Imaginative punishments for students who can't leave your bike alone

[PrincessBandit]

C'mon folks, let's hear 'em.

This afternoon my son (who works in IT at the school I teach at) informed me that while I was at staff PD he chased off a group of junior students - four boys - who were taking turns at climbing onto my bike and bouncing up and down on it. Thankfully the steering lock was on so they wouldn't have been able to move it far...

When I got back to the music department, getting changed to come home, I see out the office door....a primary school kid (boy) who approached my bike, looked furtively around, then proceeded to clamber onto it. hahaha, I opened the office door and yelled "get off my bike". To his credit he did, but as I continued to watch him meander down toward the admin end of the carpark the little shit turned around and yells back at me "wotchu still look at me for eh??"

Grrrr. I would so love to hot wire the bike to electrocute anyone who manages to swing a leg over the seat, uninvited. A few volts of electricity through the ball sack might put them off helping themselves to someone elses machine.

[Laava]

You would have to remember to turn it off! Otherwise it might be your ball sack on the line!

[Mental Trousers]

Put a water proof cover over the seat and coat it with something like KY gel. Nothing stops school kids like looking as if they've pissed their pants!!

[slofox]

Hide a pressure switch in the seat. Hook it up to a bigarse siren or horn (Stebels would work). Then when someone sits on it...mmmm. Maybe not such a crash hot idea - the seat may end up stained...

[imdying]

Make it the headmasters problem. Personally I would insist they apply the same punishment that a student would get for breaking into his car (i.e. the police get involved). I assume the school has contact with the local community constable?

[Pussy]

Grrrr. I would so love to hot wire the bike to electrocute anyone who manages to swing a leg over the seat, uninvited. A few volts of electricity through the ball sack might put them off helping themselves to someone elses machine.

At this juncture.... I am VERY pleased I had permission to ride your bike when I did!

Kick the little bastards in the knackers, Dawn! :)

[SMOKEU]

Back in South Africa, people used to steal our porch light. We kept on buying a new light, and it would keep on getting stolen. My dad finally had enough of the thefts, so he got one of his mates who happened to be a sparky to rig it so if you touched it you would get a big electric shock. Some dude did try to steal the light, and he got a fairly big shock and left the property with a damaged ego and no light. The light never got stolen again.

[PrincessBandit]

You would have to remember to turn it off! Otherwise it might be your ball sack on the line!

Don't have one of them, personally. Probably just sounds like i do.

[PrincessBandit]

Put a water proof cover over the seat and coat it with something like KY gel. Nothing stops school kids like looking as if they've pissed their pants!!
Now there's an idea which I could work on....


Hide a pressure switch in the seat. Hook it up to a bigarse siren or horn (Stebels would work). Then when someone sits on it...mmmm. Maybe not such a crash hot idea - the seat may end up stained...
Hahaha, would love to do that, hopefully the resulting evacuation would stay in their underpants....


At this juncture.... I am VERY pleased I had permission to ride your bike when I did!

Kick the little bastards in the knackers, Dawn! :)
No worries John, you always have permission to ride my bike!

[Pussy]

No worries John, you always have permission to ride my bike!
Just to play it safe.... I'll get that in writing, with a couple of signature witnesses, before I ride the Bandit again!

[Genie]

Hell some people are cheeky. I'd never have thought that someone would have the gall to just go and sit on a bike...that's someone else's property and in my book if it's not your's and it's none of your business you dont' touch. Something I've also instilled in my children. Hell, I'd be super pissed if some young fella went and sat on my bike in the school carpark. Buggar, no more corporal punishement. What do you do to stop this happening again...alarm it?

[SMOKEU]

What do you do to stop this happening again...alarm it?

Then they will get their kicks in setting off the alarm.

I'm not comfortable leaving any of my vehicles anywhere other than a locked garage unless I'm there to keep an eye on them.

[davereid]

When I had my first sporty I came out of a shop to see a child, icecream in hand, rubbing his dirty mits all over my lovely chrome.

I politely suggested to his mother that she should stop him doing it, and she told me not very politely that he was just exploring and I could fuck off.

About that time he explored the red-hot header pipe.

He dropped his icecream, and somehow that was my fault too.

Without ever wishing misery on a child, I sincerely believe in Karma.

[Genie]

Well, I'm glad I work at a primary school and not a college. I'm a bit like you and like to keep an eye on mine as well. couple of times I've gone shopping and left it parked in town....not relaxing shopping.

I do like the electric shock up the butt idea and the gooey seat :killingme

[The Baron]

I wonder if a bike cover would work? - take away the interest.

