I'm in a situation. Serious advice from wise people needed.

[Hans]

Hi ya all,

Well, it seemed me and the significant other had gotten on top of our issues. Wrong. Instead we were just dead walking together and didn't realise it. As of today the two of us are no longer an item. After ten years out of the 28 I've lived so far.
I'm looking for some advice on what it takes to start your life all over again. We were very close, and still are in some ways. And I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself. I'm not looking for pats on the back or sympathy, just some good practical advice from people who've been there and come out the other side still breathing. I have every intention of getting on with life. As soon as I know which way to go. I expect to be told to HTFU by a fair few "members" and I don't have a problem with that.
Looking forward to some words of wisdom here.
I'll go and take a bath now and see what I come back to.
I'd rather be shitfaced right now, alas I have to work tomorrow morning.
Peace.

[zahria]

[QUOTE=Hans;1129409331]Hi ya all,

Well, it seemed me and the significant other had gotten on top of our issues. Wrong. Instead we were just dead walking together and didn't realise it. As of today the two of us are no longer an item. After ten years out of the 28 I've lived so far.

There are a lot of people that have been through it, the best thing that I found was to have a picture of where you want to be in five years time. And work towards it.

Dont be afraid to lean on your mates / family, they'll be there for you.

She's a hard grind, but you'll get there.

[CookMySock]

Oh shit thats harsh mate.

Advice, um, I'd let things settle for a week and during that time ask yourself what you really want to happen. If you still want to be with her then write her a letter and tell her how you feel and what you think.

Steve

[Pussy]

If the horse is dead.... don't flog it.
Wishing you all the best

[MsKABC]

Three words for you mate: see a counsellor. Helped me no end, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Write some letters, write some lists. Get it all out. Do your grieving properly or it will only come back and bite you on the arse. Don't jump into another relationship too quickly (but go and have some safe casual sex if that tickles your fancy, just don't be a dickhead and hook up with some solo mother and move in with her...), take some time out by yourself to get to know yourself as a single person.

There are bad days ahead. It's OK to be sad. It's OK to be angry. Let yourself feel those emotions, but don't allow yourself to wallow for too long in them. Hit things, break things....(I did :o)...but don't do anything tooooo crazy. Spend time with friends who will be gentle with you, and be gentle with yourself. The bad days will come less often and you'll start to enjoy life again and begin to see what life has to offer you.

Take care.

[mynameis]

Get out on the piss with the boys and root all the girls you've missed out on the last 10 years. You've got a lot of catching up to do.

Keep yourself occupied with things, family, friends sports, riding ect. It will keep ya mind off her ;)

Regularily log on to KB for some life changing tips :)

[98tls]

Been there fella,tough eh.Wont bother dribbling on but will say when it gets really tough theres a tendency to find comfort in comfortable surroundings:oi-grr:as i did,all things said n done it just makes things worse.Good luck and though seemingly token time does indeed blah blah blah...true.

[wickle]

"I'd rather be shitfaced right now", its so easy to go on a bender, I was told by a freind to stop drinking till I sorted my self out.. It was good advice find a new interest,

[hospitalfood]

not sure if i agree with dangerousbastard or not. sometimes its over.

feel your feelings.
keep busy and social.
get laid.

its all good mate. take it easy on yourself and don't beat yourself up.

i came out of my last relationship thinking i was bad at them, thought to myself only one way to get better at it and got straight back on the horse with a new one. none of the old problems with the new chick, just new problems.

as i said, its all good. make the most of your freedom.

[mister.koz]

Been there, 9 years ended ok, then it got messy and really hard.

Best bit of advice is let yourself be alive for a bit and find out what works for you.

I got into all the things i liked doing and started living for me.

When you are in a relationship so long you can get used to living your whole life around it so you end up loosing the life you had... Its kinda what you need to do tho with that sort of thing - if you don't put your heart into it then your hearts not in it and you wont get anything out of it.

So anyways, find what makes you tick and what you enjoy and start living for yourself, it might take a while to get there but you are out for you now and if you can't make yourself happy then you are in trouble.

Oh and avoid drinking till you flake, riding like a maniac and going all chaotic... all you will do is hurt yourself and build resentment.

(speaking from good experience here)

[98tls]

If things get really bad check out the price of a takeaway.......recession eh,every cloud has a silver lining.:laugh:

[Jizah]

Not having anything to do is the worst thing. So if you get short of things to do and wanna go out for a drink or something, I'll come out with you and annoy you.

