Funny bike stories

[FROSTY]

It looks to me like this silly season is apon us. people getting agro.extra stress etc.
So how about some funny BIKE stories.
Like the time I was on a big ride and pulled into a gas station for gas. I just plumb forgot to put my foor down and the bike slowly toppled over sideways and lay there with me under it wondering what the heck had happened.

[KiwiGs]

So many to choose, there was the time I walked home after a few Fantas from the pub and decided to push the bike down the drive to so my drunken flatties wouldn’t touch it.
I stepped in a hole and the bike fell on me, pinning me face down under it.......

[R6_kid]

My neutral light came on as I selected 5th gear at 185kmh at Pukekohe on Friday. It hasn't gone out since. :niceone:

[StoneY]

Was at a RD350 Owners picnic back in like 86/87 or so

There were like 7 blue and white 350LC/D models there

Turns out there were only 3 different ignition barrels out of all 7, we had a ball 'accidentally' taking the wrong bikes to the shop down the road and back
:lol:

What number plates?

[Fatt Max]

I forgot to take the steering lock off my bike once when parked outside a Cafe in Auckland's K Road.

Waved goodbye to the rather attractive waitress who I had been chatting to and swung the best U turn in history right into a lamp post. The waitress and entire occupants of a nearby bus thought that was a great laugh

[cowboyz]

Ha! This reminds me of a time when we were growing up.. mid teens.. and I was sitting out on the front porch of the house we grew up in with my 5 sisters (of which they got the looks, I got the brains) and this guy on a DR comes up the road.. has a bit of a look then turns round for an awesome wheelie up the road... which he fell off the back of.
The biggest problem with falling off the back of a bike is the distance the bike travels and you have to go retrieve it with 5 teenage girls (and me) cheering all the way.

Good times......

[ManDownUnder]

As a kid I learned to ride on a Peewee 50 in central Taranaki, the neighbours kid had one... AWESOME fun it were!

So there's the time his cousin got on the thing, and after a few instructions he realised he knew it all, so he employed the one control that'd caught his attention... the bit that made it go of course.

So he did... sadly... the bit that made it stop didn't grab his attantion quite so much although the fence at the far end of the paddock (which he rode straight into at full tit) certainly did.
==
... or there is the time we found this patch of fresh smooth soft dirt and practiced our "manoeuvering" in it. in from the left, the top, up and down made a hell of a mess but what a ball... we would have been there for an hour hacking it up...

... and then Mr Bray showed up - the groundskeeper... who'd spent quite a while laying grass seed, raking it over, watering it. Poor bastard. He knew my Dad too and when I got home I learned a valuable lesson in motorcycle communications 101.

Ride as fast as you like - you ain't going to beat the phone...

[martybabe]

Oh good lord, I have hundreds. A quicky....

On a long journey home in the dark and the rain, on the motorway from hell, I discovered that if I dropped my head to a certain spot, a lovely slipstream of air from the fairing would do a really good job of clearing my visor of rain drops and shit sos I could see where I was going.

The bride, whilst not new to pillioning, had never been riding in a monsoon before so according to her logic, the only explanation for this bizarre sequence of head dropping and lifting was that I was periodically falling asleep and the only solution to this frightening predicament, whilst hammering along in the dark and the rain, was to punch the living bejebus out of my kidneys till I pulled over.

It's amazing how hard women can punch when they think the designated driver's falling asleep eh.Bless her :D

[EgliHonda]

and after a few instructions he realised he knew it all, so he employed the one control that'd caught his attention... the bit that made it go of course. the bit that made it stop didn't grab his attantion quite so much although the fence at the far end of the paddock (which he rode straight into at full tit) certainly did....

Shit that's almost eggzacchary what happened on my first ride. Little Honda 50 mini bike, I was about 5. Rudimentary instructions, took off, realised I was just going faster and faster in circles, cousins yelling instructions every time I screamed past. Avoided the fence but ended up smashing into a plough, bunged my knee up pretty good and was sworn to silence so no-one got in trouble...

Sadly still ride much the same today...

[Bender]

New girl moved into neighbourhood so grabbed the bike to go and do something that might catch her attention. Ended up riding into the metre-deep ditch outside her place and when bike stopped suddenly at a driveway crossing your hero went over the bars, bending his right knee backwards severely.

Crutches and buses for transport several weeks.

Then... cruising up to the local pictures, which they used to run in the community centre. I was on my T350 Suzi - I cruised up and lazily extended my right foot to hold me up as the bike started to gently lean to the right. One of my party tricks that I thought looked cool. About then I found that the kickstart lever was up the inside of my jeans.

I decided that being cool was not a good look for me. I could not re-arrange the natural order of the universe.

[gijoe1313]

Riding up north to Kaitaia and sometimes beyond, at night ... have come across these few tidbits of hilarity and puzzlement.

A box of kaimoana strewn liberally across the middle of the road, crayfish, crabs and other such crusteceans skittling across the road. I wish I had brought a backpack so my whanau would have been well chuffed with the feed!

A naked man jogging down the road wearing only ladies suspenders, the black thigh high lacy ones with the garters!

An empty car with the drivers door open moving slowly down the road ... with no driver. I pulled ahead a distance, got off my bike, and hopped into the car and drove it over to the side of the road. No idea where the occupant(s) were, didn't hang around to find out either! Could hear banjoes playing in the hills ...

And then, there was this one time at band camp ...

