Offensive jokes

[Usarka]

Don't read if you're offended by anything at all.


• The rescue workers at the Pakistan flood area say that the smell of bodies is unbearable. They expect it to get worse when they start finding the dead ones.

• A charity single has been released in aid of the Pakistan Flood Relief. It's called, "Raindrops Keep Falling On Ahmed."

• There were no survivors from that recent Pakistani Airlines plane that crashed, killing all 152 people on board. Both families are devastated.

• Paddy got arrested in B & Q today for punching an African woman at the till. He claims it wasn't his fault as his father had told him to go in and get a Black and Decker.


• A lesbian went for a smear test and the doctor told her, "That's the cleanest vagina I've seen!" The lesbian replied, "Yes, I have a woman in twice a week!"

• Paddy and his wife were discussing their sex life. Paddy said, "I want to try that wheelbarrow position tonight."
His wife asked, "What is that?"
Paddy told her, "You bend over, put your hands on the floor then I pick your legs up and take you from behind!"
His wife said, "Hmm, okay, I'll do it on two conditions. First, if it hurts you stop immediately and, second, ... we don't go down past my mother's house!"

• My teenage son told me that he had sex with the neighbour's daughter last night for the first time. "Well done, son," I said, "I hope you used something though?"
He replied, "Yeah, a balaclava!"

• I went to the doctor while I was on holiday in Bangkok recently, to get my testicles checked out.
While the doc was cupping my dangly bits, she said, "Don't worry, it's normal to get an erection during this kind of examination."
I said, "I haven't got an erection!"
She replied, "No, but I have!"

• Ramadan is here again. The one time of the year when Muslims cannot eat or drink within the hours of daylight, they just starve. Never has the term, "Not enough hours in the day" been more appropriate!

• A little Pakistani girl goes to her mother and says, "Mummy, I don't want to be a lesbian when I grow up!"
Her mother says, "What makes you think you'll be a lesbian, Minjeeta?"

• A bloke was sitting on a bus when a gorgeous woman next to him starts breastfeeding her baby. The baby won't take it so she says, "Come on, eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here." Ten minutes later, the baby is still not feeding so she says again, "Eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here."
The bloke says, "Listen, love, can you make your bloody mind up, I should've got off four stops ago!"

• French foreplay: Dinner, wine, sex!
Italian foreplay: Dinner, wine, caressing, sex!
Latino foreplay: Dinner, wine, dancing, caressing, sex!
Scottish foreplay: "Haw, ye awake?"

• I fostered a Muslim child yesterday..... all four cans hit him on the head!

• The guy who owned the Odeon cinema group has died. His funeral is next Friday at 2.10, 4.20 and 8.40.

[marty]

i'm offended

[Usarka]

My job here is done :drinkup:

[nallac]

i'm offended

I'm not..........

[bogan]

didn't get offended, but a few lols.

especially this one :laugh:


• I fostered a Muslim child yesterday..... all four cans hit him on the head!

[SMOKEU]

Did you hear about the nigger who had an abortion? Crime stoppers gave her a cheque for $500!


What's the worst thing you can call a black person starting with N and ending with R?

















Neighbour!

[Gremlin]

What does a redneck's chainsaw sound like?

Run Nigger Nigger Nigger

[MSTRS]

I had someone at the door yesterday, collecting for the Pakistani flood appeal. I gave him 2 buckets of water,

[Gremlin]

Hehehe, they need sponges not water :lol:

[Usarka]

Or some persil liquid - because every body is washing up.

[Swoop]

i'm offended
Likewise.

The title states "Offensive" jokes, but there haven't been any posted in this thread.
Mods: Can we please change the thread title to "mildy offensive jokes" please?

[Maha]

Only laughed once..."What makes you think you'll be a lesbian, Minjeeta?"...:laugh:
The rest of it was non offensive and non funny.

[SMOKEU]

Likewise.

The title states "Offensive" jokes, but there haven't been any posted in this thread.
Mods: Can we please change the thread title to "mildy offensive jokes" please?

I could say some really offensive jokes, but then I would end up getting a whole lot of red rep and some abusive PMs, and probably an infraction from the mods.

[Cayman911]

I've got lots. but as above. it'll just be followed by complaints

[Laava]

I could say some really offensive jokes, but then I would end up getting a whole lot of red rep and some abusive PMs, and probably an infraction from the mods.

