Should kids have to pay rent or board when living with parents? [Archive]

Headbanger

19th January 2010, 14:25

Yep, Keeping people fed and housed isn't cheap, and that should be respected.

However, as a teenager I refused as the olds are very well off, I had very little money, and me dear old mum just wanted some more money for booze and smokes. In fact she wanted a huge chunk of my wages so I assume she was trying to get rid of me, Lmfao.

I was thrown out so it was a win-win situation.

when my sons are old enough they will be paying board, if we are well off then most likely a token amount, if they are a financial strain then they will need to make a reasonable contribution, or find somewhere else to live.

mashman

19th January 2010, 14:32

Completely agree... didn't when i was 17, but i was 17... and the lessons learned then have stood me in good stead to this day. Chores or cash, or a mixture of both if they're earning.

Love my Bonnie

19th January 2010, 14:39

My son is still at school & he does chores to pay his way. Heaps & heaps!!
He earns his own money to run his car
When he starts working, he will pay his share & still do his jobs around the house

imdying

19th January 2010, 14:44

Not if they're a student. Other rule is, once you're out, you're not coming back... so learn to save for the inevitable emergencies that life throws up. No part time jobs whilst they're at high school either, plenty of work around the house that can be done if they want more discretionary spending money... and those can be postponed come exam time, unlike a 'real' job. Study first, everything else, second.

peasea

19th January 2010, 14:48

Yup.

Pay board or hit road.

- even if it's not 'market rat' )

Is that a big block you scored in a car-park on a Saturday morning?

Yeah, make 'em pay. There are no favours done by pretending everything falls out of the sky.

My old man said "You can't leave school until you've found a job." I got a job that very day. Then he said "Now that you're earning you can pay board". Fair enough.

Reckless

19th January 2010, 14:48

I have one at work paying board and one at uni not paying.
As long as they are actually passing their grades and not pissing all their holiday job money up against the wall (Ie saving it to pay for their student loan, buying thier own clothes, paying their own petrol etc)
I don't mind supporting them. Its my job to give them the best start I can.

Just my 2c

Duke girl

19th January 2010, 14:53

Back in my day as soon as we left school and got into the workforce we paid board and how much we paid each week was purely worked out on how much we earned. It teaches you responsibility and also gives you an idea what it is going to be like once you eventually leave home and have to defend for yourself. My oldest daughter moved out when she was 15 and then after 14 months away came back and thought that she was going to be living under my roof scott free WRONG. She had a good Government job earning good money for someone of her age and could afford to pay board.
I had to give her 10/10 for trying to think that she was going to be living under my roof scott free, but if you let them do it once then they think they can go through life not paying their way for anything.
Never did me any harm when I 1st got into the workforce, paying board.

cmoore

19th January 2010, 14:58

my son pays board to teach him what good parents we are and how much he has cost us over the years......my question is....if his girlfreind stays over...can i charge her as well??

no_8wire

19th January 2010, 15:00

If you are not studying and are working fair chop to pay board. Once you reach a certain age you have to start taking some responsibility for yourself.

Dean

19th January 2010, 15:03

This is stupid, all of these are parents what do you think they would vote farken hell. Just looking for an excuse to put up a thread arent ya.

Fail thread.

peasea

19th January 2010, 15:05

This is stupid, all of these are parents what do you think they would vote farken hell. Just looking for an excuse to put up a thread arent ya.

Fail thread.

Actually, "failed youth". You.

vifferman

19th January 2010, 15:06

My kids free whilst in education - then charged after that. Boy at home pays $100 per week and then has jobs on top of that.

When Daughter was at home and not working she had to do a lot of work in order to cover her 'share' - as she had no income but still had to 'earn her way'

A good lesson for both kids and glad to say both turning out to be bloody good kids.
Same, except the MutantTroglodyteSpawn pay only $50/week board, and the one that has no income doesn't "do a lot of work in order to cover his share".
We're only about $600-$800 per month out of pocket...

When my mother-in-law left school, she had to give ALL of her pay to her parents, AND do the cooking and cleaning. She got a small allowance for incidentals.

The Baron

19th January 2010, 15:07

My boys all paid board. Our rule has always been 20% of take home pay. Plus normal chores. After all its not a hotel.

They are all out on there own now. Yip pee...

Tank

19th January 2010, 15:14

This is stupid, all of these are parents what do you think they would vote farken hell. Just looking for an excuse to put up a thread arent ya.

Fail thread.

So whats your argument against it? (against paying your fair share of rent I mean)

Mully

19th January 2010, 15:14

This is stupid, all of these are parents what do you think they would vote farken hell. Just looking for an excuse to put up a thread arent ya.

Is that another question? You don't have to pay for question marks, you know...

Fail thread.

Not all all. Yet another Deanfail.

OK then, "parents" who are voting - what happened when you were the kid?

Do you, subsequently, agree that it was the best thing for you or it sucked massive piles of arse and you shouldn't have had to pay anything? (Can't be arsed putting another poll - maybe Dean will do the honours)

Dave Lobster

19th January 2010, 15:16

my son pays board to teach him what good parents we are and how much he has cost us over the years......my question is....if his girlfreind stays over...can i charge her as well??

If she's hot, she could pay in 'kind', surely??

Dean

19th January 2010, 15:19

Is that another question? You don't have to pay for question marks, you know...

Not all all. Yet another Deanfail.

OK then, "parents" who are voting - what happened when you were the kid?

Do you, subsequently, agree that it was the best thing for you or it sucked massive piles of arse and you shouldn't have had to pay anything? (Can't be arsed putting another poll - maybe Dean will do the honours)

What im trying to kindly say is to put up a poll its got to be non biast, your target audience is adults who in their day did it because its almost tradition it was the birth of board.
I always get the speech 'in my day we payed board, everyone did'.
Simply put I would like to hear opinions of more younger modern teens who arent so frequent on this site because im not the best character to take sides with on here, or so Im told.

phred

19th January 2010, 15:20

Absodefinately. TINSTAAFL

Kids need to know MUM and Dad drag their arses out of bed to keep a roof over their heads and unless the tooth fairy blesses the kids with fairy dust then they gonna have to do the same.

Its all about accountability and responsibility and being a fit memeber of society.

Strikes me there's too many soft cock parents these days that want to be loved rather than respected that is contributing to the fall of civilisation.

And for those that care we raised 6 of the buggers.

Dave Lobster

19th January 2010, 15:21

Simply put I would like to hear opinions of more younger modern teens who arent so frequent on this site because im not the best character to take sides with on here, or so Im told.

Put your poll on Bebo or a 'chat' site then.

Not one frequented by (mostly) adults.

Tank

19th January 2010, 15:22

I always get the speech 'in my day we payed board, everyone did'.

You miss the part when they tell you "WHY" - but its a wasted because you only want to hear what you want to.

Whats YOUR reason for thinking you should not pay board to your parents?

Tank

19th January 2010, 15:23

Put your poll on Bebo or a 'chat' site then.

Not one frequented by (mostly) adults.

They are frequented alright - I just put my age as 15.

wbks

19th January 2010, 15:28

Simply put I would like to hear opinions of more younger modern teens who arent so frequent on this site Once again, I gave you my opinion as a "younger modern teen" who frequents this site, but you dismissed it because it wasn't what you want to hear. There's no point in asking questions with (in your mind) only one obvious answer, and only accepting viewpoints in line with yours as correct might be why you seem to have so much trouble with people...

Dean

19th January 2010, 15:30

Kids need to know MUM and Dad drag their arses out of bed to keep a roof over their heads and unless the tooth fairy blesses the kids with fairy dust then they gonna have to do the same.
.
Speaking as a Teen, im sorry this whole time we thought Santa brings you all the money and that when you are gone for 8 or so hours a day you are in the North pole talking to the elves.

