Near miss - Faaaarrrkkk

[Fatt Max]

At the lights junction of Ellerslie Panmure Highway turning right into Lunn Ave, 6.45am ish this morning. I’m at the head of the queue in the right hand lane, car on my left and two cars behind me.

Sun is low in the sky behind me so in the eyes of oncoming traffic

I see a small red car, I think it was a Barina (and it didn’t have the Wiggles in it) coming the other way. As it gets to the Wendy’s it veers over to their right meaning it is now coming right at me.

Faaaaarrrrrkkkkk, there is a car coming straight towards me, I got nowhere to go other than drop the bike and leap over the bonnet of the car next to me a la Starsky & Hutch. Fecking arse muscles tighten and I am waiting for what looks like the inevitable……

The cage to my right sounds their horn (thank fuck) and the person on their inside lane does the same and drops back, knowing full well that the driver will swerve into the left hand lane….which she does…..

As the car goes past me I see a middle aged female driver squinting like fuck cos of the sun AND talking in a cellphone. She had no sunnys and the internal visors were up, so she is a disaster waiting to happen.

I did not get the rego because I was scraping my guts off the floor with the fucking fright of it. The whole thing would have lasted a couple of seconds but it was like slow motion at the time….

Lights turn green, I pull into Lunn Ave, ride along till I find a bit of waste ground at the back of the new shops then blllaaarrrrrgghhh….up come the guts. I anit scared to say that this little incident shit the life out of me.

And it’s my wedding anniversary today…that poor woman has endured 14 years with me but you know what they say, once you’ve had fat you will never look back…

I phoned Mrs Max to tell her and her reply in typical Mrs Max fashion was “So, you’ll be home then, bugger, I was hoping for a quite night and a good cry..”

Be fucking careful out there guys and gals….

[boomer]

If it were only a Barina you'd have won !

[Oakie]

Nothing worse than the ones you can see coming courtesy of another road user and are helpless to do anything about. Glad you're still around to entertain me FM. Oh, and the more I hear of Mrs Max, the more I like her.

[MSTRS]

Be fucking careful out there guys and gals….

F-ing A! Only you can look after you.
Although, to be fair, sometimes luck is all that makes the difference...

[duckonin]

Know how u feel...Regulations on the text and talking will never work it is too late..

[sunhuntin]

glad you are ok, and glad the cars around reacted in such a way that saved your life. guess not all cagers are stupid.

[p.dath]

I thought you were going to say you had run out of Mrs Macs pies.

Close call.

This might be because I'm a male with a distorted point of view, but I have to say, of the people I see still holding and using a cell phone while driving - it would mostly be woman.

[gijoe1313]

Crikey me ol'toot and scoot wide boy! That doesn't half put the willies up you ... if only you had a handy chinaman's hat filled with crap to fling at her! Stuff like that really does show that some people are deserving of a good rogering by a heated poker on a rack! Chalk it up, have a pie and a beer. Now, the other thing that I am surprised the other posters haven't asked ... was she hot? :msn-wink:

[HenryDorsetCase]

I saw a guy in a very tidy Porsche 911 today talking on a phone while driving. Retard had the plate 911LUX which is a bit obvious.

[BMWST?]

nothing like a scare now and then to keep one aware of consequences.

[slofox]

...of the people I see still holding and using a cell phone while driving - it would mostly be woman.

Nah - I saw some builder dude this morning - driving the usual SUV and gabbling on his phone...titfuck appeared totally oblivious of any other traffic...as usual.


Glad you are OK Max...

[DJSin]

Glad you are still here to tell the story!!

[PrincessBandit]

At the lights junction of Ellerslie Panmure Highway turning right into Lunn Ave, 6.45am ish this morning.....................Faaaaarrrrrkkkkk, there is a car coming straight towards me, ......................

And it’s my wedding anniversary today…
I phoned Mrs Max to tell her and her reply in typical Mrs Max fashion was “So, you’ll be home then, bugger, I was hoping for a quite night and a good cry..”