You mean, cos you're a nazi?

[SMOKEU]

You mean, cos you're a nazi?

Neo Nazi, get it right. Nah, I'm just joking. I'm not a Nazi.

[Laava]

Then you should get rid of your swastikas. They make you seem like a nazi fucktard

[SMOKEU]

Then you should get rid of your swastikas. They make you seem like a nazi fucktard

Ignorance is bliss http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swastika

http://www.google.co.nz/imgres?imgurl=http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/454/dbe/454dbe4b-6a87-4e0d-8c0d-5ff7b6ca9569&imgrefurl=http://uspolitics.tribe.net/photos/454dbe4b-6a87-4e0d-8c0d-5ff7b6ca9569&usg=__1gk70rBckm15LsnrlA8dMHm3TCQ=&h=336&w=300&sz=38&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=O8xn70pnbh55WM:&tbnh=133&tbnw=123&prev=/images%3Fq%3Ddon%27t%2Bfeed%2Bthe%2Btroll%26um%3D1 %26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26sa%3DN%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26biw%3D1680%26bih%3D857%26tbs%3Disch: 1&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=712&vpy=54&dur=2162&hovh=238&hovw=212&tx=117&ty=116&ei=zuFwTI2RAYq8sQPwprD_Cg&oei=zuFwTI2RAYq8sQPwprD_Cg&esq=1&page=1&ndsp=47&ved=1t:429,r:4,s:0

[Laava]

I am fully aware of that. Carry on seeming then

[Bren]

people dont find these jokes all that offncive....but when you bring up jokes about kittens you get red repped to the max!!!

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php/54861-For-all-the-cat-lovers-out-there...

Bring on the red rep....again lol

[Cayman911]

there's always gonna be one softcock around who will click on the offensive jokes thread and get offended and complain and bitch about it.

[SMOKEU]

there's always gonna be one softcock around who will click on the offensive jokes thread and get offended and complain and bitch about it.

That's what really pisses me off. No one is forcing these muppets to read these threads, and I do get fucked off when people with too much spare time feel the need to give me abuse just because they don't agree with something I've said. As far as I'm concerned, I have the right to my own opinion and if people don't like it, then they should ignore what I've said and move on.

[Swoop]

people dont find these jokes all that offncive....but when you bring up jokes about kittens you get red repped to the max!!!

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php/54861-For-all-the-cat-lovers-out-there...

Bring on the red rep....again lol
Fully explained in post #7 of that thread. Some people need to get a life.

[Banditbandit]

I could say some really offensive jokes, but then I would end up getting a whole lot of red rep and some abusive PMs, and probably an infraction from the mods.

WIMP ... Actually not a lot here that are really offensive ...

A policeman sees a Ku Klux Klan member pouring petrol over niggers .. goes over and asks him; 'What are you doing?"

"About 17 to the gallon," the Klan member replies ...

[awayatc]

don't snigger you nigger
the clan is getting bigger........

[bogan]

people dont find these jokes all that offncive....but when you bring up jokes about kittens you get red repped to the max!!!

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php/54861-For-all-the-cat-lovers-out-there...

Bring on the red rep....again lol

hahahaha, though you did have a different target audience that time; this ones gives a pretty obvious warning.

and heres some you may enjoy:

The new barman in the pub is black, so I said to him, "Beer please, nigger."
He hit the roof and said, "Why don't we swap places, let's see how you like it."
So I went round the bar, he walked out then came back in and said, "Beer please, honkey."
I said, "Sorry mate, we don't serve niggers in here."

My wife had a job interview for a camera store the other day.
Before she left, she knew I'd have a joke lined up, and so she said "please don't give me any of your silly puns, like, You're a snappy dresser, or it'll be over in a flash..."
So I punched her in the face, and said: "That bruise should develop in about an hour and if you interrupt my jokes again, well, you get the picture.."

My gay brother has recently been diagnosed with HIV
What a bummer...

I used to go out with an English teacher, but she dumped me.
She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon.

My missus told me the shittest joke I've ever heard earlier. "What's the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women."
She laughed hysterically until I punched her in the balls.

BBC News: Australia has its first female PM.
I predict their economy will crash... Into the back of another economy.

