Thank god, it's nearly over (vent inside, but not a major one)

[sunhuntin]

finally, finally, we are making headway with removing my neice and nephews from their useless mother.
finally came to a head on good friday... the mother had buggered off to god knows where and left her 12 year old son and my brothers kids home with a neighbours 18 year old son.
he had to go out and buy nappies and food as they had none. my nephews are still in nappies.
no one knows where she is and she keeps changing her cell number [2degrees] she sent my brother a txt saying that shes not coping [she has 5 kids all up, with the youngest being 1.5years. shes also preg again to a drug dealer.]
weve been having trouble with her since luce was born just over 4 years ago, and been fighting to get them off her. this isnt the first time shes buggered off without warning, and not the first time the little kids have been left alone. she lives on P, and does it while preg and breast feeding.
my niece burnt the inside of her calf badly, apparently on hair straighters. her and my nephew have also had burns all over their hands, fingers and some on their faces from picking up her drug knives, and one of the rentals they were in burned to the ground under suspicious circumstances. thankfully, the kids werent there at the time. we have called cyfs so many times, and basically been brushed off. the cops have been called by her and ended up with my brother being in the shit. she had him bottled at a pub once which nearly killed him. ive even been told to watch who follows me when out on the bike cos her mates would probably try and run me off the road. shes connected with mongrel mob somehow.

brother called cyfs again after this latest incident and they have said it would irresponsible of him if he took them back tomorrow. he also has the 12 year old boy as he has no where to go... his grandparents live in waiouru and im thinking his father is down south somewhere.
so brother has to go to court tomorrow, and it looks like mum will have to quit her job to look after them during the week. shes dreading it, of course. shes in her 60s and feels too old to be looking after pre schoolers fulltime, even with my help. even so, im relieved the kids are finally going to be out of it and have a chance at a normal life that has routine. ive told mum if she needs to quit, im happy to take over her side of the job [we work together] and i will try and negotiate paying more board to help with the increased costs.

sorry for the long post... i needed to share and the bitches on the trademe parenting board are vultures.

[yungatart]

Good news that your nieces and nephews will be safely cared for, but why your Mum?
Surely it is your brother's job to look after the kids he fathered. That is what DPB is for.

[u4ea]

unfortunatly cyfs dont have the recourses to cope with this sort of thing.. they are the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff and it wont be until one of the kids is seriously hurt that they will intervene. Your brother is an easier target than the mother for the courts/cyf to deal to and hes probably tarred with the same brush as he was her partner. There are not enough cyf appointed caregivers as it isn't a wage to look after other peoples kids as much as a charity to give up your time and energy and these kids are usually showing behavior problems to boot.. a harsh reality or pill to swallow I know too well..If your mum does take the kids in then Cyf should pay for child care so she can still go to work as well as their board if they are under the cyf umbrella...not worth giving up on..its just sad when mother/father waltzes back in and proclaims they are fit and well adjusted and the kids get placed back there again(usually when she/he sees the cash cow benefits)..

[Love my Bonnie]

I hope everything works out for the best, poor kids.

[sunhuntin]

tart... he needs to work during the week and sometimes on the weekends. he does tree cutting and gets callouts as a result. i know he should step up and quit his job, but i dont think mum would let him. hes better than the mother, but still useless. they will be better off with us anyway. the older boy might start to say more than 4 words. hes gonna be 3 this year i think and his vocab is basically "bob can fix?" "bubba" and"ike." ike can be anything from bike to helicopter, depending on where hes pointing.

u4ea, thanks for the info on cyfs paying for childcare. they will have to go into some kind of care during the day. fortunately, mum and i have both worked in creches so know most of the ones in town and which to avoid. would cyfs still pay their board if they are only with us during the weekdays, but go to their dad at night and the weekends? thankfully, they arent too damaged yet. both the boys are wreckers, but thats normal i think. luce would be the most troubled, being the oldest, but she seems ok.
we dont think the mother will try and get them back once its set in concrete and backed by the courts, but until then i am keeping my cell phone close and i will call the cops if she sets foot inside our gate. the kids arent here right now, but it wouldnt stop her. you are right though... to her, the kids are only $$$ signs. if she loses custody, then she will also lose her HNZ house. i feel sad for her up and coming baby, even though its nothing to us. i think we will end up with it as well, as the father apparently doesnt know about it yet.

thanks for the replies and advice. i do appreciate it heaps! :)

[Mudfart]

get the kids, forget about her, she has made her choice.