And by drink I don't mean get drunk. I probably should have substituted that for 'socialise'

[Pedrostt500]

At 28 you have got a lot of life ahead of you, Take a week feel like shit, get it out of the way, after that week put a plan together, and get on with it, don't regret anything. Don't try to get back together unless that is what you both decide you want, it aint worth the heart ach if she dont want you back.
Its not a bad thing to learn how to be single for a while, go do what you want when you want how you want.

[peasea]

Get out on the piss with the boys and root all the girls you've missed out on the last 10 years.

Bingo! Best advice ever! Then, when you least expect it another relationship will pop up out of nowhere and you'll wonder why you didn't do it years ago.

Been there, done that...........

[Mom]

One day at a time.

Breathe deeply.

No huge decisions.

One day at a time.

Time deals with emotions.

Breathe deeply.

Spend time being kind to you (getting laid (thanks hospitalfood), riding your bike, spending time with your friends)

Time.

[Hans]

If things get really bad check out the price of a takeaway.......recession eh,every cloud has a silver lining.:laugh:

The sort of takeaway that gives you the clap? :banana:
Looks like you folks might give me a better view of humanity then I've ever had.
Some of you are saying "find out what you are by yourself". The problem is I remember what I was by myself... I sure hope I've changed since then. I think she might have been my only hope for salvation...Here's to hoping that I can now save myself.
We learned a lot from each other while we were together. I don't think we'll ever be able to "hate" each other or not get on. That just makes it worse I guess. I'll seriously have to consider moving so I don't ever see her again. What's worse? Seeing each other and scratching at the scabs or never meeting again?
Oh and btw, You're a fine lot. Thanks

[Hans]

Not having anything to do is the worst thing. So if you get short of things to do and wanna go out for a drink or something, I'll come out with you and annoy you.

And by drink I don't mean get drunk. I probably should have substituted that for 'socialise'

Oh, cheers, I'll take you up on that sometime soon.

[MsKABC]

I'll seriously have to consider moving so I don't ever see her again. What's worse? Seeing each other and scratching at the scabs or never meeting again?


You don't have to never see her again, but I'd recommend no contact for a few months at least, if you can manage it. It will really help, because you'll never be able to get used to life without her and focus on yourself and rebuilding your life if she is constantly in your face.

[SARGE]

Hi ya all,

Well, it seemed me and the significant other had gotten on top of our issues. Wrong. Instead we were just dead walking together and didn't realise it. As of today the two of us are no longer an item. After ten years out of the 28 I've lived so far.
I'm looking for some advice on what it takes to start your life all over again. We were very close, and still are in some ways. And I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself. I'm not looking for pats on the back or sympathy, just some good practical advice from people who've been there and come out the other side still breathing. I have every intention of getting on with life. As soon as I know which way to go. I expect to be told to HTFU by a fair few "members" and I don't have a problem with that.
Looking forward to some words of wisdom here.
I'll go and take a bath now and see what I come back to.
I'd rather be shitfaced right now, alas I have to work tomorrow morning.
Peace.

go sleep with her sister...seriously

[mister.koz]

The sort of takeaway that gives you the clap? :banana:
Looks like you folks might give me a better view of humanity then I've ever had.
Some of you are saying "find out what you are by yourself". The problem is I remember what I was by myself... I sure hope I've changed since then. I think she might have been my only hope for salvation...Here's to hoping that I can now save myself.
We learned a lot from each other while we were together. I don't think we'll ever be able to "hate" each other or not get on. That just makes it worse I guess. I'll seriously have to consider moving so I don't ever see her again. What's worse? Seeing each other and scratching at the scabs or never meeting again?
Oh and btw, You're a fine lot. Thanks

Dude, your life 10 years ago was 10 years ago, its more than likely that you have changed and grown allot since then and living with someone for a great deal of time teaches you humility and patience that you didn't have before :)

After over a year i am about to cut contact with my ex even though its been a while it still hurts.

Don't have huge expectations or decide on anything yet, cause you will go through all sorts of things. hell, my ex proposed to me 4 months after she left my ass and moved over seas...

Let yourself be a mess and take your time to find your way, you will be sweet in time.