Dean

19th January 2010, 15:31

Once again, I gave you my opinion as a "younger modern teen" who frequents this site, but you dismissed it because it wasn't what you want to hear. There's no point in asking questions with (in your mind) only one obvious answer, and only accepting viewpoints in line with yours as correct might be why you seem to have so much trouble with people...

No because you frequent this site, and you and I both know we have had some arguements that got too out of hand on here.

Im looking for the teens that never really speak on here, the ones that havent come in contact with me on this site.

Tank

19th January 2010, 15:33

I know you didnt want to be the next skidmark.

Good news / Bad news. Good News: It appears that there is no way you could be the next skidmark Bad News: its because you dont even have his level of intellegence.

wickle

19th January 2010, 15:36

my son pays board to teach him what good parents we are and how much he has cost us over the years......my question is....if his girlfreind stays over...can i charge her as well??

How often is she staying over- too often time then their got their own place>

crazyhorse

19th January 2010, 15:38

When my son had finished at EIT, I waited about 2 months for him to get some money in the bank, and then he paid $50 per week board. and I still paid for haircuts, and bought the typical things a mummy does for their kids. he's been out on his own now for nearly 2 years. But as far as my daughter is concerned............. very much an issue.

She is 17, does very little around the home, quit school in September, and has been given the ultimatum by the end of this month! No more free riding at home! Jog or get out! Tough love now in place :love:

Mully

19th January 2010, 15:39

Speaking as a Teen, im sorry this whole time we thought Santa brings you all the money and that when you are gone for 8 or so hours a day you are in the North pole talking to the elves.

Now that's just silly - you can't get to the North Pole and back in 8 hours.

Put your own poll up, Dean.
"How much should kids pay in board?
Whatever they decide is reasonable?
Whatever the parents decide is reasonable?
Percentage of earnings?"

yungatart

19th January 2010, 15:41

Should kids pay board...most definitely, when they are working...all of ours have, didn't do them any harm.

Dean, if you were my son, you'd be paying...double what I would charge any one else, because you are such a spoiled wee cry baby.
I have never seen such whiny snot nosed snivelling as you put out on here on a daily basis. It is better than I have witnessed from any pre pubescent little girl.

It's about time you grew up, got rid of that chip on your shoulder and realised that the world owes you nothing, and neither does anyone in it.

Dean

19th January 2010, 15:44

Now that's just silly - you can't get to the North Pole and back in 8 hours.

Put your own poll up, Dean.
"How much should kids pay in board?
Whatever they decide is reasonable?
Whatever the parents decide is reasonable?
Percentage of earnings?"

How does one make a poll?

Tank

19th January 2010, 15:46

How does one make a poll?

Get 2 people from 52°13′N 21°02′E / 52.217, 21.033 who love each other very much.

Genie

19th January 2010, 16:03

This is stupid, all of these are parents what do you think they would vote farken hell. Just looking for an excuse to put up a thread arent ya.

Fail thread.

I have never given a red...but i'm so tempted!!! Geez Dean.

Genie

19th January 2010, 16:07

My son paid board as soon as he got his first full time job. when he worked part time after school he had to bank $5 of his $30 each week. He paid $80 a week for about two years. Left home for a bit. Returned and his board became $130. More in lone with what he paid whilst flatting.
He has just left (on friday), pays $150 for his room then power, phone, internet and food on top. About $250-$270 a week. He had it sweet at home. While he was here he also did some of the 'man' jobs and would babysit often.

Dean

19th January 2010, 16:24

I have never given a red...but i'm so tempted!!! Geez Dean.

I have never given you red probably never will, but sure go ahead if you want to.

bogan

19th January 2010, 16:25

This is stupid, all of these are parents what do you think they would vote farken hell. Just looking for an excuse to put up a thread arent ya.

Fail thread.

not parent (not even 24 yet), voted for having to pay board, but you keep living in your own little deaniverse, pretty sure its not going to go well for you, but meh, whatever floats your boat.

ukusa

19th January 2010, 16:44

my oldest boy (17, living with his mother) was working & earning more than she (my ex) was. He was only paying $50 pw but refused to help out anywhere around the house, so she upped his baoard to $80 pw. He hit the roof, and had a massive hissy and started to make life unbearable for her so she kicked him out. Over to dads. I tell him it's the same deal here, but I think you need to find a place of your own. I ended up finding him a place, now he's in for $140pw + food.
Lesson learn't I think.
Some kids can leave school & actially earn a reasonable amount of money (my 17yo is on more than the min adult wage), and because they have no outgoings (mortgage, rates, insurance, other kids etc), they can actually end up with more expendable income than their parents after all the bills are paid. My son couln't understand why he had to pay anything. I don't know what they teach kids at school these days.

dogsnbikes

19th January 2010, 17:00

PAY Board hell yes Even if its not money there is still plenty of other ways too pay your way and do your share,I dont have kids at home now but when lil miss popped one out at 18 she still paid for her and bubs,of course we helped out but as parents and grandparents its what you do,and ever since her first job she has never not paid

Even when I was a teen we paid our way helping out on the farm,as well as getting work around the district,if we wanted things we worked our arses off to get them,we paid for all our own bikes and did all our own maintance on them

Question for you Dean .....do you actually do anything to support your existance,or are you one of these upstart teenagers that figures it was your parents who brought you into this world so they should pay??

Dean

19th January 2010, 17:11

I work chores at the house, Dishes, do my room, bit of Gardening, fold the washing.

bogan

19th January 2010, 17:18

I work chores at the house, Dishes, do my room, bit of Gardening, fold the washing.191714
well said Mr Trollcat

The Stranger

19th January 2010, 17:46

While he was here he also did some of the 'man' jobs.

Dare I ask?
You are in the south island so I suppose I should expect the worst.

Genie

19th January 2010, 18:07

Dare I ask?
You are in the south island so I suppose I should expect the worst.

excuse me....you know...rubbish out, mow the lawns, get the spiders away!!!!!

peasea

19th January 2010, 18:13

How does one make a poll?

First you fellas cuts down da tree, den you haff to cut offs da brunches and den u hafs da poll. U can efen hangs da flag off da poll.

peasea

19th January 2010, 18:15

While he was here he also did some of the 'man' jobs.

I hope he scrubbed the skiddies off the bowl.

caseye

19th January 2010, 18:20

Dean, do you honestly think that doing that is payment for doing your washing, buying food for you, paying for your clothes, taking you places, etc etc and the list goes on.
If you have a job is it not fair that you contribute?
Would you expect to live ANYWHERE else for free?
As for wanting to heaer from others of your ownage, not affected by being here in KB/ Grow up boy, we're all KB'ers and we will step on you if you keep up the whinning/No red justa tune up.Get real, help out with the chores and pay your own way.Nothing feels better than not owing anyone anything/

FROSTY

19th January 2010, 18:59

I paid board (cash money) as soon as I started full time work. Before that I had a fair list of jobs to do around the house.
I'm the same way with my kids. Even my 6 year old has a list of jobs he has to do.
What example is it setting to young people if they can't get the idea that the world owes them NOTHING and the only way to get ahead is to actually go out and work.

Latte

19th January 2010, 19:39

The longer you live in this fairyland Dean the bigger the rude awakening will be when you finally reach the real world. I paid $90 to my mum a week and was earning a little over $400 net when I got my 1st full time job - and I knew I was getting a good deal. And that list of chores you noted is _nothing_ compared to what you'll be doing for yourself.

HTFU, pay some rent, get on with your life (You have a bike and a lot of free time , with bugger all responsibilities - you are in an enviable position.)

Kiwi Graham

19th January 2010, 19:55

My eldest is paying $100 a week full board, for this he gets all his food, laundry a double room with the best view in the house and access to my beer fridge (nervous twitch). He works casual shifts that pay good money and can work pretty much as much as he likes so is able to pay this and run a nice Audi A4.
Currently he busting his ass in Summer Uni (12 hr days inc library study) to get better grades on a couple of Maths courses to get on the Degree he wants in Feb so not taking any shifts so am happy to 'overlook' the odd week ;)

Ocean1

19th January 2010, 20:26

My kids were both told they'd be paying full market-price board starting the week they left school.

