Mormon Missionaries

[Mom]

Years ago, and I mean 25 at least ago, Warkworth used to be the place for the clean cut, black suit, white shirt, short back and sides, white boy, American Mormon young man to serve his time away from home. Manys the time I turned these earnest young men away from my door at food cooking time. They always took my thanks but no thanks response in good heart and went along their merry way. Have not seen them for donkeys years until just recently. Saw a couple of black suit/white shirt bicycle pushing blokes from afar a couple of weeks ago and smiled to myself remembering way back when.

It appears though the tactics have changed :yes:

For some mad reason, I have taken up a health kick that will lower my blood pressure apparently, keep my weight in check and with any luck extend my life expectancy. I am hoping I will also regain my singing voice :killingme Dreams are free :yes:

So, I am out for a walk tonight, not a big one this time, I have a bit of tightness behind my right knee and dont want to push my luck. I am off crutches and intend to remain that way. So just a gentle stroll with a smallish hill towards the end chucked in for aerobic content.

Pump, pump, pump it up :blip: Well something like that anyway.

We get accosted by this earnest young man. White shirt, black pants, black tie, nice shoulder bag and a badge proudly proclaiming himself a member of the Church of Jesus Christ and the Latter Day Saints. Excellent. Just as I am pumped I get stopped by this really keen kid with the smile to die for. Thanks mate, but not interested. Nope that did not do it. Ok, so lets try, no we cant stop at the moment. Nope, he was dead keen to get us interested in Jesus Christ. Sorry not for us mate! Ok, so now we ignore him and really pump it up! He keeps coming at us. So very tempting to tell him to "Eff Off" Spelled out of course. E F F O F F!

Interesting observation. He had a mate. He also was accosting walkers, not door knocking. If you were sad enough to be out walking, or even out in your garden (as the poor woman on our return walk discovered) you were fair game. They were also being driven around in what looked like a Nissan Skyline, no bicycles in sight.

So how do you get rid of these over zealous God bothering zealots that accost you when you are out and about, walking of an evening, minding your own business.

Very annoying.

[SMOKEU]

We used to have the same problem when we lived in Africa, they quickly learn which people they can and can't convert to their terrorist organization. I mean religion.

[sunhuntin]

i wouldnt hesitate in a good, loud "fuck off" if my first two "not interesteds" were ignored. i get sick of having religious stuff forced down my throat. i bet if i were a devil worshiper, i would soon get in trouble for speaking about whatever beliefs i might have. besides, if i wanted to be saved, theres something like 7 churches within a 20 min walk of my house... i certainly dont need any assitance in finding one.

its strange... weve lived here since about 2002 and not had a single bible basher. we live facing the street, like most houses. previously, we lived up a long driveway out of street view. we got door knockers a plenty. weird.

another interesting point from a few years ago when i was in high school. the local bridge, which i crossed to and from school, had a large slogan painted on the cycle track. it said "your god is dead." a few days later, a reply was added, something like god is alive. the god is dead one was painted over by the council, while the other was permitted to stay until it wore off. both were graffiti, both were defacing a local icon. i thought it was stupid to cover over one and not the other. double standards.

[Mom]

We used to have the same problem when we lived in Africa, they quickly learn which people they can and can't convert to their terrorist organization. I mean religion.

Yeah, I dont have a problem with these people as a rule, most come to you, offer up what they have and move on happily when you say not interested. Even the ones that accost you when you are walking down the road at lunchtime go away when you say no thanks.

This young wanker would not go away, he accosted us of an evening while we were walking along relaxing. He got distinctly told 3 or 4 times politely that we were not interested. So tempting to be incredibly disrespectful :innocent:

[Mom]

i we got door knockers a plenty. weird.

Door knockers are one thing, easy as to get rid of them, and they go.

This kid simply would not go! I was so tempted I can tell you.

[EJK]

I was wondering if the Hamilton crew were knocking doors on their bikes.

[Big Dave]

Well one way was I employed them.
I ran the basketball competitions at the YMCA for years before moving to NZ.
We had a deal with the 'elders' that if they left their preaching at the door, I would sign off on four hours of community service (also part of their gig) if they kept score or refereed the kids games.
They were cool to take some time off and I got slave labour.