It might be an idea to have some space from her for a while, seeing and/or talking to her will confuse you and play on your mind a bit. I told my ex to leave me alone for 2 months, it helped me allot.

[mister.koz]

go sleep with her sister...seriously

lol don't burn bridges, lay charges and vaporize it eh?

[SARGE]

lol don't burn bridges, lay charges and vaporize it eh?

yea.. why waste time grieving and crying?... closure baby :...closure :Punk:


i've been married 4 times ..



im startin to think its ME! :doh:

[Morepower]

Sorry to hear it , its a rough place to be . It will take time , more time than you think. the best advice I can give you is to get a life ( I mean that in a good way ), as hard as it will be sometimes. Do things that you enjoy even when you don't feel up to it. Visit friends . Set yourself small goals , try new things . If you have the cash buy some new clothes . There is no reason that you should not stay in contact but don't chase her or stalk her.
It will get easier , time is your friend.

Take care of yourself , exercise , eat properly .

Dave

[mashman]

Sorry to hear of the break, but if it ain't workin it's damn near impossible to fix, not saying that it can't be fixed, but it's always something that could be thrown in your face further down the line... took me almost 2 years to work that one out... first proper love and all, 6 years we went and the last 2 where close to hell.

Advice, ha ha... We're all different. I sought solice down the pub with my mates, ney, friends... Pretty much HTFU was there advice (in a takeaway kinda way ;)). There's never a better time to try something new, extended holiday, move town, fuck knows... and my cliche for the day would be "the world is now your oyster"

Good luck man

[Hans]

I am now totally out of bling for the next 24 hours. Damn.

[SARGE]

I am now totally out of bling for the next 24 hours. Damn.

you can owe me..


oh .. by the way..


is she tidy???

[Hans]

you can owe me..


oh .. by the way..


is she tidy???

Very. Very tidy by Czech standards. That answer it? Upshot is we can now both dream :bleh:

[Blackshear]

Hey mate, I'm just a kipper, so no help here.
Just stay sharp and don't do anything silly, like bed every sheila in town.
Get your feet firmly on the ground before you get around to your head.
Establish the basic needs, etc.

Wish you the best of luck mate, chin up.

[Hans]

Chin is up. Just another fine example of useless hope in the face of adversity :-)

[sinfull]

Not having anything to do is the worst thing. So if you get short of things to do and wanna go out for a drink or something, I'll come out with you and annoy you.

And by drink I don't mean get drunk. I probably should have substituted that for 'socialise' I was gonna say +1 but i gave up drinking (in moderation)

The sort of takeaway that gives you the clap? :banana:
Looks like you folks might give me a better view of humanity then I've ever had.
Some of you are saying "find out what you are by yourself". The problem is I remember what I was by myself... I sure hope I've changed since then. I think she might have been my only hope for salvation...Here's to hoping that I can now save myself.
We learned a lot from each other while we were together. I don't think we'll ever be able to "hate" each other or not get on. That just makes it worse I guess. I'll seriously have to consider moving so I don't ever see her again. What's worse? Seeing each other and scratching at the scabs or never meeting again?
Oh and btw, You're a fine lot. Thanks Why move ? You said your still getting on ? Your posts are degrading from the one where you said you won't cry on here Hans !!!
Give it a week or 3 and get in touch if ya like mate (not into my shoulder gettin wet)
One bit of advice i'd give is don't show her (or any on here) that yr grieving !
Life goes on ! She'll respect ya for it (and not that it matters a fuck, but so will I)
Our social club is having a bit of a gathering on labour weekend sunday which your welcome to come along to !
I will be attending any trackdays i can (which your welcome to come along to)
We have a poker run soon, which your welcome to come along to !
There are truckloads of events happening this summer, which your welcome to go along to !
Life goes on bro and suddenly it looks brighter huh ?


yea.. why waste time grieving and crying?... closure baby :...closure :Punk:


i've been married 4 times ..



im startin to think its ME! :doh:

Your not alone Sarge ! Marrage should be a 7 yr contract which you can walk away from !
Some make it through the 7 yr itch and last till 14 and they may or may not make it through that one !
Others try to keep it alive till perhaps 10 or 11 yrs and then realise it aint what they want, so move on and wish they had quit it at 7 yrs
others get out while the goings good at 6.5 !!!!!

My moto is love to love ya babe, catch ya l8tr !

