My daughter got kicked in the ... between the legs. What to do?

[RantyDave]

My daughter, who's eight, has been going to a "one day" school. Unfortunately this place is a fair way away so we've been ride sharing with another family - they take the kids there, we bring them home again. We've had some problems with their son being violent. He can be generally a pain in the arse at the best of times and I wrote (physically wrote) to his father following an incident where he chased her round the school and pulled her shirt off - there being enough sex predators in the world without training up any more.

Anyway, today she heads off to spend the afternoon with these people. Events transpire that there is a playstation and a game made as part of a digital media course. Mine asks theirs if she can have a go and shortly afterwards this lad spazzes his go and in the process of not dealing with his failure kicks my daughter in the twat. She comes home looking really kinda down, says that she's been hurt emotionally as well as physically and I call kids mum on the mobile to tell her to get her arse back here now. Which she does.

I explain. Get little boy to tell me where he kicked my daughter. Strangely he doesn't want to. Get my daughter to explain. Mother looks at me dumbly.

"YOUR SON KICKED MY DAUGHTER IN THE VAGINA. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?"

She starts making excuses. Kids starts smirking. I tell her that I've had a massive sense of humour failure about the whole thing and she'll have to discuss the rest of it with my better half because shit is only going to get worse if I try to deal with it. I go in the garden and boot a football around. That was half an hour or so ago and I'm still absolutely fucking fuming.

I was going to ask .... I dunno. What would you guys do? Am I being completely unreasonable about this? Clearly we can't ride share any more. I'll give it 24 hours for them to do something about it before ... I dunno. Shit. SHIT.

I am BIOLOGICALLY WIRED to look after this little girl. What was I supposed to do?

Visitors have arrived. Gonna go try be pleasant.

Dave

[Tink]

I would talk to your daughter seriously... I have a 8 year old, and she would definitely let rip if someone did that to her... with tears... and demand they get sorted.

Mind you she is her mothers daughter.

On the other side of the fence, I would not participate in any more contact with this lad, and let the parents know exactly why, you have every right to be angry...

News tonight: its not anti smacking, its bringing our children up to be good parents themselves... (it will never happen, cause society can't fix bad parents)

So be a good parent, and remove her from any further incidences.

[PrincessBandit]

Being kicked between the legs really really hurts!! It's not just boys who suffer when that happens.

I agree with rocketgal68 though, if there is any way possible ensure your daughter doesn't have to have any contact with them again. I have to say that given that there is history with this boy being a PITA and now it is physical I would be guaranteeing my daughter was never in this boys company again.

[Karl08]

Your feelings are natural mate! As a father of 2 girls, I understand the desire to rip someones head off.

Your daughter did really well in talking to you about this, she is to be commended for doing this. Make sure you tell her she has not "told on" anyone. If you are still fired up, then get your better half to have the conversation with the boys mum- if you get your back up and say the wrong thing (which is completely understandable) then that will become the focus for the boys mum- not her toad of a child's behavior.

The boys parents need to be made fully aware that there son has engaged in behavior that will ring serious alarm bells as he gets older- maybe having a talk with his teacher, will enable him/her to involve "others" if he acts up again at school.

Sorry if this all seems a bit clichéd mate, but at the end of the day if you are concerned for your daughters safety then you have every right to go to the police.

[sunhuntin]

i think you could still have charges laid, despite the youth of both kids. at the very least, report it to the cops. who knows... he may get worse as he gets older, specially if his mother tries to bluff her way out of it and make excuses. pulling her shirt off also points towards worsening behaviour. did this happen during school time? if so, report it to the principal.

i hope your daughter is feeling better. :hug: i think an extra hug tonight would do wonders for her.

[Ronin]

I was going to ask .... I dunno. What would you guys do? Am I being completely unreasonable about this? Clearly we can't ride share any more. I'll give it 24 hours for them to do something about it before ... I dunno. Shit. SHIT.

I am BIOLOGICALLY WIRED to look after this little girl. What was I supposed to do?

Visitors have arrived. Gonna go try be pleasant.

Dave

Mate, can't say that I would do anything different... Well I'm pretty sure I couldn't do it any better than you.

Be proud of your daughter for talking to you properly about what happened. Sounds like she is onto it.

If the toe rags parents couldn't work it out the first time and by the sound of it are not going to be able to the second time then I would end all contact with them. I would also Write to the day school involved and inform them of what has happened.

Our kids are to precious for us to muck about with.

Be interested to know how you get on

[XRVrider]

Yep its very wrong, and this boy is probly a smarmy little bullying shit. Have a word with a bigger boy, and get him to smack smarmy boy around... daily.

No really, that aint right, but kids seem to know they can get away with it... infuriating. Does sound like you are giving it calm thought, so see what the parents of smarmy shit say, and if it dont sound nice. Have a word with the police to see what they say. Maybe they will calmly visit smarmy shit's parents.