[Mom]

Well one way was I employed them.
I ran the basketball competitions at the YMCA for years before moving to NZ.
We had a deal with the 'elders' that if they left their preaching at the door, I would sign off on four hours of community service (also part of their gig) if they kept score or refereed the kids games.
They were cool to take some time off and I got slave labour.

I have had the pleasure of being hosted by a Mormon family at Brigham Young University Campus back in the day. I dont have a problem with what they do, I just hate being harrassed when I am out of an evening having a stroll. Go away should only need to be said once.

Hmmmm, do they do gardens do you think? Mine is looking very scruffy :D

[R6_kid]

"Sorry, I'm an atheist" usually works for me.

[allycatz]

"Sorry, I'm an atheist" usually works for me.

I tried that once and was worst thing I ever did...it was like they adopted me as their personal challenge and they kept coming back week after week. I had to get quite rude to them in the end

[Fatt Max]

Never really had a problem with them here but they were all over our place when we were in the UK.

Now, I appreciate that they are spreading the word and truly believe in what they do and that is fine. But sometimes it gets a bit much.

As Mom said, door knockers are easily got rid off, just shut the door and they will go away. Trouble is, if you get acosted in the street it is a very different story. These people know the rules about touching equalling assault so pushing them away will never help. If you have asked poliitley 3 - 4 times for them to go away then you are left with no choice but to give them a good, hard 'Fudk Off' right in the mush.

My mum sent them running from her one day, she threatened to go to their church with the local papers and formally complain about their behaviour in public. These days I would be tempted to pull out the cellphone and ask the guy for the number of has Pastor or whatever they call him because you want to lodge a formal complaint. That might work.

Otherwise, tell them that you are phoning me and I am on my way to his house naked to perform an amusing dance with a pie, a small lizzard and three chickens.....reckon he will fair shit himself....

[Pussy]

The scene..... 4 oclock on a Sunday morning. Knock knock at the door. Blearily eyed get up and answer the door. Two immaculately dressed young gentlemen there. "Good morning, M'am, we're from the Church of Jesus Christ of the latter day saints...".
"4 o'clock in the morning on a Sunday? You mormons ought to be bloody well hung!"


"Yes, M'am, we are......"

[Fatt Max]

"Sorry, I'm an atheist" usually works for me.

"Sorry, I'm an Arsenal Supporter" would have the same effect if it was me hassling you in the street

[Fatt Max]

Could always retort with something like "Hey, yeah, love your church. But why dont you try mine. We are the Temple of the Wise Rubber Butt Plug and we love young guys like you. You are always keen, enthusiastic, devoted, tight........

[Fatt Max]

The scene..... 4 oclock on a Sunday morning. Knock knock at the door. Blearily eyed get up and answer the door. Two immaculately dressed young gentlemen there. "Good morning, M'am, we're from the Church of Jesus Christ of the latter day saints...".
"4 o'clock in the morning on a Sunday? You mormons ought to be bloody well hung!"


"Yes, M'am, we are......"

LOL,

I had some churchy people knocking on my door asking for any spare clothing for the starving in Africa. I told them that any African who can fit into my clothes aint fucking hungry......

[Edbear]

I always like to invite them in for a chat. Trouble is finding one these days... We've even shifted house several times but they still don't call around anymore. Last couple I had at my door was very funny. One was American the other was German. Well you can guess what question I asked them... "If your country called you up military service would you go?"

They both said, "Yes".... Very Brotherly, eh?

The other fun bit is when you have read the book of Mormon and can quote it, after they've assured you that the Book of Mormon and the Bible "go hand in hand", and you quote where it says "Adam fell that men may be" and contrast that with Genesis where God blessed Adam and Eve and told then to have children and fill the Earth. Difficult to reconcile that Adam's sin was having sex and yet God blessed them and told them to go to it...

There's more of course, but I won't labour the point...

[Maha]

"Sorry, I'm an Arsenal Supporter" would have the same effect if it was me hassling you in the street

Yeah they would probably die laughing at least......:laugh:

[steve_t]

I was wondering if the Hamilton crew were knocking doors on their bikes.

