use the line "If I never see you again - die happy".

till I got... "I will" :clap:

[NighthawkNZ]

I usually use when some says "sorry" for something they done which is stupid

"No your not, else you would have done it in the first place..."

[Deano]

Are you talking to me or chewing a brick ?


Cause either way you're going to lose some teeth.

[jetboy]

"You got alot of teeth for a smart arse"

[Deano]

"You got alot of teeth for a smart arse"

:clap: - I just choked on my beer.

[R1madness]

when getting hasseled in a crowded place i use.....
"you want to suck my what for how much?" Say it loudly so everyone in a 20m radius can hear ya. Amaising the effect it has hahahaha....

[gwigs]

Wife "dont make it worse for yourself"....
My reply "Oh yeah what are you going to do ?........Marry me again ?

[Genestho]

Grumpy sad person say's "I'm not happy!!!":Oi:

"Well then, which one are ya?":banana::2thumbsup

That's my favouritist!!!:clap:

[nadroj]

Are you all right?



No - I'm half left....

[YellowDog]

Man says to girl: "Sit on my face"
Girl replies: Why, is you nose bigger than you dick?

[Trudes]

Get Fucked or Fuck Off pretty much cover most situations, simple and everyone understands it.

[prettybillie]

"does my face look like I give a fuck, cause if it does I need to change the way I look"

"you better speak to my arse cause seriously my hand doesn't even want to listen to your bullshit"

"hey let me go check my Give a Shit list.....hmmmm nope it doesn't feature"

:banana::banana::banana::banana::banana::banana:

[MIXONE]

Guy to girl"What's your name?"
Girl replies"Off"
Guy"that's a funny name is it your first name or surname?"
Girl"It's my surname,my first name is fuck"

[Drew]

Well to do woman, speaking to Winston Churchill. "You're drunk sir"!

Reply, "and you Madam are ugly, but in the morning I'll be sober".:clap:

[hospitalfood]

do you fucking like hospital food cunt ?

[EJK]

I remember this. Watch from 1:46.

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[gijoe1313]

This is a portion of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

-----

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL REINWALD:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD:
Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended. All over America, people were thinking: Semper Fi, Marine !

No bike, but the biking attitude is there!

[NOMIS]

This is a portion of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.


GENERAL REINWALD:
Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended. All over America, people were thinking: Semper Fi, Marine !

No bike, but the biking attitude is there!

Ok this here wins. love it lol

[jamiey]

I don't know what makes you look so stupid.

But











It's working a fu**in Treat

[MarkH]

Well to do woman, speaking to Winston Churchill. "You're drunk sir"!

Reply, "and you Madam are ugly, but in the morning I'll be sober".:clap:

I like the one where a woman told Winston Churchill that if he were her husband she would put poison in his tea, he said that if she were his wife then he would drink it.

[Maha]

Well to do woman, speaking to Winston Churchill. "You're drunk sir"!

Reply, "and you Madam are ugly, but in the morning I'll be sober".:clap:

Another classic Churchill line...

Lady Astor to Churchill "Winston, if you were my husband I would flavour your coffee with poison"
Churchill: "Madam, if I were your husband, I should drink it"

[shafty]

"Well at least you're not two faced, cos you sure as hell wouldn't be wearing that one outside"

[one fast tl1ooo]

You are so ugly, you'r mom had to tie a rope around you, just so the dog would play with you :whistle:

[Insanity_rules]

A couple I like to use.................

How about never, is never good for you?

I'd like to see it from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer

And somewhere a village is missing its idiot.

You seem much more intelligent with your mouth closed.

If I agree, will you go away?

Did you take a degree course in stupid? It comes so naturally to you.

It looked like english but all I heard was bullshit

Do you supply an bullshit to english dictionary with that?

Oi you! outa the gene pool

If I throw a stick will you leave?

Whatever point you were aiming for, you missed.

A womans real favourite position is CEO

I'm trying to imagine you with an informed viewpoint but its a big stretch

Is there any way to set this laser printer to stun?

I wasted a perfectly good nights sleep for this shit?

A good one in a loud nightclub is if you ask a girl to dance and she shoots you down badly (I've used this a couple of times) keep your face uneffected then say "Sorry I think you misheard me I said you look fat in those pants"

What did the university graduate say to the tradesman? Would you like fries with that?

True story: On a flight to Dublin the flight attendant asked me if I'd like Dinner, I asked her "what are my choices"? She replied "Yes or No!"

Get the feeling I might have a smidgen of smart ass in me?

