View Full Version : Ms Biff Biffs the Biffmobiles
Ms Biff leaves for work yesterday am. The routine being she leaves before I do, I feed and water the Bifflings, then I pack them off to the coal mine.
Ms Biff is running late so in a blind panic she's running around the house like an Albatross on LSD, darts out of the house into our gargre, jumps in the primary Biffmobile, opens the garage door, starts up the motor, then accelerates, hard. Not thinking of checking her mirrors she reverses straight into Biffmotor MkII.
Plenty of damage including broken light clusters, dented wings and buckled bumpers.
Her excuse, "But you were parked out on the road yesterday"
:mad:
White trash
9th June 2005, 13:41
Oh now THAT is brilliant!
Good on her.
TonyB
9th June 2005, 13:47
LOL.....wouldn't she have had to walk past Biffmotor MkII (or at least SEEN it) before she entered the primary Biffmobile??
Then again, how did she react when Biff biffed the Biffbird MkI at Ruapuna Biff? I would take that into consideration before commencing verbal abuse :yes:
Of course it's all your fault.......
Pics please.
Riff Raff
9th June 2005, 13:50
Oh no!
"Err Hello Mr Insurance Man. My that's a lovely polyester suit you have on today, really defines those manly buttocks of yours - mind if I give them a quick kiss? Now, you know how you gave me all that money recently to buy a new motorsikkel after the track attacked it....weeeeell ...."
LOL.....wouldn't she have had to walk past Biffmotor MkII (or at least SEEN it) before she entered the primary Biffmobile??
Then again, how did she react when Biff biffed the Biffbird MkI at Ruapuna Biff? I would take that into consideration before commencing verbal abuse :yes:
As moi payed for both motors and the Biffbird she daren't say too much or I'll sulk. And trust me, you've never seen a sulk until you've seen a BiffsulkŠ.
No - she didn't walk passed Biffmoto MkII. You walk out of our living room, >> through the library >> through the study >> games room >>workshop>> laundry room and Biffmoto MkI is parked right by the internal gargrger/house door. Biffmoto Mk II was behind it. Biff Bird was a distance away thnk fork.
Of course it's all your fault.......
Pics please.
None of Ms Biffs motor yet.
Sniper
9th June 2005, 14:03
Hmmmm, me thinks the bikers gods be passing on a message to you Biff.
Riff Raff
9th June 2005, 14:07
Umm I dont think he's talking about the Biff Bird Riff Raff..
I know that - motorbikes don't usually have bumpers! I have my car insurance and bike insurance with the same company so I'm just assuming he does too.
I know that - motorbikes don't usually have bumpers! I have my car insurance and bike insurance with the same company so I'm just assuming he does too.
Nope. Thankfully.
Before moving here the only time I'd ever claimed on an insurance policy was when I had a bike stolen in 1988. Since being here I've claimed for a new bike, on house contents (helmet, leathers etc), and now potetially two car policies. But I really want to avoid doing this, as my excess is huuuuge, and combine that with the likely increase in premiums next year I guess I'll be selling of bits of my body for the next 6 months. Should net me about $20. Unless I get paid by the Kilo.
Paul in NZ
9th June 2005, 14:10
Pah! You think thats embarassing...
Vicki jumps in Moby Dick and decides to reverse out to the right instead of the usual to the left (long story - don't worry but the important part is she backs out the other way than usual)
Puts the white whales towbar straight into the daughters boyfriends pride and joy utterly immaculate old BMW 318i.... Oooops! Naturally boy friend can't say too much 'cos he is staying the night and wants to stay sweet with Vicki (who can be a bit fiery) but you can see he is a bit annoyed!
Still... Not too bad, just a little dent below the rear bumper that vicki says she will get fixed (ie Paul will pay for that)
Things calm down - fast forward 2 weeks...
Vicki jumps in Moby Dick again and decides to reverse out to the right instead of the usual to the left again.... Oh dear! It's the first time the b/f has been brave enough to come back and has taken to parking his car on the lawn and way out of the range of the driveway...
Vicki scores a direct hit 100cm from the last one but 10 times harder!
Boyfriend is gob smacked and starting to feel like maybe Vicki don't like him no more...
Had to laugh! (Until I got the bill)
Pah! You think thats embarassing...
Vicki jumps in Moby Dick and decides to reverse out to the right instead of the usual to the left (long story - don't worry but the important part is she backs out the other way than usual)
Puts the white whales towbar straight into the daughters boyfriends pride and joy utterly immaculate old BMW 318i.... Oooops! Naturally boy friend can't say too much 'cos he is staying the night and wants to stay sweet with Vicki (who can be a bit fiery) but you can see he is a bit annoyed!
