Daft customers

[scracha]

Moi: "Good morning, [business name], Steven Speaking"
Cust: "yak yak. computer farked, etc etc".
Moi: "Hi, this is Steven. Sorry, who am I speaking to?"
Cust: "yak yak, internet down, yak yak" (ignores request)
Moi: "Ok, not a problem, but who am I speaking to?"
Cust: "you are speaking to me"

For the love of ged. Made appointment, she ended up giving me her husbands name. Really weird. Can't wait untl I show up at this farm.

[CookMySock]

Betcha there are scones on when you get there though. :niceone:

Steve

[EJK]

Cust: "you are speaking to me"


Hahaha</10char>

[MisterD]

Sounds like....

<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/wAWTCsw3yP8&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/wAWTCsw3yP8&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>

[Mudfart]

yeah i wonder if she really is blonde.

[Insanity_rules]

Moi: "Good morning, [business name], Steven Speaking"
Cust: "yak yak. computer farked, etc etc".
Moi: "Hi, this is Steven. Sorry, who am I speaking to?"
Cust: "yak yak, internet down, yak yak" (ignores request)
Moi: "Ok, not a problem, but who am I speaking to?"
Cust: "you are speaking to me"

For the love of ged. Made appointment, she ended up giving me her husbands name. Really weird. Can't wait untl I show up at this farm.

Scracha old buddy, I have something very special for you.This attachment gets me through many a phone call like the one you just described. Like the time I discovered that a customer of mine switches off his (WPA2 enabled wifi with an 18 character password) router so people don't hack into it even though if you have it powered off for more than 18 hours it dumps all his settings (its 5 years old and fucked BTW) and he has to pay me an hour (minimum rural) call out to set it up again and he blames me for it! I tried to explain to him that even though its not entirely impossible to hack the likelihood of it happening is about as much as being hit by lightening, he still thinks his rsa buddies know more about that sort of thing than me. I mean what do I know? I'm just the managing director of the company and have 15 years in the industry. So when your smiling and eating it from some dumbass who won't listen to reason please gaze upon this and have a quiet laugh to yourself.


http://nctritech.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/tcpip_punch1.jpg

[pete376403]

Apparently this is true:
Customer Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
CS: "What sort of trouble?"
C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
CS: "Went away?"
C: "They disappeared."
CS: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
C: "Nothing."
CS: "Nothing?"
C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
CS: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
C: "How do I tell?"
CS: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
C: "What's a sea-prompt?"
CS: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
C: "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
CS: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
C: "What's a monitor?"
CS: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
C: "I don't know."
CS: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
C: "Yes, I think so."
CS: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
C: ".......Yes, it is."
CS: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
C: "No."
CS: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
C: ".......Okay, here it is."
CS: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
CS: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
C: "No."
CS: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
CS: "Dark?"
C: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
CS: "Well, turn on the office light then."
C: "I can't."
CS: "No? Why not?"
C: "Because there's a power outage."
CS: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
CS: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
C: "Really? Is it that bad?"
CS: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
CS: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

[Squiggles]

I enjoy the support calls that end in me turning on the monitor :lol:

[The Stranger]

Moi: "Good morning, [business name], Steven Speaking"
Cust: "yak yak. computer farked, etc etc".
Moi: "Hi, this is Steven. Sorry, who am I speaking to?"
Cust: "yak yak, internet down, yak yak" (ignores request)
Moi: "Ok, not a problem, but who am I speaking to?"
Cust: "you are speaking to me"

For the love of ged. Made appointment, she ended up giving me her husbands name. Really weird. Can't wait untl I show up at this farm.

Still, I think the irate customer who rang us to complain about our tardy response to the email she sent advising us their email wasn't working takes the cake.

[Littleman]

Still, I think the irate customer who rang us to complain about our tardy response to the email she sent advising us their email wasn't working takes the cake.

I bet RT is thinking "better you than me Noel".

[The Stranger]

I bet RT is thinking "better you than me Noel".

Hey, no parts were purchased from the Internet so it all worked out fine in the end.

[Mudfart]

has anyone read the true story about the US carrier that asks a lighthouse to move out of collision course?! Crack up.

[crazyhorse]

Its her boyfriends computer and she broke it, I bet she was trying to get it fixed before he knows its broken :rofl:

Let us know how the visit goes ....:yes:

[Love my Bonnie]

I used to work for an motorcycle accessory importer
We had some dumbass customers
Like the dudes from tyre shops who would ring up and ask for a "harley tyre"

One of the chics in sales hated fuckwits so much, her standard line was
"did you catch my name?'
If the reply was "no"
she would say "Do you like sex & travel?, then go fuck yourself" and hang up

Funny as hell!!

[kevfromcoro]

i was at a job interview..
and the bloke said to me..
can you speak asian??
Fuck me... there are about 100 galzlion asian languages...
who did he think i was?

[rustyrobot]

For more of the same:

(The customer is...)
http://notalwaysright.com/

A good work safe way to waste a few hours in laughter.