[zahria]

There's a lot of that these days, due to many factors, but mainly the parents I fell.
My son has caused me grief, and he's only 5. His temper got the better of him, and he lashed out.
I don't put up with this behaviour, nor condone it. If the parents are not going to discipline their child, then I would remove mine from any contact. No kid deserves to be on the recieving end of that kind of violence.
Not easy, I know I'd be furious as well.

[Tink]

I work with children that have difficulties communicating and socializing with other children, is this his problem, or does he just have a bad temper...

Either way you direct your attention away from anger (permitted)... and focus on the reasons he behaves this way, at the same time removing her.

A child that lashes out with hitting requires only one thing in my eyes, patience & love... as they are frustrated and this is how they react...

Its amazing how talking to a child in a whisper "makes them listen"!

[Forest]

This would never have happened if your daughter had a gun.

[Winston001]

I work with children that have difficulties communicating and socializing with other children, is this his problem, or does he just have a bad temper...

Either way you direct your attention away from anger (permitted)... and focus on the reasons he behaves this way, at the same time removing her.

A child that lashes out with hitting requires only one thing in my eyes, patience & love... as they are frustrated and this is how they react...

Its amazing how talking to a child in a whisper "makes them listen"!

Great post Rocketgal.

I'm wondering if this boy has behavioural problems. My own children's primary school experiences were generally good and any child who behaved as you describe (it sounds like its his regular behaviour) had deeper problems.

The police can do nothing.

You've spoken to the parents - good. The next step is to visit the principal of the school and firmly explain your concerns. Your daughter is entitled to feel safe at school. Remind them of that. Deliver a letter recording this matter (and past incidents if you wish).

Schools need to react to bullying and violence as early as possible. You are also helping this little boy - and the rest of us in the longterm.

[Insanity_rules]

Whoa mate, as a father of two (a girl and a boy) I'd have been beside myself if that happened. God kids these days!

[wingrider]

I am assuming the daughter suffered no injuries?

I would have a doctor check her out regardless. Ask for a medical report and demand the parents of the boy pay for the consultation.

Include copy of medical report with letter to the school to prove that it is not one parent against another.

School is then compelled to take action in respect of any further incident.

As a grand dad of 5 I really feel for you.

[oldrider]

My daughter, who's eight, has been going to a "one day" school. Unfortunately this place is a fair way away so we've been ride sharing with another family - they take the kids there, we bring them home again. We've had some problems with their son being violent. He can be generally a pain in the arse at the best of times and I wrote (physically wrote) to his father following an incident where he chased her round the school and pulled her shirt off - there being enough sex predators in the world without training up any more.

Anyway, today she heads off to spend the afternoon with these people. Events transpire that there is a playstation and a game made as part of a digital media course. Mine asks theirs if she can have a go and shortly afterwards this lad spazzes his go and in the process of not dealing with his failure kicks my daughter in the twat. She comes home looking really kinda down, says that she's been hurt emotionally as well as physically and I call kids mum on the mobile to tell her to get her arse back here now. Which she does.

I explain. Get little boy to tell me where he kicked my daughter. Strangely he doesn't want to. Get my daughter to explain. Mother looks at me dumbly.

"YOUR SON KICKED MY DAUGHTER IN THE VAGINA. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?"

She starts making excuses. Kids starts smirking. I tell her that I've had a massive sense of humour failure about the whole thing and she'll have to discuss the rest of it with my better half because shit is only going to get worse if I try to deal with it. I go in the garden and boot a football around. That was half an hour or so ago and I'm still absolutely fucking fuming.

I was going to ask .... I dunno. What would you guys do? Am I being completely unreasonable about this? Clearly we can't ride share any more. I'll give it 24 hours for them to do something about it before ... I dunno. Shit. SHIT.

I am BIOLOGICALLY WIRED to look after this little girl. What was I supposed to do?

Visitors have arrived. Gonna go try be pleasant.

Dave

Must be something wrong with that kid! (the boy) :slap:

Even at the tender year of eight, I knew that those little treasure troves (baby camel toe's) had magic powers! :love:

For that kid to even think of kicking a girl there tells me he's fucked in the head and completely without hope! :2guns:

Kinda like a turkey bird voting for an early Christmas! :beer: Somehow the fucking world has got it's self upside down! :crazy:

[CookMySock]

This would never have happened if your daughter had a gun.You are not far wrong there.

I don't get how society turns into animals when there are no consequences. Most talk of "morals" is about what someone else should or should not do, but I think real morals are what happens when no consequences will be brought to bear on inappropriate actions.

Teach her to fight, mate. Yeah maybe that sounds "morally wrong" but what is worse? Her being a victim? If there HAS to be a be a victim and sometimes there does, better it was someone else and not her.

Don't get angry - get strong and get even, and don't take the world lying down or it will eat you.


Steve

[crazyhorse]

There must be something you can do to prevent this happening again - or perhaps it happens to others as well. that you are not aware of.

A girl was hasseling my daughter, aged about the same too. This was at school, but I felt little would be done if the teachers dealt with it, so I scared the be-jesus out of her myself and she never bothered my daughter again.

