THE most stupid joke...

[Krayy]

Well I sort of made this one up on the way in....

Q: Did you hear what happened to the guy who had a car without a tow-bar?
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A: He drove off without a hitch!

[John]

:crazy: I will pretend I never opened this thread...

[Ixion]

Mr Hitcher - you're needed.

[Skunk]

Yep, you're right. It is the most stupid joke. :msn-wink:

[Eurodave]

Mr Hitcher - you're needed.

Why? has he got a towbar?

[Sniper]

No, I have a better one.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
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Wheres my tractor?

[Eurodave]

What about the girl who lost her virginity?






Its OK, shes still got the box it came in!

[MSTRS]

I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?

[Eurodave]

I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?

No, but you could ask Richard Branston,he owns several big winged metal virgins

[John]

No, but you could ask Richard Branston,he owns several big winged metal virgins

:killingme:killingme:killingme:killingme
Well done!

[ManDownUnder]

aaaaaaaaaa the pain - the pain!!!!!!


:drinknsin

[Ixion]

Why? has he got a towbar?

Nope. But he's a hitcher

[Eurodave]

This thread is obviously a battle of wits.... with several unarmed men!!!

[Skunk]

This thread is obviously a battle of wits.... with several unarmed men!!!
I was was disarmed once...

[MSTRS]

No, but you could ask Richard Branston,he owns several big winged metal virgins
Oh yeah?? What are their flaps like?

[Ixion]

This thread is obviously a battle of wits.... with several unarmed men!!!

I'm always 'armless - just look nasty. Sometimes I've been legless too.

[Yarg]

This is all too much for a Monday !!! :killingme

[Skunk]

Oh yeah?? What are their flaps like?
Big and ugly... And they like to flash them around.

[Eurodave]

Oh yeah?? What are their flaps like?

virgin flaps? YEAH RIGHT!!!!

[MSTRS]

virgin flaps? YEAH RIGHT!!!!
OH...MY....GOD :puke:

[Eurodave]

OH...MY....GOD :puke:
Well, you did ask.....!!!

[John]

virgin flaps? YEAH RIGHT!!!!

JESUS MOTHER OF ALL THINGS GOOD THAT IS NWS!!! EDIT THAT BEFORE SOME ONE GETS IN POO...

ALSO I"M CONVINCED THAT THEY ARE EX-BALL SACKS :killingme:killingmecould crack some funny noises with them bad boys... :killingme:killingme:killingme

[Biff]

A guy walked into a pub one day and was disgusted by the amount of cigareete smoke in the air. He opened the bar door again, then promptly began to blow all of the cigarette smoke out of the door in a matter of seconds.

"Holy shit!", exclamied a local drinking in the bar, "How the hell did you do that?"
"Well I used to love tractors, ever since I was a kid. Then, last year, I was run over by one", said the guy in response.
"Sorry mate, I don't understand what being knocked down by a tractor has to do with your ability to clear a room of cigarette smoke in seconds", replied the local.
"Well now", replied the guy, "I'm an ex-tractor fan." :whistle:

[Eurodave]

Why was the dwarf confused after walking under a blonde??







Cause he didn't know if he'd just got a box round the ears or a crack on the head!!!

[Hitcher]

I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
Don't worry. All is not lost. You can have it back after completing Brian Tamaki's "rehabilitation" course...

[Hitcher]

Oh yeah?? What are their flaps like?
Partially extended for takeoff, fully extended when landing...

[MSTRS]

the message...yada yada

[v.ros`]

not sure why but i had the biggest laugh from this thread....

The stupidity was outstanding ! It was way above the recommended level of humanity !

Well done :niceone: :niceone:

[Eurodave]

not sure why but i had the biggest laugh from this thread....

The stupidity was outstanding ! It was way above the recommended level of humanity !

Well done :niceone: :niceone:


To quote Elvis "Thankyou, Thankyou very much!" [bows]

[Wolf]

Stupidest joke. I have a workmate (not LiasTZ) and a sister in law who think it's the funniest but, no, it belongs here:

What's brown and sticky?