[Blackshear]

Chin is up. Just another fine example of useless hope in the face of adversity :-)

Mind over matter, mate.
Selective ignorance, even. :girlfight:

[ynot slow]

Maybe the part you say 10 yrs together and I'm 28yr,means jack shit.Hell how many of us have changed in the last 10 years,I have.10 years go my marital settlement had been finalised,had dated a girl who turned 19 the day my ex turned 38,lasted 2 months.

My marriage ended the day of a family members' birthday party,we told the parents(both sets at piss up),did I get pissed NO,I worked behind the bar,had a beer and a bourbon.When the party was over I told my best mate,he said fuck.I'll see ya tomorrow arvo for Sunday session.We had a few(work Monday)beers,great bbq,and the offer of a place to crash.

Next week they went overseas,I house sat for them,being alone meant sorting my mind,best therapy out,14 days to do my thing,and mope a bit.
Enjoy being who you are,you can't change that,get a couple of good close mates and enjoy a beer or two.And if in a crappy mind state don't grab the bike and go for a blast,only go for a ride if calm.

You might have to see her to finalise any details,but at least you say you're still friends,don't underestimate that statement.Friends means no lawyers to sort out property and stuff.

[Hans]

Maybe the part you say 10 yrs together and I'm 28yr,means jack shit.Hell how many of us have changed in the last 10 years,I have.10 years go my marital settlement had been finalised,had dated a girl who turned 19 the day my ex turned 38,lasted 2 months.

My marriage ended the day of a family members' birthday party,we told the parents(both sets at piss up),did I get pissed NO,I worked behind the bar,had a beer and a bourbon.When the party was over I told my best mate,he said fuck.I'll see ya tomorrow arvo for Sunday session.We had a few(work Monday)beers,great bbq,and the offer of a place to crash.

Next week they went overseas,I house sat for them,being alone meant sorting my mind,best therapy out,14 days to do my thing,and mope a bit.
Enjoy being who you are,you can't change that,get a couple of good close mates and enjoy a beer or two.And if in a crappy mind state don't grab the bike and go for a blast,only go for a ride if calm.

You might have to see her to finalise any details,but at least you say you're still friends,don't underestimate that statement.Friends means no lawyers to sort out property and stuff.

No probs with sorting out property and stuff. All very civilised. Took all of about 5 minutes. Whatever else she might be, she's fair.

[mashman]

Just stay sharp and don't do anything silly, like bed every sheila in town.


I don't agree with that bit... I met my now wife of 8 years 2 months after my break up... wasn't expecting it, but hey!!! Although thinking on........ damn you Blackshear!

Don't close your eyes to the possibility.

[RantyDave]

The problem is I remember what I was by myself... I sure hope I've changed since then
Mate, you were eighteen. We all want to go back in time and kick our eighteen year old arses precisely because we've changed.

I've not read all the thread but I agree with the general jist: take time, party your arse off, stay single. I'd say no less than six months.

Dave

[Blackshear]

I don't agree with that bit... I met my now wife of 8 years 2 months after my break up... wasn't expecting it, but hey!!! Although thinking on........ damn you Blackshear!

Don't close your eyes to the possibility.

No offense intended, congratulations to you both!

[SARGE]

Very. Very tidy by Czech standards. That answer it? Upshot is we can now both dream :bleh:

not for me man .. i have enough problems ..

[Pedrostt500]

Sounds like you need to take your bike out for a long ride this weekend, or some time soon, try to do it as a solo mission, the more Ks you can clock up the better, use the time under the helmet to figure out what ever you got to figure out.

[SARGE]

Your not alone Sarge ! Marrage should be a 7 yr contract which you can walk away from !
Some make it through the 7 yr itch and last till 14 and they may or may not make it through that one !
Others try to keep it alive till perhaps 10 or 11 yrs and then realise it aint what they want, so move on and wish they had quit it at 7 yrs
others get out while the goings good at 6.5 !!!!!

My moto is love to love ya babe, catch ya l8tr !

meh .. all mine bed my mates and take my shit


but im not bitter


hans .. ya got off cheap .. go buy a bike while youre single

[Hans]

Ah-ha. Bike's in bits in the garage. As per usual. Just as well...rider is in no mental state to ride.

[Winston001]

All good advice here Hans. I'll simply add that counselling is worth it. You might only go to three sessions but talking to someone neutral works.

