Who made me the grown up?

[Mom]

Have you ever had a strange desire to commit murder, an overwhelming urge to punch someone, a totally inappropriately timed, spontaneous burst of maniacal laughter? A black sense of humour that can only be appreciated by someone that has shared a similar journey, tears that come unbidden while you are negotiating the poxy traffic on the Auckland motorway after a 10 hour day of utter crap or when you are being so in control organising "stuff", tears after realising you have just banged your head on the same wall as usual with no result knowing full well you will be doing the same tomorrow. The inability to form words that link together coherently when you are trying to show how well you are coping, not being able to dissolve completely for fear of never gathering yourself back, the fear you will not be there. The guilt. The shifting sands of paperwork that need to be done, just when you think enough trees have been sacrificed you discover a whole new pile of paper to put ink on. The stress of misplacing the EPOA we signed the relief when you find it. Yes these are interesting times indeed

I am in the process of assisting my Mother into residential care. I use the term "assisting" as a bit of a salve for my bullying, and tough loving attitude in recent times with her, there is nothing worse than making your Mother cry, unless it is refusing to help her when she calls for help, then you cry. She is currently in Thames hospital, has been there for the past 12 days. This is her 5th admission in 3 months, and comes after she had been at home for 6 days. Those 6 days against the advice of her doctors, the social worker, and expressly against the wishes of her son and grand daughter, and the desire of her daughter, who is her primary remote support person.

An interesting comment she made the other day about sums up what it might be like. “You know I used to worry about being a burden to you, now I don’t care”. I love her to bits but so help me, she pushes her luck :lol:

What a real eye opener this process has been, and continues to be. The darkest humour comes from standing in your living room, with piles of clothes all over the place and a little stack of labels. Your fingers are crossed that your iron is hot enough, when you pick up the first pair of knickers and iron in a name label. The biggest frustration comes from the way the wheels turn, oh so friggen slowly. The calls from one service wanting to know what is happening and not knowing, the calls to the service that should know and learning nothing useful. Day in, day out. Attempting to explain to your unwell Mother what is happening…

The funniest things can save you from utter despair though, buying a single chair for her, the room she is having at the rest home can’t fit any of the sitting furniture she has at home. She is not robust, last weight recorded was 29 kgs, so I opt for an electric lazyboy, she simply could not manage a lever operated one, it tilts up to assist the user to stand up. The young fella in the shop called it a Granny chucker :laugh:

[Genie]

Oh sweets...have no idea just how hard this is for you...my mother is 80 and still lving on her on ...quite well too.

I feel for you and your mum...not a pleasant time and yes the wheels of beaurcacy turn very slowly.

all the best......:grouphug:

[mashman]

was someone teaching granny to suck eggs :shifty:

I work for an aged care service provider and if there's anything you'd like to know, fire away and i'll find out for ya...

[MIXONE]

Went through a similar episode with my mum a while back after she had taken 3 months worth of sleeping pills in one month.Wondered why she was zonked all the time.
She's now in care and it's a load off everyone's mind.

[Mom]

Went through a similar episode with my mum a while back after she had taken 3 months worth of sleeping pills in one month.Wondered why she was zonked all the time.
She's now in care and it's a load off everyone's mind.

Yeah, mine is something of a morphine junkie to be fair, just adds that little bit of spice :D

[Insanity_rules]

I feel your pain, my dear old Ma has a touch of dementia and we had to put her in a home a couple of years back.

[hellokitty]

:love: I used to work in a rest home and I feel for you - I know how bad family members feel and how much stress the family/carers are under.
I have no words of wisdom to share but good luck and don't be too hard on yourself as you have to get though this in one piece too

[crazyhorse]

I feel for you MOM. I would not envy you or anyone in your situation. My father died when I was a teenager, and my mum passed away unexpectedly 2 years ago. However, life has its own plan for us and many face what you are going through.

May it be a comfort to know many of us care from afar and are thinking of you and your family. Especially your Mum, as it must be hard for her too. :hug:

[Maha]

Thames Hospital phoned this morning to say we should get down there asap.
So we did.
Yesterday, Annes Mom was saying she was looking forward to getting up here and sitting in her lazyboy in the sun.
Today, she can hardly speak a word and is on hourly Morphine.
I think her weight now is 28kgs?
Even her good friend the local minister is shocked by how much she has deteriated in the last 24 hours. He was with her yesterday, he helped her out of bed to get to the toilet.
I have come home to get a few things sorted, Anne is still in Thames along with her brother and two eldest children. I will be going back in the morning.