And that's what happened, although the price was a touch under the cost of a flat.

All the money they paid goes to help pay for their first house. They didn't know about that bit though.

huff3r

19th January 2010, 21:24

My parents are living overseas at the moment... so they pay US kids housekeeping money to look after the house :bleh:

But i definitely feel bad about it, if i had my way i'd be paying board, especially since im no longer at uni!!

GOONR

19th January 2010, 21:26

scumdog

19th January 2010, 21:31

This is stupid, all of these are parents what do you think they would vote farken hell. Just looking for an excuse to put up a thread arent ya.

Fail thread.

Well who do you think owns the houses, has the jobs, pays the bills - and had the kids in the first place.

Bad News: On the whole teenagers and youngsters DON"T make the rules, run the business's, make the laws or otherwise call the shots in life.

The 'Old' people who happen also to be the parents do that.

nallac

19th January 2010, 22:51

Shameless cut an paste from the other thread......

Originally Posted by Dean Im an idiot,

-First off does your mum and father love you, which is a yes

- What happens if you refuse to pay board, they threaten you to put you out on the street!.

Fucken ay to that!.

So you want to be able to earn $400 or more a week and pay sweet fuck all to live!.

Fuck i earn a lot more than that and don't really have any disposable income after all the BILLS
are payed but that is life,part of being grown up and responsible something you are yet to learn!....

what gives you the right to bludge off your parents /step parents when you are working....
or do you expect everything in life for free?.

FUCKIN GROW SOME BALLS AND BE A MAN DEAN!!!!!!!!!!

Dean

19th January 2010, 23:12

wbks

19th January 2010, 23:13

Look Nallac I only give one massage a day so I dont make much, and I got two great pair of balls, silky smooth I might add.

To everyone else, can we drop it, lets not argue this any further at the end of the day what goes on in my home is none of your buisness and neither is it for me about what goes on in your household. Please I beg of you just drop it.It becomes their business when you start discussing it on a public internet forum!

nallac

19th January 2010, 23:17

Look Nallac I only give one massage a day so I dont make much, and I got two great pair of balls, silky smooth I might add.

To everyone else, can we drop it, lets not argue this any further at the end of the day what goes on in my home is none of your buisness and neither is it for me about what goes on in your household. Please I beg of you just drop it.

Things going slowly on K'rd?.

Two great pair?hmmm thats a bit weird....

Just Wait till puberty sets in and they won't be silky smooth...

Anyways,What do you think would be a fair amount to pay for board if you are working?
after neg with the folks?...

Dean

19th January 2010, 23:27

Things going slowly on K'rd?.

Two great pair?hmmm thats a bit weird....

Just Wait till puberty sets in and they won't be silky smooth...

Anyways,What do you think would be a fair amount to pay for board if you are working?
after neg with the folks?...
Im not a dodgy massuese.
I think the fair amount depends on circumstances and should always be donated to the parents or contributed not on a fixed price.

MaxB

20th January 2010, 00:28

My eldest is waiting to see if she has got her place at uni. If she studies = no rent.

If she takes a year out and gets a job its $100 pw no ifs and no buts.

The one thing she will not be allowed to do is sit around at home on the benefit. I have said if she does that I will take all her benefit and give her a few bucks pocket money. IMO you only take the handout if you are desperate, not as some lifestyle choice.

peasea

20th January 2010, 06:11

and I got two great pair of balls,

Two pairs!!??

I don't know if that's lucky or icky. Probably be quite lucrative in the prono market, I bet you go off like a fire extiguisher.

Str8 Jacket

20th January 2010, 06:39

Dear God, I was flatting and going to school (school cert) at the age of 15 alongside a part time job so that I could eat....

Pascal

20th January 2010, 06:56

Simply put I would like to hear opinions of more younger modern teens who arent so frequent on this site because im not the best character to take sides with on here, or so Im told.

Do the sheep get a vote on what the wolf wants for dinner? Of bloody course if you poll "younger modern teens" they are going to want a free ride. It is what their generation has mostly been raised to do and expect from life - free rides. Same token, if you ask the people who are paying the way for those younger modern teens, of bloody course they're mostly going to want them to take some responsibility as well.

To the poll question, I paid my way whenever I was working. That includes when I first landed in NZ and was looking for work - my dad wasn't giving me a free ride then and I wouldn't have expected him to.

My kids will pay their way as well, but fairly. It helps to teach responsibility and accountabilty and helps prepare a kid for moving into their own lives and carving out a slice of the world for themselves. If they do not understand or value money or comprehend that eating and sleeping and doing laundry has a cost, they will most likely struggle once they need to take care of themselves. My job, as a parent, is to ensure they have the best chances possible in life. Teaching them those lessons are almost required.

Pascal

20th January 2010, 07:01

All the money they paid goes to help pay for their first house. They didn't know about that bit though.

I like that idea. I'm going to have to steal that one if you don't mind ...

scumdog

20th January 2010, 07:04

Im not a dodgy massuese.
I think the fair amount depends on circumstances and should always be donated to the parents or contributed not on a fixed price.

Yeah, if the parents are unthinking enough to demand a fixed price it would be best to bugger off and leave home - THAT would show 'em eh!

(Oh, but then you would have to find another place to stay - one that would be happy to just get donations or contributions.....)

White trash

20th January 2010, 07:09

No because you frequent this site, and you and I both know we have had some arguements that got too out of hand on here.

Im looking for the teens that never really speak on here, the ones that havent come in contact with me on this site.

Can I say something? You're not coming accross to well here boy-o.

Even Skiddy, who I simply can not stand, manages to stand on his own two feet in difficult times of earning and doesn't expect his parents to house/cloth/feed him. Get a fucken clue you bludger.

vifferman

20th January 2010, 07:09

OK then, "parents" who are voting - what happened when you were the kid?
Both my wife and I left home at 18, so we had to pay our own way.

brendonjw

20th January 2010, 07:15

Was a teen not so long ago, had to pay board when i got my part time job (whilst still at high school - This followed through to Uni) Got a full time job and the board went up accordingly, Left home and rent was even more... But it helped teach me to pay my own way. I bought my own cars etc while studyn as well, my parents gave me a small loan for the first one which i paid back, it was preping me for the real world and im glad they did it.

Swoop

20th January 2010, 07:29

Damn right! If the kids are bringing money into the house, then they can pay some of that to the parents. Food, electricity, internet, water, etc, does not get supplied for free. I guess that "home & away" "shortarse St" etc doesn't show that aspect of life...

No more free riding at home! Jog or get out!
That is a splendid idea! Jogging on a treadmill that can supply power to the household.

crazyhorse

20th January 2010, 07:38

Damn right! If the kids are bringing money into the house, then they can pay some of that to the parents. Food, electricity, internet, water, etc, does not get supplied for free. I guess that "home & away" "shortarse St" etc doesn't show that aspect of life...

That is a splendid idea! Jogging on a treadmill that can supply power to the household.

:eek: I meant joB :oops: But jogging won't go amiss either for her.... get her off the couch

sunhuntin

20th January 2010, 07:42

young guy i worked with for a while... he was in 6th form last year. by about september, he was working 3 jobs as well as school during the day. his first job started about 3am and finished at 8. his next job started after school. and he worked saturdays all day. he eventually quit the saturday job so he could have a break. not long after, he moved out of home to flat. he has also quit school as moving out meant he had to pay the fees, which he couldnt afford to do. he is planning on doing a free carpentry course next year, which will give him a stack load of quals. he did level one i think last year and passed easily.

personally, i think all people living with their parents should pay board so long as they are working. im lucky... i pay $60 a week, but im going to up that while my parents are away. i also have access to dads bank number, so i can sneakily transfer money to his account whenever i want to.

