Precise calibration is essential

[Hitcher]

The Bristol Stool Scale or Bristol Stool Chart is a medical aid designed to classify the form of human faeces into seven categories. Sometimes referred to in the UK as the "Meyers Scale," it was developed by Heaton at the University of Bristol and was first published in the Scandinavian Journal of Gastroenterology in 1997. The form of the stool depends on the time it spends in the colon.

The seven types of stool are:

* Type 1: Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass)
* Type 2: Sausage-shaped, but lumpy
* Type 3: Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface
* Type 4: Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft
* Type 5: Soft blobs with clear cut edges (passed easily)
* Type 6: Fluffy pieces with ragged edges, a mushy stool
* Type 7: Watery, no solid pieces. Entirely liquid

Types 1 and 2 indicate constipation, with 3 and 4 being the "ideal stools" especially the latter, as they are the easiest to pass, and 5–7 being further tending towards diarrhoea or urgency.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b4/Bristol_Stool_Chart.png

[merv]

... and the precise reason for you sharing this information with us is?

[Oakie]

Proof positive that sometimes you just talk shit Mr Hitcher.

[Oakie]

Oh dear God. Please don't let this end up as a poll !

[Hitcher]

Proof positive that sometimes you just talk shit Mr Hitcher.

Now that you have a calibration chart, you should be able to specify exactly what type. You couldn't do that before, now could you?

[Mikkel]

That's some serious shit mate!

[Mully]

Is this the new method for classifying threads on KB, Hitcher?

[Oakie]

Now that you have a calibration chart, you should be able to specify exactly what type. You couldn't do that before, now could you?

No. You are right. I thank you...I think. I may have to put up a copy of the chart in the dunny. Purely for evaluative purposes of course.

Best not to confuse this with the Beaufort Scale although I suppose they may have some things in common.

[Mikkel]

Is this the new method for classifying threads on KB, Hitcher?

Threads? Posters are more like it...

Type 7 - completely without consistency.

Type 4 - smooth...

Type 1 - ranting, no coherency.

etc.

[R6_kid]

I usually enjoy passing a good type 3/4. Sometimes I have to deal with numerous type 2's after a night of drinking and over zealous consumption of food.

[Laava]

Is this the new rating system we must all use now? As in, " That is just a puddle of No7!" or "That is a great bit of advice! Good No 3/4!"

edit; should have read thread first What a shithead!

[Maha]

I've had 1-7 easily!

[gijoe1313]

So when you say you have to do a number two, that suddenly doesn't rate so well on the Stool Scale now! So I guess you'd have to state an estimation like "off to do a number seven! Get out of my way!"

[Stirts]

I currently have a type 3 poking out!

[Swoop]

Sounds like a load of crap to me.

[slofox]

How long before this hits PD?

[MSTRS]

I currently have a type 3 poking out!

You've left it there too long...it's drying out.

[Stirts]

How long before this hits PD?

Poo is not pointless dribble in fact......

Poo is good exercise....
You burn 19 calories and this is also allowing for a 7 minutes drop time.
If you are really constipated, you could burn approx 70 calories if it took 15 minutes to dump, and you REALLY worked at it.

And......
Poos contains more vitamins and minerals than the average third world child consumes in a week, we could package up our western poos and export them to feed starving African countries. Your poo could save the world!!

This is important shit!!

[Stirts]

You've left it there too long...it's drying out.

Those cracks REALLY scrape the sides when coming out too :pinch:, so painful you stop, try and suck it back up, but you have reached the PNR :sweatdrop

[Mikkel]

Poo is not pointless dribble in fact......

Type 6 & 7 have now filed a complaint to the Faecal rights tribunal. This shit has now gone international.

[MSTRS]

The case cannot proceed without a badge number...

[avgas]

What a load of shit. Just like spelling and grammer

[MSTRS]

What a load of shit. Just like spelling and grammar

Fixed that for you.
No - no. Don't thank me. It was my pleasure.

[Oakie]

I considered the Bristol Stool Scale on the way to work this morning and it struck me to be like the political spectrum. Centre is number 4, quite comfy and trying to keep everyone happy. Down the '7' end of the scale you have far left wishy washy socialism and up the '1' end of the scale you have the far right hard-arses. Presently I would put National as a number 3, a bit right of centre but still in then desired range while Labour is a bit left of centre at about number 5 and making it's presence felt but without much substance. Up to you guys to place the Maori Party, ACT and the Greens...

[Ronin]

How long before this hits PD?

More time than it takes number 7 to hit the water.

[Mikkel]

What a load of shit. Just like spelling and grammer


Fixed that for you.
No - no. Don't thank me. It was my pleasure.

You failed to address the "periodical" fault...

[Oakie]

Damn you Hitcher. I saw an advert for a chocolate bar on TV and thought, "hmm, that's a number 3".

[MSTRS]

You failed to address the "periodical" fault...

