Motorcycle "pleasure" jeans = Pissed off

[Dean]

Not sure on which thread to put this in. Had a chat with a mate a while back about how the jeans I am currently wearing for riding have no zip, so when I sit down on the bike there is a huge gape and when I stand well. Life has been hard just wearing them in sheer embarrassment, walking into petrol stations while some women's eyes wonder and I get the "Mate you're flies down" all the time.

So to complete my rage the 5th biker has pissed me off and I'm sick of it. You see the main problem is I tend to clutch forward then roll back so forth in that procedure for about as long as I can at an intersection/Lights. Well I pulled over and apparently quote---- "you're pleasuring yourself arent ya, I caught you trying to bone the tank'---. FFS old man on the blue bandit 650 08 model. The fourth thought the same, that I was pleasuring myself on the tank hence the forward n back humping action. The other three thought I was "pulling the pudd". I want to clear the air especially because the bikers are on here, when you see me dont tell me my fly is down, and NO I'm not "pleasuring myself" on the tank you heartless bastards. I mean would you think a dude is trying to pleasure himself if his fly is down and he's going forward and back at the lights- doubt it. Thought I might share this with ya, Also if you would like to donate Dean some new jeans or riding pants would be much appreciated.

[Nagash]

Err.. what the fuck is about all I have to say..

[Maha]

Gaffer Tape is your friend.

[nsrpaul]

dude, dont ride in jeans:wari:

[YellowDog]

So when you get back from a test ride, the dealer says:

"You really seem to have enjoyed that test ride more than most do. Would you like to leave a deposit? - Oh I can see you already have!"

Get some new Jeans or get a zip sewn in :rofl:

[ynot slow]

No zip,then sew the seam closed,simple solution.

[bogan]

i understand the missing zip, but why are you rocking back and forth at the lights, i mean, thatll just make it look like you're rooting the tank

[wbks]

hahahahahahahahahahaha... hahahahahahahahah. Guy on the bandit: Nice!

[Mully]

Jeez, loosen the purse strings and get some new jeans.

Unless, of course, you actually enjoy the "glory hole" in your trousers.

[marty]

Gaffer Tape is your friend.

Lithium should be this guy's friend......

[dogsnbikes]

Dude if you wana ride in jeans get a skateboard

[Mom]

ROFL!!!

Funniest thread I have read in ages, hopefully you posted it as a joke :shutup:

A few things on the off chance you were actually serious :blink:

Do not ride your clutch when you are stopped somewhere ( I assumed that is what you meant by " tend to clutch forward then roll back ") Stop, use your brakes, that is one of the reasons you have them.

Secondly, sort that gape out soonest, I am certain cold air on your bits, through a gape is not very pleasant.

Rage is not an emotion you should give time to, and dont think all women are looking at your gape either.

[gatch]

If they think yo are actually beating off you may as well do it.. I don't think they'll hassle you then..

[wbks]

and dont think all women are looking at your gape either.ahahahahahahahahahah

Can I put this in my signature?

[short-circuit]

A blantant attempt at the solicting Flame Warrior nomination Target? Or are you genuinely on the scab?

[firefighter]

I'm not stoned or tripping balls so your post is'nt comprehendable

[Mom]

ahahahahahahahahahah

Can I put this in my signature?

Please feel free to.

[AllanB]

Ah Spring time - when a mans feelings of joy towards the motorcycle ride often transform themselves into subconscious fuel tank humping.

Best cure is to place ones penis in a metal vice and give the handle on the vice a few swift turns prior to the ride. That will stop the purple passion rod from appearing until the ride is over.

Another option is to put your gaping jeans on backwards - the only risk here is that Carver may pull up next to you at the lights ........:love:

[Dean]

Jeez, loosen the purse strings and get some new jeans.

Unless, of course, you actually enjoy the "glory hole" in your trousers.
Its not a dam glory hole FFS, cant afford jeans any time soon or riding pants.

A blantant attempt at the solicting Flame Warrior nomination Target? Or are you genuinely on the scab?
Im genuine you would of seen my jeans today if you didnt ditch me and not meet up at cycle treads today at 2:30, I was waiting for like 30 minutes dude.

[wbks]

Its not a dam glory hole FFS, cant afford jeans any time soon or riding pants.

Im genuine you would of seen my jeans today if you didnt ditch me and not meet up at cycle treads today at 2:30, I was waiting for like 30 minutes dude.At last you two flame warriors have moved on from homo erotic e-arguments to arranging meetings. Good for you.

