Wife.

[Swoop]

Does anyone have the owners manual for a wife?

Mine's emitting a terrible whining noise.

[Morepower]

I dont know your particular model but it sounds expensive. Usualy cheaper to diagnose now before it blows .

[wysper]

I believe your unit is functioning correctly.
Any remedy will be extremely temporary and can mean more trouble when reverting to current state.

[NighthawkNZ]

Does anyone have the owners manual for a wife?

Mine's emitting a terrible whining noise.

usually sign the bearings are going... but in the Wife they are called marbles

[MSTRS]

"A terrible whining noise"?
That's a sure sign that the chocolate/wine levels have dropped below the recommended minimum. Top those up, and all will be fine.

[psycho22]

Perhaps a re-build?:eek:

[sinfull]

Perhaps a re-build?:eek:
Or a trade (www.nzdating.com) in !

[Grubber]

Bin it and get another one. Once they start giving trouble i tend to find you cant fix them.:spanking:

[Sidewinder]

got told that a baseball bat solves that problem

[vifferman]

"A terrible whining noise"?
That's a sure sign that the chocolate/wine levels have dropped below the recommended minimum. Top those up, and all will be fine.
If they are low, check for leaks. Pointless topping it up with expensive chocolate and wine, if you're just going to have to repeat the exercise in a few days' time.

[Firefight]

Does anyone have the owners manual for a wife?

Mine's emitting a terrible whining noise.



upgrade for younger model, or invest in trinkets 4 this 1


F/F

[Sidewinder]

upgrade for younger model, or invest in trinkets 4 this 1


F/F

sometimes they are like a two stroke and if you dont know how to ride them properly they fuck out and turn to shit.
so stop turn the lights off

[MSTRS]

If they are low, check for leaks. Pointless topping it up with expensive chocolate and wine, if you're just going to have to repeat the exercise in a few days' time.

Excellent point. I can see you earned that 'A Grade' certificate.

[Laava]

So todays lesson is that the whining noise is not always terminal?
I'd be more worried about an intermittent bottom end rumble!

[Buster]

So todays lesson is that the whining noise is not always terminal?
I'd be more worried about an intermittent bottom end rumble!

That'd be a blown diff. :dodge:

[MSTRS]

So todays lesson is that the whining noise is not always terminal?
I'd be more worried about an intermittent bottom end rumble!


That'd be a blown diff. :dodge:

Can also develop when owners attempt to modify the exhaust, without using the proper tools...

[EJK]

What brand is it? Made in China?

[86GSXR]

Washing
Ironing
Fucking
Etc

:dodge:

[ynot slow]

Get rid of any that have these symptoms :-)

1)excessive sounds/noise emitting from exhaust.

2)sloppy internals,usually after rugby team have tried and failed.

3)do not attempt to negotiate when any red liquid is about to be flushed.

4)try to get them back in the kitchen,extra points if barefeet and pregnant.

5)do not share with neighbour,like any mechanical item it will come back fucked.

[Dave Lobster]

Mine's emitting a terrible whining noise.

Easy to fix.. Shoot some porridge in the hole where the whining is coming from. :laugh:

[YellowDog]

I think you'll find that there's nothing wrong with the motor.

It's just the Management System that's farked.

[ynot slow]

I think you'll find that there's nothing wrong with the motor.

It's just the Management System that's farked.

But apparently hitting the said head of management system is wrong.Usually a decent hit with a hammer fixes all things,or if it is nearly broke it will be totally fucked after.:stupid:

[Jantar]

Does anyone have the owners manual for a wife?

Mine's emitting a terrible whining noise.

Stromfrau suggests that rather than fixing the whine just take the battery out of your hearing aid.

[yungatart]

I suggest that although it appears the wife is the problem, on closer inspection, it will probably prove to be an idiot for an owner/operator

[tigertim20]

Does anyone have the owners manual for a wife?

Mine's emitting a terrible whining noise.

I know what the problem is, she has electrolux disease, named after the vacuum cleaner brand name.
after a few years the emit a constant whining noise and stop sucking, only cure is a replacement Im afraid!

[Swoop]

What brand is it? Made in China?
It is "Made in the South Island", oddly enough.

It has been regularly serviced!

[martybabe]

Not a problem, look in your tool kit, you will need one (yes you're right) one (I am sorry) and one ( I love you). Administer to ears of said wife and the nasty noises will disappear, albeit temporarily.

As for the exhaust blowing off, your on your own mate.:msn-wink:

[EJK]

It is "Made in the South Island", oddly enough.

It has been regularly serviced!

Pffft, you should've got one made in Brazil. :msn-wink:

[MSTRS]

It is "Made in the South Island", oddly enough.

It has been regularly serviced!

There's your problem....the Mainland Bearings have gone.
Regular servicing is great, but it won't stop longterm wear and tear on some critical parts.
There are those that would just chuck some thicker oil in there and flog it off to someone else, but if it's otherwise a keeper, then nothing short of a total stripdown and rebuild is going to work.