[Laava]

Don't have one of them, personally. Probably just sounds like i do.

So, did you sit on someone elses bike then?:yes: p/t btw

[Laava]

This looks classy!
http://photos.imageevent.com/motorbiker/newspics3/Project-468-3.jpg

[Katman]

A simple sign draped over the handlebars saying "Please do not touch" may work. Failing that, try one that says "I might not know anyone who will rip your fucking head off and shove it up your fucking arse, but my brother knows plenty who will do it for free".

[NewRob]

No brain those kids for not respecting other peoples property. Use one of those alarm disc locks to scare the shit out of them....haha

[munster]

Black seat? - Vegemite or Marmite will look good on their shorts for the rest of the day.

[willytheekid]

At least they didn't smash it up!, I had mine "bottled" by drunk kids @ 6-6:30pm in the work car park, smashed a bottle on the tank and left a ugly dent for me to cry over :crybaby:
The youth of today have absolutely NO respect for other peoples property.
The bike cover sounds like a great idea, removes temptation and keeps your pride and joy safe from the elements.

[mashman]

Along the electrocution lines. Run a bare wire, connected to your battery, across your grips... might work

[aprilia_RS250]

When I had my first sporty I came out of a shop to see a child, icecream in hand, rubbing his dirty mits all over my lovely chrome.

I politely suggested to his mother that she should stop him doing it, and she told me not very politely that he was just exploring and I could fuck off.

About that time he explored the red-hot header pipe.

He dropped his icecream, and somehow that was my fault too.

Without ever wishing misery on a child, I sincerely believe in Karma.

Shit that is similar to something that happened to me. Little boy came to touch the bike, it was a very hot summers day and I did finish a big bike ride. He put his hand on the expansion chamber to stand up and BOOM it wall all Niagra falls from there..... I did feel a bit sad for him though

[tri boy]

Teachers should never grizzle about misbehaving children. They had the perfect solution, then voted it out of the education system. ie, the strap/cane.
If the lil shit is giving you a gob full as he walks away, then he has no respect for you, and knows you can do nothing to him.
Live with it. MHO

[Maha]

.....Some old fulla was lurking/looking at a Harley that was parked at Puhoi once, he walked around it, bending down having a real good look when, just at that moment, it started up. Old chap stood up quicker than he has probably done ever in his life and wandered off...:yes:

It was started by remote by the bloke owner who was about 15 mts away.

[p.dath]

How about something like a remote control door chime like you get at Mitre 10? Put it under the bike seat. It has it's own separate battery. You press the remote whenever you want it to go off.

[FROSTY]

PB I know ya probably don't want a real solution but in my opinion you need to talk to the principle so it can be spelled out to them at the next assembily. That school will not tollerate disrespect or the possibility of the little darlings getting hurt.
I would also as suggested before put a big "KEEP OFF" sighn on the bike for the eejuts from the primary school.
(This is all based on you being at that R college still)
Incidently I can arrange for a buzz to go around the place that someones going to get susspended for it ( Via #1 son)

[gijoe1313]

Unfortunately I know that being in the area we are, some miscreants have less than a well grounded sense of respect for aspects of civilisation.

I well recall the time I can back to find grubby hand prints over the tank of my Big Ol'Hornet. What I did was to talk to the group of senior students who normally frequent the area that if they saw anybody tampering with my bike, they had permission to whack the perpetrators. I would cover for them if anyone complained! :devil2:

Never had a problem after that! I do recall hearing on the grapevine when one of the seniors accidentally hit my bike with an errant kick from a rugby ball. Apparently he got dealt to with glee by the rest of his mates citing Mr.Joe's previous proclamation! :nya:

PB, I feel for you - all I can suggest is acquire another seat for your bike, customise that seat to have nothing but tacks and pins embedded into it and store it at the office. Swap them over when you arrive and more importantly, swap it back over when you are about to leave!

[Cayman911]

lasso a rope onto him. when you get him get on your bike and drive off. drag him along behind you. worked 200 years ago. should still work. only there will be more than 1"horse power"

I'd be interested to see if he comes back.

[Usarka]

Teach somewhere not in South Auckland.


However I'm not sure if that would fully fix the problem.

[Forest]

Teach somewhere not in South Auckland.


However I'm not sure if that would fully fix the problem.

In my experience, entitled little shits are more commonly found in the 'better' suburbs.

[oldrider]

Don't have one of them, personally. Probably just sounds like i do.

You do so too and some girls have got more than one! :innocent:

[Edbear]

Well, I'm glad I work at a primary school and not a college. I'm a bit like you and like to keep an eye on mine as well. couple of times I've gone shopping and left it parked in town....not relaxing shopping.