Swoop

20th January 2010, 07:44

But jogging won't go amiss either for her.... get her off the couch
Go on! Hook her up to the tredmill/generator!
Free electrical power and she gets fit at the same time!!

(I was looking at a treadmill in a sports shop the other day, and wondered why there was an electrical cord and plug coming out of it... SURELY it IS for putting power back INTO the power grid...:blip:)

crazyhorse

20th January 2010, 07:45

Go on! Hook her up to the tredmill/generator!
Free electrical power and she gets fit at the same time!!

(I was looking at a treadmill in a sports shop the other day, and wondered why there was an electrical cord and plug coming out of it... SURELY it IS for putting power back INTO the power grid...:blip:)

hmmmmm, now lets see...............nope, its not!

Its really there so you need to exert yourself less and let the machine do all the work :rofl:

crazyhorse

20th January 2010, 07:48

scumdog

20th January 2010, 07:50

crazyhorse

20th January 2010, 07:50

Squiggles

20th January 2010, 07:56

No board for me while at Uni, this year i'm not so i'm moving out!

crazyhorse

20th January 2010, 08:02

Yep, just ask her where else she is going to live for $50 (or in her mind, less than $50) and stand back..
Problem is, she needs to get off her arse and get a job, then she can start to pay...... had a message from New World last night, so its a starting point :)

scumdog

20th January 2010, 08:05

Problem is, she needs to get off her arse and get a job, then she can start to pay...... had a message from New World last night, so its a starting point :)

Suggest the board starts NOW - so the sooner she gets a job and starts paying the smaller the amount of board money she is going to owe.

Mully

20th January 2010, 08:05

Interesting that 4 people agree with Dean - they shouldn't have to pay anything at all. Would any of those four care to advance a reason? Not so you can be bagged, I'm just trying to understand your point of view.

And one had no opinion, but just wanted to vote.

Mully

20th January 2010, 08:07

Can I say something? You're not coming accross to well here boy-o.

Even Skiddy, who I simply can not stand, manages to stand on his own two feet in difficult times of earning and doesn't expect his parents to house/cloth/feed him. Get a fucken clue you bludger.

"Spoiled selfish little brat" are the words you're searching for, Trashy......

That's true about Skiddy - he's really always flatted since I've been on here (we don't know the history with his parents, of course.)

crazyhorse

20th January 2010, 08:08

Suggest the board starts NOW - so the sooner she gets a job and starts paying the smaller the amount of board money she is going to owe.
and that money would come from ..........................where????

When she did have her part time job at the fish n chip shop, she managed to spend every cent. I pay for nothing, but food on the table, clothes on her back and a roof over her head. I give her not one cent...... she wants money, get a job - always been my motto with both kids, and I can leave money lying around the house, and NEVER would any of it ever go missing. I give my kids full credit on their trust and honesty

kit

20th January 2010, 08:55

Shit yes! of course they should pay! If they want to leave shool and become an adult then they have to be responsible and start paying their own way.

PrincessBandit

20th January 2010, 09:22

I'm sure it's been said by heaps of other people here, you do your children no favours whatsoever by allowing them to think that life will be "just like at home" (assuming that "just like at home" means that their food is all provided, their washing is all done, their power and internet usage is all covered by mum and dad, etc etc) once they move out. No matter how hard it is for parents who want to give their children the best start by not making them pay anything towards their living expenses while at home it is much better than leaving them with the delusion that their current disposable income will remain just that once they are in a flat. Most have no idea how their money will not go very far at all - and that's just for the basics of rent, power, food let alone having anything left for going out or socialising.

James Deuce

20th January 2010, 09:24

If I was Dean's dad I'd be charging 1 million dollars an hour until Dean got the hint.

Tank

20th January 2010, 09:52

This has been going on in PD as well.

But I thought there was a really interesting post from skid oops I mean yb16 / Dean:

The comment was made by someone that should their kid throw their toys out of the cot and waaaaaaahhh (tm) and resuse to pay rent then they could be kicked out.

Now most 17yos would learn to survive by themselves - you know by getting a job and paying rent.

But - Skid / YB16 / Dean actually looks at this as a death sentence:

Homeless? Why? Living with no food and water, possibly dieing or already dead how could you justify that for anyone? I would never put a teen (If I had one) out on the street because it wont pay board. Thats just cruel and Ive been taught better than that.

Makes you wonder just how disfunctional the youth of today where the only two options seem to be 'gimme everything for nothing because I deserve it' or 'death'.

Mully

20th January 2010, 09:57

Makes you wonder just how disfunctional the youth of today where the only two options seem to be 'gimme everything for nothing because I deserve it' or 'death'.

I love his logic. It gives me many LOLs.

"Cake or death?"
"Umm, cake please"
"Very well. Give him cake. You. Cake or death"
"Umm, cake too please"
"We're out of cake"
"So my choice is 'or death'?"

(sorry, just reminded me of that and I can't link to Youtube from work.)

yungatart

20th January 2010, 09:59

But - Skid / YB16 / Dean actually looks at this as a death sentence:

Makes you wonder just how disfunctional the youth of today where the only two options seem to be 'gimme everything for nothing because I deserve it' or 'death'.

Thank goodness MOST teenagers (that I know) are not like this...there is hope for the world yet.....

huff3r

20th January 2010, 10:01

This has been going on in PD as well.

But I thought there was a really interesting post from skid oops I mean yb16 / Dean:

The comment was made by someone that should their kid throw their toys out of the cot and waaaaaaahhh (tm) and resuse to pay rent then they could be kicked out.

Now most 17yos would learn to survive by themselves - you know by getting a job and paying rent.

But - Skid / YB16 / Dean actually looks at this as a death sentence:

Makes you wonder just how disfunctional the youth of today where the only two options seem to be 'gimme everything for nothing because I deserve it' or 'death'.

Wait, is he talking about teenagers? Cos it sounds like he's talking about some sort of pet! Thats all i could think of that would "die" if it were kicked out of home! And even then it'd probably scrounge a living till it was caught by the SPCA or whatever :lol:
I'm a youth of today, and although my parents wouldnt kick me out, if they did I'd survive. In fact the level of freedom you have the minute you step out the door would almost be worth the extra cost of living! But i've signed up for the airforce instead so as soon as they say "yes we want you" i'm out anyway :D

wbks

20th January 2010, 10:05

I love his logic. It gives me many LOLs.

"Cake or death?"
"Umm, cake please"
"Very well. Give him cake. You. Cake or death"
"Umm, cake too please"
"We're out of cake"
"So my choice is 'or death'?"

(sorry, just reminded me of that and I can't link to Youtube from work.)When it's not the evil Asians trying to take over his country and steal the Rimutakas, it's his conniving parents trying to force him into homelessness and death

Thani-B

20th January 2010, 10:18

Simply put I would like to hear opinions of more younger modern teens who arent so frequent on this site because im not the best character to take sides with on here, or so Im told.

Well, Dean, nothing against you personally, but I agree with all the "parents" that are voting. As soon as I left school I started paying board, and while studying at uni I didn't have to pay. I finished uni and moved out and was flatting with some friends, a few months later I moved back home and started paying board again. I think its good. If I hadn't known what to expect when I went flatting, I would have been so much more broke than I was when I moved back home.

. Other rule is, once you're out, you're not coming back...

IMO That's a bit harsh...

Drogen Omen

20th January 2010, 10:32

hell yeah they should pay board...

my brother inlaw is 26 and still at home... doesnt pay anything towards food internet or power... and he is th only one that uses 80GB of internet a month... sometimes goes over by 30GB...

have told the inlaws they should kick him out cause he needs to experiance the harsh reality of pay his own way... but they are soft and wont kick him out...

klingon

20th January 2010, 10:41

Very interesting thread! It seems that most people here must come from cities where there are universities... for those of us from small towns we didn't have the option of living at home while studying, so of course we paid full 'market rate' rent while we were students.