The sense I get from your opening post is that you are better equipped to deal with this than many people. Not that its easy and I'm sure you are putting up a brave front but you have the strength to reflect on things and move forward.

[mossy1200]

After 6years then splitting up I put all my energy into the gym.I had never been before.Just go do something you never got around to doing and fill time with something new and interesting.Ending a long relationship is a bit like your first day at school.Bit daunting and you may feel like wetting your pants but you will get used to it fairly soon.

[gatch]

Just stay sharp and don't do anything silly, like bed every sheila in town.


No ?

That's exactly what I'd do..

The world is your magic handbag mate, pull from it what you want..

[SARGE]

You might only go to three sessions but talking to someone neutral works.



screw counseling .. soft science..


go to the bar/ pub/ RSA/ Whatever.. find some lonely young lady and buy her a drink..after ya cry on her shoulder you may get to boff her and ya dont get that at 'the Men's Health huggy place"

[Blackshear]

No ?

That's exactly what I'd do..

The world is your magic handbag mate, pull from it what you want..

Tongue in cheek, bro, tongue in cheek ;)

[Hans]

After 6years then splitting up I put all my energy into the gym.I had never been before.Just go do something you never got around to doing and fill time with something new and interesting.Ending a long relationship is a bit like your first day at school.Bit daunting and you may feel like wetting your pants but you will get used to it fairly soon.

Never did like school...Ah well, not that it wasn't useful...

[sinfull]

meh .. all mine bed my mates and take my shit


but im not bitter


hans .. ya got off cheap .. go buy a bike while youre single
Mr. AK comin' straight outta Compton y'all better make way?
How in the fuck you gonna tell this man not to be violent?
Cause he don't need to go the same route that I went
Been there, done that.. aw fuck it...
What am I sayin? Shoot em both Grady, where's your gun at?

[Hans]

screw counseling .. soft science..


go to the bar/ pub/ RSA/ Whatever.. find some lonely young lady and buy her a drink..after ya cry on her shoulder you may get to boff her and ya dont get that at 'the Men's Health huggy place"

Aye, will pass on counseling. Where the hell would the counselor go when I'm done? RSA sounds good.

[Thaeos]

My opinion is that the best way to get over someone is to have nothing to do with them. Don't see them or talk to them and get rid of anything that might remind you of them. Maybe harsh but it's straight up the most effective way to get over someone, at least in my experience. If you can bring yourself to want to do that. Sometimes just being 'friends' with them afterwards can do more damage than good, especially if you're hoping for things to start up again or still have attachment.

[Street Gerbil]

You will get over it. I was so in your shoes 15 years ago. Now I look back and wonder - why the hell was I so stressed about it. Don't waste your life - enjoy every moment of it.

[Thaeos]

Yea, at the end of the day, there will always be another girl. Even though you can't really think about that or it doesn't seem that way in the present state.

[Maki]

I'm looking for some advice on what it takes to start your life all over again.

Do you have friends and family around who can support you? If so, use that support.

First, look at the bright side. You had 10 good years. It's over now and it hurts, but it could have been so much worse. Some people look all their lives for that good relationship and never really find it. I didn't really find a good relationship till I was in my thirties. You are only 28 and you have had 10 years of it.

There is a big bright world out their full of opportunities and pleasures. Being in a relationship is great, but it severely limits your freedom. You are now free to travel where you want, engage in whatever hobby you like, buy what you want without asking permission, see who you feel like....

ENJOY being single. Allot time to work and play. Time is precious, you only live once so use it wisely. If you are a healthy young person you have so much to be grateful for.

You have been in this relationship pretty much your entire adult life so it must be a severe jolt to have it end now. Give it time. The pain will go away. Once it does your life will be different and better in many ways.

HTFU

[NDORFN]

Get a Playstation or an Xbox. Many many men with game consoles and a wife will tell you that NOTHING helps them forget about her like a good game session. If it can help them forget about her when she's sitting right next to them itching for attention, imagine how well it could work for you when she's not even there.

[SPman]

i've been married 4 times ..

im startin to think its ME! :doh:
Congrats Dallas - that's 2 people I know who've had 4 wives! I assume you now have none, so that takes you to the top of the list! T'other guy is still married - four time Phil.....

[Hard Nut]

I feel for you mate...I really do.

Mine was 25 years married and its over just like that, it hurts.........Bad.