However, I think this has the potential for more harm, and you may need to take it further.

I feel for you and your family.

[ManDownUnder]

Defend your daughter, educate your daughter, empower your daughter, and just be there for her as her safe place. Let her know you are really angry about what happened to her, and that it is not her fault.

Others aren't necessarily going to apologise or be accountable for their actions, but our little girls deserve the right to lay blame where it lies and get help when it's needed.

There is a campaign against domestic violence being run - I saw them advertising at Westgate today and by sheer co-incidence it gave me the opportunity to speak to my 7 year old about violence being utterly unacceptable, no matter what.

As for the little boy and their parents, I suggest you give it a few days to cool off and come back to it when you're able to be more rational. Again - I say... you may get an apology... you may not. Sadly - you will need accept whatever happens.

[RantyDave]

Thanks - this is way more supportive than I was expecting. I was just blowing off steam, really .... but as I've calmed down I do realise the ride sharing thing is dead and I'm just going to have to do loads of driving.

But it's worked well in some ways. She spoke to me, I did something about it. Must be very reassuring.

Dave

[McJim]

You have so much more self restraint then me.

I tip my hat to you sir.

[mashman]

Kids can be real shits sometimes... sorry you found it in your house...

[James Deuce]

Dude, I've told you before: People suck.

It's odd that a society that acknowledges it has a problem with violence, particularly domestic and school yard is so flipping bad about facing up to it

On the one hand the parents of the perpetrator may be mortified. On the other, they may well just respond to their own biological hard wiring.

Had a kid push my eldest into a rock garden and then smash his face into a large rock - as a joke. Snapped one of his newly emerged adult front upper teeth in half. $1200 later (thank you ACC for refunding that) it has a repair that will need to be redone every 5 years until he's 25 (thank you ACC for not paying for those - bastards). a

Repair was done the same day which left tooth smasher completely mystified. Parents refused to acknowledge us. Eldest son pulls his assailant's trousers down (good boy) during a school yard scuffle. Maximum humiliation, minimum pain, just like I taught him. Eldest son gets forced to write an apology letter because of the "emotional scarring".

Dad gets eldest son to write on envelope and sends eldest son back to school with an invoice for $1200 made out to be repaid to ACC.

Matter dropped, however still no apology.

Other people suck.

[popa griffin]

Kick the boys mother in the coont and see how she likes it. She then might beat the shit outa her son for being a right prick.

Otherwise id sign you daughter upto martial arts of some sort, Not only will she be able to put him in a fancy restraining hold. She will also learn disceplin and get all sorts of fit.

[Tink]

Thanks - this is way more supportive than I was expecting. I was just blowing off steam, really .... but as I've calmed down I do realise the ride sharing thing is dead and I'm just going to have to do loads of driving.

But it's worked well in some ways. She spoke to me, I did something about it. Must be very reassuring.

Dave

If she can't turn to her parents who can she turn too.. well done!!! Kids need most certainly to grow up knowing they should never be the victim, and they can turn to someone constantly. I was a victim of mental abuse, and lived with it for 8 years... till 5 years after the seperation someone said "don't take this shit anymore" and I don't. But I had no idea I was the victim till someone pointed it out to me. :calm:

[jimichelle]

teach your daughter not to put up with this! yell scream make a scene
tell the day place where she goes so the can keep an eye on it
and then i would be going to see the parents and just saying quietly that if there boy does anything to my girl again i will be straight araound to rip his (the fathers )farken face off

[RantyDave]

Otherwise id sign you daughter upto martial arts of some sort
She's on her second term of Karate - it's going OK, not spectacularly. We did it mostly so she can get some more discipline :) I don't want to be teaching her how to break some kid's nose but the day is fast approaching.

Dave

[mattian]

Many many years ago. When I was at primary school. I used to be a little shit. I think I was about 10-11 at the time and I used to pick on this one kid ferociously...... I don't know why but, I was such a horrible bully. I used to abuse and tease him relentlessly. One day, very early in the morning when all us kids where outside before class had started, I gave him a real hard time when he walked passed me. Little did I know his mother was standing at the gate watching the whole thing!!! She strutts over to where I was grabs me by the collar and yells in my face "If I ever catch you giving my boy a hard time again I will give you something to cry about"!! well.... I tell ya what, I nearly shat my pants !! and, I never picked on that kid or any other kid ever again ! I was terrified !
anyways....... moral of my story. You have to catch the little prick at the precise moment that he terrorises your daughter then walk right over to him, and teach him a lesson. The kind of lesson that will have him shitting his pants. Talking to him (or his parents) a few hours after what happens doesnt achieve anything.
It worked on me. I hope it helps you.