I do like the electric shock up the butt idea and the gooey seat :killingme

I like the way you think... :shutup:

[Toaster]

Don't have one of them, personally. Probably just sounds like i do.

Big ones.

Electrocution. Nothing says "get off my bike" like 50000 volts in the testicles.

[Toaster]

When I had my first sporty I came out of a shop to see a child, icecream in hand, rubbing his dirty mits all over my lovely chrome.

I politely suggested to his mother that she should stop him doing it, and she told me not very politely that he was just exploring and I could fuck off.

About that time he explored the red-hot header pipe.

He dropped his icecream, and somehow that was my fault too.

Without ever wishing misery on a child, I sincerely believe in Karma.

I can't stand parents like that. If that was my kids I would have apologised immediately and offered to clean off the marks. I am sure most riders would do the same.

The sad thing is that parents like her merely raise a generation to follow that knows no better than her poor lack of respect for others. Our children that walk in our footsteps likely follow our actions.

[tigertim20]

C'mon folks, let's hear 'em.

This afternoon my son (who works in IT at the school I teach at) informed me that while I was at staff PD he chased off a group of junior students - four boys - who were taking turns at climbing onto my bike and bouncing up and down on it. Thankfully the steering lock was on so they wouldn't have been able to move it far...

When I got back to the music department, getting changed to come home, I see out the office door....a primary school kid (boy) who approached my bike, looked furtively around, then proceeded to clamber onto it. hahaha, I opened the office door and yelled "get off my bike". To his credit he did, but as I continued to watch him meander down toward the admin end of the carpark the little shit turned around and yells back at me "wotchu still look at me for eh??"

Grrrr. I would so love to hot wire the bike to electrocute anyone who manages to swing a leg over the seat, uninvited. A few volts of electricity through the ball sack might put them off helping themselves to someone elses machine.

earlier this year, I was subject to a home invasion, in which i had to physically fight off some cunt who broke into my home and attacked me as I lay in bed with my partner. fortunately, I had the skills to quickly get and maintain the upper hand, and dragged him by the throat down the hallway and lob him skull first into a solid gate post outside the front door.
I live in an area frequented by students, and have problems with them coming up my driveway, regardless of a gate. police do not seem to give a fuck.
after the aforementioned invasion, my attitude to any cunt on my property without my permission, (due to the police's reluctance to do anything about drunken or meddlesome students) is to respond with violence and aggression.

Not long ago I found four assholes up my driveway with their cocks out, about to piss all over my bike.
they ran when they saw my head poke out from behind a curtain, so I chased them up the road, caught one and broke his leg.

Another youg man thought throwing bottles at my bike was a fun idea (again, bike on my property). He now speaks a little differently due to losing nearlly half the teeth on the left side of his face.

You can do anything to stop ANOTHER fuckwit screwing with your baby, but you can make damn sure the same one is far too terrified to come near it again.
Its a fuking awful thing to not feel safe in your own home, and I will never feel truly safe, or get a full night's sleep in his house, which is why my response is so extreme. Fortunately, we will be moving very shortly upon the completion of our lease period.

My advice is, Dont live near student institutions, and dont park your bike where it isnt protected either by line of sight or something else. There are way to many people out there who will happily tip a bike over for a laugh and not give a second thought to what theyve just done.
A very sad reflection on our society really.

[ellipsis]

....procure a hoody type thing and a groucho marx, glasses /moustache ensemble ...wait til it happens....beat the shit out of them with a stick....run away and stache the disguise...repeat when necessary....


....hit their parents with a stick....disguised...of course...

[PrincessBandit]

earlier this year, I was subject to a home invasion, .......................
Not long ago I found four assholes up my driveway with their cocks out, about to piss all over my bike.
..................... He now speaks a little differently due to losing nearlly half the teeth on the left side of his face.

....................
My advice is, Dont live near student institutions, and dont park your bike where it isnt protected either by line of sight or something else. There are way to many people out there who will happily tip a bike over for a laugh and not give a second thought to what theyve just done.
A very sad reflection on our society really.

That's awful tt20, and makes my gripes sound completely inconsequential by comparison. Sorry to hear that you've had that experience and moving is the way you will be dealing with it.
But you and others are right: sad comment on society. The thing is that the boys who climbed on my bike, bouncing up and down on it, obviously were oblivious to the potential for damage or probably even the prospect of owning up to any they cause. In their mind nothing got broken so what's the problem? In your case the events are considerably more serious, whereas for me I'm even tempted to go along with the copout of "oh well, at least nothing got broken" because it's easier.