He's on his period? Who woulda thunk...

[Jonathan]

Hmm, this would make an excellent poster for the back of the toilet door. Informative and interactive!

Does anyone know if you can change the outcome through carefully holding back? I am sure I have successfully transformed a potential Type 7 to a Type 4 before.


...photos to come

[MSTRS]

The old recirculation by absorption ... kiddies, best not to try this one. It has proven...embarrassing...for many. Not to mention the nasty taste in the back of your mouth should you manage to 'retain' for long enough.

[Pussy]

I know it's obvious.... but they're tapered to stop your arse slamming shut

[HenryDorsetCase]

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/R2Dn0hs-CM8&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/R2Dn0hs-CM8&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

the george brett remix


<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/6403VV2oyu0&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/6403VV2oyu0&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

the original.

True story.

[Hitcher]

Does anyone know if you can change the outcome through carefully holding back?

Cow in Kentucky killed by cork, short sharp showers of shit in Shropshire.

[peasea]

More time than it takes number 7 to hit the water.

But did it wave on the way down?

[Ronin]

But did it wave on the way down?

It was surfable

[Pixie]

Excellent.I wonder if my GP will understand if I tell her my stools are a 3 on the Bristol scale?
Can you have intermediate levels,like a 3.6 ?

It's sort of like the Rockwell scale of hardness isn't it?

Is there an equivalent scale for flatus?

Edit: I note that the scale is referred to as the Meyers Scale:"Sometimes referred to in the UK as the "Meyers Scale," it was developed by Heaton at the University of Bristol "
So I assume the correct terminology would be 3.6 on the Meyer Scale

[MSTRS]

Is there an equivalent scale for flatus?

The musical scale?
Beethoven's unfinished symphony, scored in B-minor?

[Pixie]

Now that you have a calibration chart, you should be able to specify exactly what type. You couldn't do that before, now could you?

Proof positive that sometimes you just talk Type 5 shit Mr Hitcher.

They forgot to include Type 8 - the one that comes with high pressure gas and explodes once exposed to normal atmospheric pressure and covers all exposed surfaces.Poo Bombs

[Spyke]

THE POOPIE LIST

Ghost Poopie
The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie
The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.

Second Wave Poopie
This happens when you're done Poopie-ing and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poopie some more.

Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

Gassy Poopie
It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.

Drinker Poopie
The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

Lincoln Log Poopie
The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

Corn Poopie
Self-explanatory.

Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie
The kind where you want to Poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

Spinal Tap Poopie
That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.

Liquid Poopie
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

Mexican Poopie
It smells so bad your nose burns.

The Surprise Poopie
You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poopie!!!

The Dangling Poopie
This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.


( just to help with a few more styles if you couldn't find your poopie on hitchers list)

[MSTRS]

The Surprise Poopie
You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poopie!!!
AKA - a fart with lumps.

[Ronin]

Proof positive that sometimes you just talk Type 5 shit Mr Hitcher.

They forgot to include Type 8 - the one that comes with high pressure gas and explodes once exposed to normal atmospheric pressure and covers all exposed surfaces.Poo Bombs

I direct your attention to


I had been dying from the man flu for a couple of days and my chest had about 30 litres of crud floating around in them. Of to the chemist to get something to clear it up. Bottle of Robistussin in hand I shoot around to a mates place. Deciding that a ride would cure all ills we up and shot out the the Gladdy. Much Coke and Wedges were consumed. After an hour or so 'twas time for home so home we headed. Now being a man and dying as I was from the man flu I hadn't measured the dose of Robitussin, I had in fact just up ended the bottle and taken a sizeable gulp.

Those of you who have done this will see where this is headed.

About halfway home my body decided that I needed a crap... Actually no, I needed a crap 10 minutes ago... On second thoughts you need to crap NOW!. Now I'm not sure where in the world the most uncomfortable place to start arse cramping is but I'm guessing a bike is right up there on the list. Shuffling from side to side I manage to wedge my cheeks together and decide that riding a lot faster would be a splendid idea. Or would have been if every bump on the road hadn't suddenly transformed into the Himalayas. The faster I went, the more I needed to crap, the more I needed to crap, the faster I went.

The trip up my driveway was epic. Rossi would have been left stone cold dead. Cursing ATGATT, velcro tearing, swearing and cursing I made it to the porcelain haven just in time for both my lungs to evacuate them selves through my arse.

The following 5 minutes have been censored to protect the young and squeamish.

Later I checked the bottle.

"May cause laxative effect" http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php/images/smilies/shock.gif

A definate Type 8 event on the Meyer Scale. Another thought, is the Meyer scale exponential like the Richter?

[Mikkel]

I think that you are looking for the Beaufort scale :yes:

Another way to rank flatus could be L50 as well.

[duckonin]

Geeezzzzz, and I took time out to read all that shit !!!