I'm told that they own property in excess of $50m in Hamilton!! :shit:

Guess the key is to be persistent and convert people to your religion. Pastor Brian Tamaki and his multimillion dollar house and yacht have the right idea :innocent::laugh:

[DEVVIL]

Otherwise, tell them that you are phoning me and I am on my way to his house naked to perform an amusing dance with a pie, a small lizzard and three chickens.....reckon he will fair shit himself....

Thay have to walk past my car
http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=192791
lol:innocent:

[DougB]

I was accosted yesterday by two Morman youths on push bikes in Dinsdale Hamilton which is not far from the Morman temple.
I was asked how I was and replied none the better for your asking. They read the tone of my voice and raced off.

My Grandfathers house in Kaikohe was broken in to in the 1950's and a copy of the original book of Morman was the only thing taken.
These books had been sent out to the early Anglican missionarys in the early 1800's to show them how wierd and off track the
Mormans were. Every book published was taken in and destroyed and those sent out by the Church Missionary Society of London were
traced and "collected".

[Skyryder]

"Sorry, I'm an atheist" usually works for me.

My stock answer is that I'm a Bhuddist who attends a Christian church...................try it some guys................I guarantee you will stop them dead in their tracks.


Skyrder

[slofox]

My reply...

"Nah mate, I'm a pantheist..."
"What's that?"
"Oh, it's kinda like the ancient religion of Europe - y'know, before Christianity came along and fucked it all up?"
"Errr.....so what is it about?"
"Ahhhh....well, fertility rites, worship of the life force...paganism I guess. We get together at the full moon and...well...give thanks for fertility and life and all that kinda stuff...dance naked in the moonlight at midnight - you know..."
(They look at each other)
"Ahhh....right."
(One says to the other, sotto voce)"I dunno what this dude's fucked up on, but I reckon we oughta get outa here while we can!"
"Bye then"

[Dave Lobster]

I'm sure it was someone on here that suggested opening the door to them, while naked, and cracking one out with a
"FUCK OFF, I'M BUSY"

Still waiting for the bastards to come back so I can try that.

[Blackbird]

The wickedly steep 50 metre long drive to our place seems to test their faith. Haven't had a single one in 2 years!

[PrincessBandit]

We have a mormon flat in our street (the type that the church buys and keeps for the use of their missionaries while in "foreign lands").
The used to come regularly to our door despite the loooong r.o.w. drive and I usually try to be nice to them. The last pair we had come visit on multiple occasions I had many a great conversation with, and was able to tell them, hand on heart, than "no, I did not feel the burning in my bosom after reading the book of mormon". They were quite disappointed. In fact one of the books they gave me (forget what it's called) I handed back to them on their last visit with heaps of pencilled notes in the margins for them to ponder.

We haven't had any back for the last few years now....

I think if I were accosted by them in the street, and they wouldn't take my debate and no for an answer my response would be something like this:
"So, you are doing God's work then? That's great. Do you think Jesus set a good example of how to do God's work while he was here on earth? Yes? Hey did you know that He gave His message but then left people to make up their own minds? Jesus issued invitations to people to follow Him and if they chose not to He allowed them to go their own way. I really think that as you feel that Jesus was the standard setter that you should follow His example and allow me to go my own way. Oh, and by the way, what you are doing will not earn you a place in heaven".

I usually find the last sentence works well for most door knockers.

[Fatt Max]

We have a mormon flat in our street (the type that the church buys and keeps for the use of their missionaries while in "foreign lands").
.

So, that would be their missionary position then........

As for door knockers, I prefer window tits myself....

[martybabe]

See Mom, you take the piss out of my rugged good looks but once in a while they come in real handy..... A couple of so called' nice boys' ambled up my drive last summer just as I walked out the garage, I'd just finished weight lifting so I was all pumped and sweaty, a foot long beard, a shaved head and a stare that could curdle milk. Without a word of a lie, they took one brief but scared look, turned on their heels and mumbled sorry to bother you and almost ran back down the drive :laugh:

Part 2: Two plumpish women with small child struggle up driveway with the good book in hand, on seeing the dodgy geezer lurking in the shade having a smoko, the child stopped dead in her tracks, got yanked back by the large lady and a hasty exit was made with nothing more than "have a nice day" uttered as the sermon for the day.