[Quasievil]

Still, I think the irate customer who rang us to complain about our tardy response to the email she sent advising us their email wasn't working takes the cake.

Gee Noel, what are you saying? are you saying your customers are stupid, mate another example of the computer industry alienating there customers blah blah blah blah blah blah ....................20 pages later blah blah blah blah blah

BWAAAAHHHHH

sorry could help me self

[george formby]

has anyone read the true story about the US carrier that asks a lighthouse to move out of collision course?! Crack up.

That is one of my all time favourites. " We are a light house, your call". Oooooooooh, the embarassment.

[The Stranger]

Gee Noel, what are you saying? are you saying your customers are stupid,

- snip assumptions based on fallacy -



No Quasi, I didn't. She made a dumb mistake, we all make them.
You note I didn't use terms such as munter or idiot.

[The Stranger]

I enjoy the support calls that end in me turning on the monitor :lol:

You should try one to Quasi with ripped jeans. I hear they can be fun too.

[Quasievil]

Oh ripped jeans............mmmmmmm nope had one set that a customer used bleach all over, weakened the fabric so it fell apart, I guess you have subscribed to the wrong story, as you wish mate

Youre sounding to serious anyway, cant ya take a wind up these days

[PirateJafa]

You should try one to Quasi with ripped jeans. I hear they can be fun too.

"Disintegrating" would be a more accurate description.

In fact, I believe the excuse that the "shop" used there was that "Oh you've clearly spilled acid all over those to do that to them". Oh yes. Acid is commonly found in offices and whilst riding motorbikes, apparently.

And then people wonder why people don't buy locally. Give me foreign sweatshop-produced items any day of the week. At least they last. :niceone:

[Trudes]

Ok, you found me out, it was me trying to lure you to my "farm" so I could give you a cuppa tea with something special in it so I can tie you up in a stall and make you make mooing noises for my amusement. :confused:

[Slyer]

For all you guys who love the 100% TRUE story about the lighthouse.
http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthouse.asp

[The Stranger]

For all you guys who love the 100% TRUE story about the lighthouse.
http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthouse.asp

Are u shore?

[The Stranger]

Oh ripped jeans............mmmmmmm nope had one set that a customer used bleach all over, weakened the fabric so it fell apart, I guess you have subscribed to the wrong story, as you wish mate

Youre sounding to serious anyway, cant ya take a wind up these days

Ok, ok, you're right. I blame PMS and the full moon.

[Slyer]

Jafa wouldn't even know what bleach is let alone use it.

[Quasievil]

"Disintegrating" would be a more accurate description.

Yes it would, youre right


yes. Acid is commonly found in offices and whilst riding motorbikes, apparently.


yup and garages they had splashes all over them front back and every where in a very random pattern, sorry it upset you but I aint stoopid
and as agreed the case is closed so build a bridge and all that dude.

[EJK]

Yo, where can I find the "any key"? I don't see it on my QWERTY keyboard.

[Quasievil]

Ok, ok, you're right. I blame PMS and the full moon.


Excellent Mate, love it !!

[PirateJafa]

and as agreed the case is closed so build a bridge and all that dude.

:lol: You were the one raising the issue once again. After buying two equally shite Qmoto products, we have written your company off as a lost cause long ago.

If you don't want the truth to once again surface on these forums mate, then the logical solution would be for you to stop bringing back up the issue of your lackadaisical product quality?

Not that displaying intelligence has ever been shown to be your strong point on this forum, but you may yet learn.

[Madmax]

Had a lady ring log a helpdesk call saying she had deleted her Hymen (Himem)
and could i restore it ?,
explaned that i could not,
and would have to reinstall it,
One of my workmates was laughing so hard he splurted coffee out his nose !
never did find a call close type for that one.

[PirateJafa]

Had a daft customer who refused to pay the MAF wash fees for their container. Container sat on the wharf for a fortnight incurring demurrage until they finally - after well over a fortnight had passed - relented, and coughed up.

Unfortunately their 40ft container of fish and other seafood products was completely off and unusable by the time they finally received it.

What a way to save money.

[Mully]

Had a daft customer who refused to pay the MAF wash fees for their container. Container sat on the wharf for a fortnight incurring demurrage until they finally - after well over a fortnight had passed - relented, and coughed up.

Unfortunately their 40ft container of fish and other seafood products was completely off and unusable by the time they finally received it.

The terrible bit is - that's not unusual.....

I've had one who was blaming his supplier for things, and the supplier was telling him to get fucked for a month or so. Racking up demurrage at $150/day. Whoops.

[Quasievil]

:lol: You were the one raising the issue once again. After buying two equally shite Qmoto products, we have written your company off as a lost cause long ago.