I always feel an intense awkwardness when a woman doesn't choose the iron in a game of Monopoly.

all courtesy of sickipedia

Over a year and a half of insulting niggers, pakis, jews, and any other race we can think of, yet legal action against sickipedia is only considered after taking the piss out of a dead white girl.
Good to know the authorities are still as racist as we are.

[SMOKEU]

I like black people . . .
. . I used to have some black friends 'till my dad sold them!


Why are niggers getting stronger?
T.V.s are getting bigger!


How do you know if you're at a gay picnic?
The hotdogs taste like shit!


What do you call a ship full of fags?
The navy!

[Banditbandit]

don't snigger you nigger
the clan is getting bigger........

Only in their own imaginations ...

http://ianstuart.weebly.com/uploads/4/8/0/7/4807875/6443434.jpg

Oh My God .. I wonder if he'll make it out alive ?

[avgas]

How do you know a white guy is fucking your wife?
- She is still pleased with your cock size

How do you know a black guy is fucking your wife?
- Your TV is missing

How do you know your best friend is fucking your wife?
- You have more time in the day to fuck his

[Love my Bonnie]

How do you know your wife is dead?
the sex is the same but the dishes are piling up.

[Cayman911]

-whats the difference between a cake and a jew....
i dont burn my cakes...

-whats long and black
the unimployment line

-why do black people have white palms?
cuz there is a little bit of good in everybody...

-How many jews can fit in a sports car?
60. one driving, 2 in the back, one in a passenger side, and the others in the ashtray

- Why does Mexico never win any gold medals in the olympics?
Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim is already over the border.

- Why does a bride wear white?
so she can match the stove, dish washer and fridge

-whats the difference between a jew and a boyscout?
boyscouts come home from camp

-What's the worst thing about being a black Jew?
You have to sit at the back of the oven

-What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap the mosquito on top of the head it'll stop sucking

-Whats the difference between iron man and iron woman?
One's a superhero and the other's a command.

-Why are women's feet shorter?
So they can stand closer to the stove

[slofox]

I was watching a horror film earlier with the wife. She was absolutely shitting herself.
The laxatives I slipped in her tea worked a fucking treat.


Two country boys sat in the pub and the first one said: “see that Miranda, farmer Jones’s daughter”
“Yes”
“Well she takes a carrot down to the bottom field rams it in a hole in the fence and fucks it.” He said: “You haven’t had a fuck for ages, why don’t you go down and substitute your cock for the carrot?”
Second one said: “I will”
Next day, the second one came to the pub in agony.
First one said: “what’s wrong with you?”
“I did what you said. I went down to the bottom field and substituted my cock for the carrot”
“What happened?”
“You could have told me she fucking peels it”


Americans! i can help you lose weight with 1 golden rule!!
no credit card required!
no payment at all - it's free!!!
no need for diet pills with adverse side effects!
be the envy of your fat friends!
doesn't matter if you're 'big boned'!!!
doesn't matter if you've got a low metabolism!!!
no excuses!!!

here it is!! golden rule:
Eat less. Move more.
You fat cunts.


I won't miss my wife...
...Not when I have a telescopic sight on my rifle.

[avgas]

Bum1 : Hey man, how you going?
Bum2 : Good, how about you - didn't see you last night.
Bum1: Really good, yeah I got some sex last night.
Bum2 : Sex? Where?
Bum1 : Down by the rail road tracks - she was fucking hot, great body, even got to fuck her in the ass.
Bum2: Shit that's awesome.....hey did you get a blow-job?
Bum1 : Nah......couldn't find her head

[Kornholio]

Had some good chortles... was gonna post some redneck jokes but that would be just putting shit on myself :sunny::shifty:

[SMOKEU]

Had some good chortles... was gonna post some redneck jokes but that would be just putting shit on myself :sunny::shifty:

The fun police will get over it eventually.

[avgas]

Ok guys here is a scenario for you all.
If you woke up, in a tent, your arse hurts real bad, your naked.....and a condom is hanging out of your arse full of cum. Would you tell anyone?





























































































































Wanna go camping?

[bogan]

-whats the difference between a cake and a jew....
i dont burn my cakes...

-whats long and black
the unimployment line

-why do black people have white palms?
cuz there is a little bit of good in everybody...