[Beemer]

One of my sisters has two kids, a boy and a girl, both now in their 30s. My niece has always been a pretty neat kid, not perfect but the sort of kid you can't help but like, whereas her brother is a nasty piece of work and sly with it. They were staying with us when we lived in Whakatane and he kept kicking her right up the backside (from behind, but still would have hurt the same) - not just kicking AT her, but really putting the boot in. He was about eight and she could have been about 11 but he'd been a nasty little shit from even earlier than that.

The next time he went to kick her she grabbed his foot and tipped him up on the grass. Of course he screamed like he'd been tortured so my sister gave HER a hiding. My father intervened and was told "she has to learn she can't pick on her brother, he's only little".

Fast forward 25 years or so... the niece is married with three kids, got a good job, her husband owns his own business - and the nephew? Into drugs, can't hold down a job for long because he's a lazy bastard - and my sister is still defending him and saying he's a neat kid.

This kid sounds like a psycho in the making. He obviously knows what he is doing is wrong and I don't give a shit if he has behavioural difficulties. His parents need to realise THEY are responsible for him and he should be left in no doubt he can't get away with this.

I am pleased your daughter felt comfortable enough to tell you what happened and I don't blame you for not wanting her near this retard.

[StoneY]

I was going to ask .... I dunno. What would you guys do? Am I being completely unreasonable about this? Clearly we can't ride share any more. I'll give it 24 hours for them to do something about it before ... I dunno. Shit. SHIT.


Dave

Dave youve been a star, and a poster boy for a man who is wired RIGHT!
You did not react vilently (some bleeding hearts will disagree) you stood up, you protected your girl best way you could without actually hitting someone

Your doing fine, keep on the way you are

My son was badly beaten at a high school, you have done better than I did when I let the 'school board' deal with it....and nothing happened

When my daughter was bashed by 3 girls including a kicking on the ground handled it poorly (as result of sons incident) and am lucky the cops on scene were realistic old school boys

Kia Kaha Dave m8 you did the right thing, keep doing it

Wish we could still spank shits like this boy that kicked your girl, but law says no we cant ffs

[Pixie]

I suggest either of these two procedures:

[mashman]

She's on her second term of Karate - it's going OK, not spectacularly. We did it mostly so she can get some more discipline :) I don't want to be teaching her how to break some kid's nose but the day is fast approaching.
Dave

Heh, Tae-Kwon-Do 6 year old in our house (just got her yellow tip too :2thumbsup)... but i realise that she's 6, doesn't really understand the idea behind hand to hand combat and therefore won't be perfect at it... I'm hoping that will change though, because i will teach her to break someone's nose, as well as under what circumstances she is allowed to do so without DAD getting pissed at her... So far she hasn't done it, but i pity the fool that tries her on in years to come!

Give her the tools Dave (ye olde Glesgae kiss), ya never know, she may use it well!

[XP@]

Is this is the George Parkin One Day School (or similar)? If so they are then both kids are exceptionally bright, I'm not talking a bit intelligent in some areas it is in the top couple of % across the academic spectrum. ODS is a really cool place, it teaches really interesting stuff at their level and they get to mix with kids who are mentally on par. If it is some other school then my assumptions will be rubbish.

Your daughter is your primary concern and it is your job to give her the best environment... no need to tell you this. She will learn from this situation - what ever happens. It is your job to help her learn something positive from it. So you can teach her how to deal with a situation like this so that the bully does not come off best. This would come in two ways: how she can personally handle the situation and how you can be there to support and help her overcome the bully. (if you need to get really nasty then try keep it away from her ;-)

This boy is also very intelligent and seems to be running rings around his parents. He really needs to learn that his behavior is NOT ACCEPTABLE. It seems he gets away with the behavior at home and one day school. Does he get away with it at his normal school? As an pupil at ODS is is an ambassador to his normal school, he also needs his normal school to OK him to go to ODS. This privilege can be revoked. Their normal head teacher and the ODS heads would have been my first port of call. The both schools will have a policy on bullying make sure these are followed. Possible threats include further action to the police and withdrawing your daughter from the school. Carry out your threats, you cannot let the school sweep it under the carpet.

I would also ask questions about this boy, if animals don't like him or any of the other abuse / pre-serial killer traits are present (he already has intelligence, devious, disposition to sexual based violence, weak parents...) - he needs serious help! Any of these concerns and I would also go directly to SIPS. Tell them they are dealing with a super intelligent brat who will run rings around them unless they are properly prepared!

Good luck :)

and remember this little shit of a bully probably has a higher IQ than anyone else involved (except maybe your daughter :-)

[scissorhands]

The boys parents cant be relied on to do the right thing, most likely they have contributed to his manner.

Forgive the boy as a product of bad parenting, he is only a child, and find better friends for your children. Bullying is endemic here in NZ, so dont take it personally and learn from this episode, talking to your daughter so she learns too, and can process her pain, hopefully not becoming wary of all boys.

[Forest]

FWIW if things get worse, you can always deploy stronger measures.

http://www.cyf.govt.nz/about-us/contact-us/index.html

Call CYFs on 0508 FAMILY (0508 326 459) and report your concerns about the boy. Don't be dramatic - just give them the facts about why the boy presents a danger to your daughter.

