Rhymes/Limericks

[Eurodave]

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Some poems rhyme

And others dont

[MSTRS]

There was a young man from Bombay
Who moulded a c**t out of clay
But the heat of his prick
Turned the clay into brick
And wore all his foreskin away

[Biff]

Mary had a little lamb
and it was always grunting
she tied it to a five bar gate
and kicked the little c**t in.


Mary had a little bike
and rode it on the grass
every time the wheel went round
a spoke went up her arse.




I knew a young man from Calcutta
He was a strange and psychotic nutter
He cut off his dick
then gave it a lick
and decided it taste better with butter.

[Sniper]

Hmmmmmmm

There are 3 types of people in this world
Those who can count and those who cant

[Eurodave]

Mary had a little lamb

But sadly it was dead

So she took it to her school

between two bits of bread

[bugjuice]

My fav from Hale & Pace..

"Some songs are very very long
this one isn't."

[bear]

There once was a man from china,
Who drove a morry minor,
He ran over a rock and spilt his cock,
And now he's got a vagina!

[Krayy]

Mary had a little Bear,
which followed mary everywhere,
and everywhere that Mary went,
she had a Bear behind.


Mary had a little lamb,
a little pork, alittle ham,
a bottle of soda topped with fizz,
oh dear how sick our mary is.

[Hitcher]

There was a young lad from Calcutta
Who had an unfortunate stutter
Who's known to have said
"Please pass the b bread
And the b b b b b b butter."

[Hitcher]

There was a young fellow called Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said "I admit
I'm a bit of a shit
But think of the money I save."

[Hitcher]

There was a young lady called Alice
Who pissed in a Catholic chalice
The Padre agreed
It was done out of need
And not out of protestant malice.

[Hitcher]

There was a young plumber from Leigh
Who was plumbing a maid by the sea.
Said the maid he was plumbing
"I think someone's coming!"
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me!"

[Biff]

Old mother Hubbard
went to the cupboard
to get the poor doggie a bone.
The dogs name was Rover
and when she bent over
the dog gave her a bone of his own.

[Krayy]

Mary had a little lamb
It's feet were black as soot
And everywhere that mary went
His sooty-foot-he-put

[Eurodave]

Little Jack Horner
Sat in a corner
Eating his plum pie
He put in his thumb
And pulled out a bulldozer
And said SHIT I coulda choked on that!

[LB]

.
.
This is a very good way to start the day...keep em coming (as it were)
.
.

[Krayy]

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too, 'cos he was gay!

[Eurodave]

Simple Simon
Met a pieman
Going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the pieman
What have you got there?
PIES CUNT!!!

[Eurodave]

Little Miss Muffet
sat on her tuffett
Eating her curds & whey
Down came a spider
sat down beside her
And she said "fuck off hairy legs!"

[MSTRS]

The boy stood on the burning deck
Picking his nose like mad
He rolled it in a little ball
And flicked it at his dad

[Eurodave]

Things that go bump in the night
Shouldnt give you a fright
Its the hole in each ear
That lets in the fear
That & the absence of light

[Spike Milligan]

[Eurodave]

I must go back one day
Back to the sea & sky
because I left my knickers there
I wonder if they're dry?

[Spike Milligan]

[Wolf]

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite econonical
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical


Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
Nude as the day she was born
I wasn't a spider
That sat down beside her
T'was Little Boy Blue with his horn


Little Miss Muffet
Decided to "rough it"
In a log cabin, old and medieval,
A Bounder espied 'er
And plied 'er with cider
And now she's the forest's Prime Evil

[MSTRS]

Mary had a little lamb
And a big, black dog came along and fucked it

[Sniper]

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was black as charcol
Every time you stroked its back
Sparks flew out its arsehole

[Wolf]

Mary had a little lamb
The midwife fainted.

[Krayy]

...[Spike Milligan]
Ah yes, Spike Milligan......

I don't mind pussy-cats they only eat mice and rats
But a Hippopotamus, well he could eat the lot of us

[What?]

Little Jack Horner
Lay in the corner
Eating his girlfriend's quim
He stuck in his thumb
And pulled out a plum
And said "That's a funny looking cherry"

[ZorsT]

In 1969 the queen was drinking wine
She dropped the glass
And cut her arse
In 1969

[Goddess of Goof]

:D

Said the Duchess, while pouring out tea,

"Do You Fhart When You Pee ?"

I replied with some wit,

"Do you Belch when you Shit ?"

And I thought that was one up to me !


:whistle:


There was a young man called McGruder,
Who wooed a blonde nude in Bermuda.
The Blonde thought it rude
to be wooed in the nude,
But McGruder was shrewder;
And Screwed her!

Ah, these Scotsmen......... :msn-wink:

A young soccer fan called McCloud
was having a f**k in a crowd.
A man up the front
said "I can smell cunt..."
Just quiet, like that, and not loud.