-How many jews can fit in a sports car?
60. one driving, 2 in the back, one in a passenger side, and the others in the ashtray

- Why does Mexico never win any gold medals in the olympics?
Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim is already over the border.

- Why does a bride wear white?
so she can match the stove, dish washer and fridge

-whats the difference between a jew and a boyscout?
boyscouts come home from camp

-What's the worst thing about being a black Jew?
You have to sit at the back of the oven

-What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap the mosquito on top of the head it'll stop sucking

-Whats the difference between iron man and iron woman?
One's a superhero and the other's a command.

-Why are women's feet shorter?
So they can stand closer to the stove

some of those are worthy of the offensive title! still fucking lols though.

remembered one more

Got the Christmas tree lights out last night,and you know what,they remind me of niggers
Hardly any of them work, they're all chained together and they look best hanging from a tree

[SMOKEU]

How do you stop a nigger from hanging out in front of your house?
Hang him out the back!



How do you get 10 niggers into a Mini?
Throw in a welfare cheque!

How do you get them out again?
Throw in a job application!


How do you get a nigger out of a tree?
Cut the rope!

[Love my Bonnie]

& I quote

what do you say when you wake up in th emiddle of the night & see your TV floating?
Drop it nigger.

Did you hear about Klu Klux Kenevil, he tried to jump 40,000 niggers in a steam roller & failed.
now you know why the road is black!

[98tls]

Newcastle police are dumbfounded after the recent death of a black family killed by a falling tree during a storm,they said "we had no idea they were living up there".

[98tls]

How long does it take before a nigger baby explodes in the micro-wave?,no idea i was to busy masturbating to notice.

[98tls]

A 12 year old girl sits on Santas knee "what would you like for xmas little girl" he says,"some hair on my cunt" she replies,"would a white beard do?" he answers.

[98tls]

A womens uncomfortable watching you wank do you A think shes a prude B think you need to get to know her better C think she should have sat somewhere else on the bus.?

[T.W.R]

White guy goes into the delivery room at the hospital, the nurse hands him a black baby whilst asking "is this yours?" bloke says "yeah probably, my wife burns fuckin everything!"

[SMOKEU]

What did the hot dog vendor at the World Trade Center say?
Who ordered 2 jumbos!


Why did Hitler cry when he got to heaven?
God gave him his gas bill!


What's the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew?
Santa Claus goes down the chimney!

[bogan]

What did the hot dog vendor at the World Trade Center say?
Who ordered 2 jumbos!


Why did Hitler cry when he got to heaven?
God gave him his gas bill!


What's the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew?
Santa Claus goes down the chimney!

fucking brilliant dude. Is anyone else curious as to their friends level of offendability? more specifically those with facebooks, you see where I'm going with this, put 5 or so most offensive up and wait for the results, who's up for it?

[SMOKEU]

fucking brilliant dude. Is anyone else curious as to their friends level of offendability? more specifically those with facebooks, you see where I'm going with this, put 5 or so most offensive up and wait for the results, who's up for it?

I would if I had one of those spacebook thingies.

[EJK]

fucking brilliant dude. Is anyone else curious as to their friends level of offendability? more specifically those with facebooks, you see where I'm going with this, put 5 or so most offensive up and wait for the results, who's up for it?

Don't forget to take a screenshot :yes:

[98tls]

I would if I had one of those spacebook thingies.

To many niggers on there anyway.:shit:Was a time when they would just break in trash your house and fuck off but these days they take the puter to.

[SMOKEU]

To many niggers on there anyway.:shit:Was a time when they would just break in trash your house and fuck off but these days they take the puter to.

Fucking oath mate, I left South Africa to get away from the cunts and look what it's like over here!

[98tls]

Fucking oath mate, I left South Africa to get away from the cunts and look what it's like over here! :killingme:killingmeWas yapping to a bloke on Stormfront just the other day who lives in Capetown,gives a whole new slant to "neighbourhood watch"

[SMOKEU]

:killingme:killingmeWas yapping to a bloke on Stormfront just the other day who lives in Capetown,gives a whole new slant to "neighbourhood watch"

I was thinking about joining Stormfront, I don't know why I haven't signed up already!

[bogan]

done posted it, had to do a 3 parter cos of text limit on the facethingumy, crap fucking site, no wonder i don't use it much.

wonder if any of my 3 friends will be offended :laugh:

[98tls]

I was thinking about joining Stormfront, I don't know why I haven't signed up already!