Still... Not too bad, just a little dent below the rear bumper that vicki says she will get fixed (ie Paul will pay for that)
Things calm down - fast forward 2 weeks...
Vicki jumps in Moby Dick again and decides to reverse out to the right instead of the usual to the left again.... Oh dear! It's the first time the b/f has been brave enough to come back and has taken to parking his car on the lawn and way out of the range of the driveway...
Vicki scores a direct hit 100cm from the last one but 10 times harder!
Boyfriend is gob smacked and starting to feel like maybe Vicki don't like him no more...
Had to laugh! (Until I got the bill)
:rofl:
Are you trying to tell him something?
TonyB
9th June 2005, 14:29
Post number 666 :devil2:
No - she didn't walk passed Biffmoto MkII. You walk out of our living room, >> through the library >> through the study >> games room >>workshop>> laundry room and Biffmoto MkI is parked right by the internal gargrger/house door. Biffmoto Mk II was behind it. Biff Bird was a distance away thnk fork.
Hmmm, at my house you walk out of the lounge/ dinning room/ games room/ toy dumping ground (all in one room- it's the latest thing don't you know)>> into the entrance bit>> out the front door that the dog mangled>> outside into the teeth of a howling southerly>> through a gate>> around a corner>> into the gargre, squeezing alongside the humble Legacy wagon that only just fits in. There are no lights- it's pitch black>> you squeeze past, and with about 300mm to work in, you slide the bolts up for the crappy hinged double doors>> force the doors open against the howling southerly, hopeing that a wind gust doesn't come down the street, which will either flatten you as the door swings back/ rip the door out of your hand possibly destroying it and sending it flying down the street at 100km/h>> then you squeeze the car out of the gargre>> then you battle the narrow street and appalling Legacy turning circle to turn the car onto the road>> then you hop out of the car, battling the winds sudden interest in the door>> get blown across the street to the garge>> unbolt the doors again, battling the wind as before, close them in the correct order>> bolt them top and bottom so Max the dog can't open the door and escape>> race back out of the dark gargre, back into the howling southerly>> close the wooden gate>> walk into the wind to the front gate with a broken top hinge>> open the gate>> shut it>> get in the car>> find out you forgot something.....
placidfemme
9th June 2005, 15:11
Post number 666 :devil2:
Hmmm, at my house you walk out of the lounge/ dinning room/ games room/ toy dumping ground (all in one room- it's the latest thing don't you know)>> into the entrance bit>> out the front door that the dog mangled>> outside into the teeth of a howling southerly>> through a gate>> around a corner>> into the gargre, squeezing alongside the humble Legacy wagon that only just fits in. There are no lights- it's pitch black>> you squeeze past, and with about 300mm to work in, you slide the bolts up for the crappy hinged double doors>> force the doors open against the howling southerly, hopeing that a wind gust doesn't come down the street, which will either flatten you as the door swings back/ rip the door out of your hand possibly destroying it and sending it flying down the street at 100km/h>> then you squeeze the car out of the gargre>> then you battle the narrow street and appalling Legacy turning circle to turn the car onto the road>> then you hop out of the car, battling the winds sudden interest in the door>> get blown across the street to the garge>> unbolt the doors again, battling the wind as before, close them in the correct order>> bolt them top and bottom so Max the dog can't open the door and escape>> race back out of the dark gargre, back into the howling southerly>> close the wooden gate>> walk into the wind to the front gate with a broken top hinge>> open the gate>> shut it>> get in the car>> find out you forgot something.....
lmao you should move :)
TonyB
9th June 2005, 15:17
lmao you should move :)
Yep. Don't even get me started on the joys of the real estate boom....
You should see the version where I'm getting the wife and kids off to preschool....
Sniper
9th June 2005, 15:21
Yep. Don't even get me started on the joys of the real estate boom....
You should see the version where I'm getting the wife and kids off to preschool....
Go on, tell us
Post number 666 :devil2:
Hmmm, at my house you walk out of the lounge/ dinning room/ games room/ toy dumping ground (all in one room- it's the latest thing don't you know)>> into the entrance bit>> out the front door that the dog mangled>> outside into the teeth of a howling southerly>> through a gate>> around a corner>> into the gargre, squeezing alongsid.....
Actually, what I should have said was:
You walk out of our living room come library come study come workshop come laundry room as they're, in fact, all the same room. Because I live in a box yasee. :yes:
Ooooooo what I'd do for a dog chewed door and a gate. Bloody luxuries.