[StoneY]

Oh yeah my mate just told me (we just had coffee) to write up my big wheelie, in front of all the kids at Aoetea College, late Nov 1984 (on restricted license)

Theres a long, gentle straight wide uphill beside the school, leads to the engineering block, and the coal chutes for the boiler

Lunchtime, my GF and her mates hanging out on the 'smokers' bank, I slow down at bottom of hill, select 3rd on my XR200RE, and hoist the front wheel

Slip her into fourth, cross it up, victory sign with the left,200m mono, to cheers, claps, girly admiration woooohhooooo! Mission accompished...I thought

Till I put wheel down, click into false neutral.....and promptly fall off coz bike didnt accellerate as expected, just fell over sideways, me and all and add insult, bent the bars, broke the clutch lever gah!

Sigh.....
Girls! Always there fault!

[huff3r]

Oh yeah my mate just told me (we just had coffee) to write up my big wheelie, in front of all the kids at Aoetea College, late Nov 1984 (on restricted license)

Theres a long, gentle straight wide uphill beside the school, leads to the engineering block, and the coal chutes for the boiler

Lunchtime, my GF and her mates hanging out on the 'smokers' bank, I slow down at bottom of hill, select 3rd on my XR200RE, and hoist the front wheel

Slip her into fourth, cross it up, victory sign with the left,200m mono, to cheers, claps, girly admiration woooohhooooo! Mission accompished...I thought

Till I put wheel down, click into false neutral.....and promptly fall off coz bike didnt accellerate as expected, just fell over sideways, me and all and add insult, bent the bars, broke the clutch lever gah!

Sigh.....
Girls! Always there fault!

Oh dear. Nothings changed. That hill is still the "smokers" bank.
But now no-one takes bikes to school, since boy-racer cars are the craze these days :lol:

[MSTRS]

Then... cruising up to the local pictures, which they used to run in the community centre. I was on my T350 Suzi - I cruised up and lazily extended my right foot to hold me up as the bike started to gently lean to the right. One of my party tricks that I thought looked cool. About then I found that the kickstart lever was up the inside of my jeans.



Been there - done that. On the big brother - T500. Luckily the pants were cheap, and I managed to rip them clear, before bike and I enjoyed a wee liedown.
Left side kick lever on the T series...

[Insanity_rules]

One time, my buddies were waiting in my driveway for me to come out for a ride so I hopped on my trusty VF400F, rode past the carport, hit my bar end on a carport pole and the bike deposited betwen my feet. Flash!

[StoneY]

One time, my buddies were waiting in my driveway for me to come out for a ride so I hopped on my trusty VF400F, rode past the carport, hit my bar end on a carport pole and the bike deposited betwen my feet. Flash!

Now I know this ones fabricated.....

He aint GOT any buddies

[Insanity_rules]

Now I know this ones fabricated.....

He aint GOT any buddies

Hello pot, my name is kettle.

[StoneY]

Hello pot, my name is kettle.

:lol:
:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:

[Azi Dahaka]

i was reading bout the flashing of the lights to warn of cops ahead thing and i saw some post about twirling their finger above their head i though they were just joking. http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=112658&highlight=headlights

oh how wrong was i here i was heading back from parmy to wellington on state high way 58 to state highway 1 and i went past a biker doing that. this guy was waving his finger around above his head like there was no tomorrow. i knew what he ment but i was laughing my head off all the way down the road.

of course the cop was well hidden on the side of the road in a marked car in plain sight but none of that stopped me from nearly crashing in laughter.

[KiwiGs]

How about the time I decided to show off to the girls from "fancy meats" (I worked at a freezing works you see).
Popped a wheelie in the bike shed, I still maintain they all were hot for me right up until the front hoop came down in an oil slick..........

[pritch]

Night visit to one of those driveways exclusive to the capital..,.

This thing had a vertical slope approaching ninety degrees but the kicker was that there was a 45 degree slope across at the top. So I get to the top and put foot out, but said foot is flapping around in the air. Over we go...

Next thing I'm falling backward through the dark watching the pillion passing between me and the stars.

I should mention that years have passed, but this is the first time that has ever struck me as funny.

[breakaway]

First bike, 1 month riding, launched pretty hard with disk lock on. Disc lock came around and collided with fork, front locked, down I went :bye:

Right in front of a CROWDED cafe in Auckland CBD :(

[craneman]

first bike a BSA bantom I was showing my Dad how good I could ride did a wheel stand down the nabours drive -lost it into the hedge - it backfired and went up in flames-burnt the hedge down+ the garden shed, grounded for 2 months

[racefactory]

first bike a BSA bantom I was showing my Dad how good I could ride did a wheel stand down the nabours drive -lost it into the hedge - it backfired and went up in flames-burnt the hedge down+ the garden shed, grounded for 2 months

We have a winner ladies and gentleman.... lmao.

[caseye]

Yep I reckon we do. Not enough to bin the thing he burns it to a crisp along with the hedge and the shed Must be a winner.

[DarkLord]

That would be the time when I was riding to Tauranga from Auckland on my old yellow Hyosung. I didn't have rack bags at that point so I tied a backpack on to the packrack and was on my merry way. I accelerated up to 140 at one point to pass a truck, looked in my rear view mirrors and hello, no backpack.

I pulled over and the truckie pulled over too and told me he saw my bag come off earlier up the road and get hit by a car, so I walked back along the road until I found all of my stuff in the middle of the road.