[PrincessBandit]

Oh dear. Thinking of you guys.

[Maha]

Annes Mom passed away this morning about 3am peacefully in her sleep.

[MIXONE]

Condolences.I hope she's in a better place.

[Owl]

Annes Mom passed away this morning about 3am peacefully in her sleep.

Really sorry to hear that!

I was just identifying with Annes first post too. Sucks when you lose your folks:weep:

[yungatart]

So sad to hear your news this morning, Anne. Thinking of you.
:love: tarty

[crazyhorse]

Gosh that did happen quickly. The only good thing is that she did not have to suffer any longer. 28 kg is very slight. A huge hug to Anne and you too Mark.

A new birth is such a celebration, but when a life passes away, it sure leaves an empty void for a long time. My thoughts are with you all. :hug:

[2wheeldrifter]

When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure

Condolences to you....

[NZsarge]

Please pass on my condolences to Mom, despite what ever difficulties one has with ones parents when they depart this mortal coil it's got to be one of the very hardest times one will ever have to endure in ones life. Thinking of you guys....
Sarge.

[Nasty]

Thoughts are with you guys and the kids at this time. Tis a sad time to loose someone so loved, and a hard time to get the head around. You are all in my thoughts.

[MSTRS]

As always, there aren't really any words.
Condolences to you both, esp Anne.

[Her_C4]

Condolances, my thoughts are with you :grouphug:

[mashman]

sorry to hear about your Mum Mom... my condolences to you and the rest of the family...

[Foxzee]

Our thoughts are with you both and your family...never an easy time

[Mom]

Some of you will be aware of how sick my Mother has been in recent times, and just how much of a worrying and stressful time it has been. You know it is 11 years since she first got sick? So I have had plently of time to prepare myself for her passing. Strangest thing, I am shocked to the core about how fast it happened. She obviously did NOT want to come up here and go into care. She has been living alone for the past 10 years since my step Dad had his stroke, and has had some really close brushes with her maker and survived. I have been very worried that she would die alone and suffering, worst for me was alone. It was her call though and I respected that until she was not managing.

If I could have planned and executed (an unfortunate word really) her death I could not have done it better. Her family got there to wish her a safe a speedy journey, and were able to sit and keep her company and comfortable as she reached the end of her life. The doctors and nurses looking after her were amazing, some off duty nurses coming to say goodbye when they heard she was nearing the end. Tears and hugs were the order of the day as we all helped her move to the peace she so richly deserves.

I can not thank the staff at Thames Hospital enough for the care they have extended her over the years, but particularly over the past month. To be met by the nurse caring for your Mother with a hug and tears is something to be treasured indeed. The end came in such a calm and peaceful way, it took a while to register she was not actually with us anymore, a special journey to share with your Mother. Towards the end I said to my eldest daughter that I thought it would not be much longer, and I asked if she wanted to sit on my knee, she came over and we shared the lazy boy and cuddly blanket as we wished the little lady Gods Speed. Precious moments.

Thank you to all of you for your love and support. Your messages have given me such comfort today. I will be putting my Mommy to her final rest on Saturday afternoon.

I do my thing
And you do your thing
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations
And you are not in this world to live up to mine
You are you
And I am I
And if by chance we find each other
It's beautiful

Hug your loved ones for me, for all too soon you will lose them.

[Ronin]

Condolences to you and your family Anne.

[Fatt Max]

Our thoughts and prayers are with you at this time Anne

There are never enough words

Mark, Jackie and Max

[GOONR]

Condolences to Anne and all of the family.

[crazyhorse]

I do my thing
And you do your thing
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations
And you are not in this world to live up to mine
You are you
And I am I
And if by chance we find each other
It's beautiful

Hug your loved ones for me, for all too soon you will lose them.

That is lovely Anne :hug: Even though as you say you have had years to prepare for this, reality is often harder than we think.

:hug: to you all

[chasio]

Condolences to you and all your family, Anne. It has made me think of my mum 12,000 miles away. I'll give her a ring, ay.

Chasio

[oldrider]

Condolences and best wishes through a painful and confusing time! :grouphug: John and Pip.

[Scouse]

Condolences to you Anne and Mark and Family

[Lucyloo]

Our thoughts are with you and your family Mom.
Lisa and Dave.

