Chronic farter

[Mudfart]

I was always reasonably above average with quality and quanitity.
When I was 13 somewhere between 60-90 kids ran screaming from rangitoto colleges gym foyer because of my gas purge.
Into pissing rain....
I've actually blown holes in my pants and undies.
The various bouquets and vintages have made people spew on occasion.
Now, my workmates make me leave the room everytime, and I spend a lot of time outside, in winter its gonna be hell.
I mean, I watched a doco called "I can't stop farting", it claims the average person farts maybe 3-5 times a day, and a chronic farter does it 300-500 times a day.
That would be my category.
The smell, which must also be taken into account, goes beyond comprehension.
I've been eating a packet of dates for the last couple of nights at work, and by God what a brilliant idea.
The odour is eating into the fabric of anything my crebossas contacts.
All the chairs, couches, and my bed, reek.
I spoke to a nurse who reckons a daily Metamucil will stop it, but I'm unconvinced anything can stop this.
I'll keep you posted.......

[Laava]

Wrong forum dude!
http://www.gassyerotica.net/wbb2/index.php?sid=b9bfeec843382c95e3871c49acc71809

[James Deuce]

Sounds like Crohn's disease (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crohn's_disease) to me.

Get help.

[yungatart]

Don't come and visit me.....

[Pussy]

As long as you're not getting follow-through, it shouldn't be too much problem

[p.dath]

I'd try some high fibre, so try the Metamucil like the nurse said.

[EJK]

I've got a LPG running car needs to be filled up. Can you help me out? Cheers.

[nodrog]

i think you are talking shit

[Blackflagged]

As long as you're not getting follow-through, it shouldn't be too much problem

Lol, Do Farts have lumps in them?

Whops gota gooo...

[BoristheBiter]

I'd try some high fibre, so try the Metamucil like the nurse said.

that doesn't work, just makes it smell like dog shit, although you get clean breaks. (trust me)
it is the amount of gas that is produced by the decomp in the intestine turning it into methane.
when most people digest food the methane is incorperated with the shit, and in some people this doesn't happen, the difference is if you have floaters or sinkers.
like they say better out then in.

[Mudfart]

yeah the nurse asked me if i got irritable bowel syndrome.
One doctor diagnosed this after i spent 40,000$ on health care. Because I have had this issue plus severe reflux since my memeory banks started recording.
The reflux is controlled with losec, and I dont get the stabbing hot knife pains in my intestinal tract now due to a nutritional change.
The pain in my intestines used to have me screaming in the toilet or hunched up writhing on the floor begging for death. SERIOUSLY.
I figure everytime I drank a cup of coffee, for some reason it killed all the bacteria that is in your intestines to make the waste into passable stool.
It would take about 3 days for the "crap factory employees" to regenerate, and I'd be ok again.
No doctor would ever confirm this, although I'm of reasonable intellect, and education, and I know what my body was telling me.
This crohns sounds interesting, I wonder why no doctor ever suggested it?
Tests I went through during the $40,000 "investment" in NZ healthcare are as follows:
1) Many, many visits to GPs. I was in my early 20's and alcohol was fueling the reflux something chronic, so naturally I was panicky, not to mention unfunctionary.
Between 20-40 visits per month.
2) Blood tests. They told me my blood type. Again, and again and again.
3) Alergy tests. Nil allergies. Although they didnt test kiwifruit, and that closes my throat over and I cant breathe.
4) Nutritionist. Sent to one, and all that did was give me a woody. She was hot. OK I lie, I'm just a horny bastard.
5) A person came in to assess my stress levels in the workplace and ask some really gay questions. Yes, you can justify earning a living from this. Quack.
6) Endoscopy, that was fun. A big ass tube shoved down my throat, now I know how girls feel. A weak sphincter muscle at the bottom of the asophogus diagnosed, and the camera showed it all scarred and burned from the reflux.
7) Colonoscopy. I know I ain't gay, now. Had to drink stuff called fleet to clean me out 24 hrs before op. Spent it all on the toilet. Won't ever touch ginger beer again. Thats what they said to mix it with. Didn't give me enough anaestetic, and for the second time in my life, I woke up mid operation, to see the monitor showing the camera going up my intestine. Then I sure felt it, as the doctor retracted the tube to give an exertive push to get around the 90 degree corner of my tract.
Nothing found.
Then I went home to recover, to find the day I was in hospital, my 3 brothers had divided my deceased mothers estate, I got about 500 bucks worth of dining table and chairs, they took over 20k worth each.
I had a young family at the time, one of them had a 9 yo boy, but he was also given a house.The other two, no kids.
And finally 8). They all thought I was creating the whole thing in my head, and sent me to a shrink. Thats a nice easy answer isn't it?
Maybe they saw my empty bank account. And had finished their fun on the op table.
Well all this was 7-8 yrs ago, I'm able to work fulltime thank god for losec or its now subsidised derivitive, omeprazol. Without it I couldnt work a JOB.
I also haven't had any coffee for bloody years, but I aint missing much.
And I met a bodybuilder who has put me on track with nutrition.
Hey I guess Im just full of shit aye? ^^^

[slofox]

Sounds a little like my life Mudfart - only more severe. Quite a lot more severe actually...

My IBS has eventually turned into Primary Schlerozing Cholangitis (PSC for short) which fucks your liver over and makes you die in due course. Unless you have a liver transplant. PSC doesn't hurt at all and you die real quick so no lingering around getting carved up bit by bit. The worst part of it is you should give up alcohol. Which I have done despite owning a wine shop. Bugger.

Might pay to have your liver functions monitored though...

[Pixie]

i think you are talking shit

I think he is eating shit

Seriously though, the make up of your gut flora is dependent on your diet.Changing what you eat will change the ratios of various bacteria.Some bacteria produce more methane and sulphur compounds than others.

Crohns disease is an auto immune disease where the lining of the gut is attacked by the immune system.Interestingly,some doctors are treating it by giving the patient a dose of hook worm eggs.The immune system concentrates on the worms rather than on trying to kill you.

Or you could take advantage of the situation and stick a hose in your arse and feed it into your bike's airbox.

I had a gastroscopy and colonoscopy without sedation so I could drive myself home -you're a pussy:baby:

[BoristheBiter]

I had a gastroscopy and colonoscopy without sedation so I could drive myself home -you're a pussy:baby:

Maybe you just like it up the arse.

[Skyryder]

Someone told me once that there must be a God. Who else could design a rectal muscle that can tell the difference between a fart and a shit. The delicacy in design, production and product.................proves it.:eek:

http://www.heptune.com/farts.html

Skyryder

[riffer]

Someone told me once that there must be a God. Who else could design a rectal muscle that can tell the difference between a fart and a shit. The delicacy in design, production and product.................proves it.:eek:

http://www.heptune.com/farts.html

Skyryder


Or the ones that couldn't tell the difference didn't get to mate (for whatever reason) and over 2 millions years most buttholes now do the right thing...

[YellowDog]

You could get to be famous too!

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/lwd558T6gZs&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/lwd558T6gZs&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>