It must have been quite a sight for all of the car drivers seeing a fully geared up motorcyclist picking up his socks, underwear and shoes from the middle of the road. :o

[nighthawk]

Early 70's and we all rode Triumphs,was sitting at work and got a call from my brother "can you head home I've got a bit of a problem" ..that he did
Apparently said bike would not start so after furious kickin he decided to crash start it,heads along drive and it putters into life and dies..
ok turns around and heads back up drive toward garage..gives it one more try .. bike bursts into life ..grags BIG handful of throttle and clutch..bike rev's brillantly however at same instant bead pops off clutch cable..bike with him attached go through garage door and mount benchsaw at back of garage..

I still have a distain for Amal carb's after the top came on my 5TA and set me and it on fire when it backfired whilst ringing the Shyte out of it from the lights one night....hot gonads anyone

[Laava]

Goes into bike shop stoned out of gourd.
Sits on 1st bike in a line of "on behalfs"
Knocks next bike over in the line and down they go like domino's.
Stunned bike shop owner jumps from office and quickly evaluates the pauper status before ordering "begone"

[Muppet]

Aged 16 and knowing f**k all, rode my dads cb175 on Johns Road, Christchurch when it was 100 km/h speed limit, the chain came off the back sprocket and locked the back wheel. Luckily I was just pulling out from Wilkinsons Road and was doing about 20 km/h. As a result I clean, lube and inspect my chain weekly, whether I ride or not!

[nothingflash]

oh jesus... some of these are brilliant!

Went away in Jan for 10 days with a couple of mates (off and on road) - to date my riding experience had been 10 days as as I was a learner I was restricted to a NX250. The boys I went with each had Beema's one of who had spent a fair amount of money with Touratech and Kathmandu.

The one with the blinged out bike arsed off in a rest area after a cuppa breaking the mount of a very expensive pannier, lost one of his earphones, ran out of weed and had a massive downer for a couple of days, lost the contents of his radiator (in the middle of nowhere), had oil problems (helps to have oil to begin with) and blew a hole in his tent when the front strap came off (he had it strapped to the top of his pannier) which let it flap around behind him and over the exhaust.

I don't think he had that many problems riding across India!

[Mrs Cowboyz]

how about pounding away on the kickstart of a cbr250 then after a while realised the key wasnt on!

[Interceptor]

A new (new to me) second-hand Honda VT250, only bike experience prior to this was a VERY brief ride in a paddock on a friend's dirt bike.

VT250 is delivered to my house as am so unsure of myself I don't even take it for a test ride.

I try starting it and it does not start due to a low battery, a friend suggests we try jump starting it while it goes down a hill.

So we push it to the road, he gives me a push, bike starts rolling quite well, gravity takes over and I..... just press the ignition button again..... surprisingly to me it still does not start. Hmmm... me thinks I was very new to the concept of putting it into second gear etc and actually doing a proper jump start - doh!

[rwh]

I may have related this one before, but never mind.

First day riding to work after getting my full and my 750. Start to ride down the drive, and the bike stalls. Never mind - I'll crash start it. Engage the clutch .. bike just stops, and falls over, but not as far as I'd expected - strange, but handy. Stand it up and carry on.

That evening, my flatmate asked me how my car got a big dent in it ...

Richard

[FROSTY]

Latest --(as in happened just today) funny involves an LT80 quad.
My lad had removed a buggered starter motor and fitted a new one for me.the brake cables still disconnected after we had fitted new shoes, The top was still off the carby. I asked him if he'd made sure the starter worked--NOPE
best we make sure it turns over before we put plastics back on.
key on -hit the button and bang the bloody thing roared into life and fired out the gargre at full throttle--dragging me with it. Grab the brakes--noone home holey shit Across the yard it goes gathering momentum fast --BANG right into the most expensive car in stock.
Now ill be fucked if I know how a carby with no lid on it can fire into life --but I now know for sure--IT CAN
ohh and dragging across concrete on ya knees bloody hurts :devil2::devil2:

[gijoe1313]

:gob: :rofl: :niceone: There but for the grace of God go I! :doh::Oops:

[Laxi]

Now I know this ones fabricated.....

He aint GOT any buddies

farrk ya bet me to it:bash:

[KrazyGixxerBoy]

Too many stories to mention them all...There was the time I was land splitting through peak hour traffic leading up to the Terrace Tunnel heading into Wellington....only to have the bike die just before the tunnel! Me, very embarrassed, push the bike to the side of the road and endure the laughing faces of the people I had just passed as they drove past me.

Or the time, years ago before the bypass went in when I was sitting at the lights heading north into the Terrace tunnel. Had a mate on the back...lights turned green and I gassed off....unfortunately I gave it a bit much and did a big wheel stand as I took off....looked in my rear vision mirror to see my mate standing in the middle of the road. Had to double back (which was quite a round trip) to find my disgusted mate sitting on the side of the road....Those were the days!

[jellywrestler]

any harley

[FROSTY]

any harley
sorry mon I just don't see the funny side of that

[allycatz]

Was off for a walk with headphones and ipod blaring...son had left scooter right in front of front steps. Didnt notice or hear son had scooter idling on stand...dumb blonde here ....so I decides to move it...grab bars, kick off stand and scooter rides up front steps with me still attached and running beside it:Oops:

[avgas]

Pulled into servo, drenching rain. Filled bike, realised wallet is in pocket of 'inside' pants.
Dimly thought it would be best to unzip the fly of the coveralls and reach it that way. Attendant gave me the strangest look.
I mean what do you say to a biker with his hand stuck wrist deep into the fly of his pants.