Err Stranger did actually and you quickly appeared...... and there you go again with the slagging.


you don't want the truth to once again surface on these forums mate,

Truth according to who???
We have hundreds of satisfied customers who have chosen a Qmoto superior product over big big brands, and if a issue has ever arisen we have a good record of getting things done right and fast, if justified.


then the logical solution would be for you to stop bringing back up the issue of your lackadaisical product quality?

Nice word, lackadaisical, very clever.


that displaying intelligence has ever been shown to be your strong point on this forum, but you may yet learn.

A personal insult, bit childish dont you think young one.

[davebullet]

Sounds like that customer needs a visit from "the bastard operator from hell".... http://bofh.ntk.net/Bastard1.html

Here's a favourite (if you can't be bothered clicking the link):

Another user rings.

"I need more space" he says

"Well, why not move to Texas?" I ask

"No, on my account, stupid."

Stupid? Uh-Oh..

"I'm terribly sorry" I say, in a polite manner equal to that of Jimmy Stewart in a Weekend Family Matine Feature "I didn't quite catch that. What was it that you said?"

I smell the fear coming down the line at me, but it's too late, he's a goner and he knows it.

"Um, I said what I wanted was more space on my account, *please*"

"Sure, hang on"

I hear him gasp his relief even though he'd covered the mouthpeice.

"There, you've got *plenty* of space now!"

"How much have I got?" he simps

Now this *REALLY* *PISSES* *ME* *OFF*! Not only do they want me to give them extra space, they want to check it, then correct me if I don't give them enough! They should be happy with what I give them *and that's it*!

Back into Jimmy Stewart mode.

"Well, let's see, you have 4 Meg available"

"Wow! Eight Meg in total, thanks!" he says, pleased with his bargaining power

"No" I interrupt, savouring this like a fine red at room temperature, with steak, extra rare, to follow; "4 Meg in total.."

"Huh? I'd used 4 Meg already, How could I have 4 Meg Available?"

I say nothing. It'll come to him.

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggghh hhhH!"

I kill me; I really do!

[PirateJafa]

Err Stranger did ... young one.

Your attempts at damage control will fool few, so there is little point in you derailing this thread.


The terrible bit is - that's not unusual.....

I've had one who was blaming his supplier for things, and the supplier was telling him to get fucked for a month or so. Racking up demurrage at $150/day. Whoops.

Yeah, demurrage can quickly sneak up on you if you ain't careful - as my co-worker found out that it can really bite you in the arse when he discovered an extra 90 containers at the wharf that were going to start incurring demurrage that night (with only a couple of hours left in the day).

I must admit though, I was impressed. I've never seen a man arrange washes and rush transport off the wharf that fast. From memory in the end the demurrage only barely reached into five figures.

[Quasievil]

Your attempts at damage control will fool few, so there is little point in you derailing this thread.


Damage control ............ummmmm Qmoto has had record sales for the month of March, best March ever, thats quality and good solid customer service mate from a reputable business from trading nearly 8 years.
75% of business repeat and recommendations often by KB members, thats brand reputation and quality again.

Time you found another campaign as this one for you is insignificant to me.

[PirateJafa]

Damage control ............ummmmm Qmoto has had record sales for the month of March, best March ever, thats quality and good solid customer service mate from a reputable business from trading nearly 8 years.
75% of business repeat and recommendations often by KB members, thats brand reputation and quality again.

Time you found another campaign as this one for you is insignificant to me.

My dear little purveyor of paper-mâché "safety" gear, what "campaign" is this that you speak of? Until you decided to dig once again into this matter, it hasn't been so much as mentioned by myself for months.


Not that displaying intelligence has ever been shown to be your strong point on this forum, but you may yet learn.

[Quasievil]

My dear little purveyor of paper-mâché "safety" gear, what "campaign" is this that you speak of? Until you decided to dig once again into this matter, it hasn't been so much as mentioned by myself for months.


Im done with your silly childish games

[Slyer]

Might I suggest a new strategy Quasi?
Not slagging off your customers with shit you made up?

[Quasievil]

Might I suggest a new strategy Quasi?
Not slagging off your customers with shit you made up?

Clearly you cant read, Im not the one slagging.
especially in view of the kiddy tags

[scissorhands]

Buyer won my auction on Trademe then text me to say he had pressed the wrong button and could he have it for less. Looks like a native of the Gujarat province.....

'no sorry'
'shall we call it off then'
'only if you want the feedback'
'okay forget it, when can I pickup?'

he's around later today and will now hopefully complete the trade.....

[Slyer]

Oh ripped jeans............mmmmmmm nope had one set that a customer used bleach all over, weakened the fabric so it fell apart, I guess you have subscribed to the wrong story, as you wish mate

You and everybody else knows exactly what customer you're talking about and some of us know that you pulled the whole "bleach" thing out of your ass.

[Quasievil]

You and everybody else knows exactly what customer you're talking about and some of us know that you pulled the whole "bleach" thing out of your ass.

Great input Slyer...........great

[nodrog]

....... you pulled the whole "bleach" thing out of your ass.

is that what anal bleaching is?