[short-circuit]

Im genuine you would of seen my jeans today if you didnt ditch me and not meet up at cycle treads today at 2:30, I was waiting for like 30 minutes dude.

Yeah sorry an afternoon wank took precedence - priorities

[AllanB]

I was waiting for like 30 minutes dude.

Don't be too hard on him - he may have been having 'seconds' on that petrol tank. :love:

[Hahn]

I was waiting for like 30 minutes dude.

With pleasure jeans!...:done:






sorry, couldn't help myself!:wari:

[AllanB]

Yeah sorry an afternoon wank took precedence - priorities

I rest my case. :sunny:

[Dean]

Yeah sorry an afternoon wank took precedence - priorities
Atleast tell me if you werent actually going to meet up, you missed out on pies and coffee I wasnt going to fight you or anything, another rider filled you're void.

If they think yo are actually beating off you may as well do it.. I don't think they'll hassle you then..
No way, 5 bikers think I beat off or make a deposit on my tank, I bet they told all their freinds about me those bastards.

. Guy on the bandit: Nice!

Have you seen me ride before in the jeans? I guess my jeans kinda "get around" the northshore. Dont take the piss out of me though Im a bit pissed off at the moment.

[YellowDog]

[B]Another option is to put your gaping jeans on backwards - the only risk here is that Carver may pull up next to you at the lights ........:love:

Also, best to avoid bi-curious pillion passengers :laugh:

[wbks]

Atleast tell me if you werent actually going to meet up, you missed out on pies and coffee I wasnt going to fight you or anything, another rider filled you're void.

No way, 5 bikers think I beat off or make a deposit on my tank, I bet they told all their freinds about me those bastards.


Have you seen me ride before in the jeans? I guess my jeans kinda "get around" the northshore. Dont take the piss out of me though Im a bit pissed off at the moment.Thats no good! I know... Go make another deposit, that'll cheer you right up!:2thumbsup

[gatch]

I guess my jeans kinda "get around" the northshore. Dont take the piss out of me though Im a bit pissed off at the moment.

Do they come back with money in their pockets ? Used dom's ?

[Warr]

the jeans I am currently wearing for riding have no zip,

Easy solution .. some velcro and a hot glue gun will sort it. Bodgy but it works !!

[allycatz]

Look on the bright side..you'll never catch ya dick in ya zipper aye!!!

[Dean]

I know this sounds a bit straight forward but could anyone on the northshore or rodney stitch up my jeans zip? I guess I can pay. Anyone please?

[wbks]

I know this sounds a bit straight forward but could anyone on the northshore or rodney stitch up my jeans zip? I guess I can pay. Anyone please?Fuckin hell, go buy some cheap jeans from the warehouse!!!

[Mully]

I know this sounds a bit straight forward but could anyone on the northshore or rodney stitch up my jeans zip? I guess I can pay. Anyone please?

Most drycleaners can get zips replaced. Piece of cake and usually cheap

Or you could get some arseless chaps instead.....

[YellowDog]

Easy solution .. some velcro and a hot glue gun will sort it. Bodgy but it works !!
Genius!

Velcro is the answer.

[Thani-B]

I know this sounds a bit straight forward but could anyone on the northshore or rodney stitch up my jeans zip? I guess I can pay. Anyone please?

Is the zip broken? Like do you want it replaced, or just sewn up with no zip?

[Mully]

Velcro is the answer.

Velcro is for babies.

Staple Gun. Or nail gun. :done:

[wbks]

Genius!

Velcro is the answer.He'll be sneaking up on petrol tanks all over the north shore!

[Dean]

wbks- Warehouse jeans dont offer enough protection.

Ill have to try the washing well on whangaparaoa road see if they can stitch it up instead of going to the hassle of using Velcro.

Alleycats, my mans area has hanged out once when I hoped of my bike but luckily no one saw but lets not go there.....awkward.

[Mully]

He'll be sneaking up on petrol tanks all over the north shore!

"you must spread some reputation, etc"

Superb.

[mister.koz]

I know this sounds a bit straight forward but could anyone on the northshore or rodney stitch up my jeans zip? I guess I can pay. Anyone please?

ffs dude, sew them yourself. A pack of needles and a spool of cotton is about 3 bucks. Be sure to get thread thats the same colour then it doesn't matter if you get the stitching crooked...