Back in the day when I was a pretty boy and therefore more approachable, I found the declaration that I was a Spiritualist usually did the trick. "I see dead people" fair puts the wind up em :shit:

I got nothing agin em really but after 52 years on this planet, they've got nothing to say that I haven't heard before and life is to short to waste it listening to stuff I have no interest in, people that volunteer to help people in hospices and kids that look after disabled parents and stuff are really doing God's work but as a rule they don't come knocking on my door to tell me about it, if they did, they would get a moment of my time, bless em.

[steve_t]

So, that would be their missionary position then........

As for door knockers, I prefer window tits myself....

:laugh: I can't believe I haven't heard that one before! Where have I been?!! :laugh:

[ynot slow]

Try this works anywhere.
When they quote from the bible,ask them to read,then use lighter to ignite their bible,works pretty well,they tend to drop their holier than thou quotes.

[Laxi]

"cant stop right now! we're on our our way to rip out a virgins heart and offer it to our lord satan" at the very least it's worth it for the amusing look on their faces

[Fatt Max]

Try this works anywhere.
When they quote from the bible,ask them to read,then use lighter to ignite their bible,works pretty well,they tend to drop their holier than thou quotes.

Brilliant work,

Or, when you know they are in the area, hire yourself a 6'8" gay Jamaican with a maaaasive diddler. When the boys come a knocking, invite them in, hit them over the head, tie em up and let Rasta's the Great loose with his 8" kidney wiper. When they question your reasons, simply say "How about that for an immaculate conception...."

Might be a tad illegal but where would the fun be in the world if we didnt bend a few rules, eh.......

[oldrider]

Mom, now that I know of your walking route be vigilant for a nearsighted skinny o'l codger lurking in the hedges! :lol:

[CookMySock]

So how do you get rid of these over zealous God bothering zealots that accost you when you are out and about, walking of an evening, minding your own business. Very annoying.Tell them how you feel about it. Serious. Try it with everyone. It works.

Just do it. Start with "I feel....." and name them all. Don't be mean and don't be tempted to add something rude, just name every feeling you can identify. It makes you feel better too.

It's non-invasive, non-violent, and doesn't ask them to do anything about it. Once you get good at it, it happens automatically and it's brilliant for lowering your own stress levels.

Once you have said your piece, walk away. hehe watch the look on their face - they won't be used to that.

Steve

[tri boy]

Offer to sell them drugs, at a good price, and ask if they would like to "rent" your sister for a couple of hours.
They'r f**king weirdo's, that just don't get the whole "live n let live" theme.

[Fatt Max]

just don't get the whole "live n let live" theme.

Yeah, never liked Paul McCartney and Wings. They did the theme to Live and Let Live...didnt they....??

[Edbear]

See Mom, you take the piss out of my rugged good looks but once in a while they come in real handy..... A couple of so called' nice boys' ambled up my drive last summer just as I walked out the garage, I'd just finished weight lifting so I was all pumped and sweaty, a foot long beard, a shaved head and a stare that could curdle milk. Without a word of a lie, they took one brief but scared look, turned on their heels and mumbled sorry to bother you and almost ran back down the drive :laugh:

Part 2: Two plumpish women with small child struggle up driveway with the good book in hand, on seeing the dodgy geezer lurking in the shade having a smoko, the child stopped dead in her tracks, got yanked back by the large lady and a hasty exit was made with nothing more than "have a nice day" uttered as the sermon for the day.

Back in the day when I was a pretty boy and therefore more approachable, I found the declaration that I was a Spiritualist usually did the trick. "I see dead people" fair puts the wind up em :shit:

I got nothing agin em really but after 52 years on this planet, they've got nothing to say that I haven't heard before and life is to short to waste it listening to stuff I have no interest in, people that volunteer to help people in hospices and kids that look after disabled parents and stuff are really doing God's work but as a rule they don't come knocking on my door to tell me about it, if they did, they would get a moment of my time, bless em.

You may be surprised, mate.