Possibly because you would find such a place offensive and not funny therefore not in the spirit of this thread:shit:

[SMOKEU]

Possibly because you would find such a place offensive and not funny therefore not in the spirit of this thread:shit:

I just signed up. :ar15:

[98tls]

I just signed up. :ar15:

:rofl:Oh well,be sure to check out the "opposing views" forum,funny as fuck.

[SMOKEU]

:rofl:Oh well,be sure to check out the "opposing views" forum,funny as fuck.

Will do, are you a skinhead as well?

[98tls]

Will do, are you a skinhead as well? Yea but not by choice,i prefer to call it my Halo.

[SMOKEU]

Yea but not by choice,i prefer to call it my Halo.

Haha, fair enough. I've gone full skinner. Oi fucken oi!

[avgas]

Whats the worse thing about fucking a 4 year old.
Getting the bloodstains out of the clown suit.

[Banditbandit]

Haha, fair enough. I've gone full skinner. Oi fucken oi!

F'ken wankers ... piss off back to your own fucked up country ...

[onearmedbandit]

F'ken wankers ... piss off back to your own fucked up country ...

Ignore him, he's simply fishing for a reaction. I'm sure you'll find in real life he wouldn't talk like he does on the internet.

[Banditbandit]

Ignore him, he's simply fishing for a reaction. I'm sure you'll find in real life he wouldn't talk like he does on the internet.

I'm sure if he did his skinhead would come in contact with knuckle sandwiches ..

[Scuba_Steve]

Not so offensive jokes (the targeted group has to understand the joke for it to be offensive), but I thought we needed some from the other camp.

Q: How many times does a skinhead laugh at a joke? A: Three...once when he hears it, once when it's explained to him, and once when he gets it.

Q: What's the difference between a skinhead and a computer? A: You only gotta punch information in a computer once.

[Banditbandit]

A nun sat on train.

A skinhead sits in front of her eating a bag of prawns. He, then, starts spitting the heads at her. The nun picks them up and throws them out the window.

Suddenly, she pulls the emergency stop cord.

The skinhead says, "You stupid bitch! You'll get a $50 fine for that!"

The nun replied, "When I shout rape and the police smell your finger you'll get 10 years."

[Kickaha]

I just signed up. :ar15:

You'd fit in well with with all the other retards on there Draadtrekker

[DMNTD]

Paddy phones the Rape Helpline "OK. . . I've got her pinned down, Now what?"

[T.W.R]

You'd fit in well with with all the other retards on there Draadtrekker


:shutup: ............

[Banditbandit]

I would like to apolosie ...

Over the past few weeks I have received many funny images/jokes and have emailed them to friends who I thought shared a similar sense of humor.

Unfortunately, I seem to have upset a few people and received criticism for being sexist and shallow. If you feel that way, I would like to apologize and demonstrate my willingness to change.

From now on I will try to send only pictures of old monuments, nature and other cultural sights which are educational or of historical significance.


Here is a picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge in Toulouse, France.






http://ianstuart.weebly.com/uploads/4/8/0/7/4807875/8040843.jpg

[Gremlin]

nice try banditbandit, but you failed again. There is no bridge in that shot, its a trick.

[SMOKEU]

Ignore him, he's simply fishing for a reaction. I'm sure you'll find in real life he wouldn't talk like he does on the internet.

I've said this time and time again, some people still take the bait hook, line and sinker.

[Banditbandit]

nice try banditbandit, but you failed again. There is no bridge in that shot, its a trick.

Naw .. you just all got one track minds ... :innocent:

[SMOKEU]

F'ken wankers ... piss off back to your own fucked up country ...

Make me. :violin:

[Banditbandit]

Make me. :violin:

What's with the violin? Haven't you f'ken second-hand Krauts learnt about 20th century instruments yet ? Let alone 21st Century instruments ? We don't want no violins in our system ! Go and perpetrate the violins in your own fucked up country.

[YellowDog]

So the Genie says to the white guy hanging from a burning cross and surrounded by flames and dudes in white pointy hat costumes:

I can understand the first wish of wanting to own an apartment in every city of the world. I can fully understand your second wish of wanting to have a bank account with never ending funds; but why on earth would you wish to be hung like a nigger?