You could even use a stapler (point it outwards) to staple the fly closed, a handful of safety pins or as someone said glue some velcro onto them. Hell i am sure getting someone to sew a new zip in would be a fraction of the price of a new pair of jeans.

[Maha]

Alleycats, my mans area has hanged out once when I hoped of my bike but luckily no one saw but lets not go there.....awkward.


I shall add to me first idea of gaffer tape and add...undies!!!!

[AD345]

Not sure on which thread to put this in. Had a chat with a mate a while back about how the jeans I am currently wearing for riding have no zip, so when I sit down on the bike there is a huge gape and when I stand well. Life has been hard just wearing them in sheer embarrassment, walking into petrol stations while some women's eyes wonder and I get the "Mate you're flies down" all the time.

So to complete my rage the 5th biker has pissed me off and I'm sick of it. You see the main problem is I tend to clutch forward then roll back so forth in that procedure for about as long as I can at an intersection/Lights. Well I pulled over and apparently quote---- "you're pleasuring yourself arent ya, I caught you trying to bone the tank'---. FFS old man on the blue bandit 650 08 model. The fourth thought the same, that I was pleasuring myself on the tank hence the forward n back humping action. The other three thought I was "pulling the pudd". I want to clear the air especially because the bikers are on here, when you see me dont tell me my fly is down, and NO I'm not "pleasuring myself" on the tank you heartless bastards. I mean would you think a dude is trying to pleasure himself if his fly is down and he's going forward and back at the lights- doubt it. Thought I might share this with ya, Also if you would like to donate Dean some new jeans or riding pants would be much appreciated.

You really are a special wee chap aint ya?

[allycatz]

...Alleycats, my mans area has hanged out once when I hoped of my bike but luckily no one saw but lets not go there.....awkward.

That could be too much information...:shit: Try adding facings and making them button fronts like levies....oh and what Maha says....undies mate!

[Dean]

I shall add to me first idea of gaffer tape and add...undies!!!!

No some of my boxers have rips down the front of them, hence the.......yah anyways.

Tell you guys what ill post a picture of them when I get the time tommorrow with the current no zip (I will wear undies man) then the after shot of how I fix them up. I might turn them into a fashion disaster.

[Hahn]

Alleycats, my mans area has hanged out once when I hoped of my bike but luckily no one saw but lets not go there.....awkward.

Why would you share such things on the interweb???:blink::blink::blink:

[wbks]

No some of my boxers have rips down the front of them, hence the.......yah anyways.

Tell you guys what ill post a picture of them when I get the time tommorrow with the current no zip (I will wear undies man) then the after shot of how I fix them up. I might turn them into a fashion disaster.Ripped jeans front and ripped boxers front... Are you trying to make a point of something?:laugh:

[Lurch]

Seriously this thread cannot be for fucking real.

It reminded me of your theme song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVXh4OmvCkc

[mister.koz]

No some of my boxers have rips down the front of them, hence the.......yah anyways.

Tell you guys what ill post a picture of them when I get the time tommorrow with the current no zip (I will wear undies man) then the after shot of how I fix them up. I might turn them into a fashion disaster.

As fashion disasters go bodgy stitching is not 1/2 as bad as the sav hanging out...

[Nagash]

wbks- Warehouse jeans dont offer enough protection.


Suprisingly enough, I found this to be the stupidest comment in the whole thread.

Protection against what exactly? The wind? Cause any jeans sure as shit won't protect you in a crash.

[Dean]

Suprisingly enough, I found this to be the stupidest comment in the whole thread.

Protection against what exactly? The wind? Cause any jeans sure as shit won't protect you in a crash.

Last time I checked kevlar jeans can offer some standard protection, whereas normal denim jeans from the warehouse would just rip to shreads upon contact with concrete.

[slofox]

Jeez Dean! Humping the tank...sheeeeeesh...even I never thought of THAT!

Reminds me of years ago when I was a squash player - one dude turned up to play a tournament and he had a pair of the "latest fashion" squash shorts - also without a fly...he got about the same as you're getting Dean. Maybe you should do what he did - lose the offending garment...He never wore 'em again that I saw...

[mister.koz]

Last time I checked kevlar jeans can offer some standard protection, whereas normal denim jeans from the warehouse would just rip to shreads upon contact with concrete.

Kevlar jeans offer better abrasion resistance to protect your skin, beyond that no benefit, so you will get mangled skin rather than skin completely removed.

If you hit the road in kevlar jeans, the denim will tear off and the kevlar will remain but the jeans will be a write off.