[Genie]

Oh dear, this thread has bought tear to my eyes.
Those poor innocent children have had such a terrible start to their lives.
I wish you all the best with this new phase in your life. Big kudo's to you and your mum for stepping up, yes it wll be hard and there will be times when you will ask yourself is it worth it, YES it is, when it feels too much, stop and hug one of those adorable children.
I'm now looking at my adorable children on the couch watching a movie and I'm so grateful to be a mum, children are our blessings.

[Maki]

Why is it that people who are not even fit to take care of themselves are free to go out and have kids ad infinitum? She has 5 kid already and she is pregnant. That makes 6. Why does she want all these kids when she can not take care of them?

I don't see anything wrong with offering people with a track record like that a financial incentive to get permanently sterilized. I also think it should be a serious criminal offense to take drugs that can harm an unborn child while pregnant. How is it that a pregnant person who takes drugs that will impair their child for the rest of their lives is not punished?

[sunhuntin]

genie, i agree with you. kids are a blessing to be cherished and loved. im just relieved none of them ended up being an abuse statistic. i dont want kids, never have, and now i know why. i might end up taking care of these kidlets eventually.

maki... your guess is as good as mine. i agree about the drugs while pregnant. her youngest seems to be ok so far, but any mental problems wont be noticed till he gets to school. she seems to get away with anything though... typical female thats been taught to work the system: turn on the tears and get sympathy from the cops and escape any charges. her mother was the same, and her 14 year old daughter will be the same in a few years as well.
this new idea of the govt that solo mothers have to find work when the youngest is 6 will never work, cos they will just keep popping them out like they are now. too easy to get around it. what they need to do is cap how many kids will be paid for by the taxpayer. way it is now, she could have 15 kids and be allowed to by the govt.

[marty]

I read the first line and thought - she's on P.

I couldn't see anywhere - are you dealing with the family court?

[firefighter]

brother called cyfs again after this latest incident and they have said it would irresponsible of him if he took them back tomorrow

I've had problems with CYFS before, although not on such a personal nature, and that was bad enough. Good luck with it all.


unfortunatly cyfs dont have the recourses to cope with this sort of thing.. they are the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff

Let me re-write that for you;

CYFS is a waste of fucken space, should be completely deconstructed and all current members fired, a new organisation put in place and it all run properly, to protect the children and not the animals causing harm to to the children. Oh, and no-longer interrogating those concerned enough to call in......

After the ordeal I faced on the phone with some hori-as ex-jailbird sounding guy on the phone (his "bro talk" was so thick I could barely understand him), asking me what I earn and do for a living (WTF?!), interrogating me, and was'nt even interested though I had video footage and no shortage of witnesses, I know for a fact that CYFS is a piece of shit organisation and needs to be burnt to the ground and restructured properly.

It's no-wonder there are cases like this, and Nia Glassie, and all the others, there were probably plenty of calls that went through in all the cases, which CYFS have covered up and said they recieved nothing.

Sorry to hi-jack your thread, but this shit really pisses me off, and CYFS are not an ambulance at the bottom of the cliff, they are pall bearers, who then appear on t.v saying they had no-idea of the goings on.

[sunhuntin]

marty... im assuming so. the kids have a lawyer [who is on the mothers side, which is part of the reason why she keeps getting off and has been able to keep the kids. the lawyer isnt interested in the welfare of the kids]

ff, i agree with you there. it needs to be pulled to bits and rebuilt, but itll never happen. we know cyfs did make a couple of "surprise" visits and apparently found nothing, which i think is BS.

a bit of a development today. her parents wanted to see the kids... they live in waiouru. brother refused to take the kids up due to the distance, and the stepfather is coming down today to pick up the older boy, so will see the kids, which is good. her parents are on OUR side and refuse to have anything to do with her, and are supporting my brother fully, which is amazing. so now he has the support of her parents and also one of the kohanga teachers who lives next door to the mother and is often left with the kids. it was her son who babysat and took a day off work to take care of them. the kohanga woman says the kids arrive monday full of beans as they have spent a weekend with their dad and had good food and a routine. during the week, when they live with the mother, their behaviour gets worse and worse. the kohanga is god knows where up the river, and the 2 kids go there on a bloody bus, which i think is digusting.