[banjo3006]

One of my all time favourites was ex Aussie cricketer Shane Warne who was copping some sledging from an oppostion player about his weight.
Shane told him the reason he was so fat was evertime he had sex with the guys mum she gave him a cookie. :2guns:

[davebullet]

Q: "Do you want to apologise or get a smack in the face?"

A: "The middle one"

[ynot slow]

May your ears turn into arseholes and you shit on your shoulder.

[pete376403]

Aliens
"Hey Vasquez, you ever been mistaken for a man?"

"No, have you?"

[mossy1200]

You couldnt ride shit out your arse if you had diarrhoea.

[Pussy]

There was a good one in the British parliamentry debating chamber in the early 1900s...

One bloke said to another "You will either die of the pox or on the gallows"

He was replied with "that depends on whether I embrace your mistress or your principles"

[RentaTriumph]

I have the same quote for my bikes and my wife.
"If you fu#k it you own it".

[mctshirt]

Every time someone politely enquires about my health and well being with a cheery "How are ya?" I try to resist the answer "None the better for you asking". It tends to bring on a rainbow of emotions across their face and telling them "You did ask" doesn't help. :msn-wink:

[Str8 Jacket]

Harden the fuck up.

[awayatc]

"if I want shit from you, I will kick it out......"



"Sorry"
"you will be if you do it again".....



"Nice teeth,"...want me to put em in your wallet...?


My oldest brother used to talk to me like that......
Now I am the Oldest........

[one fast tl1ooo]

Take some concrete pills, And harden the fuck up

[mister.koz]

"So's your face"
or "take's one to know one"

Used well in intelligent conversation it can really bend people's reality, with an accurate delivery they end up looking like an arse.

Q: "if you were to push your dick between your legs, do you think it would approach your ass?"
A: "erm... i suppose so"
A: "go fuck yourself"

"if i were anything like you i would cut myself daily"
"your entitled to your opinion even though its wrong"
"sorry i only listen to people who have something intelligent to say"
"got a phone? call someone who gives a shit"
"lets not and say we did"
"i used to think like that then i woke up and got a clue"
"i see your lips moving again - might want to see to that"
"if i want your opinion i will seek counseling"
"by the look of your ears its safe to assume that arseholes can fly"
"i used to know someone like you, he topped himself - i think the world is better for it"
"you are a perfect example for sterilization"

[ghost]

Was out looking for some anchor chain, went into a marine shop...

Q, how can I help?

Me, I need some anchor chain.

Q, How long would you like it?

Me, I'd like to keep it, if thats possible....

[ynot slow]

Friends used to own a restaurant one night when ordering my steak the waitress asked"How do you want it cooked" I replied "on the grill or hotplate" she nearly wrote it down,then pissed herself.

Took a lawnmower into be fixed after a mate borrowed it and wouldn't run well,told the guy it was running reasonable but not anymore,his reply was never lend your mower,chainsaw or wife out,they both come back fucked.

[MarkH]

I was at a customers fixing a computer, while I was there the woman in charge told another woman that she thought it would be a good idea to change this idea like so, she said to the other woman "does me changing this bother you?". The other woman replied "well it's too late to ask me that now!". The woman in charge said: "are you going to cry? Cause you could use that room over there if you are!"

I almost cracked up laughing, I restrained myself but had a wee chuckle while fixing the PC.

[SMOKEU]

I said to one of my workmates "I'm gonna buy a 1000cc superbike" and he replied "I'll pencil in your funeral".

[LBD]

Greatest Cricket sledge...

Hows you wife and my kids?

Wifes fine, kids are retarded!

[nodrog]

when faced with an angry primate looking for a fight at a pub, i replied, "iv'e fucked bigger cunts than you in jail".

he brought the beers for the rest of the night, (i think he wanted to get lucky)

[mattian]

I was at work one day and one of my workmates was fluffing around and being an idiot and doing his impression of Chewbacca from Star Wars, it was driving me nuts! so, I told him to give it a rest and he says to me..... "Why, your mum loves it when I do my Chewbacca noises" and, I said to him...... "its funny that you should use a Star Wars analogy coz, I was talking to my mum about you and I do recall that she described your cock as looking like a shrivelled up Yoda"! Everyone cracked up and I felt quietly pleased with myself for the rest of the day......

[mattian]

sorry,.... I have to fess up. That comeback came to me about 30 minutes later when I had one of those....."damn, thats what I should've said" moments.... still counts tho

[Conquiztador]

My ex g/f looked at me after I had done something she was not impressed with and said: "Jeesus!"

I answered: "Shush, I am under cover!"

