Big Dan
19th November 2009, 15:47
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the AA
is not an option. I WILL win!
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking
at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers
and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're
a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find
exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just
cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may
miss a whole program looking for it...though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator...(applies to engineers mainly).
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either s*x, hunting, s*x, cars,
s*x, tractors, s*x, fishing, s*x, sports or s*x. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think
about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick
up something for my mother, too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the film. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are
feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either
pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2009, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking,
the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.... like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering
what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.
Thought you all might get a laugh out of this
is not an option. I WILL win!
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking
at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers
and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're
a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find
exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just
cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may
miss a whole program looking for it...though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator...(applies to engineers mainly).
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either s*x, hunting, s*x, cars,
s*x, tractors, s*x, fishing, s*x, sports or s*x. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think
about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick
up something for my mother, too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the film. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are
feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either
pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2009, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking,
the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.... like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering
what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.
Thought you all might get a laugh out of this