What do I do with this info?

[rustyrobot]

There's a (6 year old) boy who is friends with our kid that sometimes comes over to play after school. Just getting to know him, don't know his family. Anyway, he's casually let slip some pretty scary things about what has gone on in his family before, mostly stuff from before they moved to this town. I don't know his parents other than seeing him at school drop off or when they pick him up. Today I saw his mum at school with his (slightly) older sister, I think she's 11. Her arm was in a sling. The boy has come over to play at our house and on the way home I asked what happened to his sister. Totally casually he told me that his step-father pushed her down the stairs again and this time she broke her arm and had to go to the hospital in Auckland.

So... what the fuck do I do with this info? Have no reason to believe the kid is lying. They HAVE had fucked up stuff going on in the past obviously. Since I don't know the family I can't hit them up on it, but if I go to the police or some agency, I only have the 6 year old's word to go on, and fuck - i don't want to get him in trouble with this asshole who is obviously scary violent.

[mashman]

CYFS or Barnardos... I chose the latter... just in case there was a legitimate excuse for the heath of the child...

[p.dath]

Holy shit. What a hard one. You know if you involve CYFS and there is an innocent explanation the family is probably going to go through two years of hell. But on the other hand you don't want to risk standing by and letting potential child abuse occur.
Children sometimes have a distorted view of reality.

I think I'd agonise over it, and then call CYFS.

[blackdog]

is there a social worker/counsellor at school that can talk to both the kids, see if the stories match up, i guess they are trained to be able to recognise abuse?

a second opinion wouldn't hurt before going any further..........

[JimO]

is there a social worker/counsellor at school that can talk to both the kids, see if the stories match up, i guess they are trained to be able to recognise abuse?

a second opinion wouldn't hurt before going any further..........
what he said

[rustyrobot]

Yeah, will talk to the youth worker at my work tomorrow and maybe the principal at my boy's school. The girl goes to a different (intermediate) school. Definitely won't be sending our boy over to their house. Makes me so fucking mad - beating up on a 11 year old girl. GRRRRRR! :angry:

[EJK]

Yep. A story told and being blamed on is better than being ignorant...



.......I think.

[Mully]

I think I'd agonise over it, and then call CYFS.

This 'un.

Better to be over cautious than do nothing.

[Tank]

Think how bad you will feel if you are wrong and there is no issue and you cause grief for innocent parents.










Now think how bad you will feel if you are right and the kid gets badly injured or killed and you sat on the information.






if you feel worse for the second one - talk to someone - the kids schools is a really good place to start. They see the kids a lot and will hopefully a better idea of the 'warning signs'.

Too many kids have been the victim of people not doing something - dont add to it.

Best of luck.

[yachtie10]

is there a social worker/counsellor at school that can talk to both the kids, see if the stories match up, i guess they are trained to be able to recognise abuse?

a second opinion wouldn't hurt before going any further..........

+1
you need to do something

[GOONR]

....think how bad you will feel if you are right and the kid gets badly injured or killed and you sat on the information.....

+1. That would be enough of a reason for me to take it further if I were in this situation.

[spajohn]

I think you have plenty of good advice already to go with. I would just add that if you start with the school, as for some follow up to ensure that you feel comfortable they have listened to you, rather than chosen to bury it, then you can reassess if it needs to be escalated further, such as to CYFS.

[Mom]

This needs reporting if only to ensure that the young fella that told you this, and it turns out to be porkies, gets some help. School is a great place to start, but I would be inclined to go directly to CYPS myself. That way at least you know you did what you could eh.

Sorry you are in this place too.

[bones135]

I think you have plenty of good advice already to go with. I would just add that if you start with the school, as for some follow up to ensure that you feel comfortable they have listened to you, rather than chosen to bury it, then you can reassess if it needs to be escalated further, such as to CYFS.

I agree, if you can maybe keep an eye on the kids too, maybe any changes in them. Something needs to be done & far better to be safe than sorry....the next time maybe to late.

[oldrider]

If the boy's story is correct, they probably already are known to CYFS, if not let them check it out!

The important one for you to work on is getting your own kids to understand the situation. Good luck, definitely not an easy one for you. :confused:

[sunhuntin]

social worker would be a good start. i would keep a dictophone handy and try and record some of what he says [even if you have to tape for an hour to get one sentence] cos it could be useful. be better if he didnt know about the tape cos kids tend to ham it up when they know they are being taped.

[Genie]

Last year a young boy in my daughter's class left his sweatshirt at school, he is now dead. He took 3 days to die, step father is now in jail, a tragic story.

Even if the young fella is making it up you still need to act, no smoke without fire and a child's life is not worth the risk.

If I was in your situation I would talk to the young lads teacher in the first instance.

[peasea]

Last year a young boy in my daughter's class left his sweatshirt at school, he is now dead. He took 3 days to die, step father is now in jail, a tragic story.

Even if the young fella is making it up you still need to act, no smoke without fire and a child's life is not worth the risk.

If I was in your situation I would talk to the young lads teacher in the first instance.

That's actually not a bad idea, they very soon get a grasp on what the child is like regarding honesty etc. Also, the teacher might have some suggestions (like school counsellor or chaplin etc) that tread very softly in such situations. CYF's would be my very last port of call, they tend to be boneheads.

+1 Genie; teacher first.

[McDuck]

I dont know if tapeing isa good idea, i would tell the cyfs worker what you know and tell them as much as you can about the big sisters arm, there should be an acident report and then they can flag the family for anything else that comes up, dont try to wade into it too much, let the people who know about it deal with it (as in ask them what you should do...)

[rustyrobot]

Thanks everyone. My first thought was to call CYPS but really didn't want to put the family through the ringer if it was ungrounded. I KNOW for sure there has been domestic violence at home, so adds weight to what the boy said. Also I can't emphasize enough how casually he came out with the information when I asked him. Didn't make a big deal out of it, didn't embellish it, and that's what struck me. Totally dumb-founded when he first told me, and I really felt the need to tell someone, so thank you anonymous folk of kiwibiker. Will talk to social worker tomorrow and my son's teacher. Genie, your tale is both sad and very sobering. It makes me appreciate so much our happy family (warts and all).

[Genie]

Strange thing about kids is that what we adults know to be some damn serious stuff, to them ,it's sometimes quite matter-of-fact and they can be extremely blase about stuff. If violence is part of his daily life it won't be such a big deal as he knows of nothing else.
My eyes have begun to be truely opened over the last month working within the school environment....I'm truely blessed with my children and appreciate them so much more. Our children are our blessings and our gifts, to which it is our duty to cherish and love them always.

I do hope things go well for you tomorrow.

[neels]

You can make an anonymous call to cyfs, just tell them that it has come from the kid and you can't confirm that it's true, leave it with them from there. Better to let someone know and have it come to nothing than find out something bad has happened because you did nothing.

They can be quite discreet, someone notified them about us a while ago (not for child abuse by the way) they contacted the headmaster at the school. After he had talked to them he rang to let us know (which he wasn't really supposed to do), he told them that there was nothing to it and we never heard anything else about it.

Give them credit for sometimes getting it right, and it's better to be safe than sorry.