Personally I started paying my own way as soon as I got a part time job when I was at high school. Then I left home at 18 (my sister left at 16). Neither of us died as a result. Neither of us went back home later. We just got on with the reality of life.

And that's all it is - simple reality. If you want stuff (including food, shelter, clothing) then you have to earn it.

Bass

20th January 2010, 10:54

Brother-in-law's parents had it sussed.
They sold the house and told him he could negotiate with the new owners cos there wasn't room for him at the new place.

scumdog

20th January 2010, 11:12

Headbanger

20th January 2010, 11:24

When it's not the evil Asians trying to take over his country and steal the Rimutakas, it's his conniving parents trying to force him into homelessness and death

More gold.

Headbanger

20th January 2010, 11:26

This has been going on in PD as well.

I laughed like a damn fool when I stumbled across a post where Dean was trying to talk you into employing him.:2thumbsup:2thumbsup:2thumbsup

Ocean1

20th January 2010, 11:39

She's had 5 months of paying nothing, if she doesn't like - she can leave. The door is wide open :yes:

5 months?? You soft old tart.

Mine are all gorn.

Finally.

I've changed all the locks.

ManDownUnder

20th January 2010, 12:32

If not living at home is an option then they pay board

crazyhorse

20th January 2010, 12:40

5 months?? You soft old tart.

Mine are all gorn.

Finally.

I've changed all the locks.
LOL I'm tempted to change the locks - but since I moved, my son doesn't have a key, and she will have to hand hers back...... soon - maybe in 11 sleeps time

wbks

20th January 2010, 12:51

Str8 Jacket

20th January 2010, 12:55

Were you allowed to rent at 16 back then?

Well I was flatting when I was 15 (almost 15 years ago).... Guess it depends if you can find a landlord that'll give you a chance or have good luck.

crazyhorse

20th January 2010, 13:31

Well I was flatting when I was 15 (almost 15 years ago).... Guess it depends if you can find a landlord that'll give you a chance or have good luck.
I can't imagine there would be many who would

wickle

20th January 2010, 13:59

:eek: I meant joB :oops: But jogging won't go amiss either for her.... get her off the couch

get her off the couch.no contribution(jobs around home) no money , no power, no gameboy, no TV> soon no want to live at home... note taken fuse out of power box toys dont work.

avgas

20th January 2010, 14:12

I voted:
"Yes - if they aren't at school/Uni "
but in reality I would like to tick
"Yes - if they are over 15 and not at college/high school"
Fuck having uni kids at home not paying rent......i would charge them $50/week for being so lazy to not move out.....
the $50 will go into a bank account so that when I retire I wont have to ask them for money.

crazyhorse

20th January 2010, 14:21

get her off the couch.no contribution(jobs around home) no money , no power, no gameboy, no TV> soon no want to live at home... note taken fuse out of power box toys dont work.
TV remotes hidden.............. tick
Modum removed.............. tick
Power cord to laptop removed............. tick
No spending money from Mum ...... tick
Tried to make home life un-intersting...... tick

All done - except fuses removed - hmmmm, would hate to turn off fridge/freezer though LOL

avgas

20th January 2010, 14:29

I work chores at the house, Dishes, do my room, bit of Gardening, fold the washing.

Daily......no offense man but in the big world you have to work an 8 hour day - 5 days a week just to live. I should hope you would be doing 1/4 of that.........but i imagine not

ajturbo

20th January 2010, 14:34

Luke pays his way... although i do not bitch... toooo much if he is late paying... but i make sure he pays...

if i were not here, he would have to fend for himself....

by the way.. he pays his FULL share of all costs....there are no hand outs here... if he doesn't like it, he can move out and i have told him this, some days i wish he would... dam duff, duff music

Mully

20th January 2010, 15:28

dam duff, duff music

Should get him to switch to the ounst, ounst stuff instead.

Cheshire Cat

20th January 2010, 19:55

Well, Dean, nothing against you personally, but I agree with all the "parents" that are voting. As soon as I left school I started paying board, and while studying at uni I didn't have to pay. I finished uni and moved out and was flatting with some friends, a few months later I moved back home and started paying board again. I think its good. If I hadn't known what to expect when I went flatting, I would have been so much more broke than I was when I moved back home.

IMO That's a bit harsh...

harsh is reality though!

Genestho

20th January 2010, 20:39

Goblin

20th January 2010, 20:42

See my sig...

Pussy

20th January 2010, 20:45

See my sig...

MotoTT trackdays.... your young fellas got to shout you a trackday?? :)

quickbuck

20th January 2010, 20:54

MotoTT trackdays.... your young fellas got to shout you a trackday?? :)

Oath....
That 'ill teach the little blighters for playing up.....

I can see that working well, actually.

You come home late, you got to give me $150 so I can have some fun, while you stay home and look at the empty pantry..... SWEET!

ajturbo

20th January 2010, 22:48

I was gone a week afer my 16th birthday, and never went back, even when there were only packets of noodles on the menu!:sick:

After rent, and power there wasn't a whole lot left from minimum wage!

And so yea, I believe kids should pay board and do jobs! A snippet of reality does do no harm to budding grownups!

Minimum wage?? hell try living on apprenticeship wages.... was a % of minimum wage....
but you ( well i did) find the money to save .. yes save, for a bike, beer and girls.. in that order. didn't have a visa till i was 25...

Goblin

21st January 2010, 07:06

bittertwistedcute

21st January 2010, 07:16

Inspired by Dean's assertion that he shouldn't have to pay board cos he lives with his parents.

What are your thoughts?

If you comment, please add whether you had/have kids at home.

(now, how do I add a poll in this flash new KB?)

If they are studying NO
If they are working YES

Not studying or working is not happening at my house ; ) - cranky mama lol

Thani-B

21st January 2010, 07:46

harsh is reality though!

Not for me! I always have a place in my parents home if I need it.

crazyhorse

21st January 2010, 07:53

Not for me! I always have a place in my parents home if I need it.
Likewise, my door will always be open for the kids too ..... after they have left, of course :rofl:

klingon

21st January 2010, 14:05

Were you allowed to rent at 16 back then?

Back then?! Exactly how old do you think I am?!
(Hypothetical question. Anyone answering will be beaten to death with my walking stick)

In the case of my Sis she moved into an established flat so she didn't have to sign the lease or anything, just paid her share like the rest of the flatmates. Of course a 16-year-old is unlikely to be able to afford living alone so will probably end up sharing a house with 6 or 7 other people, none of whom ever do the dishes or clean the toilet. It's all part of the growing up process when you realise the housework doesn't do itself!

My first week or so away from home was spent trying to sleep on a bean-bag. Those things are incredibly noisy whenever you move! So after a week I bought a futon mattress from the sally army. I slept in the living room so during the day my mattress got rolled up, tied with string and used as a sofa (none of the flatties owned any living room furniture). Ah yes, those were the good old days!

Jonno.

21st January 2010, 15:48

The only reason I didn't like to pay board was because as soon as you leave school your parents act like you're doing them such a disservice by living there and as soon as working for families stops they suddenly have to support you.

sunhuntin

21st January 2010, 16:05

I showed this thread to my stroppy 17 year old, and she quite promptly replied, well .... $50 is all I am going to pay, because that is what Travis had to pay, so you can't ask me to pay any more!