[onearmedbandit]

I've said this time and time again, some people still take the bait hook, line and sinker.

Of course. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. If that's how you get your kicks, if that gives you a buzz, well power to you.

[Banditbandit]

Of course. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. If that's how you get your kicks, if that gives you a buzz, well power to you.

Of course, which is fish and which is shooting depends on your perspective.

[avgas]

I've said this time and time again, some people still take the bait hook, line and sinker.
Stop bleeding into the ocean then. Your burly stinks like shit

[SMOKEU]

What's with the violin? Haven't you f'ken second-hand Krauts learnt about 20th century instruments yet ? Let alone 21st Century instruments ? We don't want no violins in our system ! Go and perpetrate the violins in your own fucked up country.

Fuck you're a muppet.

[Banditbandit]

Fuck you're a muppet.

Typical brainless skin head - no sense of humour ...

[SMOKEU]

Typical brainless skin head - no sense of humour ...

You obviously don't have any sense of humour if you get so wound up over the shit I say. Most of the other people on this site know I talk a lot of shit and they take whatever I say with a grain of salt; as in, they're so used to my drunken rambling that they don't even react to it anymore.

As they say, don't feed the troll!

[marie_speeds]

Haha, fair enough. I've gone full skinner. Oi fucken oi!

I think you're supposed to wear the sheet over your head....:yes:

[marie_speeds]

Naw .. you just all got one track minds ... :innocent:

And here it is....

[SMOKEU]

I think you're supposed to wear the sheet over your head....:yes:

I'm not that hardcore.

[marie_speeds]

I'm not that hardcore.

Absolutely right! You wouldn't be hard after a little tryst like that.....

[scracha]

• French foreplay: Dinner, wine, sex!
Italian foreplay: Dinner, wine, caressing, sex!
Latino foreplay: Dinner, wine, dancing, caressing, sex!
Scottish foreplay: "Haw, ye awake?"

Nope, it's "BRACE!!!!"

[SMOKEU]

Absolutely right! You wouldn't be hard after a little tryst like that.....

I wouldn't hope so.

[marie_speeds]

I wouldn't hope so.

Unless you're on viagra.That would explain a lot........no blood flow to the brain

[Banditbandit]

And here it is....

Fell about laughing .. very good ... which one is you ?

[Banditbandit]

You obviously don't have any sense of humour if you get so wound up over the shit I say. Most of the other people on this site know I talk a lot of shit and they take whatever I say with a grain of salt; as in, they're so used to my drunken rambling that they don't even react to it anymore.

As they say, don't feed the troll!

Oh oh oh .. that's great :laugh::laugh:

[SMOKEU]

Unless you're on viagra.That would explain a lot........no blood flow to the brain

I can't get a woody when I'm on viagra. No bullshit.

[avgas]

Unless you're on viagra.That would explain a lot........no blood flow to the brain
Surely your overcompensating with blood flow for him

[marie_speeds]

Surely your overcompensating with blood flow for him


Unless you're on viagra.That would explain a lot........no blood flow to the brain


I can't get a woody when I'm on viagra. No bullshit.

As I said that explains a lot....:yes:

[Banditbandit]

I can't get a woody when I'm on viagra. No bullshit.

:Pokey: You need one of those outie thingies ... not an innie ... :laugh:

[marie_speeds]

I can't get a woody when I'm on viagra. No bullshit.

So what you're actually trying to say is that you're a soft ........

[avgas]

Skinny, rather rich looking guy turns up to a dodgy looking whore house in Manurewa.

Confused - the door man asks "Can I help you?"
"Yes, I would like the biggest, blackest chick you have here"
"....ah....ok? Will cost you $100 for the hour - but check out the door at the end of the hall, she is a big bitch and will treat you good"
The honky gives the $100 cash to the door man, heads down the hall. And opens the door to a huge fat, lady. She is wearing underwear - but it is well concealed underneath folds of flab. Lifting her flabby arm she reaches for a bucket of KFC, and promptly swallows a whole drumstick.
The honky storms back down the hallway, and confronts the doorman (who is cracking up laughing).
"NO! YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO ME - I WANT YOUR BIGGEST, BLACKEST GIRL! I WANT A HUGE BITCH - THAT CHICK WAS JUST OVERSIZED!!!! I WANT HUGE!"
....
Confused the door man asks: "But she was size 20......are you sure you want bigger?"
"Yes, give me the biggest"
"Ok well we usually don't have any customers for her, but if you go around the back. There is shed out there - her name is Moana, here take this food with you"

