Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman

[mashman]

An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land, and the leader of the captors said, 'We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish.'

The Englishman responds, 'I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the London All Boys Choir. With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune.'

The Irishman replies, 'I'd like to hear "Danny Boy" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, sung in the style of Daniel O'Donnell, with Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune.'

The Welshman answers, 'I'd like to hear "Men Of Harlech" just one more time to remind me of the country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir.'

The Scotsman says quickly, 'I'd like to be shot first.'

[Virago]

Okay...

Two Englishmen, two Irishmen, two Welshmen, and two Scotsmen, were marooned on a desert island.

A year later...

The two Scotsmen had set up a distillery,

The two Welshmen had set up a choir,

The two Irishmen were still fighting on the beach,

...and the two Englishmen were still waiting to be formally introduced.

[mashman]

A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an Englishman are each sentenced to a year in solitary confinement; before being locked away, each is to be granted a year's supply of whatever he wants to help him get through the long, long spell alone.

The Scotsman asks for a year's supply of whisky; it's given to him and he's locked away.
The Irishman asks for a year's supply of Guinness so he's locked up with several thousand bottles of it.
The Englishman asks for a year's supply of cigarettes and he's given a pile of cartons and the cell door is shut on him.

One year later, the doors are all unlocked.

The Scotsman staggers out and shouts, 'I'm free!' and then keels over dead from alcohol poisoning.
The Irishman is dragged out into the light, whereupon he promptly dies of liver failure.
When the door to the Englishman's cell is opened, everybody watches eagerly to see what sort of a wreck the man has made of himself. He walks right out the door, sidles up to the first person he sees, and asks, 'I say, you wouldn't happen to have a match, would you?'

[blackdog]

an englishman, irishman, and a scotsman come across a hooker who says she'll do anything they want for 50 bucks.

the pom says "ok, suck my cock!"
the irishman says "lick my arse!"
and the scotsman says "paint my house!"