And just tonight she said she wants me back for sex ONLY WTF!!!!!!!!!!!

What else could I say but "YES OK" (NO was not an option)

This is a long story made short.

Hey details if required.

Nuts

[Macktheknife]

Take a nice long ride....
about 1-3 months should do it. (only 1/2 joking)
Seriously, go do things that you have felt like you couldn't do together, (safely)
then go do stuff you have always wanted to do but put off for some reason.
Then when you have done some stuff, had a few drinks, maybe a couple of girls if you feel like it. Then think about what you really want to do with your life, then get on with it.

[SARGE]

Congrats Dallas - that's 2 people I know who've had 4 wives! I assume you now have none, so that takes you to the top of the list! T'other guy is still married - four time Phil.....

no way .. still got #4 .. she just graduated from uni yesterday too :2thumbsup

[bones135]

Write some letters, write some lists. Get it all out. Do your grieving properly or it will only come back and bite you on the arse. Don't jump into another relationship too quickly (but go and have some safe casual sex if that tickles your fancy, just don't be a dickhead and hook up with some solo mother and move in with her...), take some time out by yourself to get to know yourself as a single person.

There are bad days ahead. It's OK to be sad. It's OK to be angry. Let yourself feel those emotions, but don't allow yourself to wallow for too long in them. Hit things, break things....(I did :o)...but don't do anything tooooo crazy. Spend time with friends who will be gentle with you, and be gentle with yourself. The bad days will come less often and you'll start to enjoy life again and begin to see what life has to offer you.

Take care.[/QUOTE]
Couldnt agree more with this, many emotions, good & bad days only try & stay away from the booze, not a good combination as i found out & took a while to click.
The pain doesnt go away but does get easier to live with, what i found anyway.
Good luck mate

[Usarka]

Get laid, have fun, enjoy life. She'll be expecting you to be all boo-hoo my princess is gone I'm so sad, so this approach is good revenge as well as good for ya!

[crazyhorse]

There is no rule book to life.

Everyone goes through it at some stage (most on here have).

I'm friends with my ex husband - can't see anything wrong with that. If you can remain on good terms, all the better. I don't know why they all say run and stay away from her. You've had 10 good years (well, maybe 8), so its made you who you are. Remain friends, its the best option. Being bitter and twisted solves nothing and ruins memories.

Hurt.... hell yes, and so will the next time. Life is set to test us.

Each of us had to put chin up and deal with it the best way we all can. You will feel alone and angry at times. But remember, that is what friends and family are for. Counscellors are not for everybody.

But I would suggest, if money allowed, to do something you have always wanted to do - it will help you refocus.

All the best and I feel for ya.

[Kwaka14]

I went through the same thing a couple of years ago although it seems like a lot longer. Me and my partner of 10 years went our separate ways, the odd thing is now I hardly remember how I felt around her or the things we did. Since then I have thrown myself in to living life for me. I started out by really thinking about what I wanted to do and never did because of "the relationship", I'd forgotten who I was, now I'm the happiest I've ever been. I've now traveled a small part of the world and am just starting to explore life, I'm with a great girl who is with me because we both enjoy and share our independence, and I'm living life for me. The best thing that happened to me was relearning who I was, it's just unfortunate that it took some emotional upheaval to get there and I hadn't worked it out sooner. Just take some time out and do things for you, not because you think you should or someone told you to, do things for you. It feels bad at the start, but once you get some focus back things get better rapidly. Don't forget your friends.

Sean.

[Conquiztador]

When my mariage of 16 years failed I found my self in the evenings when all quiet sitting in a chair with a drink feeling sorry for my self and remembering all the good times.

I realised that this was going nowhere and I was wasting time and energy on something that was all gone. So...

I made up a spreadsheet on the puter with all the things that needed to be done. Fix the door, change the house around, buy something I needed, fix that pushbike tyre and so on.

Then when the moment came over me I would pull my self by the collar and go to the puter and open that spreadsheet. I pick something that would take max 1/2 hour and that I could see that it was done afterwards. Then I get stuck in.

After approx 30 minutes I could step back and see what I had achieved. Instead if spending the same energy on feeling sorry for my self I had done something that made me feel good. And I had not had time to think about the past.

And maaan! Did I get stuff done! Need someone to leave me again...