[quickbuck]

Pulled into servo, drenching rain. Filled bike, realised wallet is in pocket of 'inside' pants.
Dimly thought it would be best to unzip the fly of the coveralls and reach it that way. Attendant gave me the strangest look.
I mean what do you say to a biker with his hand stuck wrist deep into the fly of his pants.

Just don't say, "Two shakes and I will be right with you..."

Anyhow, my funny story:

Was sitting on the summit of Danseys pass on the way to the Brass Monkey.
Lead bike out of a group of.... 3. Missus on the back.

Stopped (98 GSX600) to assess the traction conditions before descending.
Missus decides we are going to be here for a few minutes so she puts here feet down too!
Well, Metzilers don't have traction on the ice/snow, so Fully laden GSX and two people end up on their sides.
We pick the bike up with a missing mirror/ In the mean time my mate Trev decides to lead the way.

Missus asks where should I walk to to get back on... Well I was tempted to say Iderburn Dam... But, resisted and said, "Where Trev is..... Just Crashed!
"
Yup, he managed to get his Ducati Paso all the way down the snow and ice to bin right where it turned to shingle again!
So I ride down to meet him to have a ceremonial throwing of the mirrors into the wilderness! All right for him, he can make another one at work!
(For those that don't know Paso mirrors are an all in one unit with the indicator and Ducati charge a fortnight's pay for them).

All the while Rob on his Blackbird negotiated the whole thing without a problem.

To top it off, I lost the other mirror coming up the West Coast, and clipping a marker post when I was in Mick Doohan mode.......
Made the trip back to Auckland interesting.....

Actually it was made more interesting because Trev Blew an oring in his clutch master cylinder at St Arnard, so had to ride all the way to Palmerston North without one!!!!! That is another tale entirely.

[quickbuck]

A quicker one:
Aussie Cousin came to stay on farm. I was 10 and had been riding for 4 years, she was 6, but bigger than me!

She asked dad if she could go for a ride on the CT90.
He said sure.
Started it up for her, and clicked it into gear. Explained quickly where the controls were....
Off she went. Straight beck into the garage and slammed it into the work bench. Missed the vice by a few inches.

Apparently all she wanted was a ride on the back.... Never ridden before (Or since as far as I know).

[peasea]

Off on Bonnie to pub for some beers. Throttle cable snaps on one carb, bugger. Pull inner cable out, mount bike with beer-carting pillion holding inner cable and inform pillion that co-operation is required.

I think that carb was held at full throttle for most of the trip home!

[Muppet]

F**k up No #2

I was changing the oil and filter on my cbx500f2. I over tightened the sump plug and split the sump. When the mechanic fixed my f**k up he noticed that I'd put two "o" rings on the filter instead of one ie: I'd put the new one on the old one which should have been discarded.

[FROSTY]

I figure this is a thread worth dredging for shits n giggles

[Blinkwing]

The guy that sold the VL250 to me told me that when he was doing his BHS, they were teaching them how to 'walk' the bike with throttle on, etc.

Someone managed to rev the the engine up, wheelie and run it up a wall & drop it. Instructor was pretty pissed off from what he told me. :P

[miloking]

The guy that sold the VL250 to me told me that when he was doing his BHS, they were teaching them how to 'walk' the bike with throttle on, etc.

Someone managed to rev the the engine up, wheelie and run it up a wall & drop it. Instructor was pretty pissed off from what he told me. :P

Well thats just stupid walking bike around with gear in and holding clutch.....but still funny!

[Bender]

Not me but a good friend. Fanging down the highway in Queensland, girlfriend on the back. He comes up behind a big truck and as he begins to overtake a large rock that has been stuck between the truck's dual rear tyres fires out and scones him right in the centre of the forehead (the joys of open face helmets).

He drops to the tank, out to it. Girlfriend has the sense to lean forward and grab the bars, steering the bike as it slows down and she gets it to the side of the road. My friend ends up in hospital for a couple of weeks and still has a scar in the centre of his forehead to this day.

[mansell]

As a teenager we were teaching one of the girls to ride. She was on my mates 50cc Suzuki, dumped the clutch and proceeded to ride it up a tree (no joking), I doubt if I will ever see anything like that again in my life - the bike must have made 5 or 6 metres straight up.

[scumdog]

any harley

As a fellow Suzuki owner I should be able to see the 'funny' in that.

But I can't.

Please explain....

[Blinkwing]

Not me but a good friend. Fanging down the highway in Queensland, girlfriend on the back. He comes up behind a big truck and as he begins to overtake a large rock that has been stuck between the truck's dual rear tyres fires out and scones him right in the centre of the forehead (the joys of open face helmets).

He drops to the tank, out to it. Girlfriend has the sense to lean forward and grab the bars, steering the bike as it slows down and she gets it to the side of the road. My friend ends up in hospital for a couple of weeks and still has a scar in the centre of his forehead to this day.

http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2008/10/27/watchmen-460.jpg

That's actually scary & funny at the same time :|

[Blinkwing]

Not me but a good friend. Fanging down the highway in Queensland, girlfriend on the back. He comes up behind a big truck and as he begins to overtake a large rock that has been stuck between the truck's dual rear tyres fires out and scones him right in the centre of the forehead (the joys of open face helmets).