[sunhuntin]

ok, an update for those interested :) these kids have been coming to us almost daily for almost a week, and the changes have been astounding!

we are getting there slowly. itll be easier once they start creche next week. we have noticed a few "problems" between the kids such as selfishness, and picking flowers etc, as well as individual problems like breaking and throwing toys and lying. the teachers will be able to help break the bad habits. i worked there a few years ago, so know just how strict they are and how well they stick to their rules [like not going outside with a hat]
we have seen a lot of positives as well. the middle boy, bohdi [2], used to say one word at a time. now, he is speaking sentences up to 4 words and also using words he didnt use before. the eldest, lucia [4], can write her name almost 100%, and all this in a time of about a week. lincoln [1], the youngest, has a few issues that we need to work on, but it should be "easy" enough given his age. he also knows it is wrong, as he looks at us, does whatever and then grins. so its just boundary pushing.
tonight, bohdi is staying here alone... the first night ever hes been away from lucia. hes really bloomed over the last few days. amazing how quickly hes changed.

im just glad they are finally away from their mother. she has 2 older kids, with a girl of about 14 or so. this girl has been wagging school and coming home covered in hickies since she was about 12. wont be long before she has her first kid, just like her mother. the girl is 3rd generation dole bludger. i am relieved that lucia wont grow up like that. with any luck, she will have some self worth and the confidence to break free from the path she was on.

my brother has been given day to day custody until they turn 16, which is great. however, when i read the papers, i noticed lincoln was down as his mothers surname, while the other 2 have their fathers. can lincolns be changed and if so, how much would it cost? brother has already forked out $$ for a birth cert for all the kids [the originals were supposedly lost when the mothers rental burnt down] will he have to get a new one if he changes link's surname?

thanks again for the advice and support. we appreciate it immensly. :)

[Genie]

re: Name Changing

Can be done, both the parents names that are on the birth certificate need to fill out some form and both need to sign it. Cant' remember the cost. I changed my twins surname to our family name, they had their dad's name at birth, what was I thinking. Anyway, there is a cost to have a new certifiate issued and it will show on that there was a name change.

So very pleased to hear things are looking up.

You are truely a beautiful caring young lady....

[Love my Bonnie]

Wow, I am so glad thing are working out of the best.
You must be so relieved.

[sunhuntin]

thanks genie. i highly doubt the mother will sign the paper, which is a bugger. i will pass that on though and see what happens. it seems cruel that he should be different and will only create confusion and probably resentment between the kids as they get older.

bonnie... you have no idea of the weight that is gone from everyones shoulders, particularly the kids. they never wanted to go back to her. i think thats why the changes have been so fast. yes, we are tough on them, but only for their own good [like telling lucia to talk instead of whine when she wants something] but however tough we are, its better than what they came from. least here they get listened to and get a response instead of ignored or told to piss off.

:)

[Genie]

as adults we see things differently than kids do. Having a different sirname is not really a biggie, I understand where you're coming from though. For the child it is more about growing up in a warm loving family environment...having the security of being part of something and 'belonging'.

[Mom]

sorry for the long post... i needed to share and the bitches on the trademe parenting board are vultures.

Far out sweets, all I can share with you right now is a virtual HUG. I have been on the other end of this sort of thing. I used to foster children that were in these unfortunate situations. I can honestly tell you that resources are thinly stretched and sadly, sadly despite the Children and Young Persons mission statement saying that the childrens needs come first, in my experience that tends to be glosssed over. Not fair really, as of course it can be shown to be paramount, in reality it is anything but...

Feeding frenzy females, and males for that matter need a visit from bubba!

[frogfeaturesFZR]

Sunhunting, talk to Work and Income about 'Unsupported Child Benefit' (UCB) for your mum. Then talk to IRD about Family Tax Credit ( FTC ) Ring 0800 559 009 and pick W & I's call centre's brains.

[Paul in NZ]

Sunhunting - you are a good person mate. I hope this does not break your heart cos i think you have a bit of a hard row in front of you. But - good on ya, I have admiration for you for doing the right thing!

[crazyhorse]

finally, finally, we are making headway with removing my neice and nephews from their useless mother.
.
What a sad situation for anyone to be in. And what a terrible life these children have had so far. My thoughts go out to you all. I hope things work out for all concerned

[Genie]

Hey young sunhunter...how are things in your world? I do hope the young ones have settled down nicely and that you and your family are all well and happy.