Don't think they will protect you like armor.

[bogan]

Suprisingly enough, I found this to be the stupidest comment in the whole thread.

Protection against what exactly? The wind? Cause any jeans sure as shit won't protect you in a crash.

They wont do shit in a big accident, but they save skin on those low speed drops. Dropped my GN at bout 40, didnt get any skin ripped off, kneecap was a bit sore for a few weeks though. Though they were hallensteins jeans, so a step up protection-wise from the warehouse.

EDIT: and in Deans case, a jeans fly is still much easier to get open (than a race onesy, or armoured pants etc) when you need to 'do' something in a hurry; those times when you pass a really nice lpg tank, or maybe even a deisle tank on a trailer (when you're in the mood for something a bit filthy)

[Dean]

Kevlar jeans offer better abrasion resistance to protect your skin, beyond that no benefit, so you will get mangled skin rather than skin completely removed.

If you hit the road in kevlar jeans, the denim will tear off and the kevlar will remain but the jeans will be a write off.

Don't think they will protect you like armor.

Interesting, jeans just feel so casual I can wear them when going to someones house, shopping and all sorts whereas wearing the full gear can become a pain and smelly. Weigh the positives with negatives

[jellywrestler]

Yeah sorry an afternoon wank took precedence - priorities
which set of traffic lights were you having this?

[mister.koz]

Interesting, jeans just feel so casual I can wear them when going to someones house, shopping and all sorts whereas wearing the full gear can become a pain and smelly. Weigh the positives with negatives

I ride in jeans sometimes but they wont protect you from anything. I have 3 sets of leathers, one set i can wear normal clothes underneath.

Full armor has its caveats comfort cost etc but it is the best protection you can get.

I am not going to bleat on all ATGATT, its your skin, bones and choice.

I've seen and experienced first hand what the road will do to a body, thats enough for me.

[Swoop]

Gapeing?

Arse-less chaps might provide more pleasure. They must have some use.

[wbks]

Interesting, jeans just feel so casual I can wear them when going to someones house, shopping and all sorts whereas wearing the full gear can become a pain and smelly. Weigh the positives with negativesLoosing 50% of your skin is a pretty heavy negative...

[sondela]

Last time I checked kevlar jeans can offer some standard protection, whereas normal denim jeans from the warehouse would just rip to shreads upon contact with concrete.

Since your jeans zip doesn't zip, and they're held on by no more than a button, contact with the road will have them off you in a second, and the consequences are too horrendous to imagine..
kevlar won't help you much if it's not actually on..

[Dean]

and in Deans case, a jeans fly is still much easier to get open (than a race onesy, or armoured pants etc) when you need to 'do' something in a hurry; those times when you pass a really nice lpg tank, or maybe even a deisle tank on a trailer (when you're in the mood for something a bit filthy)
If I were you're Tank Id be sleeping with one eye open

Jeez Dean! Humping the tank...sheeeeeesh...even I never thought of THAT!

You're tank better watch it

Gapeing?

Arse-less chaps might provide more pleasure. They must have some use.
Do you have tank pads?

Alright now enough with the Tank jokes, I have one picture of my jeans but its a bit too in apropriate to go on this site..... I has fear.

[hospitalfood]

mate, I hump my bike all the time. sure, I get a mocking sometimes but it comes with the teritory.
I have found the best thing to do if someone starts mocking me is to try and connect my exposed cock with a part of their body or clothing.

If it is really getting you down I suggest you wear you jeans backwards.

[Hiflyer]

If I were you're Tank Id be sleeping with one eye open

You're tank better watch it

Do you have tank pads?

Alright now enough with the Tank jokes, I have one picture of my jeans but its a bit too in apropriate to go on this site..... I has fear.

You like tanks then?
Tank (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/member.php?u=12559)


I don't think you like this one.


Sorry about that, Tank. I couldn't resist.

[Thani-B]

So have they been mended yet? Lol. I'm a bit of a novice seamstress, if its not too hard I can probably fix it. Would you like me to have a look?

[StoneY]

AND? Mate get some decent jeans or HTFU ya woose :angry:

What DID you expect crying like this that ya jeans have no zip pfffffft

[Hiflyer]

So have they been mended yet? Lol. I'm a bit of a novice seamstress, if its not too hard I can probably fix it. Would you like me to have a look?