When I were a lad I was given a lump of coal every Christmas, and it had to last me a whole year. Some bright spark once asked me whether I burnt it. Bloody snob. As if I could have afforded a match to light it with. I mean what the hell would I have eaten, slept on, and fornicated with if I had burnt it. :cold:
http://img188.echo.cx/img188/4977/foot1mj.gif
There are 7 cars,a caravan and a trailer for the 9 people who live at the Motuhause at this point in time - where and how to park is an important skill in the Whanau,it's a family conference to arrange final parking for the night.
Ixion
9th June 2005, 15:49
There are 7 cars,a caravan and a trailer for the 9 people who live at the Motuhause at this point in time - where and how to park is an important skill in the Whanau,it's a family conference to arrange final parking for the night.
3 cars, 3 bikes and a trailer for two people. But I'm a Communist you see , so it's OK
vifferman
9th June 2005, 15:55
A two car gargre, with three cars and a bike to house, and no driveway.
The record so far is two cars and three bikes in the gargre: not too hard to do with some shuffling about, given that all three cars are 'not huge' hatchbacks.
MSTRS
9th June 2005, 16:34
Ms Biff leaves for work yesterday am. The routine being she leaves before I do, I feed and water the Bifflings, then I pack them off to the coal mine.
Ms Biff is running late so in a blind panic she's running around the house like an Albatross on LSD, darts out of the house into our gargre, jumps in the primary Biffmobile, opens the garage door, starts up the motor, then accelerates, hard. Not thinking of checking her mirrors she reverses straight into Biffmotor MkII.
Plenty of damage including broken light clusters, dented wings and buckled bumpers.
Her excuse, "But you were parked out on the road yesterday"
:mad:
Oh how I laughed - until I realised you were serious - and then I wet myself.
Oh how I laughed - until I realised you were serious - and then I wet myself.
Thanks for your concern.
Bitch. :motu:
MSTRS
9th June 2005, 16:45
Thanks for your concern.
Bitch. :motu:
Note to self 'Biff not into watersports"
crashe
9th June 2005, 17:06
awww poor Biff.... it just aint your day is it....hehehe
Well fancy parking the car behind hers in the first place....lol.
(Total PT)
I am sure that she feels really bad about hitting your car.
Make her a cuppa and a nice dinner.
I am sure that she feels really bad about hitting your car.
Make her a cuppa and a nice dinner.
Now that is PT - right.
She dings both cars, costing me $$$$$, blames me for parking my motor where I park it 99% of the time, and I have to suck up to her?!
Hmmmph. I expect and evening of Hulio Englaisius, back massages and her to wear her Wonder Woman outfit while whipping me with a moist lettuce. Don't knock it till you've tried it.
MSTRS
9th June 2005, 17:41
Thought your story brilliantly funny as something similar happened to my b-in-law with a truck outside a dairy. He'd just picked up new car from dealer, stopped at dairy on way home. Truckie came out of dairy, backed into b-in-laws car, "Oops sorry mate you weren't there when I went in".
Every panel in front of the windscreen totalled.
Ever notice how someone else's misfortune is screamingly funny.
RiderInBlack
9th June 2005, 17:51
Bloody shoe box,
Bloody luxury that is.
Well had me worried there for a bit Biff. Thought she'd run the Blackbird over:doh: Glad it was just a "cage":wait: She would have had to wear black suspenders and kinky leather for a month, no "I've got a headache" when you go to bed ether!
Off topic:
Why is it, that when it is a well know medicial fact that sex is a good way of releaving headaches, that women still try to use that as an excuse!:wait:
Sniper
10th June 2005, 09:30
Bloody shoe box,
Bloody luxury that is.
Well had me worried there for a bit Biff. Thought she'd run the Blackbird over:doh: Glad it was just a "cage":wait: She would have had to wear black suspenders and kinky leather for a month, no "I've got a headache" when you go to bed ether!
Off topic:
Why is it, that when it is a well know medicial fact that sex is a good way of releaving headaches, that women still try to use that as an excuse!:wait:
Cause they do
scumdog
10th June 2005, 10:31
Pedant alert
Me'n'CB always back into the drive/garagre, primarily because:
(a) the rear window generally ain't fogged/frosted after a trip,
(b) it's easier to spot the InertAndDangeroustoTyreAndBodywork object that may be in front of your favourite parking spot,
(c) it saves backing out with a cold CoughingAndRevving cold engine (even our newest car, '84 Laseratti has a manual choke) and then having to change direction of travel with said vehicle,
(d) you are rarely in a rush to get home but you (well some people) are ALWAYS in a rush to get to work/shops/meeting so a drive off forwards makes things easier and finally
(e) less likely to be cleaned up by a vehicle that "I didn't see coming, it just appeared out of nowhere".