[Grahameeboy]

Where is the service being held Mom :innocent:

[Genie]

I've not known how to respond to your post concerning the passing of your mother...words are so inadequate and just don't convey how much i feel for you and your family at this time.

Life is precious and every moment that we have with our loved ones should be cherished, even those moments when they annoy the hell out of us, we love them still.

You are in my thoughts and my most sincere condolences to you and yours.

[Big Col]

My thoughts to.
I've not known how to respond to your post conecerning the passing of your mother...words are so inadequate and just don't convey how much i feel for you and your family at this time.

Life is precious and every moment that we have with our loved should be cherished, even those moments when they annoy the hell out of us, we love them still.

You are in my thoughts and my most sincere condolences to you and yours.

[Paul in NZ]

Vicki and my thoughts are with you at this difficult time.... Mothers are both tricky and wonderful and Mark Twain said, "My mother had a great deal of difficulty with me, but I think she enjoyed it" You are a fine person, I'll bet your mother was very proud of you.

[NONONO]

in my thoughts Mom, too tough for words.
God bless.

[Mom]

Where is the service being held Mom :innocent:

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/classifieds/linead.cfm?pillar=14&subpillar=103&adid=7604356001




Life is precious and every moment that we have with our loved should be cherished, even those moments when they annoy the hell out of us, we love them still.
You are in my thoughts and my most sincere condolences to you and yours.

Weird shit, I have come on here to relax :D Thank you, it is going to take a long time to acknowledge stuff, stuff like all the good wishes of these amazing folk I have never met. The scarey part is, if they are anything like the ones I have met then I may never make a smart arse post on here again, I will be too busy.

I lost my Mommy. I identified the feeling that I have inside me at the moment though. I hope it will begin to overide the hollow core that I have in my middle right now, I am proud of myself. Proud of the way I was there. Just that. I was there. I was there for Mom.

[Number One]

Note to self...when not frequenting KB much I must always read further ahead before passing on messages....

Thinking of you

[86GSXR]

Very sorry to read this. Some lovely words there Anne.

Michelle and Alistair

[Grahameeboy]

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/classifieds/linead.cfm?pillar=14&subpillar=103&adid=7604356001





Weird shit, I have come on here to relax :D Thank you, it is going to take a long time to acknowledge stuff, stuff like all the good wishes of these amazing folk I have never met. The scarey part is, if they are anything like the ones I have met then I may never make a smart arse post on here again, I will be too busy.

I lost my Mommy. I identified the feeling that I have inside me at the moment though. I hope it will begin to overide the hollow core that I have in my middle right now, I am proud of myself. Proud of the way I was there. Just that. I was there. I was there for Mom.

Totally Mom...you know I am there for Nats come what may so I can have empathy with you....

[buellbabe]

Oh Mom,

Just reading your post brought tears to my eyes.

Hugs to you.

My grandmother suffered from Alzheimers and my biggest fear is that my mother may also succumb to it... thankfully she is 75 and still going strong but then so was Gma. She didn't get it til late in life and lived to 92...

I hope I have the strength to be there for my mother like she was for hers.

[Mom]

A friend of Moms used the expression "Lying in State" when she saw Mom at the church.

And that is exactly what she was doing.

Her instructions were clear - ish.

We must have been confused and not listening clearly when she said "I dont want speachifying" because she had to listen to some lovey words spoken by her friends and family. What a wonderful and lovely way to farewell your Mommy. She is at peace and looked it too.

I am not competely sure how I will manage Mom,o'clock from now on to be fair, but I would not wish her back for anything.

Goodbye Mom, I loved you so much. Being with you, and being able to do what needed to be done, as you went to be reunited with all your loved ones that have gone before, is something I will treasure to the end of my days.

[Edbear]

Annes Mom passed away this morning about 3am peacefully in her sleep.


http://www.nzherald.co.nz/classifieds/linead.cfm?pillar=14&subpillar=103&adid=7604356001

Weird shit, I have come on here to relax :D Thank you, it is going to take a long time to acknowledge stuff, stuff like all the good wishes of these amazing folk I have never met. The scarey part is, if they are anything like the ones I have met then I may never make a smart arse post on here again, I will be too busy.

I lost my Mommy. I identified the feeling that I have inside me at the moment though. I hope it will begin to overide the hollow core that I have in my middle right now, I am proud of myself. Proud of the way I was there. Just that. I was there. I was there for Mom.