As long as they're not bottom feeders, coming to the attention of CYFs should be enough to embarrass the parents into some sort of action.

[zjet]

I,m the oldest of 5, 2 boys after me and 2 girls after them. Us boys use to play fight something cronic and it could from time to time get rough but we never went for private parts.
My first thought when I read this was .... hmmm thats not right. I would say get your daughter away and get some one to keep an eye on this lad there could be a cause to his behavior.

[Beemer]

...and remember this little shit of a bully probably has a higher IQ than anyone else involved (except maybe your daughter :-)

I don't think it should make any difference whether he's a bright little piece of shit from a good school or a thug from a decile 10 school - he deserves a kick in the nuts to show him why this kind of behaviour is unacceptable!

I get really fed up with parents thinking if a kid is bright, then he should be treated differently from one who is thick. If he is bright, then he should be even more aware of the consequences of his actions and he should also understand why people are reacting the way they are. His parents are the ones who should be ensuring he knows this.

If the parents aren't prepared to make this nasty bully apologise AND vow to keep a close eye on him in future, then yes, do what XP suggests and approach the schools. If he is on some programme and it's a privilege, then he needs to lose that privilege immediately.

And if that doesn't work, let's make a posse and deal to this kid ourselves!

[Okey Dokey]

Must be something wrong with that kid! (the boy) :slap:

Even at the tender year of eight, I knew that those little treasure troves (baby camel toe's) had magic powers! :love:

For that kid to even think of kicking a girl there tells me he's fucked in the head and completely without hope! :2guns:

Kinda like a turkey bird voting for an early Christmas! :beer: Somehow the fucking world has got it's self upside down! :crazy:

I couldn't agree more. At that age he KNOWS it is wrong.

[RantyDave]

Is this is the George Parkin One Day School
Bingo. We have a winner.

I would also ask questions about this boy, if animals don't like him or any of the other abuse / pre-serial killer traits are present
Yes, now I agree thoroughly but for a different (perhaps the wrong) reason - namely that his parents need to start taking seriously the fact that they are not raising a digital media wunderkind but instead are about to spit out another Clayton Weatherston. They are smart people, clearly, but need a bucket of cold water. Asking the kind of questions a psychologist would ask of a potential serial killer might just do the job....

Dave

[The Pastor]

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Bv0K5Of5FO8&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Bv0K5Of5FO8&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

[XP@]

I don't think it should make any difference whether he's a bright little piece of shit from a good school or a thug from a decile 10 school - he deserves a kick in the nuts to show him why this kind of behaviour is unacceptable!

True, but really this is up to his peers to dish out. But for this to work the school has to know he is the one bullying at the moment, then if he gets the shit kicked out of him by a Ranty 8 yo girl (or another kid) the response can will be more appropriate.
At the moment he has probably been much more pain than we know about but he is getting away with it because he is smart enough to figure out how.


I get really fed up with parents thinking if a kid is bright, then he should be treated differently from one who is thick. If he is bright, then he should be even more aware of the consequences of his actions and he should also understand why people are reacting the way they are. His parents are the ones who should be ensuring he knows this.

Unfortunately with a bright kid who has decided to be a problem you need to treat them sort of differently. Many of the tools available to parents of normal kids just don't work, the bright ones tend to find a way round the action = consequence. For them they just get more devious, so as with any kid you need to find a way to keep them in check - each are different.


If the parents aren't prepared to make this nasty bully apologise AND vow to keep a close eye on him in future, then yes, do what XP suggests and approach the schools. If he is on some programme and it's a privilege, then he needs to lose that privilege immediately.

And if that doesn't work, let's make a posse and deal to this kid ourselves!
From the sounds of this, I would not bother with the parents, they cannot control the kid. Don't take any sh1t go to the schools (normal and ODS) tell them what is happening and that you want it sorted NOW!

[XP@]

Bingo. We have a winner.

One of our boys went there :) so been there!


Yes, now I agree thoroughly but for a different (perhaps the wrong) reason - namely that his parents need to start taking seriously the fact that they are not raising a digital media wunderkind but instead are about to spit out another Clayton Weatherston. They are smart people, clearly, but need a bucket of cold water. Asking the kind of questions a psychologist would ask of a potential serial killer might just do the job....

Dave
Would be interesting to know what games are in his playstation collection...

Wishing you all the best with your daughter, done right, she can come out the other end stronger :)

[R6_kid]

Kick the mother in the cunt, and knock the little fucker out good and proper.

[RantyDave]

Would be interesting to know what games are in his playstation collection...
Mother is very frustrated. She teaches a digital media course at uni, does research into said field, drops computers in front of her little snowflake and all he does is play games. "Violent games" she tells me, that she doesn't mind that they are games so much rather that he likes blowing shit up at all upsets her. We had them over at the weekend a few weeks back and got talking about this and my take at the time was "but he's a small boy, all small boys like blowing shit up". Which is true, right? But maybe this one does actually have a problem. Anyway, she's just pissed that my little'un owns her little'un at writing their own video games.