The honky storms out the back of the building and spots the shed. Opens the door to a masssive creature.
Moana is lying on a double bed, but her huge folds of flab cover the entire mattress. She makes eye contact, and barely moves her hand to wave him over. He gives her the food, and as she stuffs her mouth she says. "Jump on baby"....parting her legs like a giant clam.
He stares for about 10 seconds, then tap his chin and replies "Thats great, thankyou" rushing out the door.
While walking back to the car - the door man yells out: "Hey honky, didn't you want to fuck her - hahaha!"

"Nope, just wanted to see what pink cushions look like on a black settee"

[Banditbandit]

http://video.clipta.com/Balls_Of_Steel039s_Scummy_Mummy_-_Shoe_Shop_Surprise__v282e906fd4e2f0031768

Sorry .. It won't load the video here - but it's f'ken funny and worth the look ..

[98tls]

http://video.clipta.com/Balls_Of_Steel039s_Scummy_Mummy_-_Shoe_Shop_Surprise__v282e906fd4e2f0031768

Sorry .. It won't load the video here - but it's f'ken funny and worth the look .. :rofl::killingmeTis indeed,brillant.

[slofox]

http://video.clipta.com/Balls_Of_Steel039s_Scummy_Mummy_-_Shoe_Shop_Surprise__v282e906fd4e2f0031768

Sorry .. It won't load the video here - but it's f'ken funny and worth the look ..

That is a HOOT! :rofl:

[Genie]

Not exactly offensive....an old favourite of mine



Why do blondes wear gold hoops ear-rings?


They need somewhere to put there toes during sex

[Banditbandit]

Not exactly offensive....an old favourite of mine



Why do blondes wear gold hoops ear-rings?


They need somewhere to put there toes during sex

And in the same vein .. tho' more offesive to blondes ...

Q: How do you know when a Blonde has an orgasm?

A: She drops her nail file.

[Genie]

Oh and I love the one about the blonde at the haridressers with the head phones in.....when he removes them she drops dead....he picks them up and listens......"breath in , breath out, breath in, breath out....."

[Swoop]

The [lack of] offensiveness of jokes in this thread is sickening.:shifty:



I was with my mate the other night and we was talking about birds we had shagged. I offered to show him a few of my latest conquests and he was speechless.

'The thing is they are all just there for the pickings, so easy to get into their knickers, no sweet talking needs to be involved. Use them and abuse them' I said winking.

'Seiously how the fuck can you do that, it's inhumane???' He studdered.

'Alright when did you turn all soppy on me?' I said scornfully.

I walked away in disgust, slamming the door to the morgue on my way out...

[Banditbandit]

The [lack of] offensiveness of jokes in this thread is sickening.:shifty:



I was with my mate the other night and we was talking about birds we had shagged. I offered to show him a few of my latest conquests and he was speechless.

'The thing is they are all just there for the pickings, so easy to get into their knickers, no sweet talking needs to be involved. Use them and abuse them' I said winking.

'Seiously how the fuck can you do that, it's inhumane???' He studdered.

'Alright when did you turn all soppy on me?' I said scornfully.

I walked away in disgust, slamming the door to the morgue on my way out...

Yes ... that was sick ... offensive. no ... sick yes ...

[Swoop]

Yes ... that was sick ... offensive. no ... sick yes ...
Just dipping my toe into the depths of "offensiveness"...:blip::shifty:

[Berries]

What's green and sticky ?

A stick.

EDIT - You meant sick jokes didn't you ? Sorry. My hearing is fucked.

[Gremlin]

EDIT - You meant sick jokes didn't you ? Sorry. My hearing is fucked.
I don't think your hearing is the problem :blink:

[A_Mans_Ruin]

Whats the difference between a priest and a pimple???


Nothing, they both cum on a boys face when they turn 13!!!

[A_Mans_Ruin]

A woman in labour is screaming profanity at her husband.......

Husband replies 'dont blame me, I wanted to stick it in your ass...... but NOOOOOO that might hurt'