He drops to the tank, out to it. Girlfriend has the sense to lean forward and grab the bars, steering the bike as it slows down and she gets it to the side of the road. My friend ends up in hospital for a couple of weeks and still has a scar in the centre of his forehead to this day.

http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2008/10/27/watchmen-460.jpg

That's actually scary & funny at the same time :|

[shrub]

When I was much younger my bike was needin some lovin, and i had a girlfriend who had a Suzuki A50 which she offered me for a ride. Anyway, i took her up on it and discovered you could have a lot of fun on a 50. I went to visit some mates in the country who had a lawn with a dip, so I came flying up their drive at full nail on the 50 and hit the dip in the lawn at a speed. I flew for several meters (it was a big lawn), spun her round and started doing donuts in front of the house. I finished with a wheelstand and parked the bike feeling pretty pleased with myself and looked up at my mates porch to see about 10 61s lined up trying to decide whether to laugh or smack me.

We ended up having a donut contest on the front lawn.

[dblancer]

Full license test
Spent the day before adjusting everything.. making sure the bike was all ready and good for the test.
Went down to VTNZ all dressed in gear, the test started..
First intersection my clutch cable snapped -> fail.

:( gutted

[JR1]

here we go..

so my little brother was learning to ride my old lta50 quad in the front lawn, poting around slowly and as he turns around to give my old man a wave he inadvertently turns towards the trampoline which at seat height for him was perfect to knock out a couple of his front teeth as he turn back around. L O L !

[shrub]

1981 when I had my 72 Bonnie. Riding stoned along the waterfront in Auckland on a sunny Sunday. A car load of pretty girls were driving alongside me giving me the look and I was being as cool as I could be with by loud pipes and grunty bike (it WAS 1982...). We got to the lights and I was too busy looking good to remember to put my foot down.....

[Cayman911]

" I rode with a muppet once who ran out of fuel between
Kaiaua & Orere Point on his TZR250. It was subsequently revealed he
used to always ride on reserve because it was only the small tank and
when that ran out he figured he'd have the main tank left. I shit you
...not."

oh i love that one

[bones135]

Well why not....not long after i got the Honda i was at the Awakeri gas station waiting for my kids to gas up, sitting there waiting on the bike. Time to go & put it into gear & clunk...it stalled, oops try again & clunk stalled again,:shit: people looking & im getting slightly embarrassed as i look down & oh the stands down....hey thats quite cool i thought as i finally got going & away....Thank god for full face helmets,lol:yes:

[nudemetalz]

Well I got a beauty,.....

Coming home from Brass Monkey back in 1993 (I think) on my RZ500. Big long stretch of road somewhere in Otago and following a friend on his RG500 and Trevor Pierce (the same one with the ChCh bikeshop) on his VFR750.
I see the speedo calibration markers on the side of the road & I think "hmm,.. good opportunity to see how good the Yamaha speedos are".
1st km, 2nd km ,....errrr look up just for a second and see an RG500 nearly come to a stop directly only about 50m in front of me and I'm doing 100(ish) km/h !!!!!!! Holy shit !!!
So grab all 3 discs hard and flick the bike to the right to avoid the RG, don't quite succeed and rip off the soft pannier luggage clean off his bike as it catches onto the side of the RZ going past it !!
I end up on the wrong side of the road 90 degrees from my travel. My mate dunt look too pleased and Trevor is laughing !!

Turns out a dog came out of nowhere in front of them forcing an emergency stop....

Taught me a lesson about awareness !!!

[flyingcrocodile46]

About 35 years ago I watched a neighbour ride his PE185 up a plank onto the back of his ute. He was very confident so had a good clip on when the front wheel made the tray.

That was when I learned a valuable lesson about the garage door heights. Funny as..
his head getting clobbered by the top of the door opening, forcing him backward while the bike momentum continued forward. His tight grip on the bars helped the front wheel to lift nicely and clear the roof of the cab. Pity about the sump being so low.

The front of the bike looked good stuck up into the ceiling.

[vifferman]

Back in the 70s, when I was still living at home, I often used to wheelie my bike up the drive of my parent's house. One day, I got a bit much throttle on, with the result that as I reached the carport I realised I was going too fast. Dropped the front end, hit the front brake, front washed out on the smooth concrete, and I ended up sliding through the whole length of the carport to not quite stop before I wanged into the wall at the back. No damage done, and no spectators, thank goodness. :o

So many of my friends/classmates had bikes then, that there were many moments of hilarity, stunts gone wrong, etc. The one I remember best was Dave, one of my classmates whose older brother had a bike. He pestered him to let him have a turn, and eventually, he gave him. His instructions were as follows:
"OK, start it up. Now - pull in the clutch; that lever on the left. Good. Click down on the gear lever to put it into gear. Now, twist the throttle until that needle there is on that red line on the tacho, then let go of the clutch...."
I still don't understand how someone could value his bike so little as to instruct someone to fire it into a fence at full throttle. :no:

My favourite memory is still imprinted in my mind's eye. We were out riding on a huge vacant lot in the city, still undeveloped for housing. My best friend asked to have a go on another friend's Yamaha 90 trail bike. He went screaming down the hill, realised when he got to the bottom that the 90's brakes were weaker than those on his Kawasaki 175, and that the dilapidated 7-wire fence at the bottom was approaching too quickly. He turned the bike, got hard on the brakes, and it highsided. Somehow, he managed to twist his body slightly in the air, and hit the fence flat on, back-first. The fence stretched, catapulted him back the way he came, and he landed on his feet, and bowed to us spectators. I don't think if he'd practised this over and over again he could have repeated the performance! He was completely unhurt.
Blardy classic piece of stunting!