Also do exercise. It is proven that when exercising our body releases stuff (can not remember what they are called?) that makes us feel good.

And cut the ties. If not, then when she finds someone else it will hurt so much more. And don't be afraid to see some ladies. Not to keep. But to have a good time. It is all part of the healing. Down the road someone will come along that is better then she ever was.

My logic was always that now all the ones who had missed out on me as I was committed had their second chance...

[MsKABC]

Also do exercise. It is proven that when exercising our body releases stuff (can not remember what they are called?) that makes us feel good.


Endorphins, and it's absolutely true.


And cut the ties. If not, then when she finds someone else it will hurt so much more. And don't be afraid to see some ladies. Not to keep. But to have a good time. It is all part of the healing. Down the road someone will come along that is better then she ever was.


I completely agree with this. The less you see and hear from her over the next 3-6 months, the faster you'll get over her. Re-establish contact again if you want when you're stronger.

[mister.koz]

...

Also do exercise. It is proven that when exercising our body releases stuff (can not remember what they are called?) that makes us feel good.

And cut the ties. If not, then when she finds someone else it will hurt so much more. And don't be afraid to see some ladies. Not to keep. But to have a good time. It is all part of the healing. Down the road someone will come along that is better then she ever was.

Man, i am out of bling for the day... couldn't agree more dude :)

[ynot slow]

Exercise is good,when I split it was early December,so the hard part was first xmas without the kids first thing in the morning.I had played soccer for years and hadn't stopped even when kids came,was my timeout and managed to get into top league in area so was focused on practicing,and kids came with the ex for home games and aftermatch.After seperation the following season or two I really got into the club,practising twice a week,not bad for a 37 years old,stopped playing at 41 due to illness.

I agree if you've ever wanted to travel or do something,i.e Munro rally,Superbikes in Aus do it.I had wanted to go to Bathurst,never happened when married,went over the year after we split,great time had.

[madbikeboy]

All good advice here Hans. I'll simply add that counselling is worth it. You might only go to three sessions but talking to someone neutral works.

The sense I get from your opening post is that you are better equipped to deal with this than many people. Not that its easy and I'm sure you are putting up a brave front but you have the strength to reflect on things and move forward.

I like the approach Mom, MsKaBC, and Winston have here - they're all very good people whom I respect.

You're already heading in the correct direction by asking for advice and help. In my view, the get drunk and fuck around approach is shallow, you're normally better off doing your repair work, and then starting to look around - the alternative is to drink and fuck, and end up repeating the same mistakes and being married four times.... (Sorry Sarge, no offense meant).

As for returning to what you were before - your mindset has changed from when you were 18, 10 years of work is enough to break a pattern. Just ensure you stay healthy, surrounded by people who care and support. And get counselling - true strength is understanding that even the strongest need help.

Good luck buddy.
MBB

[Hans]

Yeah, just come home from work, so I'm reading all your posts. I guess I've had an "out plan" for quite a while. I'm definitely taking some of what's been posted here on board. And yeah, I think I'll carry out some repair work on myself before I do anything else. I've already realized that drinking and fucking my out of this one ain't gonna happen.

[SARGE]

I like the approach Mom, MsKaBC, and Winston have here - they're all very good people whom I respect.

You're already heading in the correct direction by asking for advice and help. In my view, the get drunk and fuck around approach is shallow, you're normally better off doing your repair work, and then starting to look around - the alternative is to drink and fuck, and end up repeating the same mistakes and being married four times.... (Sorry Sarge, no offense meant).

As for returning to what you were before - your mindset has changed from when you were 18, 10 years of work is enough to break a pattern. Just ensure you stay healthy, surrounded by people who care and support. And get counselling - true strength is understanding that even the strongest need help.

Good luck buddy.
MBB



no offense taken bro..


but wow.. you really recommend counseling???... over some bitch??.. really ??..


huggy feely soft science bro .. sorry .. i have some HTFU pills over here though if anyone should need them ..



gentlemen.. the most important word in the English Language is ...


NEXT!


i dont even remember Wife #1's name half the time ... seriously...

[jrandom]

gentlemen.. the most important word in the English Language is ...

NEXT!

Amen, brother.

Although, Hans, be careful unburdening yourself to females, lest your heart just get broken anew in short order.

And, amidst the hurt and confusion, don't hang out with chicks who don't want to fuck you. Their well-meaning emotional vampirism will just screw your head up. Either hang out with a hot female who's actually into you, or stick with male friends.