[jetboy]

Sphincter-says-what?

[ynot slow]

Your tongue is so far up my arse I can taste it at the back of my throat.

[Ryan432]

this is gold...

[Genestho]

lol, a friend passed wind on the weekend, his lady said...


"Oh - a deposit from the hairy chequebook eh?"

:shifty:

[Trudes]

Or "Speak to me oh chocolate lips".

[UberRhys]

:shifty: You are so full of shit yours eyes are brown... :shifty:

[Insanity_rules]

I was at work one day and one of my workmates was fluffing around and being an idiot and doing his impression of Chewbacca from Star Wars, it was driving me nuts! so, I told him to give it a rest and he says to me..... "Why, your mum loves it when I do my Chewbacca noises" and, I said to him...... "its funny that you should use a Star Wars analogy coz, I was talking to my mum about you and I do recall that she described your cock as looking like a shrivelled up Yoda"! Everyone cracked up and I felt quietly pleased with myself for the rest of the day......

This wouldn't have been a guy called Matt would it?

[Number One]

I've always been fond of...

'Come here so I can rip off your head and shit in your neck'

Yeah....that one suits so many situations :yes:

[Number One]

Harden the fuck up.
he he he he yes an oldie but a goodie AND there's that other very similar one...

Why don't you start a thread about it?! :rolleyes:

[Number One]

Every time someone politely enquires about my health and well being with a cheery "How are ya?" I try to resist the answer "None the better for you asking". It tends to bring on a rainbow of emotions across their face and telling them "You did ask" doesn't help. :msn-wink:
Another good un for that is...

I am a box of birds (said with smile) ALL shit and feathers!

[george formby]

Unbelievable, 90 million sperm & you won!

[scumdog]

lol, a friend passed wind on the weekend, his lady said...


"Oh - a deposit from the hairy chequebook eh?"

:shifty:

On a similar theme: "Just stood on a frog did ya?"

[tzrmike]

Good one for kids or apprentices when they whine about a job you've given them to do..."Well, no point having a dog and barking myself."

Not a comeback, but a pre-empt, waiting in line at a club with gf and mates, get to the front of the line, doorman about to give the "full-up mate", I pointed at the id sign and say "Is this the minimum height for this ride?", he cracks a huge grin, and gives us the thumbs-up, "In ya go."

[c4.]

When people pop out inane or irrelevant statements/questions my standard reply is
" I've got an uncle in Ohio!" said in as close to the same tone/inflection as they used.
Smarter folk get it straight away, but often I get a blank look or a "What?"
So I fire back at them
"He's got acute angina" This can get you slapped until they process what you said.
If they are still thick as pigshit and want to take it further there is a list of inane facts about my uncle Tony in Ohio that is usually more interesting than the shit they were going to talk about.
*WIN*

[chef]

"your mumma"

[MaxB]

Where I work there is a fire door (my short cut to the bike park) with a sign on it that reads:

"Warning this door is ALARMED!"

underneath in the same script someone has written:

"and suffers from anxiety and depression"

[smokeyging]

Some friends and i went to a restaurant for a meal. one of the guys ordered a medium steak. when it arrived the blood was only just starting to run out of it. he took it back to the cook and mentioned that it was still mooing....

[nadroj]

On a similar theme: "Just stood on a frog did ya?"

Naa.... a Mexican barking spider!

[Mikkel]

"You are too stupid to talk to me!"

"Ever tried picking up teeth with broken fingers?"

"Look! A three headed monkey!"

At the end of the day, the best way to make people uncomfortable is simply to ignore them... perhaps coupled with staring insistently into their ear.


My ex g/f looked at me after I had done something she was not impressed with and said: "Jeesus!"

I answered: "Shush, I am under cover!"

Whenever anyone mentions god or jesus during the inevitable groaning following my father pulling puns left and right he always deliver the coup de grace "Oh, just call me Peter..." :rolleyes:


Some friends and i went to a restaurant for a meal. one of the guys ordered a medium steak. when it arrived the blood was only just starting to run out of it. he took it back to the cook and mentioned that it was still mooing....

Some people shouldn't be allowed to eat meat.

[tigertim20]

Went to quite a nice restuarant with an old workmate. He ordered the steak, the waitress asked him how he would like it cooked (he likes it quite rare) and without a momment of hesitation, he replied loudly, 'just blow its nose, wipes its arse and bring it to the table"
in the awkward silence that followed as the waitress tried to compute I was stifling my laughter as people turned to look, his expression never changed

[fergie]

in restaurant;; "give me an alligator sandwich,and make it snappy"