A friend of Moms used the expression "Lying in State" when she saw Mom at the church.

And that is exactly what she was doing.

Her instructions were clear - ish.

We must have been confused and not listening clearly when she said "I dont want speachifying" because she had to listen to some lovey words spoken by her friends and family. What a wonderful and lovely way to farewell your Mommy. She is at peace and looked it too.

I am not competely sure how I will manage Mom,o'clock from now on to be fair, but I would not wish her back for anything.

Goodbye Mom, I loved you so much. Being with you, and being able to do what needed to be done, as you went to be reunited with all your loved ones that have gone before, is something I will treasure to the end of my days.

Sorry, guys I hadn't kept up with this thread. Condolences to you. Having been through it with my Dad, Jill's Dad and Stepmum and now worrying about her birth Mum who is having some problems since turning 80 recently, I know it's not easy. Thoughts are with you both. :hug:

[hellokitty]

I lost my Mommy.

:crybaby: :hug: That made me cry...... I don't know you but damn you must be hurting.

[Virago]

I'm just catching up with this too. A sad loss, effectively ending some stressful times - I can understand the turmoil of emotions.

When I lost my Dad after a long illness back in 2001, the most surprising emotion that broke through was relief - a gladness that it was finally over. That was followed soon after by guilt - for feeling relieved. It's not easy, but it doesn't matter.

Just go with the flow - laugh, cry, remember, forgive. Move forward, with no regrets.

[Mom]

relief - a gladness that it was finally over. Just go with the flow - laugh, cry, remember, forgive. Move forward, with no regrets.

Thank you. I wont feel guilt (I hope), I am certainly relieved. Very sad and devastated follow closely.

Forgive is one that I overlooked. Wise words them.

I have no regrets, though I would not mind losing this chest pain, the drive back to Thames tomorrow will be interesting :yes:

[jafar]

Thank you. I wont feel guilt (I hope), I am certainly relieved. Very sad and devastated follow closely.

Forgive is one that I overlooked. Wise words them.

I have no regrets, though I would not mind losing this chest pain, the drive back to Thames tomorrow will be interesting :yes:

Sorry to hear about your mum mom. Remember the good times you had & know she is now at peace.:love:

[Mom]

Well I am pleased with what I achieved today, all the equipment that Mom relied on is back where it needs to be. I donated the electric over blanket I bought for her to Hospice for someone else to use, it is soft and light and can be used with the vibrating air matress where other ones cant.

The toilet at her place is unblocked, talk about Mom getting the last laugh, the shitter packed up on the day of her funeral :pinch: There are 5 rubbish bags at the gate for collection tomorrow and no perishables in the house, no food either for that matter. Her bed is stripped and the sheets washed, the stuff she had with her at the hospital is also clean. The hot water is turned off, as is the fridge and all standby appliances are unplugged.

I have her will - the original so I can get probate sorted. I had an argument with a lawyer and won :yes: Why would I pay a lawyer in Thames to apply for probate when I live in Warkworth? I have the DVD's of the service so I can send them to her brothers and sister tomorrow. I found a beautiful card for one of Moms closest friends, and wrote in ti and delivered it to the church, he is the vicar that took Moms service for us and will be missing her very much.

I had a lovely meeting with Moms hospice nurse and got to thank her for all her support over the past year or so, she said some lovely things about her that made me cry :D The tears have flowed on and off all day really as I did what had to be done, but the most I cried was when this fantastic woman offered to take Moms cat and care for her. The cat is old, and timid, and probably not as healthy as it could be. I saw her today but she would not come too close, she was meowing so hard out, must be missing Mom so much. This angel just said no problem I will take your Moms cat and get a vet visit to give it a check up and I will keep her here. She is being fed by neighbours at the moment and I needed to find a permanent solution as they dont want to keep looking after her.

I got through Mom o'clock for the 2nd day running :Punk:

[Genie]

I so wish I could give you a big hug.....you're an amazing woman and one your mum would have been so proud of.

[caseye]

I so wish I could give you a big hug.....you're an amazing woman and one your mum would have been so proud of.

X2 Anne! Couldn't just sit here and not tell you how proud of you we are.I'm sure ol Maha is somewhere around the place, so tell him he'll get a big kiss when we catch up but for the meantime remember, time for Anne.
Take care my friends.

[FROSTY]

I'm sorry to have just seen the news Mom. Big ups to you for doing what needed doing.