FWIW I like games, ones where you shoot things and blow other things up and I'm like this massive peacenik hippy type ... well, compared to the biker world I am anyway. And I let my daughter play Ratchet and Clank, probably the most obscenely violent thing since Tom and Jerry. I don't have a problem with violent games and get just so bored when someone blames a school shooting on them.

Anyway, I think we're going to leave this one to the wimmin (my better half is fucking awesome). If I get involved there's just no chance we'll get through the conversation without me saying "trainee rapist" at least once and shit will go thoroughly downhill from then on...

Dave

[XP@]

Tom and jerry or ratshit and clank in moderation is one thing but when it comes to Grand theft auto or some of the more violent 1st person shooters for prolonged periods ... totally different. After a couple of hours playing death match in the office then getting on my bike - not safe. They have an effect without doubt.
The small boy needs to be told when he can and cannot play games. Also that trying to get out on technicalities (ours now 16 still tries it on) will not work. (For about 3 months Chris was limited to playing games he wrote. He came up with some really good ones!)

Which ODS does she go to?

[Brett]

I have just had a young family member inform me of a group of boys in her school who are behaving similarly to her and a friend of hers, including sneaking up behind them and pretending to have sex with them (aka dry humping).

Now my first instinct was to tell her to rip his throat out with her bare hands should he try and touch her again. Once I calmed down a bit, we had a chat with my wife there too and told her that she has got to inform her teacher immediately. She is intermediate age, so no doubt the boys have hormones racing, but I see this behavious as a precurser to what could develop in further life should it be allowed to go on unchecked.

I also taught her a CQB strike to use on him should he try it again. I am also considering having a serious chat with him (and maybe parents too) that involves respect towards women, sexual molestation and the rights of other people to not be preyed upon. He is lucky he is not 18+ otherwise I would break his face.

There is no way this sort of behavious should be tolerated. If I were you I would follow it up very harshly with the other parents and if they do not take it seriously, i would consider going to the police.

[p.dath]

How about getting the other boy (via his parents) to apologise to your daughter, and explain to your daughter why his actions were wrong and why he is sorry.

[caseye]

How about getting the other boy (via his parents) to apologise to your daughter, and explain to your daughter why his actions were wrong and why he is sorry.

Simple, he won't be sorry and the parents don't KNOW how bad he is.
Action and fast, get him and your daughter seperated, preferably have him removed form the school.
Make sure your daughter knows she can always talk to you and your wife/partner.
One of my three girls got bullied at school for quite sometime before anyone knew what was happening.
When she told me I was very upset, but i spoke to all three of them and told them this.
if it happens again, go get your two sisters, find the little ( he was big) shit and beat the snot outa him in front of his mates, then I'd see them in the Principals office.
Family meetings , school intervention, nothing worked till I told them to do this, the principal hated that I'd done it but when that kid (11 yrs of age) found out what I'd told my girls, he backed off and was never a problem again.
Do not wait for the school or his parents , make something happen and stay on it till it becomes their bloody problem.:calm:

[kit]

Simple, he won't be sorry and the parents don't KNOW how bad he is.
Action and fast, get him and your daughter seperated, preferably have him removed form the school.
Make sure your daughter knows she can always talk to you and your wife/partner.
One of my three girls got bullied at school for quite sometime before anyone knew what was happening.
When she told me I was very upset, but i spoke to all three of them and told them this.
if it happens again, go get your two sisters, find the little ( he was big) shit and beat the snot outa him in front of his mates, then I'd see them in the Principals office.
Family meetings , school intervention, nothing worked till I told them to do this, the principal hated that I'd done it but when that kid (11 yrs of age) found out what I'd told my girls, he backed off and was never a problem again.
Do not wait for the school or his parents , make something happen and stay on it till it becomes their bloody problem.:calm:


Yes Get your daughter to bloody hit him back or some older friends to threaten him. My daughter got picked on by a boy too and i told her to make sure the teacher wasn't looking and deal to him. He left her alone after that! Some times the best way to beat a bully is to beat them at their own game of intimidation! Reporting it to the teachers is a waste of time, they can't monitor them everysecond. School is a harsh learning environment but if you can't learn to stick up for yourself here you will let people push you around for the rest of your life or untill you take charge and stand up for yourself and your rights!

[Lias]

A few years ago I had a young lad of about 12 knock one of my daughters (who was 10ish I think at the time)to the ground, put his his foot on her throat and wouldnt let her go until she said she was a slut.

I turned up at his house with a baseball bat and told his mother either she delt with him or I would, and if he _ever_ came near my daughter again I would leave her son drinking through a straw for the rest of his life.

I probably should have just shot the cunt because I suspect he'll grow up to be a serial killer omr something.

[Lissa]

Unfortunately you cant control how the boys parents parent their children, you also have no control over the boys behavior.