[MaxB]

Maybe they are living in hope?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mormon_sex_in_chains_case

[Dave Lobster]

Brilliant work,

Or, when you know they are in the area, hire yourself a 6'8" gay Jamaican with a maaaasive diddler. When the boys come a knocking, invite them in, hit them over the head, tie em up and let Rasta's the Great loose with his 8" kidney wiper......

I do know a lad and his brother that employed a couple of junkies for a similar job when they caught a handful of burglars in their house in Newcastle. They didn't get burgled again.

[Fatt Max]

I do know a lad and his brother that employed a couple of junkies for a similar job when they caught a handful of burglars in their house in Newcastle. They didn't get burgled again.

Wot, after they were turd burgled......great effort mate

[Tink]

It appears though the tactics have changed :yes:
Interesting observation. He had a mate. Very annoying.

My uncle (divorced from my moms sister) is a morman, and his 4 kids (my cousins) are not, when my cousin came to NZ in the 80's (they all live in or near SLC).... she used to yelll out the car window, down with mormans, back then we thought it funny, but now we wonder why... she loved her dad, still does... but living (I have also lived with them in SLC).... WITH THEM makes you very anti them.

I used to shut the door, or not even open it... now I would prob look him in the eye... and say... when I die you mormans will take my rights and put them in your history, is that not enough... now go away. Fact in the geneology center in SLC the world facts sit... we all end up their eventually ... the place is fantastic if your looking for history, but scary too.

[Donor]

We had some mormons at the door about 4 years ago.

Told them I was a member of the First Church of Satan in New Zealand.

Haven't seen 'em back here since, and the bastards usually cross the road to get by my place :devil2:

[PrincessBandit]

Yeah, never liked Paul McCartney and Wings. They did the theme to Live and Let Live...didnt they....??

That would be "Live and Let Die" mate...


Wot, after they were turd burgled......great effort mate

Where do you get those delightful expressions from?

I remember seeing a movie (yeah, it was pron, what can I say) called "Orgasmo" which starred "mormon" chappies. I know it wasn't the Mormon Few as they wouldn't have been twinkles in their dad's eyes back then, although they could probably do their own 'exotic' films.

[Reido]

so how about we get some addresses of these chaps and go pay them a visit early in the morning
"Hi Im wondering if you'd be interested in atheistism ( or devil worship)?"


see how they like it

[PrincessBandit]

so how about we get some addresses of these chaps and go pay them a visit early in the morning
"Hi Im wondering if you'd be interested in atheistism ( or devil worship)?"


see how they like it

Come visit me in my street and I'll point out their flat for you.

[Pussy]

Come visit me in my street and I'll point out their flat for you.

You offering to show the position of the missionary..... you know.... the missionary position.... :)

[PrincessBandit]

Ya'r a bit slow there John, FM (who else of course) beat you to that one yesterday...

But yes, I suppose you could put it that way - in a purely educational sense naturally!

[marty]

I'm told that they own property in excess of $50m in Hamilton!! :shit:

Guess the key is to be persistent and convert people to your religion. Pastor Brian Tamaki and his multimillion dollar house and yacht have the right idea :innocent::laugh:

Not really the same thing - The Mormon Church is a world-wide recognised church with its HQ in the USA. Its property is probably collectively valued in the billions Temple View would easily be valued at over $50mill. Most of the church elders are good honest hard-working genuine people who are not in it for the $$

Tamaki is the pinnacle of his own organisation, and has the trappings and balls to show it.

[MSTRS]

Not really the same thing - The Mormon Church is a world-wide recognised church with its HQ in the USA. Its property is probably collectively valued in the billions Temple View would easily be valued at over $50mill. Most of the church elders are good honest hard-working genuine people who are not in it for the $$

Tamaki is the pinnacle of his own organisation, and has the trappings and balls to show it.
Well, baubles, anyway...
Good answer to these approaches is -
"You're too late. Jesus has already been, had a cup of tea and fucked off. If you hurry, you might just catch him."

[golfmade]

I'm originally from Idaho and it wasn't much fun growing up non-mormon in a fairly mormon area. Granted not as many as in Utah but still a lot.