A stick

[Hitcher]

What's brown and sounds like a bell?


Dung!


What's yellow and goes "click click"?


A ballpoint banana.


What's black and fucks possums?


A car tyre.


What's green and lethal if it falls out of a tree?


A billiard table.


Who was purple and conquered the world?


Alexander the Grape.

[John]

Stupidest joke. I have a workmate (not LiasTZ) and a sister in law who think it's the funniest but, no, it belongs here:

What's brown and sticky?










A stick
Seriously If anyone said that to me they would be swiftly slapped, its such a witty joke I wouldnt know what to do :(

[Biff]

Seriously - these two jokes are my favourties, ever, in the world, honest.


What do you call a donkey with three legs?












A wonkey.








And where does he live?
















In an unstable.

[Eurodave]

What do you call a fly thats had its wings pulled off???





A Walk!!

[Clockwork]

What do you call a donkey with one leg?
A wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye?
A winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love?
A bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love while breaking wind?
A stinky bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love while breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes?
A honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love while breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes and playing piano?
A plinky plonky honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey

[ManDownUnder]

AAAAAAAA THE PAIN

THE PAIN!!!!

[White trash]

How do you sell a deaf man a chicken?

[Biff]

What do you call a donkey with one leg?
A wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye?
A winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love?
A bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love while breaking wind?
A stinky bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love while breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes?
A honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love while breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes and playing piano?
A plinky plonky honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey


:killingme :killingme :killingme

Brilliant - but painful !! (Damned chest infection - hurts when I laugh)

[Sniper]

Hahaha, very funny

[Sniper]

Why did the Elephant paint its toe-nails red?























To hide in a cherry tree :killingme:

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?........... Excactly

[Ixion]

Why did the Elephant paint its toe-nails red?
To hide in a cherry tree :killingme:

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?........... Excactly

T'will only work if it's a female elephant, but.

Cos a male elephant, his balls are gonna hang down. And an elephant's balls are too big to pass off as cherries, even if you paint 'em red.

[White trash]

How do you sell a deaf man a chicken?
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DO YA WANNA BUY A FUCKEN CHICKEN!!!!!!

[Eurodave]

Why did the elephant wear sandshoes?




So he didnt sink in the sand!



Why did the ostrich put his head in the sand?



To look for elephants that didnt wear sandshoes!

[Sniper]

How do you know if there has been an elephant in your fridge?























These footprints in the butter

[Eurodave]

Why is asprin small ,round & white?





Cause if it was big ,round & grey it would be an elephant

[Sniper]

What have 4 legs, 2 big ears and a trunk???
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A mouse going on holiday

[v.ros`]

What's green and lethal if it falls out of a tree?


A billiard table.


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LMFAO !!!! hahhahahaah

this thread is turning into the KILLER MAN !!! LOL !!!


i mean a BILLIARD TABLE !!!! falling from a tree, shit who would even think of such a thing !

ah well guess it was worth opening the thread !

[v.ros`]

oo my turn to transfer some of my stupidty to you lot :)

what did the right leg tell the left leg......
















Dont talk loud, this dick might hear you :blah: :blah:

[Wolf]

What's yellow with black spots and is dangerous?















Shark-infested custard.

[Wolf]

What's black, sits in a tree and is dangerous?















A crow with a machine gun

Jeez, I'm really dredging up the old jokes I read at priamry school - it's truly terrify what I can recall with ease...

[Sniper]

What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun?



Sir




What do you call a gorilla with 2 banana's stuffed in his ears?



Anything you want, he cant hear you

[Clockwork]

How do you know if there has been an elephant in your fridge?























These footprints in the butter


Last time an elephant was in my fridge it was the peanut butter the bastard left his footprints in.

[Marmoot]

How do you put an elephant into the fridge?

Open the door first.






How do you put 2 camels into the fridge?

Open the door first, and take the elephant out.

[Krayy]

What have 4 legs, 2 big ears and a trunk???
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A mouse going on holiday
Well this one has my vote for the funniest, unfunny joke.

[Hitcher]

What's got one eye, six legs and three tails?