[Grubber]

Not an old one but a fresh one.
Was out for a ride yesterday with a medium sized group of Triumph owners. Stopped at Te Poi pub for a drink. Also there,was a couple of Harleys parked up the front by the veranda.
A couple of us perched ourselves on said veranda with our drinks. Harley owner decides it's time to leave. When he had hopped on bike and pressed starter i couldn't help notice the front light go dim and the sad clicking sound they make when they don't want to start. Funnily enough i have had one of these models myself and have had the very same problem (probably why i own a Triumph now) so i knew exactly what had happened with it.
The funny part was watching the Harley rider push his bike quietly (so he thought) up the road some 50 metres beyond the drive under the cover of the bush front fence where i guess he thought no one had noticed him.
People i was standing on veranda were wondering what i was laughing at....
Wouldn't want any other brand of owner thinking the Harley had broke now would we!
Priceless!!!

[Grubber]

Not an old one but a fresh one.
Was out for a ride yesterday with a medium sized group of Triumph owners. Stopped at Te Poi pub for a drink. Also there,was a couple of Harleys parked up the front by the veranda.
A couple of us perched ourselves on said veranda with our drinks. Harley owner decides it's time to leave. When he had hopped on bike and pressed starter i couldn't help notice the front light go dim and the sad clicking sound they make when they don't want to start. Funnily enough i have had one of these models myself and have had the very same problem (probably why i own a Triumph now) so i knew exactly what had happened with it.
The funny part was watching the Harley rider push his bike quietly (so he thought) up the road some 50 metres beyond the drive under the cover of the bush front fence where i guess he thought no one had noticed him.
People i was standing on veranda were wondering what i was laughing at....
Wouldn't want any other brand of owner thinking the Harley had broke now would we!
Priceless!!!

[Banditbandit]

A very long time ago ... like last century ... actually I can date this because it was the day that crash helmets became compulsory in Godzone .. and I didn't own one ... I think I was about 17 ... I was riding a bright green Suzuki 50 cc (bike version, not the stepthru') around Auckland. The 2-stroke was pretty choked up and in need of a run - the owner was overseas, so I was giving it a warm up ...

I was sitting at the front of a set of traffic lights arond Newmarket somewhere, when I heard a rumble behind me. In my rearview mirror I could see a huge Triumph, a huge guy with a Nazi Helmet, cut-offs and a Grim Reaper T-Shirt - girlfriend on the back.

When the lights went green I opened the throttle wide and dumped the clutch ... at that moment the bike decided to clear itself and blew a huge cloud of smelly blue 2-stroke exhaust all over the road ... As the bike leapt (well, from a 17-year-old inexperienced rider POV it leapt) across the intersection I looked back to see the Grim Reaper had stalled his Triumph and was sitting in a 2-stroke haze, desparately trying to kick start his bike ...

Needless to say, I didn't hang around .. took a few corners as fast as possible - and got lost in the wilds of suburban Auckland ... but at least I never saw the Bikie again ..

[Tunahunter]

I forgot to take the steering lock off my bike once when parked outside a Cafe in Auckland's K Road.

Waved goodbye to the rather attractive waitress who I had been chatting to and swung the best U turn in history right into a lamp post. The waitress and entire occupants of a nearby bus thought that was a great laugh

I can just imagine me doing that!!

[DarkLord]

Most recently for me -

My old SV650s is carbied, and I live in Taupo, which is FREAKIN' COLD round about this time of year.

I was warming the bike up before my commute home, with the choke on full as per always, as it needs to be when temperatures are as low as they currently are. I park the bike at the top of a small hill and usually let it roll down the hill in neutral, still with the choke on full, till I get close to the driveway I exit out of, when I turn the choke off and put it in gear, and ride out on my merry way. In that order.

This time, however, with choke still on full, I for some unexplained reason clicked it down into first gear. So, of course, it shot forwards like a rocket due to all of the extra fuel. Thinking quickly I slammed on the front brake and stopped far more suddenly than I expected and went flying balls first into the tank.

It hurt so much I put up the kickstand and sat motionless on the bike for about ten minutes while my testicles attempted to descent from my stomach. I was about to get off the bike to just sit down until I felt somewhat less sore and humiliated, but I am very glad I didn't as I didn't put the kickstand forward fully enough and it flicked backwards, so with all of its weight on the stand the bike started tipping over. Fortunately I grabbed it and pulled it back into place before it hit the ground, but boy, did I feel like a chump or what!!

I made sure I took it VERY easy on the commute home that evening!!

[oracle]

When I was about 8 or 9 we had a little lt50 quad and a bit of land out the back to thrash the thing on. I was going up the hill and fully opened the throttle. This understandably made me fall off the back. I'm thinking it'll just go up the hill a bit and stop at the top where it flattened out. I look up just in time to see it hit the fence drive up it a bit and completely flip over. Was a struggle for little me to flip it up the right way so I didn't have to tell Mum that I was thrashing it when she told us not to

[Grumph]

Two Wigram stories - first, me, Fell off on my own oil, didn't I - right pratt. And picked up off the deck by a guy I hadn't seen for about 3 years - not the place for a reunion.
Second - a mate, dead now. First year with a 7R, tried to start it with a rag in the carb, didn't he - worked till luchtime before giving it away. Bent valve...
Second year, Kawasaki A1R, more experience, and he tries to fire that with a rag in EACH carby...At least he got it running for one race.