That said, if they stop you again just tell them Joseph Smith must have been the first to actually find LSD as to create such a pyramid scheme, er, cult, er no, religion called LDS.

Worst part about it for me is here in Taiwan they see me and ask where I'm from, I'm generally polite but when the next thing they ask me is "What ward do you belong to?" That grinds me gears.

[Ratti]

I spent 10 years in a christian cult when I lived in Whanganui.While Im prepared to be respectful of others beliefs. I do not appreciate having it shoved down my throat. Fortunatly I am close to 6 foot tall, big, with tatts and waistlength dreads...not a bad look for a mid-aged mama huh? lol It's all part of a costume really, not reflective of my sunny, generous nature. Really.

We dont get Mormons in the area I live but JW's come by fairly often. They tend to take one look at me and start backing away from the door. I dont generally get the chance to make a good impression... or try out some of the groovy stuff suggested here.

I like the lighter and bible idea...WOuldnt do it to an actual bible, but the rubbish leaflets they have would make good firelighters...

[Dave Lobster]

Wouldnt do it to an actual bible, but the rubbish leaflets they have would make good firelighters...

Why? It's the same dogma in it.

[Dave Lobster]

Wouldnt do it to an actual bible, but the rubbish leaflets they have would make good firelighters...

Why? It's the same dogma in it.

[Ratti]

hmmm, i guess I have a hangover from the old days. Yes I suppose it does contain the same dogma to a point. Its just that there are basic, helpful truths in the bible that I am willing to support and respect. IMnotveryHO

In my mind, and perhaps Im wrong, dogma and doctrine are manmade rules that divide us into groups. Again, IMO, the point o fJesus teaching is unity and love. nothing wrong with that in my eye.

therefore I keep the unity and love and reject the stuff that divides folk into 'us' and 'them'

Do you follow what I mean Dave? I'm not great with words so may well be making a complete hash of my explanation.
cheers

[vifferman]

Years ago, I was having some work done on an extension to my house by a builder mate, when some JWs walked around the back. I tried to get him to talk to them, and he said "Nah - it's your house!", so I said, "Yeah but I'm paying you, so you do as you're told!" and he ended it by donning earmuffs and starting his chainsaw.
The JWs did a quick u-turn and almost ran away when the chainsaw was cranked up. :niceone:

I've tried talking to JWs and Mormons (I was a fundamentalist Christian in a very full-on church for a few years), but it does no good at all. They're not prepared to think, or concede points, or listen to reason, as it doesn't fit in with their purpose. Trying to debate with them is an exercise in frustration.

[Ratti]

yes, my point exactly. Poor things are so wrapped up in doctrine and dogma they are too scared to think for themselves. That type of thing is all about fear not love. How big is their god? not very if s/he/it has to fit into the tiny box they are comfortable with

[golfmade]

yes, my point exactly. Poor things are so wrapped up in doctrine and dogma they are too scared to think for themselves. That type of thing is all about fear not love. How big is their god? not very if s/he/it has to fit into the tiny box they are comfortable with

Doesn't help too that the church practices excommunication.

[MSTRS]

Doesn't help too that the church practices excommunication.

The only way most/any of them 'escape'....

[golfmade]

The only way most/any of them 'escape'....

Yes in that way true, but not talking about problems doesn't make them go away.

[Ratti]

the crowd i was with used excommunication as a threat to 'teach someone a lesson' Their way of thinking was that it takes someone out from under the protection of the blood, therefore giving satan free access to them From there one was expected to come rushing back to the welcomming arms of the true believers.

ummm..yeah...
and this while teaching that once you are Gods, you can never not be His.

ummm...yeah...
go figure.

[SPman]

Dad tried the .."Oh, we're Jewish" trick. That worked! We weren't bothered after that.

JW's are OK - we had a couple in Browns Bay and Torbay who used to use us for a cuppa tea stop and a sit down - they didn't try to convert us after a couple of sessions (apart from the surruptitious Watchtower left beside the chair) and were pleasant enough.

[avgas]

Jake was my happy-go-lucky boxer cross I had when I was a kid. Would play with anyone....

We got him trained so that when he heard "Jo-HO!" he would get all defensive.......was great fun.
Was a sad day when he died! best friend in the world.