I dont condone violence but just heading around to their house and letting the parents know just HOW angry you are is one step. This is your daughter, if you cant protect her who can? You have every right to be angry, infact I feel alittle fucked off myself. All I know is if this happened to my daughter I would be making ALOT of noise, NO ONE respective of age is allowed to touch or hurt my children. This is your right.

If you cant get the boy kicked out of the school, maybe take your daughter out.

Edit/ infact if this little shit is old enough to hurt your daughter and not care, then have a 'word' to him, let the boy know what you think about his actions.

[imdying]

Tell your daughter to wait till the class is settled and quietly working, then assault him with a chair from behind. Tell her to make it worth her while, i.e. don't stop smashing him with the chair till they drag her off of him. The first strike will disorientate him, and he'll be trapped behind his desk. She should be able to inflict brain damage before the shock wear off any onlookers and they can make a move to restrain her. Oh, and make sure she screams, 'The next one to touch me gets it worse', so the rest of the kids in the class no exactly what happened and why.

Or you could nail gun him to the parents front door. That'd work too.

[puttaputt]

Stick with the Martial Arts. It takes a long time to learn. During training your daughter will be often thinking how to avoid or defend herself if that situation ever arises again. It might just save her life in the future.
As for the boy. If you really want to do something about him then encourage him to do MA as well. He will soon learn to respect others.

[geoffm]

Both my brother and I were bullied as kids and we started doing judo. Word got around and that was enough to keep things in check. Later on, I had another bully, I can't stand cricket but I carried a cricket bat... Problem solved

[sharky]

A child that lashes out with hitting requires only one thing in my eyes, patience & love... as they are frustrated and this is how they react...




What a load of 'PC' Bullshit!!!!!!

[tigertim20]

My daughter, who's eight, has been going to a "one day" school. Unfortunately this place is a fair way away so we've been ride sharing with another family - they take the kids there, we bring them home again. We've had some problems with their son being violent. He can be generally a pain in the arse at the best of times and I wrote (physically wrote) to his father following an incident where he chased her round the school and pulled her shirt off - there being enough sex predators in the world without training up any more.

Anyway, today she heads off to spend the afternoon with these people. Events transpire that there is a playstation and a game made as part of a digital media course. Mine asks theirs if she can have a go and shortly afterwards this lad spazzes his go and in the process of not dealing with his failure kicks my daughter in the twat. She comes home looking really kinda down, says that she's been hurt emotionally as well as physically and I call kids mum on the mobile to tell her to get her arse back here now. Which she does.

I explain. Get little boy to tell me where he kicked my daughter. Strangely he doesn't want to. Get my daughter to explain. Mother looks at me dumbly.

"YOUR SON KICKED MY DAUGHTER IN THE VAGINA. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?"

She starts making excuses. Kids starts smirking. I tell her that I've had a massive sense of humour failure about the whole thing and she'll have to discuss the rest of it with my better half because shit is only going to get worse if I try to deal with it. I go in the garden and boot a football around. That was half an hour or so ago and I'm still absolutely fucking fuming.

I was going to ask .... I dunno. What would you guys do? Am I being completely unreasonable about this? Clearly we can't ride share any more. I'll give it 24 hours for them to do something about it before ... I dunno. Shit. SHIT.

I am BIOLOGICALLY WIRED to look after this little girl. What was I supposed to do?

Visitors have arrived. Gonna go try be pleasant.

Dave

after the temptation to go around and boot the kid right back in the nuts has passed...
write letters. to the parents, and to the school, every chance this kid bullies other children too. do what you can to keep your daughter away from the little shit.

if his parents decide they dont wanna do anything about it, and you wanna be a cunt, write to cyfs of your concerns too.

Id go outta my way to make every man woman and child that has reason to be near the kid, know about his behaviour. dont need any more kids getting bullied and booted around.

[Ratti]

We have a similar situation here. My daughter is a teeny little 9yo and a big, lazy 10yo bully in her class has given her shit ever since she started at the school. I crawled out of a marriage based on fear and abuses most folk wouldnt even know were possible, so I'm just a tiny bit protective of my sproggies.

Both kids really bright and have ended up in the gifted kids programme here. The boy is totally out of control, teachers, parents and other kids. As already mentioned, he's smart enough to try and get out of it..but guess what shit head, Im big, Im scary and I stood over him in front of the kids one morning and talked real loud and real definate about what I thought of his behaviour and what I would do to him if he ever tried it on my kid again. When he justified what he's done and believe me he tried, he got the 'BULLSHIT, I DONT BELIEVE YOU AND I WONT ACCEPT THAT CRAP, DONT FUCKEN DO IT AGAIN OR ELSE'...
Hes been mostly ok since then, my stroppy wee girl is more than capable of defending herself, and she does try bless her. It's really important that she knows I will stand up for her and to be able to watch me in action.
For all the pc folk here, let me add, this was not and is not my first choice of action, but FFS, sometimes one needs to have all the finesse and delicacy of a large blunt instrument to get the fekkin message home.

end of rant.