[Old Steve]

Got my first bike home. Had had my 6L for a couple of weeks but the only riding experience I had had was BHS and the ride home on the bike after some terrified circles of the industrial units behgind Bay City Motorcycles.

I felt as if I'd clicked on the ride home, so I immediately wanted to take the bike out again for a ride round the neighbourhood. Started her up, and tried to do a u-turn on the driveway in front of the garage. Bit too much throttle and didn't release the throttle once the bike had taken over control. Bike and I went straight into a group of three pots, which my wife particularly liked, in the garden.

Do you know how many pieces there are to two broken terracota pots - seemed like thousands at the time. I picked up as many as possible and it took my wife about four days before she realised there was only one pot where there'd previously been three. Maybe she hadn't liked them as much as she said she did.

At least the bike wasn't damaged, though I checked the front tire very carefully before I went out for my ride.

[shrub]

When I worked at a bike shop there was a guy browsing while he had new tyres fitted to his Harley at Don's next door. He started talking about the Rocket and hinting at a test ride, and was banging on about what a good rider he was and how he had to weld steel plates on his crank case because he kept grinding them going round corners and how he could outrun Jap sportsbikes on his Harley.....

Anyway, I didn't bite so the Rocket stayed put and it came time for him to collect his Harley with it's shiny new tyres. Now this is a Saturday morning in Manchester St with about a brazillian bikers milling around, so he pulls across Manchester St and gives it a big old handful of throttle as he does so. Whoops.....

[Banditbandit]

When I worked at a bike shop there was a guy browsing while he had new tyres fitted to his Harley at Don's next door. He started talking about the Rocket and hinting at a test ride, and was banging on about what a good rider he was and how he had to weld steel plates on his crank case because he kept grinding them going round corners and how he could outrun Jap sportsbikes on his Harley.....

Anyway, I didn't bite so the Rocket stayed put and it came time for him to collect his Harley with it's shiny new tyres. Now this is a Saturday morning in Manchester St with about a brazillian bikers milling around, so he pulls across Manchester St and gives it a big old handful of throttle as he does so. Whoops.....

Don't you just love it when wannabe-riders and bullshitters come to such public grief ...

[shrub]

Don't you just love it when wannabe-riders and bullshitters come to such public grief ...

Especially seeing as Don tells everyone to take it easy on their new tyres.

I laughed....

[R-Soul]

I was about 16, and my cousins and I were messing around on their XR500 in their neighbourhood, which had a lot of new building develoments. Buildings are mortice in SA, and builders have river sand offloaded in a pile in the front yard for making cement.

We had parked the XR500 on a pile of riversand, and I was in control . I revved it high and dumped the clutch , making an impresive "rooster tail" of sand spitting out from the back wheel. I kep this going for some time (the builders hated us).

But eventually the wheel dug itself down into the loose river sand, and hit the rock hard standard red clay beneath it. I was standing astride the bike on the sand (and thankfully not sitting on it). The bike catapulted off from between my legs, cartwheeling down the hill arse over tit.

Luckily not much damage done (strong transmissions on those XR500's) - just bit of ribbing from my cousins.

[Expert]

when i was an apprentice in the uk i had a honda 50 trail bike to ride to work, you have to have a 50 as your first bike over there, it's the law.
one of the older apprentices used to rag me about this slow thing cause he had a cb250n honda, arguable not much faster.
i told him my 50 was faster than his bike and told him to try it, unbeknown to him i had already started it by bumping it off in reverse so the engine was running backwards, it would run like that, as most two strokes will.
He revved it up and dumped the clutch and the bike shot off in reverse and bashed him in the nuts on tank and he fell off. He kicked my ass but it was worth it.
i learned to ride it in reverse and it was a laugh to get my mates to try it until i seized it up because the oil pump for the autolube didn't like running in reverse.

A pre-mix crosser running in reverse would be fun!

[pkplex]

Stopped at the front of a fairly busy intersection today, in gear with the clutch in. Light about to turn green, and then I suddenly feel my clutch go loose and the bike lurch forward and stall. Light turns green, I quickly find neutral, start it up, and realize the clutch is proper buggered. So I got off, pushed it 4 meters to the right and hopped onto the little pedestrian crossing found on left hand corners on some intersections, and onto the footpath. Must have looked like a complete muppet :)

However humiliating, this all happened not 50 meters away from the shop which I brought it, and across the road from that was a servo, into which I met a mate from a while ago (who turned up just as I did on his new bike and wants to ride later on), and let me store my bike in their workshop till tuesday. So I dropped it off there, and went to the fish and chip shop which was also a stones throw away, got a taxi, picked up some bourbon on the way home, and am now consuming the tasty beverage. Could have been a lot worse! :)

[pkplex]

Oh, and it was a broken clutch cable, right at the end where it connects to the rod gizmo (ninja 250). Should be covered under warranty and such.

[EJK]

One time on my Suzuki FXR150, I did a mean wheelie and gave it too much throttle and fell.

I can laugh about it now.

[beyond]

A laugh for you, not me.
A couple of weeks ago, I was booked in by the quack for a Barium Enema to check out a lower abdomen pain I've been having.

Before I go on, just a word of warning. If your quack ever books you in for one of these, turn around and run like you've never run before and don't look back. It's licensed torture under the guise of a medical procedure.