However, that was 3 years ago, and things have gone up since then. She's had 5 months of paying nothing, if she doesn't like - she can leave. The door is wide open :yes:

hell, my brother got free board, even when living here with his daughter and his now ex missus. i never said boo about him getting it free while i have to pay, cos i figure it makes me the bigger person, plus im happy to pay. he is now renting and has his 3 kids each weekend... result is he may as well still be at home as my folks still spend money on him... food and clothes for all of them cos hes always whinging about being broke. he so much as gets a sniffle, and the kids are all here for the weekend cos hes too "sick" to look after them. i say tough shit, thats what happens when you have kids. our parents wont always be here, and i sure as hell aint gonna babysit them. btw, he will be 30 this year. i will be 25.

crazyhorse

21st January 2010, 17:10

hell, my brother got free board, even when living here with his daughter and his now ex missus. i never said boo about him getting it free while i have to pay, cos i figure it makes me the bigger person, plus im happy to pay. he is now renting and has his 3 kids each weekend... result is he may as well still be at home as my folks still spend money on him... food and clothes for all of them cos hes always whinging about being broke. he so much as gets a sniffle, and the kids are all here for the weekend cos hes too "sick" to look after them. i say tough shit, thats what happens when you have kids. our parents wont always be here, and i sure as hell aint gonna babysit them. btw, he will be 30 this year. i will be 25.
I like your attitude - you sure are the bigger person:)

sunhuntin

21st January 2010, 17:12

cheers... :):)

must spread rep.

wbks

21st January 2010, 17:42

Back then?! Exactly how old do you think I am?!
(Hypothetical question. Anyone answering will be beaten to death with my walking stick)Well you did talk about it in a past tense:sweatdrop

In the case of my Sis she moved into an established flat so she didn't have to sign the lease or anything, just paid her share like the rest of the flatmates. Of course a 16-year-old is unlikely to be able to afford living alone !"Independent Students allowance"

kb_SF1

21st January 2010, 17:52

Most definately, even if they are only working part time while at Uni, you seen how much a 20/21 year old gym freak eats, a truck load of all the very good stuff a day.

retro asian

21st January 2010, 19:21

The situation is different if parents have a high income, in this case a full-time student living at home is denied their student allowance until they are 25 yrs old.

The government's reasoning for no student allowance is that "rich" parents should take this upon themselves.
So I believe these parents should support their kids, by giving them a free place to live. (I'm not saying this parent's income discrimination is fair)

Asian tradition is to let kids stay at home as long as they want, and give them money for everything (including brand new kitted out Evo's, WRX's and expensive but gay looking clothing).
The catch is that Asian kids have to let their parents live with them someday when they get older, and they can't put their parents in a resthome.

crazyhorse

22nd January 2010, 06:36

The situation is different if parents have a high income, in this case a full-time student living at home is denied their student allowance until they are 25 yrs old.

The government's reasoning for no student allowance is that "rich" parents should take this upon themselves.
So I believe these parents should support their kids, by giving them a free place to live. (I'm not saying this parent's income discrimination is fair)

Asian tradition is to let kids stay at home as long as they want, and give them money for everyt hing (including brand new kitted out Evo's, WRX's and expensive but gay looking clothing).
The catch is that Asian kids have to let their parents live with them someday when they get older, and they can't put their parents in a resthome.
Man, that would suck! couldn't handle the olds living with me................... well, guess I don't have to, cause they have both gone already, but would hate that idea :nono:

nallac

22nd January 2010, 06:50

Man, that would suck! couldn't handle the olds living with me................... well, guess I don't have to, cause they have both gone already, but would hate that idea :nono:

Bummer about them both being gone..

but i agree it would suck having em living with you

Pascal

22nd January 2010, 07:18

The catch is that Asian kids have to let their parents live with them someday when they get older, and they can't put their parents in a resthome.

Heh. Benefit here is my wife is Chinese. So I get them to pay when they start working and she'll convince them we're staying with them when we're older :p

Cheshire Cat

23rd January 2010, 06:09

Not for me! I always have a place in my parents home if I need it.

lucky for some!! a hard life is character building.

"do not handicap your children by making the lives easy" I think my mum takes that too seriously LOL

crazyhorse

23rd January 2010, 06:25

Do you know what yellow flavoured chocolate tastes like???

yummmm, i like yellow flavoured..... chocolate :rofl:

Cheshire Cat

23rd January 2010, 06:34

yummmm, i like yellow flavoured..... chocolate :rofl:

lol :lol: I didnt know you could gte yellow flavoured...........condoms

Gareth51

23rd January 2010, 08:49

lucky for some!! a hard life is character building.

"do not handicap your children by making the lives easy" I think my mum takes that too seriously LOL

You will thank your mum one day,I would rather have you as a daughter than a lot of other girls your age

Ratti

23rd January 2010, 09:31

Rule in my house is the day they leave school they pack their stuff. Next day I will drive them and their stuff to the first of their new homes. While in my home I will pay for basic stuff, but if anyone wants extras like cell phone, designer label clothing or other crap then they have to work out how to get it themselves..yes even my 9 y/o daughter.

my older boy was boarding in another town while he finished school, paid for by me. I paid him one extra week to cover his first week of work and he offered to pay me back..bless him he's a great young man. The useless teens on this site could take a lesson from him, he is still only 18, was 17 when he started full time work. He's had time to make a few mistakes, has got his license, and purchased a plain but servicable car, has acquired furniture and is moving into his first solo flat this weekend. None of these things paid for by me.

And he has quietly had a word with me to say that he now sees why I made him learn how to cook, clean and look after himself. Damn I did a good job. I'd encourage other parents to do the same, I was hard on him and Im hard on my two remaining 'home kids' but it pays off for them in the end. I can't stand useless people and it's up to me to make sure mine understand they owe the world for the space they take up.

end of rant

The Stranger

23rd January 2010, 12:20

Rule in my house is the day they leave school they pack their stuff. Next day I will drive them and their stuff to the first of their new homes. While in my home I will pay for basic stuff, but if anyone wants extras like cell phone, designer label clothing or other crap then they have to work out how to get it themselves..yes even my 9 y/o daughter.

The useless teens on this site could take a lesson from him,

Damn I did a good job.

Hmm, interesting.
I don't see it as important to be hard on your kids per se. Though that is certainly one option.
If your kids appreciate, respect and value a gift (be it life, food a roof etc) and don't take them for granted then surely that is the goal isn't it?
Isn't that what you are trying to teach with your mean spirit?
If they do appreciate those things then why be mean spirited? What will be achieved?

I think some parents go on a power trip and/or simply get off on making their kids life hell.

How do kids that have never been shown compassion learn compassion?
We as humans tend to live in communities, isn't a part of that looking out for those in their community?

Whilst there some useless teens on this site, they are few and far between. Most are pretty damn good.
To be sure, I'm not advocating giving your children everything, and some definitely require a firm hand, but it's not a one size fits all thing.

For the record, self praise is no praise, and the result is not measured at age 18.

Ocean1

23rd January 2010, 12:57

Isn't that what you are trying to teach with your mean spirit?

I suspect she's more in tune with her times than that.

Can you say TANSTAFL?

The Stranger

23rd January 2010, 13:02

Can you say TANSTAFL?

This looks like fun.
Can you say YAFIWCTP?

Hanne

23rd January 2010, 13:44

I think it does depend on the circumstances of the kids and their attitudes towards things.
If working, you should be paying board. Studying can be a bit different though.

My parents encouraged me to stay at home whilst studying because that was the way they could best support me in getting an education.
While it was also useful to have another set of hands to cook, babysit my sisters and drive them to activities etc, they didn't want me to get a massive student loan which would then take years to pay off, when they could feed me for three years and then send me debt-free into the world to make my own way. The part time jobs I had paid for clothes and petrol but I was always told that while at uni the uni work should be my main focus, even at the expense of working more hours.

I now appreciate my parents' foresight in encouraging me to stay home longer, as it puts me in a situation where my first spare $20k can go towards saving for a house, not paying off the loan on living costs for the past 3 years.

And no, I don't think their attitude has left me ill prepared for life.
While studying I have paid for my fees, clothes, bike etc and managed to fund in full the 5 month uni exchange that nearly completed my degree (German Literature).
I certainly don't take my parents' support for granted, and once I have finished summer school will definitely be either paying board or moving out.
Not because this will be demanded of me, but because I think it will be the right thing to do.

It seems that there are many strands to this debate, and as situations are never clear cut there can be no ONE answer-fits-all.