Three blind mice and half a snapper...

[Eurodave]

What do you call an Irishman lying under a pile of leaves?





Russell!

[Hitcher]

What do you call a quadraplegic Irishman in a swimming pool?


Bob.

[Eurodave]

How did the Irishman break his leg?




He fell out of the tree while raking up the leaves!

[Hitcher]

Did you hear about the Irish tap-dancer?

Broke his leg when he fell into the sink...

[Eurodave]

What do you call 4 irishmen standing in the middle of a field?





A thicket!

[mini_me]

whats yellow and cant swim?

a bulldozer

[Sniper]

What do you call a man with a shovel on his head?...........................................Do ug



What do you call a man without a shovel on his head?......................... Douglas

[Krayy]

Q: How did the Maori greet the towie when he showed up to take his cage back to town?
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A: Tēnā koutou, car-tower

[Sniper]

What pink and wrinkely and hangs out your pajama's???








Come on............ guess

































Your Grandma

[Marmoot]

Four Ah-Beng decided to open a garage business.
After 2 months, they still wonder why no business comes at all.
You know why?
Because they open up their garage on a 2nd floor.

------

Two Ah-Beng were walking the street, when suddenly one yelled
"Aih, what is that lah?"
"Haiyaa, I dunno lah"
One Ah-Beng look at it
"It looks like shit"
He touched it
"It feels like shit!"
He taste it
"It taste like shit!!!"
"Haiyaa, Im sure it's shit lah....lucky we didn't step on it!"

[munter]

What's green and looks like a bucket?
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........ A green bucket! :yes:

[Eurodave]

Two Ah-Beng were walking the street, when suddenly one yelled
"Aih, what is that lah?"
"Haiyaa, I dunno lah"
One Ah-Beng look at it
"It looks like shit"
He touched it
"It feels like shit!"
He taste it
"It taste like shit!!!"
"Ha
iyaa, Im sure it's shit lah....lucky we didn't step on it!"[/QUOTE]


CHEECH & CHONG RIP OFF!!!

[Marmoot]

CHEECH & CHONG RIP OFF!!!

Who are they?

[Wolf]

Who are they?
Thought you were kidding until I saw your birth date.

A pair of comedians who made a few movies - marijuana related - and did a few records of far-out skits. Really good at doing accents and getting mannerisms (Cockney punk encounters US red neck in one of them, perfect down to standard idiom for the cultures). Famous ones include "Lets Make a Dope Deal" and "Lets Make a New Dope Deal" - rip offs of TV game show format where "Bob Bitchin" has to answer a few simple questions to win vast amounts of drugs and is hampered by the fact he's utterly wasted already (or suffering brain-fry).

Lots of drug-related humour salted with cultural stereotypes, scatology and queer jokes.

The joke being ripped off above is a couple of wasted dudes, I recall, encountering some dog shit. Another one was when a guy tokes a joint and is informed that its partly grass but "mostly Labrador"...

"Labrador?"
"Yeah, man, the dog ate my stash. Had to follow him round with a poopie bag for a week!"

So if they weren't tasting it, they were smokin' it.

[Marmoot]

[QUOTE=Wolf]Thought you were kidding until I saw your birth date.

A pair of comedians who made a few movies - marijuana related - and did a few records of far-out skits. Really good at doing accents and getting mannerisms (Cockney punk ...[QUOTE]

quite admirable jokes.
I like your punchline too "So if they weren't tasting it, they were smokin' it."
:yes:

[MSTRS]

Aaaaah Cheech Marin & Thomas Chong - instigators of the classic 'Earache my eye' :rofl: and the adventures of Ralph & Herbie (Hey FiFi's been here - and here - and over here - think she's trying to tell us something? - yea, that she's got bad kidneys) :killingme

[Wolf]

Fave Cheech and Chong has to be "Rudolph the Ned-rosed Reindeer" - the classic Xmas song done in punk style - classic.

Other great quotes include:

Host: "And now our guest from five-years-ago-tonight - Bob Bitchin! How are ya Bob?"
Bob Bitchin: "Hhhhhnnnnnnnnnn."
Host: "Oh, the same, huh? That's great!"

