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Biff
30th May 2005, 16:25
Do you lot remember this? It's a true take on a spat between Microshaft and GM some years ago. Another thread reminded me of it.

Well I think it's funny anyhoo.

If General Motors Were Like Microsoft

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, GM issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT." But then you have would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

That Guy
30th May 2005, 16:39
great - haven't seen that before but so true. Did Gates ever repsond?

Wolf
30th May 2005, 17:04
Apparently Mr Welch did retort "Who wants to drive a car that crashes five times a day" which probably inspired the above - variants of which have circulated for years. A version I saw had "ABS brakes would ask "are you sure" before working."

It's internet fiction - but good fiction.

Yarg
30th May 2005, 17:07
That been around a while.

zadok
30th May 2005, 17:24
I had not heard it before, but I like it! :yes:

Biff
30th May 2005, 20:02
That been around a while.

Well done that man. Read the intro did you?


great - haven't seen that before but so true. Did Gates ever repsond?

Don't know sorry.

Sniper
1st June 2005, 12:13
Nice Biff :)

froggyfrenchman
2nd January 2006, 19:07
Dont know if this has been posted before, if so can a kind mod please delete.

Couple of yrs ago at a computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: if GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they painted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to re-install the engine.

4. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

5. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

6. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

7. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Dept.

8. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

9. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

froggyfrenchman
2nd January 2006, 19:33
cheers super dave!

ducatilover
2nd January 2006, 21:34
hahahaha fucken classic:hug: ;)

Sniper
2nd January 2006, 21:52
Brilliant........

LXS
2nd January 2006, 22:03
:rofl: cheers mate.

What?
3rd January 2006, 06:50
Classic joke, but not a true story.
And it has been here before - at least once. But most things have been, or will be.

froggyfrenchman
3rd January 2006, 19:34
Classic joke, but not a true story.
And it has been here before - at least once. But most things have been, or will be.

yeah, quick search couldnt find it. Guess somone else will re repost it in 6mnths

SPORK
3rd January 2006, 21:43
Additional-generic-one-word-compliment!

Colapop
4th January 2006, 15:53
Add another from me - slow 1st day back.

flash
4th January 2006, 22:50
love it and never seen it before ;)

WRT
5th January 2006, 12:42
And the air bag would ask "are you sure?" before it deployed.

bugjuice
5th January 2006, 12:44
there's also an 'Apple' version of it too, but I forget what it blabs on about..
good classic tho

Korea
5th January 2006, 13:01
Dude, that one is sooo old ~ still good tho' ;)

Wolf
9th January 2006, 15:27
Hybrid of the old "If Microsoft Built Motorcycles/Cars" jokes that circulated during the 80's and a misquote of an allegedly true exchange between Bill Gates and the Chairman of GM - Gates did make the comment re "if cars had progressed at the same rate as computers..." and the Chaiman of GM apparently replied "But who wants a car that crashes everyday?"

Unforgiven
18th February 2007, 16:57
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics

(and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the

road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh! would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Dai
18th February 2007, 17:05
About 12 years late posting this one.

Still good though

Sniper
18th February 2007, 17:18
http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=22463&highlight=Microsoft

marty
18th February 2007, 17:38
even earlier....

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=12642&highlight=microsoft

and reality

http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/autos.asp

marty
18th February 2007, 17:40
well it did take over 12....

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showpost.php?p=461843&postcount=7

crazyhorse
23rd May 2010, 13:07
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, 'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to Bill 's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash....... ...Twice a day.

2.. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3... Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.

PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call 'customer service' in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!!