Cheshire Cat

23rd January 2010, 16:32

You will thank your mum one day,I would rather have you as a daughter than a lot of other girls your age

I already have! :)

Cheshire Cat

23rd January 2010, 16:43

huff3r

23rd January 2010, 20:20

I was made to pay board while studying.then i moved out. now im an apprentice(apprentice = clean everything do shit jobs and get paid under minimum wage) and paying board power food bike etc.

BUT! has anyone thought- nature vs nurture???

Yeah, just cos my parents are going easy on me now certainly doesnt mean I'm a bad person from it, or that I'm gonna be a failure! And on the other hand, I'm sure plenty of people who are bought up paying board the whole time don't necessarily become angels either.
Personally i think it's whatever works for the parents, obviously if they are struggling and the kids are old enough then go for it, but if its less of a struggle then why make them pay to live with you, when instead you can just provide the minimums and if they want extra stuff then they can pay for that :bleh:

crazyhorse

24th January 2010, 07:36

Yeah, just cos my parents are going easy on me now certainly doesnt mean I'm a bad person from it, or that I'm gonna be a failure! And on the other hand, I'm sure plenty of people who are bought up paying board the whole time don't necessarily become angels either.
Personally i think it's whatever works for the parents, obviously if they are struggling and the kids are old enough then go for it, but if its less of a struggle then why make them pay to live with you, when instead you can just provide the minimums and if they want extra stuff then they can pay for that :bleh:

You are correct. It is most definitely up to the individual family to decide, and that is what this poll is about - everyones opinion on what they do or have experienced. Each for their own family. But some of these answers are certainly enlightening, and good advice too :yes:

peasea

24th January 2010, 08:13

I think it does depend on the circumstances of the kids and their attitudes towards things.

Yes, but surely their attitude toward things (and people) are shaped at an early age (pre-school I believe) by the parents? If you work hard in the early years the rest is not only easier it is more pleasureable. If you have kids with bad attitudes at teenage level then you've created a rod for your own back; not only have you shat on your own head, you've shat on your kids too. Try changing a teenagers attitude. There are expensive programs set up to 'save' what are termed 'at-risk' teenagers but precious little is done to help or train parents in the art of toddler management, which is abosultely vital.

Mully

24th January 2010, 08:16

Yes, but surely their attitude toward things (and people) are shaped at an early age (pre-school I believe) by the parents? If you work hard in the early years the rest is not only easier it is more pleasureable. If you have kids with bad attitudes at teenage level then you've created a rod for your own back; not only have you shat on your own head, you've shat on your kids too. Try changing a teenagers attitude. There are expensive programs set up to 'save' what are termed 'at-risk' teenagers but precious little is done to help or train parents in the art of toddler management, which is abosultely vital.

"You must spread some rep....

superb post.

The Stranger

24th January 2010, 08:43

BUT! has anyone thought- nature vs nurture???

My mummy always told me her mummy told her that a child's character is set in the first 3 years.
My mummy was adamant that this is the case.
We took specific note of this and worked hard to give our kids a lot of experiences and love in the first 3 years in particular.
In the case of our kids this has proved a very reliable indicator of character and in fact much of their character now could be seen significantly earlier than 3.
I also note that research released as a result of the Dunedin Multidisciplinary Health and Development Study (http://dunedinstudy.otago.ac.nz/index.html) also supports this 3yr position.

Again from the Dunedin study (which followed 1,000 people from birth for 38yrs now) research indicates that there is genetic predisposition for many character traits. Personally, I believe character is as much nature as it is nurture, AND that the nurture part is mostly set far earlier than many would think.

peasea

24th January 2010, 09:28

I also note that research released as a result of the Dunedin Multidisciplinary Health and Development Study (http://dunedinstudy.otago.ac.nz/index.html) also supports this 3yr position.

Again from the Dunedin study (which followed 1,000 people from birth for 38yrs now) research indicates that there is genetic predisposition for many character traits. Personally, I believe character is as much nature as it is nurture, AND that the nurture part is mostly set far earlier than many would think.

Agreed, and yet society seems to 'miss the boat' by a wide margin. Time and time again parents think that schooling starts at school. Bollocks. Worse, it would appear that the 'system' thinks so too. My kids were ahead of many of their peers when they started school (reading and writing, puttting two and two together etc) and found the work/homework easy. There were some parents I spoke to (I was a house hubby for a while, great time) who shared the same views but as many, if not more, thought that teaching was all down to teachers.

When it comes to character; there is much to said for (or against) genetics and the basic makeup of the person, but if a child has a disposition toward certain traits I also believe that early childhood (pre-school) education can weed out the worst (through simple observation) for individual attention. This is better for the individual and also for the class as a whole when Year One begins, as well as being a major plus for society in general during the coming years.

I do think things are getting better(the 'Can't Read, Can't Write but Brite' program is one example) but it is painfully slow, with progress often impeded by the parents themselves as they focus on their own wants and needs instead of facing up to their responsibilities, both to their children and their neighbours. (Lazy bastards, if you like.) In my experience laziness towards children's needs, generally speaking, tends to be less of an issue in households where the parents themselves are better (if only slightly) educated but I don't just mean in academic terms. I didn't do particularly well in the 3rd, 4th and 5th Forms but I have learnt much about children from older family members and to a large degree by reading and watching. I know of parents who also haven't done well at school, don't earn big money but have made great parents through hard work, determination and, for want of a better word, love. (Perhaps the first two come from the third?)

Parents need to take an interest in the beings they create, from day one, not Year One.

Hanne

24th January 2010, 15:07

Thani-B

24th January 2010, 17:15

lucky for some!! a hard life is character building.

"do not handicap your children by making the lives easy" I think my mum takes that too seriously LOL

We all have our own definitions of a hard life, and none of us can know what sort of life the other has lived/is living.

Some are speaking like those of us who still live at home sit around all day and are just a hinderance for our parents. Circumstances are different for each family, but as well as paying board, I do my share of the chores, and I like the fact that me doing a bit around the house means my mum can have more time to relax. Just because we still live at home does not mean we are not ready for the big wide world. We just have another option, and while we are still young and learning things, its the best for some of us.

Ratti

24th January 2010, 21:09

Hmm, interesting.
I don't see it as important to be hard on your kids per se. Though that is certainly one option.

If your kids appreciate, respect and value a gift (be it life, food a roof etc) and don't take them for granted then surely that is the goal isn't it?
Isn't that what you are trying to teach with your mean spirit?
If they do appreciate those things then why be mean spirited? What will be achieved?

I think some parents go on a power trip and/or simply get off on making their kids life hell.

How do kids that have never been shown compassion learn compassion?
We as humans tend to live in communities, isn't a part of that looking out for those in their community?

Whilst there some useless teens on this site, they are few and far between. Most are pretty damn good.
To be sure, I'm not advocating giving your children everything, and some definitely require a firm hand, but it's not a one size fits all thing.

For the record, self praise is no praise, and the result is not measured at age 18.

fact is Im a single parent and don t have spare money. As my parents did not have spare money to help me. I do what I can, but when it comes to cash it's very small.
Im sure the useless teens are a minority, but its the ones wot stick their heads up as gets shot down.
The son in question has a good heart, he rescued his mate from a stepfather who was beating him when they were 15, lad came to live with us, still calls me Mum and is turning out to be a darn fine young man as well. You still want to call me mean spirited and hard?

Self praise is all I have. I dont have anyone else to say 'well done'

Thanks Ocean1, I'd like to think I am in tune with my kids. and I agree, TANSTAAfl.
I owe the world and my community for the space I take up and I would like my kids to think the same way. Its up to them tho, all I can do is plant the seeds and try to nuture them.

Which brings me to the excellent point raised by Cheshire Cat..nature vs nuture.