MSTRS
10th June 2005, 10:37
our newest car, '84 Laseratti
Thought you redneck country types all drove big fuckoff pickups with the 360degree bullbars?
scumdog
10th June 2005, 10:45
Thought you redneck country types all drove big fuckoff pickups with the 360degree bullbars?
Yeah, well I HAVE got a big grunty pickup but it AIN'T got any bullbar (or bumpers for that matter) but it can 'fuckoff' pretty damn quick!
And it was new in 1955.
MSTRS
10th June 2005, 10:49
1955.
Detroit's finest year. Have a :drinkup:
Ogri
10th June 2005, 17:46
I have to admit to something similar ............... the other half leaves for work before me and 99% of the time leaves the gates open. One particular morning he didn't - result one Subaru with a sore arse and a pair of very mangled gates.
Biff
10th June 2005, 22:29
May I just introduce myself as Mrs Biff the Blackbird widow and as Mr Biff has abandoned ship tonight I feel that it is my prime opportunity to defend my recent inability to reverse into clear open space. For a start Mr Biff is exagerating as always and I meerly smashed the glass light at the front of his poxy car (of which I have been demoted to drive as a penance for my misdemeanour). It could have been much much worse, it could have been the kids or dread to think the Biff Bird itself, god forbid. Yes I f**ked up, first time in 15 years of driving but hey I am a mum of two wee ones suddenly thrown into a full time job of 40 hours a week and it being my second day in my new job I was panicked in such a state that I did not want to be late. Unfortunately it was not a slow reverse out but hey if you're gonna do it then do it in style. And as for when Mr Biff smashed his beloved I was very understanding, more concerned for his welfare than the hunk of metal in the garage that has taken my place. I want a bike now that I can rub down and tenderly love like he loves and cherishes his No 1 BiffBird - yes she is beautiful but she gets so much more attention that I - boohoo!
But then I guess he has control (except at Ruapuna - he he) over her.
As for Mr Biff paying for both vehicles - believe me I have paid in domestic slavery and childcare, where is the equality in this world aye! :motu:
Mr Biff you need a biff for being so anal about it all you know.
On a more cheery note me wants to have a go at riding a motorbike as I want a taste of those fantastic leany corners and I wanna be in control. Probably not a good thread to try my luck in but if there are any folks out there who have an off roader that I could have a bimble about on to see how much more I really want a road bike then please please give me a shout. Despite recent bump I am truly a really good driver - honest! :ride: Plus really need my own set of wheels as don't know how much longer I can stare at the back of Biff's head!!!
:sleep:
scumdog
10th June 2005, 23:49
There really is a Mrs Biff? You poor long suffering child! oh you must be SO patient!!
I WILL get up to Ch-ch ONE day, even if only to shake (nay, kiss) the hand of a woman so strong!! :wait:
How do you cope with a man that biffs 'birds down Ruapuna? - and has such a boring back to his head! :rofl:
Ixion
10th June 2005, 23:52
Uh - this isn't one of Mr Biffs strangely perverted little notions , is it? Pretending to be Mrs Biff?
Gremlin
11th June 2005, 00:37
Uh - this isn't one of Mr Biffs strangely perverted little notions , is it? Pretending to be Mrs Biff?
If it was there would inevitably some leering to some bad idea/horrible pic.
I feel for the poor lady, but (assuming this is her) she will probably find being in control will probably feel slower...
Ixion
11th June 2005, 01:05
If it was there would inevitably some leering to some bad idea/horrible pic.
I feel for the poor lady, but (assuming this is her) she will probably find being in control will probably feel slower...
Well, maybe. But you never know with him , do you
[looks carefully round and drops voice :sly: ] 'e's WELCH you know. Says a lot that does.
Gremlin
11th June 2005, 01:11
[Low Voice]Why?? Me mum's part welch. What am I looking for??[/Low Voice]
Ixion
11th June 2005, 01:25
[Low Voice]Why?? Me mum's part welch. What am I looking for??[/Low Voice]
WELCHNESS !!!!
Ixion
11th June 2005, 01:27
This thread is starting to develop well, but I need some help from me loonies. Loonies where are you, come and play in this thread.