Be fucking careful out there guys and gals….

Matey! Like everyone else has said, just so glad you're still here to share it with us. And big "Happy Anniversary" congrats too.

[Edbear]

Matey! Like everyone else has said, just so glad you're still here to share it with us. And big "Happy Anniversary" congrats too.

+1! Congratulations on 14 years! Glad you're alive to celebrate!

I still regularly see people texting, (two middle-aged men last night on the way home) and talking, (younger woman last night on the way home), blatantly ignoring the law...

[george formby]

:2thumbsup Glad it was just a fright, buy a lotto ticket & a pint. Scared the crap out of myself t'other day but it was totally my fault. My heart rate is nearly back to normal. On cellphones..... the new law must have been for 1 day only. A lot of truckies, courier drivers & believe it or not tour bus drivers are still yapping on their mobiles. A van had it's side stove in by a driver reversing into it as she chatted on her mobile 2 days ago. It was a bright green campervan!
Fingers crossed that's this decades close shave over & done with.

[Fatt Max]

Cheers all for the kind words. Was a real shaker and no mistake. Thought for one minute Mrs Max had put a hit out on me....mind you, it didnt work, eh...always watching the pennies is my darling missus, hence why she hired a crap hitman.....

Thanks again you lovely people...xx (that's for the ladies by the way, blokes get a HUGE snog.....)

[Genie]

Very glad to read the near miss.....near miss does that mean a hit???

Glad you weren't hit but the gymnastics over the bonnet - holy cow Fatt Man!!!

You lived to tell the tale...big hearty congrats on the Wedding Anniversary :clap:

[GOONR]

Cheers all for the kind words. Was a real shaker and no mistake. Thought for one minute Mrs Max had put a hit out on me....mind you, it didnt work, eh...always watching the pennies is my darling missus, hence why she hired a crap hitman.....

Thanks again you lovely people...xx (that's for the ladies by the way, blokes get a HUGE snog.....)

I was gonna say something kind and nice but I could really do without a Fatt Max snog.

[yungatart]

Scary shit, all right!
Glad you are here to tell the tale...
and congrats on your anniversary..14 years, she must be something wonderful!

[Oakie]

I was gonna say something kind and nice but I could really do without a Fatt Max snog.
'I could do without a Fatt Max Snog'. Sounds like another song title to me...

[Skyryder]

F-ing A! Only you can look after you.
Although, to be fair, sometimes luck is all that makes the difference...

Yes you are so right, but someon here think otherwise. Sometime back there was a thread on this very topic. Many held the view that if you got ya self canned it was nobodies fault but ya own. Got a bit of stick for stating otherwise.


Skyryder

[Skyryder]

'I could do without a Fatt Max Snog'. Sounds like another song title to me...

Song titles for some inspiration please.

Traffic Light Boogie Woogie.


Skyryder

[scissorhands]

This is quite bizarre as a similar thing happened to me around 11;15am today.

I was heading for a curry brunch to Mt Roskill doing a rat run from Western Springs through residential streets. Then before Mt Albert Rd a young Indian woman was driving down a long straight rd on the wrong side. Later I realized she must have come from a country that drives on the right......

She came into sight over a brow on the wrong side and I hit the horn and braked pulling up hard against the kerb but ready drop the bike and to leap off on to the grass verge. Luckily she moved toward the center of the road and past me, slowing and staring as I was sitting on the horn.

I thought of taking it further but I said fuck it and went for my curry. I'm only now just realizing if I was 5 seconds earlier, she very easily could have come over that brow on the road and killed me, she was doing around 70km/hr.

Wierd one Mr Max. We are the lucky ones.....

[YellowDog]

Nice one Fat Max. You got that one out of the way witout getting hurt.

Won't happen again for another 7 years (so I figure) so you'll be OK.

Congrats on 14 years!
(you get less for murder)