Any way, I wasn't allowed to eat for two days and on the first day at 12 noon, I had to take a satchet of system cleaner. I wasn't too sure what the effects of that would be and there were no warnings of any sort on the package or instruction sheet I got from the hospital. By 1.30pm things felt pretty good, nothing adverse was taking place and having taken two days sick leave, the weather was ideal for a ride. You know what's going to happen, right?

I look in the garage and there she is. My nice clean Blue and white GSX1400just waiting for me to get a leg over and have a blast. The temptation was just too much. I throw my leather pants on, boots and jacket, jam on the lid and hit the road for a quick 40 minute jaunt through some of my favourite twisties. Living in the country near the city, has it's advantages. Straight into the twisties from my driveway and over the range.

Well, I felt pretty good, tossing the bike through well known corners, enjoying the ride. I think about going further until a little rumble occurs in the lower part of my torso giving me an inkling that maybe things are'nt quite too good down there.

It passes but then; you know the feeling you get when you have a bad stomach ache and the squits? (trots for the uninitiated) You get all hot and sweaty and you just have to go, everything hurts and you wish you could curl up and die quietly in a corner somewhere.

Well, I get a major signal that something I don't want to happen right now is going to. It hurts like hell and it puts a whole new meaning on clenching your seat with your arse.

I'm like 20 minutes at least from home, if I take the real twisty shortcut. Please folks. Don't try this at home. This clip was produced by a professional rider.

A prompt u-turn is executed, there will be no hanging off the seat through the corners as that part of the bike just happens to be plugging the dam waiting to bust.

I'm racing through the gears through territory that is frequented by the local constabulary and if I come across one, well, they are just going to have to get stuffed. I'm on a mission. Get home to that porcelain bowl as fast as you can mate. The morbid thought of hosing out my lovely leathers goes through my mind.

I'm gunning it out of the corners, front tyre chirping under heavy braking. Over 200kmh on the short straights. Go ya bugger, go. Another wave of nausea shakes my poor old body, I'm sweating, my guts is in agony and I feel like my arse is a shot gun ready to go off. Faster faster. Talk about madness. Who came up with this stupid idea of going for a ride after taking a full blown laxative.

It was a fast, painful, dangerous, horrendous ride home. I go airborne on the railway crossing down the bottom of the hill where I live. I pull into my road and then the driveway, stand gets flicked out, rip the keys out of the ignition, frantically fumble for the house key, hit house alarm button, racing down the corridor, tugging madly at my gloves and helmet. Enter the bathroom with my leathers around my knees only to find I can't drop them enough with my boots on.


Only just made it by milleseconds. Sand blasting the porcelain takes on a whole new meaning. Just as well we have a smallish toilet lid or I'd be repainting the bathroom. A flock of doves descends into the bowl and it went on for ever.


My first comment to the nurse at hospital the next day:
When you get people to take one of these sachets, do you think it might be a good idea to advise them to stay very close to the toilet until the action is over???

She just smiled. I wonder why?

[MarkH]

Any way, I wasn't allowed to eat for two days and on the first day at 12 noon, I had to take a satchet of system cleaner. I wasn't too sure what the effects of that would be and there were no warnings of any sort on the package or instruction sheet I got from the hospital.

My first comment to the nurse at hospital the next day:
When you get people to take one of these sachets, do you think it might be a good idea to advise them to stay very close to the toilet until the action is over???

She just smiled. I wonder why?

Maybe she was thinking what I was when I read the first bit I quoted: "didn't you realise what the purpose of that 'system cleaner' was?"

I've been known to eat 2-3KG of plums in one evening - I wouldn't even walk to the letterbox (we have a long driveway) after that.

[nudemetalz]

Dang I nearly peed myself laughing at Beyond's story !!! :gob: :laugh::laugh::laugh:

[R-Soul]

NOt a bike story but following on from beyond's.

Three of my Zimbabwean mates were preparing for a trip in their ute from Cape Town to Bulawayo - a 24 hours straight trip.

One of my mates was known as a cadger - he would bum food/smokes/drink/whatever off whoever he could. He was also going to be sitting in the back of the (uncovered) ute.

Just before they left, another (Zimbo) mate stuck a piece of laxative chocoloate into a Mars Bar, and offered The Cadger a bite, who (of course) accepted happily.

About 200km out of Cape Town (1800 km to go) - * grrroooooink*....

He reckons they stopped at every pub and service station that they passed for the next ten hours!

And to make it worse, its started raining an hour into the jouney. Poor bastard...

[rocketman1]

A few years ago at Paeroa races, so hot, I got drink from the petrol station opened it and put it to my mouth, forgetting I had my full face helmet on. All dribbled down my front.
Geeezz I felt like a dick, mast have had a dehyrdated brain I think.
My mates thought it was a great joke though.

[rocketman1]

A few years ago at Paeroa races, so hot, I got drink from the petrol station opened it and put it to my mouth, forgetting I had my full face helmet on. All dribbled down my front.
Geeezz I felt like a dick, mast have had a dehyrdated brain I think.
My mates thought it was a great joke though.

[DarkLord]

Maybe she was thinking what I was when I read the first bit I quoted: "didn't you realise what the purpose of that 'system cleaner' was?"

I've been known to eat 2-3KG of plums in one evening - I wouldn't even walk to the letterbox (we have a long driveway) after that.

2-3kg in one evening? :shit:

You'd be making brown waterfalls after that much!

Never fun when you need to go boom boom on a ride... especially downtrailing in the toilet when you've got shin high boots and 2 layers of pants on... kind of a mission to get them out of the friggin way!!

[c4.]

good thread, needs to re-surface