[Unit]

Is the warranty still valid? Or has the problem started just after it ran out, which is typical. And is it still in original condition, or have you fucked around adding mods to liven it up, this can cause all sorts of unknown problems. Best of luck.
Oh, and check if this model has been recalled at any stage, you might have an out there

[Swoop]

There are those that would just chuck some thicker oil in there and flog it off to someone else...
I guess that a second hand model with a few miles on the clock, is possibly due a lubricant change?

I'll have to check and make sure a banana hasn't been shoved up the diff, to quieten the noise, in the past.

[Pussy]

Did you find that the performance level was in the higher bracket when you had your model on appro, then fall off when you took ownership?

[MSTRS]

Is the warranty still valid? Or has the problem started just after it ran out, which is typical. And is it still in original condition, or have you fucked around adding mods to liven it up, this can cause all sorts of unknown problems. Best of luck.
Oh, and check if this model has been recalled at any stage, you might have an out there


Good point. Something else to watch for...a lot of those warranties are 'Return to base'. Can you remember where you got it from?

[Swoop]

Good point. Something else to watch for...a lot of those warranties are 'Return to base'. Can you remember where you got it from?
Strange you mention that... A return trip to the lower island is happening this weekend!

[Laava]

Some say that the older models are better as they are looser and can run free'er, but when the seals are going and the fu-fu valve needs looking at, maybe it is time for drastic action! Depending on the age, Slick 50 could be worth trying? One option is to change brands entirely but I know KB'ers are a stubborn lot , some might even say faithful.

[MSTRS]

Some say that the older models are better as they are looser and can run free'er, ...

There is some truth in that. Mind you, none were ever made to just pop in the corner and look at. They have to be used regularly to ensure that they don't seize up. A spot of lube chucked in the intake* goes a long way to ensuring they will not disappoint you by lacking performance. Or, heaven forbid, actually breakdown, leaving you unable to complete your journey.

* this is where the wine and chocolates come in handy

[Dave Lobster]

Have you let anyone else have a ride on it?

Always good to get a few more opinions.

[SixPackBack]

Does anyone have the owners manual for a wife?

Mine's emitting a terrible whining noise.

Jam your cock in her mouth......Works everytime:eek:

[MattRSK]

Washing
Ironing
Fucking
Etc

:dodge:

Or

Washing
Ironing
Food
Entertainment

[crazyhorse]

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica.


Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.

People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple"
The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
The Husband replied, "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man.

"We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona, and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse.

We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off.

My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."

"We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, "That's twice."

We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver

from her purse and shot the horse dead.

I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you “f@#*! crazy!?"


She looked at ME, and quietly said, "That's once."

And from that moment "We have lived happily every after."

[nothingflash]

Mine does that every now and again. Normally if I block the noise out of my mind it goes away - even if only until the day after pay day. I've found that "outta sight...outta mind" works too.

[kiwigambla]

There is no manual. Cures is available at divorced.com. or for temporary relief go to the raisin smuggling thread

[DJSin]

Diamonds are the answer

[Jantar]

Diamonds are the answer
A trade in is cheaper.

[mossy1200]

Does anyone have the owners manual for a wife?

Mine's emitting a terrible whining noise.

Mute

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3267/3114286927_a043a2ab1b.jpg

[gatch]

Take in for a serive, lube, filters, new belts etc, ensure loaner is not in worse condition than the model you drop off.

[ready4whatever]

ahh Kiwibiker, the place where husbands can let out all the bottled up questions. Lucky for me I havn't tied the knot. but its been two years and apparently that means shes entitled to things that I own? well I have 1 month to act..

[Swoop]

ensure loaner is not in worse condition than the model you drop off.
I've been led to believe that a loaner is definately out of the question.

[MSTRS]

A service agent who doesn't have a loaner available? That's terrible! I'd be suggesting to them that if they want my business, they'd better sort that state of affairs.

[MotoKuzzi]

Does anyone have the owners manual for a wife?

Mine's emitting a terrible whining noise.

Did she come with a lifetime warranty or a recommended replacement mileage??

[CookMySock]

Check its backlash. :eek:

Steve

[c4.]

Apparently the # 1 cause of divorce always starts with marriage.

[ynot slow]

Diamonds are the answer

I had given to me a joke business card on it was-

Diamonds may be a girls best friend


But a stiff hard cock comes a close second.

[mossy1200]

must i tell you again mute

[NDORFN]

Fuck the manual, get some skin coloured earplugs.

[hospitalfood]

you are not supposed to listen to her mate, i am surprised your dad did not mention this.

give her flowers, pleasure and chocolate. in that order. turn the stereo up first though.

[piston broke]

my definition of wife...
woman instigating fun elimination

[davebullet]

Whining can be cured with a re-bore.

[portokiwi]

:gob: Sounds bad mate...... Might need a good lube and service.....:yes:

[Laxi]

A trade in is cheaper.

faark that! ditch that model, forget trade ins, just test drive a few newer models, when the whining noise starts again, just repeat the process

[MSTRS]

So leasing is a good option?

[mossy1200]

So leasing is a good option?

SHORT TERM calculated daily with upgrade option and fleet discounts.