Not while theyre on I hope!?!?! remember... His "man area" fell out :crazy:

[Dean]

So have they been mended yet? Lol. I'm a bit of a novice seamstress, if its not too hard I can probably fix it. Would you like me to have a look?
Done them up, thanks for the offer.

Not while theyre on I hope!?!?! remember... His "man area" fell out :crazy:

Yea she wont be stitching up my jeans with me in them.

[Dean]

Yeah sorry an afternoon wank took precedence - priorities

Tell you what, find a time when you are not doing you're wank fest then we can arrange a time to meet up. If you think Its to dodgy and im going to beat you up then you can bring all you're mates or pretty much anyone and I will come alone and you can make sure im alone. You can check my pockets for weapons (but dont get frisky on me, watch you're hands) This is an open invitation, its time to man up and keep the peace. A coffee and pie, the treaty of Short-Circuit and Dean.

[short-circuit]

Tell you what, find a time when you are not doing you're wank fest then we can arrange a time to meet up. If you think Its to dodgy and im going to beat you up then you can bring all you're mates or pretty much anyone and I will come alone and you can make sure im alone. You can check my pockets for weapons (but dont get frisky on me, watch you're hands) This is an open invitation, its time to man up and keep the peace. A coffee and pie, the treaty of Short-Circuit and Dean.

Sorry. Too scared / have a date with my hand

[Dean]

Sorry. Too scared / have a date with my hand

I just want to keep the peace, by the sounds of it I wont shake you're hands for hygeine reasons. Maybe I can wuu you with my words, tempt you with a pie and coffee. Im totally harmless, why cant we just get along why must there be fighting.

[short-circuit]

I just want to keep the peace, by the sounds of it I wont shake you're hands for hygeine reasons. Maybe I can wuu you with my words, tempt you with a pie and coffee. Im totally harmless, why cant we just get along why must there be fighting.

What fighting? Keep it in your pants

[Dean]

What fighting? Keep it in your pants

My jeans have a gape in them, You keep it in you're pants after all they have a zip dont they.

[short-circuit]

My jeans have a gape in them, You keep it in you're pants after all they have a zip dont they.

Can't talk...rubbing one out.....

[Dean]

Can't talk...rubbing one out.....

You cant multi task? Dissapointed man I thought better of you.

[Mully]

Aaaaaand countdown to this thread being PDed...........

[Dean]

Back on topic, am currently saving up for some proper riding leather pants, and no Short-Circuit they are not tight. If anyone would like to donate me some riding pants I would be forever gatefull.

[Gareth123]

You still haven't said why you don't use the brakes when you stop?

Is your right hand "twisting the throttle" or whatever you want to call it these days:whistle:

[Dean]

You still haven't said why you don't use the brakes when you stop?

Is your right hand "twisting the throttle" or whatever you want to call it these days:whistle:

HUH? I do use the brakes when I stop, its a weird habit going forward and back on my bike at the lights. Dont know why.

Not "twisting the throttle" at my age, too old for that.

[Gareth123]

Maybe velcro yourself to the seat. Prevent that unsightly rocking motion

[CookMySock]

Geez bro, if that many men are looking at your cock, just imagine how many women are too! Where did you get those jeans? lol

Steve

[jono035]

That rocking back and forward motion is the same thing I see people on scooters doing... The kind of people on scooters who pull away from the lights with their feet stuck right out and dragging on the ground until they hit 30... The kind that are also normally wearing skirts, so I guess your denim crotchless chaps are a step up...

Cost of new jeans - $40
Whingeing about being only one step up from the guy with a gearknob up his date - priceless...

[TOTO]

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[Dean]

That rocking back and forward motion is the same thing I see people on scooters doing... The kind of people on scooters who pull away from the lights with their feet stuck right out and dragging on the ground until they hit 30... The kind that are also normally wearing skirts, so I guess your denim crotchless chaps are a step up...

Cost of new jeans - $40
Whingeing about being only one step up from the guy with a gearknob up his date - priceless...

Scooter riders where skirts? Sorry jono havent ever seen a person wearing a skirt on a scooter. If you have id hate to know where you get around.

[jono035]

Scooter riders where skirts? Sorry jono havent ever seen a person wearing a skirt on a scooter. If you have id hate to know where you get around.

Symonds st is pretty dodgy, to be sure.

[Dean]

Symonds st is pretty dodgy, to be sure.

Oh I see, figured.
Havent you tried taking of from the lights with you're feet dragging at 30kph on a really wet road? Its better than skiing.