Host: "Either listen to an entire side of the album "Helen Reddy, The Las Vegas Years" or cut off your finger with a meat cleaver. What's it gonna be, Bob?"
Bob Bitchin: "Gimme the cleaver! Hhhhnnnnnnn." (Thunk!)

[MSTRS]

In fact I use this sound clip as my 'error' sound on my PC It's Cheech as we who know him, love him....

[sunhuntin]

your all nucking futs, lmfao.

[Hitcher]

Who are they?
An Americanised Derek & Clive...

[Marmoot]

An Americanised Derek & Clive...

Who are Derek & Clive?
(seriously....)

[MSTRS]

Peter Cook & Dudley Moore

[Krayy]

Who are Derek & Clive?
(seriously....)
Way back in the 60's/70's there was a comedy duo made up of Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, or just "Pete & Dud". They had a extremely funny show called "Not only, but also" (and most memorable for the episode where at the end they shot Pete & Dud and a grand piano off of the flight deck of the HMS Ark Royal), which had a lot of character sketches in it.

Two of the characters in the show were pub mates who sat around telling tall stories and drinking a bit (bloody Jane Russell). They took this concept to an exterme one evening, with a bottle of whiskey and a mircophone and "Derek and Clive" were born. They made quite a few albums/tapes (of which I have a few of) in this manner and just prattle on about anything and everything, pissed out of their noggins and using the most extreme language. A lot of their stuff was crap, but some of it was pure genius (if you're drunk while listening to it). Classic bits like "Worst job i ever had" (you DON'T want to know) and "Worlds biggest bogey" will live forever in infamy.

[Krayy]

Host: "And now our guest from five-years-ago-tonight - Bob Bitchin! How are ya Bob?"
Bob Bitchin: "Hhhhhnnnnnnnnnn."
Host: "Oh, the same, huh? That's great!"

Host: Last time we met, Bob won the grand prize of a years supply of Maui-Wowie. So Bob, what have you been doing for the last 5 years?
Bob: 5 years man...
Host Yeah Bob, but what have you been doing?
Bob: 5 years man...
Host: Yeah Bob, but WHAT have you been doing?
Bob: 5 years....
Hosts: Oh, I see. You've been DOING 5 years....
Bob: Yeah, I got caught with that stash you gave me...
:rofl:

[MSTRS]

Way back in the 60's/70's there was a comedy duo made up of Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, or just "Pete & Dud". They had a extremely funny show called "Not only, but also" (and most memorable for the episode where at the end they shot Pete & Dud and a grand piano off of the flight deck of the HMS Ark Royal), which had a lot of character sketches in it.

Two of the characters in the show were pub mates who sat around telling tall stories and drinking a bit (bloody Jane Russell). They took this concept to an exterme one evening, with a bottle of whiskey and a mircophone and "Derek and Clive" were born. They made quite a few albums/tapes (of which I have a few of) in this manner and just prattle on about anything and everything, pissed out of their noggins and using the most extreme language. A lot of their stuff was crap, but some of it was pure genius (if you're drunk while listening to it). Classic bits like "Worst job i ever had" (you DON'T want to know) and "Worlds biggest bogey" will live forever in infamy.

And Nurse....
nurse (grunt)
Nurse (gr,,umph)
NURSE (gruntgrumpleoooh)
NURSE (flubberscrunchfart....squelch)
I'm not going to change your sheets again, Mr Hastings

[Krayy]

I was in Whitcoulls at lunchtime and they had a copy of "The complete Pete & Dud". Had transcripts of most of their better sketches (incl. some Derek & Clive) and nice forewords and stories from Peter Cooks son. $70 bucks though.....i might be there tomorrow come to think of it....

[mikey]

How do you sell a deaf man a chicken?


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DO YA WANNA BUY A FUCKEN CHICKEN!!!!!!



crasky upshit

[Biff]

My father was so mean one christmas I asked him for a homing pigeon and an Action Man.

I got a budgie on an elastic band and an empty box.
I asked him what the empty box was and he told me it was an Action Man Deserter. Wanker.