:whistle:

[Wolf]

:D

A young soccer fan called McCloud
was having a f**k in a crowd.
A man up the front
said "I can smell cunt..."
Just quiet, like that, and not loud.

:whistle:
Hmmm, it's interesting that you felt the need to censor one and not the other - and on here of all places. :D

[Goddess of Goof]

Hmmm, it's interesting that you felt the need to censor one and not the other - and on here of all places. :D

:devil2: Well I thought the f**k word would get filtered out if I put it in (as it were) and thought that there was nothing wrong with a cunt, (as it were)

hmmm, Site Grammarian needed here! Hitch, do we need asterisks anymore ?????

:wait:

[Rainbow Wizard]

Little boy blue come blow up your horn
the sheep's in the meadow, the cow's in the corn
where is little boy blue today?
up in the haystack bonking with Gaye

[c4.]

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
so Jack could lick some fanny,
Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock,
Coz Jill was a fuckin tranny.

[MSTRS]

One fine day
In the middle of the night
Two dead men got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords
And shot each other

[Hitcher]

:devil2: Well I thought the f**k word would get filtered out if I put it in (as it were) and thought that there was nothing wrong with a cunt, (as it were)

hmmm, Site Grammarian needed here! Hitch, do we need asterisks anymore ?????

:wait:
As long as you spell them properly, what's the harm?

[Biff]

There was a KBer named Hitcher
he was a habitual bitcher
until nice Mrs H
put a smile on his face
but now he struggles with an uncomfortable blister

:niceone:
All in good fun Mr H.

[Wolf]

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
But Jill prefers the candlestick.

[Hitcher]

There was a KBer named Hitcher
he was a habitual bitcher
until nice Mrs H
put a smile on his face
but now he struggles with an uncomfortable blister


All in good fun Mr H.
I've had it lanced. The poltice will be removed later this week. Still smiling though...

[vifferman]

Hmmm... see iffen I can remember it rightly....


There's holes in the sky
Where the rain gets in
The holes are small
That's why rain is thin.

- Spine Millington

[Coyote]

There was a man called Marti
Who threw a rugby party
He watched a game
And went insane
And did the Hopoate :-p

[Wolf]

There once was a man who lamented:
"A new kind of verse, I've invented,
Five lines has my song
Two short, and three long
And I hope I may never repent it."

[ghost]

Mary had a little skirt
a slit ran up the side
and everywhere that Mary went
the boys could see her thigh
she also had another one
the slit ran up the front
.....
she didnt wear that one

[Lias]

There was a man from Nantucket
Whos dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped cum from his chin
If my mouth was a twat, I would fuck it.

There was a man from Lockett,
Who invented some fuel for a rocket
The force of the blast
Blew his dick up his arse
And his balls ended up in his pocket.

Two lesbians north of the town
Made sixty-nine love on the ground.
Their unbridled lust
Leaked out in the dust
And made so much mud that they drowned

[Wolf]

A fabulous transvestite from Kaitaia
To make fun of The Church did aspire
And he said to the Pope
As his censor did smoke
"Love your frock, but your handbag's on fire."

[ZorsT]

:whistle: There was this person called C4
Who really liked his see-saw
When it broke, he said shit
and then buried it in a pit

That guy called Ghost
Really likes his toast
He really lives in dread
Of the day he runs out of bread

And that fun guy Biff
His pictures make him stiff...
...In the leg...
:devil2:


:whistle:

[Slipstream]

There was a ... young girl ... named Slippy
Who liked to try things that were tricky
She slipped off the bed
And fell on her head
And that's the last time she tried anything kinky

But there was this one time at band camp
Where a guitar was hooked up to a loud amp
The girls got their treats
When it vibrated their seats
And that's why the lead guitarist is a 'champ'

So I better get back to my study
Cos my poetry is getting quite cruddy
My exam is in the morn'
I'm feeling quite worn
I wonder if I'll pass if I show up in the 'nuddy'?

[Hitcher]

There once was a young lass named Lena
Whose writing got keener and keener
But her deft grasp of verse
Took a turn for the worse
And affected her seemly demeanour.

[scroter]

there was a young man from boston
who pulled out his balls to wash em
his wife said Jack
put em back
or i'll put em on the floor and squash em.

[scroter]

CHORUS

Bang bang Lulu, Lulu's gone away
Cause no ones got a Bang bang,
Cause Lulu's gone away

VERSE

Lulu had a bicycle,
the seat was very blunt
and everytime she sat on it
it went right up her bang bang Lulu,

Chorus

VERSE

Lulu had three boy friends,
the first was filthy rich,
the second a son of a milkman
the third a son of a bang bang Lulu

Chorus

argh stuff it this could go on for ages.

[Biff]

This chap they call Goodandsuchlike
In his profile a rusty ole bike
Now there's nout wrong with that
but there's normally a cat
that's taped to the seat and alight.