[Tink]

What a load of 'PC' Bullshit!!!!!!

mmmm ok thats your opinion, how do you handle kids?

[sharky]

I'm still learning, mine are just toddlers. But I'd be inclined to go along with some of the other suggestions made here...

[Winston001]

What a load of 'PC' Bullshit!!!!!!

I agree with Rocketgal who has made thoughtful posts here based on experience with children. At the core of every human being is a need to be loved. Some kids don't ever get that at home.

It's likely in this particular case that there is a personality disorder or some form of psychosis which can't be cured by hugs.

[puttaputt]

Reaction from frustration. Frustration from the lack of knowing how to respond.

[CookMySock]

There are two sides to "anger".

Firstly, those who act it out in an unacceptable fashion go to jail.

Secondly, anger is a secondary emotion and is usually preceeded by fear or hurt.

The first concept is the whole idea behind the justice system. Pretty much we have to have it, or else assholes who are inclined will simply ride roughshod etc etc ad nauseum.

The second concept has to be accepted and understood before anything positive can ever happen for the individual. Unfortunately, it's not the rest of societies' problem, leading us right back to the beginning.

Those who either have been put through the legal system, or those who have enough honesty to stop and look at themselves, be honest, and take stock, will usually be able to see where they and their feelings come from, and accept that they are a product of them and not some juggernaut dictated to by their emotional state.

Unfortunately, to many of them it's everyone elses' fault they feel so aggrieved, and not their own, so basically you can't do anything about what's not in your back yard.

You can't fix the world.

Steve

[jim.cox]

You can't fix the world.


I'd like to think you're wrong

I believe you can fix the world - one little bit at a time....

[CookMySock]

I'd like to think you're wrong - I believe you can fix the world - one little bit at a time....I'd like to think that too. For a long long time I did. But I can't even fix what's in my back yard!

What if we just do our best today, and not get too discouraged if it doesn't work out?

Steve

[jim.cox]

, and not get too discouraged if it doesn't work out?



Aye, that's the hard part all right...

[Mudfart]

I would approach the school and inform them of this boys behaviour. It sounds like he has anger management issues.
You will probably find that he has a long record at the school, and your evidence may be the spark needed to get this little monster some councilling or even better psycological evaluation. It may be determined he was dropped on his head as a baby, perhaps he is schizophrenic, and requires heavy doping meds. Here's hoping..... Remember how the RSA killer behaved when he was growing up, its important, nay your duty to report it, for the betterment of future society.

[CookMySock]

Aye, that's the hard part all right...That's why I gave up. Perhaps there is a balance?

Steve

[Ratti]

Just do what youcan when you can. If we all do a little bit, it will at least break even and maybe come out in our favour. I figure I owe the world to leave it a better place than it was when I was gifted with life. There are a number of ways I can do this, and persevering with the education of my kids and encouraging other people to look long and hard at themselves is jsut one of them

[Tink]

I'm still learning, mine are just toddlers. But I'd be inclined to go along with some of the other suggestions made here...

We all can be great parents, but not always able to rear great kids, so here society is partially responsible as well as the parents setting standards as best we can, we are not all perfect, but we can be great by simple loving our children, and at the same time setting them boundaries. Everything in moderation is ok... as I am learning... kids in the 20's are so different to the 60's and now kids of 2010 have to learn that reading a big is a huge adventure in their minds, not just a video game.... and my point, I am sure your a great parent, but all advise can be taken or not... no need to say thats pc crap, because there are two sides to every opinion... mine is just another of those. And I am so NOT pc !!!!


I agree with Rocketgal who has made thoughtful posts here based on experience with children. At the core of every human being is a need to be loved. Some kids don't ever get that at home.
It's likely in this particular case that there is a personality disorder or some form of psychosis which can't be cured by hugs.

Thanks Winston ... x

Reaction from frustration. Frustration from the lack of knowing how to respond.

:)

[Ratti]

How is the battle going with school/parent/'orrible child?

Has there been a satisfactory resolution?

[gatch]

I got bullied in primary school by 2 nimrods, who hated that my parents dropped me off at school sometimes, and that I was alot smarter than them. Over a year of the same shit from these guys, I lost it and hit one in the face with a rock. He's had dental plates since.

Haven't had a problem with assholes since.

More violence isn't necessarily the answer, just the bastard kid needs to understand there WILL be consequences if this kind of action continues.

[Winston001]

I must say that I do have one regret about being bullied as a kid. Fortunately it didn't happen too often. I wish I'd just lost my temper and lashed out. I have no illusions that I'd have been pummelled but I'd have gained self-respect and maybe an adult would have noticed.

[RantyDave]

Bizarrely I just ambled over to see what's new and this is still being talked about.

I told the parents their little angel was a nasty little fucker and we'd be quite happy not ride-sharing any more. He continued to be a pain in the arse for a few weeks but, AFAIK, just hasn't been on her radar since the new term started. Ideal, really.