I came across this debate so many times while I was doing my BA in Education and Psych... for what its worth ( and Im happy for others to hold a different view ) I think one is born with a certain set of hardwired circuits ( ie predispositions/nature) that can be turned on oroffas circumstances in ones life change ( ie nuture) Thus its entirely believable that the self centred, self destructive teen can with the right input and motivation change direction to become a compassionate caring adult.. i know this to be true as I have walked that path.
Hands up the rest of the KB'rs who have done the same???

cheers All

peasea

25th January 2010, 06:00

Totally agree with you there re the importance of pre schoolers and and shaping of attitudes.
But where does this put the paying rent thing?
If behaviour is set because of stuff that happened 14 or 15 years ago, does this mean the kids will either pay rent automatically out of a sense of duty or be no hopers forever?

I would suggest that they would want contribute to the household and that the question of whether they board or not would already be answered.

peasea

25th January 2010, 06:24

We all have our own definitions of a hard life, and none of us can know what sort of life the other has lived/is living.

Yes and no.

I learned from my parents about what a hard life is. My father, for example, grew up in an English village (Billing) where you got your water from the local well (it's now a historic site) and you had a bath once a week whether you needed it or not. He and my mum were married on August 31st 1939; ring any bells? It was the day WWll broke out and my old man was called up for service pretty much straight away. Both of them told me tales that came from two different battle fronts, my dad in the Royal Navy and my mum in the London blitz. They relayed some of what life was like back then to all their six children to help us appreciate what we had. An orange in the Christmas stocking was a treat for us.

This November my eldest sister turns 70. She was a toddler in the blitz, facing bombed streets on an almost daily basis, buzz bombs and the like and she can explain what it's like to have a hard life, she remembers it well. So actually I do have some idea of how others have lived hard, I got the information first hand.

My grandfather was gassed in the trenches in WW1 and lived to tell the tale of that, the mud, the cold, the blood and the hunger. My father (with icicles hanging from his eyelashes and nostrils) returned to his post during one battle on the Russian convoys to find it gone. My mother used to pick her way through bomb craters so that she could stand in line for hours (with my toddler sister in tow) for the likes of a loaf of bread.

Yeah, I think I have some idea of how others have lived and done it hard; because it was my family.

For me and my siblings, paying board was never in question when we started earning. Youngsters need to be taught that their contribution is valued, no matter how small it is.

Beemer

25th January 2010, 08:00

I should have hit the first option - by hitting the second I meant for those who have left school, not those who are still at school or university and have a part-time job that earns a little money. I had to pay board once I was working, and at the very least they should be helping out around the place and cleaning up after themselves.

If they aren't earning much, then they shouldn't pay a huge amount in board, but they should be buying their own toiletries and personal items and contributing towards the food and other expenses.

crazyhorse

25th January 2010, 08:45

Yes and no.

I learned from my parents about what a hard life is. My father, for example, grew up in an English village (Billing) where you got your water from the local well (it's now a historic site) and you had a bath once a week whether you needed it or not. He and my mum were married on August 31st 1939; ring any bells? It was the day WWll broke out and my old man was called up for service pretty much straight away. Both of them told me tales that came from two different battle fronts, my dad in the Royal Navy and my mum in the London blitz. They relayed some of what life was like back then to all their six children to help us appreciate what we had. An orange in the Christmas stocking was a treat for us.

This November my eldest sister turns 70. She was a toddler in the blitz, facing bombed streets on an almost daily basis, buzz bombs and the like and she can explain what it's like to have a hard life, she remembers it well. So actually I do have some idea of how others have lived hard, I got the information first hand.

My grandfather was gassed in the trenches in WW1 and lived to tell the tale of that, the mud, the cold, the blood and the hunger. My father (with icicles hanging from his eyelashes and nostrils) returned to his post during one battle on the Russian convoys to find it gone. My mother used to pick her way through bomb craters so that she could stand in line for hours (with my toddler sister in tow) for the likes of a loaf of bread.

Yeah, I think I have some idea of how others have lived and done it hard; because it was my family.

For me and my siblings, paying board was never in question when we started earning. Youngsters need to be taught that their contribution is valued, no matter how small it is.

Words choke me as I read this. The children of today cannot comprehend what you and others had to go through..... those were the tough times, and even my life growing up was nothing to what your family endured. My father died when I was only 14, and my life changed for me then. But when I read about your life....... well, yes. . An orange would be a huge treat :hug:

avgas

25th January 2010, 10:48

We all have our own definitions of a hard life, and none of us can know what sort of life the other has lived/is living.

So true. And while I think Peasea has a good story to tell..........it sometimes is very easy to say others have not had it as hard.
Some people fight wars on the battleground, some fight it in the mines, some fight in offices and some just fight them in own heads.
Hardest thing I have ever had to experience was to watch my dad curl up in a ball and start crying. And as far as I am concerned I believe I would rather see 100 people die in front of me than have a kids hero breakdown in front of them.
Likewise I hear stories from people with special needs. People like that fight a million wars every day.

It took me a long time to realise that parents will never ask for money. But that does not mean to say they don't need it badly. I imagine a lot of mums and dads out there are hurting with the whole financial crisis........... while their own kids go out and buy a new ipod.

HenryDorsetCase

25th January 2010, 10:55

my son pays board to teach him what good parents we are and how much he has cost us over the years......my question is....if his girlfreind stays over...can i charge her as well??

wouldnt that depend if she was charging HIM?

sunhuntin

25th January 2010, 12:08

This November my eldest sister turns 70. She was a toddler in the blitz, facing bombed streets on an almost daily basis, buzz bombs and the like and she can explain what it's like to have a hard life, she remembers it well. So actually I do have some idea of how others have lived hard, I got the information first hand.

at the $2 shop, we have one woman who comes in every sunday. i started my job there mid last year, and in the time til now, that woman has missed only one sunday visit. she speaks in little more than a whisper and often talks of her great grandchildren. i guessed she was about 80. yesterday, she stayed and chatted for longer. i found out she was in fact 90 and the only one left from her family... parents and siblings had all died of cancer. she said the only reason she survived was that she was adopted out. i think she lives with one of her children and their offspring as she says the grandkids always ask her for treats, expecting them each and every time. hence she buys a lot of cheap kids toys from us.

i adore old people and often wonder what they have seen in their lives and what stories or lessons they may have to share. i feel honored that this lady shared part of her life story with my coworker and i. i feel that they should somehow document the memories of those who lived through such times before they are lost forever.

gatch

25th January 2010, 12:36

I got asked to leave high school early in 7th form, so I got a job in a butchery and started earning. My olds are poor so it wasn't really a question of if I should pay but how much. I moved out when I was accepted into the air force. I got the boot 19 months later lol. My olds had split by then so I moved in for a bit with my mum in Nelson. I got a job there and was earning way more than mum, but she would only let me pay half..

Was there for about 9 months then moved up here and got another job. Now I'm 23 and nearly finished an apprenticeship.

I can't understand why teenagers wouldn't pay if they were able.

Swoop

25th January 2010, 13:52

Yes and no.

I learned from my parents about what a hard life is. This November my eldest sister turns 70. She was a toddler in the blitz, facing bombed streets on an almost daily basis, buzz bombs and the like and she can explain what it's like to have a hard life, she remembers it well. So actually I do have some idea of how others have lived hard, I got the information first hand.

My grandfather was gassed in the trenches in WW1 and lived to tell the tale of that
Bloody 'ell. That rings a bell.
Both parents were kids during the blitz, and grandad was gassed at Ypres. Mum tells tales of bombers and V-1's, collecting shrapnel, houses having metal fences taken away for war use...

peasea

25th January 2010, 14:02

Bloody 'ell. That rings a bell.
Both parents were kids during the blitz, and grandad was gassed at Ypres. Mum tells tales of bombers and V-1's, collecting shrapnel, houses having metal fences taken away for war use...

Yeah mate, everything that could be melted down usually was. My dad was a bit canny and built a steel-topped table/box thingy for my mum and sister to hide under if they couldn't get to an air raid shelter quickly enough. He screwed a timber top to it in case it was spotted and subsequently swiped for the war effort.