Gremlin
11th June 2005, 01:37
WELCHNESS !!!!
Well, I have spotted a little of that, but being the only welch one (unless you count me little brother and me) and the only female, we have her nicely suppressed... :niceone:
Anything else?? *Pulls out notepad attentively*
John
11th June 2005, 01:40
This thread is starting to develop well, but I need some help from me loonies. Loonies where are you, come and play in this thread.
yeealow...?
Ok first person to guess my name gets free anal :lol:
TonyB
11th June 2005, 07:55
On a more cheery note me wants to have a go at riding a motorbike as I want a taste of those fantastic leany corners and I wanna be in control. Probably not a good thread to try my luck in but if there are any folks out there who have an off roader that I could have a bimble about on to see how much more I really want a road bike then please please give me a shout. Despite recent bump I am truly a really good driver - honest! :ride: Plus really need my own set of wheels as don't know how much longer I can stare at the back of Biff's head!!!
:sleep:
Ha HHAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa!! Oh that's brilliant. (God forbid my wife ever gets on here) Good on you for wanting to have go! Just borrow the BiffbirdMkII. :devil2:
Biff
11th June 2005, 10:06
:mad: :mad:
Time for me to change my password me thinks!
**R1**
11th June 2005, 11:48
:mad: :mad:
Time for me to change my password me thinks!:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Thats clasic.....if the weather is all good tomorrow we could take the dirtbikes out for u guys to have a go??? up2 u just tx me....and dude you need to change ya password
FROSTY
11th June 2005, 11:57
rotflmao---ohh biff methinks you's been sprung :rofl: :cold:
looks like the woman has had the last word again
Ghost Lemur
11th June 2005, 12:17
Dang Biff, I wouldn't be too worried. Looks like she's getting keen to get her own two-wheels. This has multiple benefits. She'll come to understand that yes a sexy new pipe is a necessity. Also means you'll no longer have to worry about choosing bikes for their two up ability.
As for her posting as you, can't say I saw a difference... :rofl: :rofl:
Could be worse, if she does get her own bike she'll probably get her own login too. Then you'll have a battle on your hands trying to get on here.
Once you've got the riding thing sorted Mrs Biff you'll then be able to get to work real quick on the Blackbird.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v204/AJAdams/bbicon7mc.jpg
crashe
11th June 2005, 16:21
Mrs Biff,
Good on you for standing for yourself. Well done. :niceone:
Don't let Mr Biff walk all over you....hehehehe.
You go and ride a bike... and have fun doing it. :ride: :ride:
Oh and Mrs Biff, get your own login id on the KB site.
It don't matter that you do not own your own bike yet...
but you do have half shares in the BiffBird.
You have every right to be in here to chat. :niceone:
You come on in here anytime you like....
Heck you take over the comp... make him go out and buy a second comp.
Biff
11th June 2005, 16:34
Ms Biff has, at last, agreed to get her own log in name. And you think I post drivel. :nono:
Your bloody fault Aaron. If you hadn't invited me down yours for the night. And my fault as well I guess for leaving the drinks cabinet unlocked. I even had to sleep in the spare room because she snored so much last night. Bloody drunk wimmin. They have their uses. When they're awake that is.
Password changed. Edit that then Ms Biff. He he he.
Jantar
11th June 2005, 17:14
Ms Biff has, at last, agreed to get her own log in name. And you think I post drivel. :nono:
Your bloody fault Aaron. If you hadn't invited me down yours for the night. And my fault as well I guess for leaving the drinks cabinet unlocked. I even had to sleep in the spare room because she snored so much last night. Bloody drunk wimmin. They have their uses. When they're awake that is.
Password changed. Edit that then Ms Biff. He he he.
Just as well. I was starting to a bit worried. Mrs Biff in here on Biff's login, CB in here on Scumdog's login 2 days ago. We are going to have to find someway of establishing just who is here as who. :nono:
But anyway ladies. Welcome!!!! :niceone: :niceone:
scumdog
11th June 2005, 20:54
You lot may laugh and scoff but YOU don't get held responsible for a drunk CB with a pink hat and umpteen bourbons at a m/c rally!! and now she's at the keyboard!!
Biff
11th June 2005, 21:14
You lot may laugh and scoff but YOU don't get held responsible for a drunk CB with a pink hat and umpteen bourbons at a m/c rally!! and now she's at the keyboard!!
Shit - dude, Ms B and Ms SD must be long lost sisters. Ms B wears daft hats and now she's loose on KB. Better warn the govt in case an epidemic is breaking out. Or hide the alcomahol.
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