I wouldn't be drinking a lot, though. That's a great way to make everything worse. If you feel a desire to alter your consciousness while you meditate on things, use cannabis, not alcohol.

And get to the gym and get lifting, Hans. Like, now. Today! Keep it simple. Have some brekky and a couple cups of coffee and get down to your local gym for, say, 6 x 10 each of free squats, bench press and chin-ups. Go as hard and heavy as you can. Push yourself and savour the pain. There's nothing like it for clearing the mind.

[Genie]

awesome advice on going to the gym.....best thing ever and in the process of getting out the aggression, the head can be cleared and the body gets toned. far bettererer than alcohol and drugs. We live and learn through every relationship, take what you've learnt and move onwards and upwards xx

[jrandom]

the head can be cleared and the body gets toned. far bettererer than alcohol and drugs.

Instead of berating you, I will help you. There are two reasons why that post made you sound like an idiot:

(a) 'Toned'; and

(b) 'Alcohol and drugs'.

Both phrases are the preserve of people who don't know what they're talking about.

[Genie]

each to their own....and it is working for me. Have had an issue arise within my relationship status recently and going to the gym is far more beneficial than getting plastered or munted.

[jetboy]

When my engagement failed I was a little cut up, so after a few nights on the turps I did stuff for me again...one of the "me" things I did was bought the bike.

Best thing to do is do what you did before you were together.

[nudemetalz]

NEXT!


i dont even remember Wife #1's name half the time ... seriously...

Betcha you remember the name of the first gun you fired though, Sarge ;)

[jrandom]

each to their own....and it is working for me.

Whoosh.

And I'll bet that 'whoosh' just whooshed, too.


Betcha you remember the name of the first gun you fired though, Sarge ;)

What kind of freak names guns?

[SARGE]

betcha you remember the name of the first gun you fired though, sarge ;)

yea .. Was a 1968 model remington .22lr semi auto with a walnut stock, iron sights and a 14 round magazine .. Still apparently own it in the states..



What kind of freak names guns?


yea .. like you dont ...


my issue M16A2 was named Cheryl..


oh .. speaking of .. a few weeks away and im gonna post up a pic of my NEW toy.... :woohoo:

[nudemetalz]

oh .. speaking of .. a few weeks away and im gonna post up a pic of my NEW toy.... :woohoo:

I love the smell of a new weapon in the morning.....

[SARGE]

I love the smell of a new weapon in the morning.....

smells like ... CLP

[McJim]

I was with the same girl for 13 years in Glasgow. Started going out when we were 16. I moved to London for work and she dumped me. I was 28.

I drank a lot and shagged a lot (lived in Soho) had to move out of Central London before I died of alcohol poisoning or sexual exhaustion.

Life is by no means nearly over at 28. Start getting desparate if you're 60 and still single.

Have fun experimenting with new ladies :hug:

[FJRider]

Have fun experimenting with new ladies :hug:

Or the old(er) ladies ....:cool:

[TomJ]

Oh and avoid drinking till you flake, riding like a maniac and going all chaotic... all you will do is hurt yourself and build resentment.

(speaking from good experience here)[/QUOTE]

fully agreed here, it is too easy to let your right hand twist away when angry and suddenly you are going far too fast and not thinking about the next corner until its all too late!

take it steady and take your time

all the best

[Hans]

All under control at this end...Thanks for giving a shit.

[marioc]

Think of this as an exicting new chapter,where you are free to pursue whatever you choose

[ynot slow]

All under control at this end...Thanks for giving a shit.

Good to catch up on weekend.

[george formby]

I feel for you, been their after 14 years. Looking back it's the best thing that happened to me. The hardest thing initially was finding out who I was again after spending 14 years considering my partner in everything I did. I was lost for a bit. When I realised that people still liked me & I was average in breaking up I just carried on with my life, made new friends & made positive decisions for my future. Time, being honest with myself & keeping a positive attitude despite the little demons that would occasionally try to get me down sorted me out quickly.
When I was balanced again & more confident I started internet dating & rooted myself senseless for awhile, I also realised that I had a second bite at the apple to realise a load of dreams which in my relationship had been impossible. I am a far happier & better person now than I was before my break up. Don't beat yourself up, slowly make your life your own again. All the best.