I now take a camera to school with me because I'm sick and tired of being lied to by students who close ranks over information which a teacher has every right to ask for. In my book any vandals, thieves and "interferers of property" are fair game to my camera lens now!

[Okey Dokey]

PB I know ya probably don't want a real solution but in my opinion you need to talk to the principle so it can be spelled out to them at the next assembily. That school will not tollerate disrespect or the possibility of the little darlings getting hurt.
I would also as suggested before put a big "KEEP OFF" sighn on the bike for the eejuts from the primary school.
(This is all based on you being at that R college still)
Incidently I can arrange for a buzz to go around the place that someones going to get susspended for it ( Via #1 son)

I was thinking along similar lines. I hope the camera idea will work for you :)

[oldrider]

That's awful tt20, and makes my gripes sound completely inconsequential by comparison. Sorry to hear that you've had that experience and moving is the way you will be dealing with it.
But you and others are right: sad comment on society. The thing is that the boys who climbed on my bike, bouncing up and down on it, obviously were oblivious to the potential for damage or probably even the prospect of owning up to any they cause. In their mind nothing got broken so what's the problem? In your case the events are considerably more serious, whereas for me I'm even tempted to go along with the copout of "oh well, at least nothing got broken" because it's easier.

I now take a camera to school with me because I'm sick and tired of being lied to by students who close ranks over information which a teacher has every right to ask for. In my book any vandals, thieves and "interferers of property" are fair game to my camera lens now!

It's all part of the "attitude" towards bikes being "toys" rather than a "legitimate form of transport"!

This attitude is fostered by all in sundry in positions of "authority", who should know better! (AA, Police, politicians, media etc)

[Katman]

This attitude is fostered by all in sundry in positions of "authority", who should know better! (AA, Police, politicians, media etc)

Unfortunately, it's also reinforced by the way that many motorcyclists view their motorcycles.

[avgas]

contact adhesive on the grips.......
or black paint.

[PrincessBandit]

In hindsight, I wish I'd been a little easier on the primary school kid and used it as an opportunity to "play nice" e.g. "hi there, would you like to sit on my bike? sure, I'll give you a hand. cool. Hop off now and remember you mustn't sit on anyone's motorbike unless they're there and give you permission". blah blah blah.
Might or might not work, but unfortunately for him he was the last straw in a long line of things that had pissed me off that day so he got the rocket instead.

[tigertim20]

In hindsight, I wish I'd been a little easier on the primary school kid and used it as an opportunity to "play nice" e.g. "hi there, would you like to sit on my bike? sure, I'll give you a hand. cool. Hop off now and remember you mustn't sit on anyone's motorbike unless they're there and give you permission". blah blah blah.
Might or might not work, but unfortunately for him he was the last straw in a long line of things that had pissed me off that day so he got the rocket instead.

see, I dont mind at all if somebody asks. once or twice, Ive seen a young child with mum or dad eyeballin my bike at the supermarket or something, and theyre telling the kid 'its ok to look, but dont touch'. In cases like that, Im more than happy to offer the chance to sit on it, and point at what things do what, it really makes a kids day!!.
But I get upset with people who think theyve a right to rub the greasy grubby little mitts on my pride and joy!!

[sunhuntin]

guy i know in the states has an alarm on his bike that chirps at regular intervals if anyone comes within a certain distance. the chirps get more frequent the longer the intruder stays, eventually becoming a full out alarm. it goes to full alarm if it gets touched in anyway. its also on a remote, so you can make it chirp if needed.

other than that, i dont have any suitable suggestions other than whats already been suggested.

[BuzzardNZ]

count yourself lucky they only sat on ur bike. When I was at college, a teacher who had a GSX750 used to leave his helmet locked to his bike. Well after a detention, I was walking to my bike and saw a maori student pissing into the teachers helmet.

Same teacher also would drive his car to school on wet days, some other arsehole shit on his bonnet and put sugar in his tank.

[Pixie]

I know of an aspiring bike thief who was chained to a tree in Symonds St outside the Uni,after interfering with a bike parked there.

[p.dath]

count yourself lucky they only sat on ur bike. When I was at college, a teacher who had a GSX750 used to leave his helmet locked to his bike. Well after a detention, I was walking to my bike and saw a maori student pissing into the teachers helmet.

Same teacher also would drive his car to school on wet days, some other arsehole shit on his bonnet and put sugar in his tank.

That does not sound like a popular teacher ...

[MsKABC]

I took a class outside one day and used my bike as a teaching focus (makes an excellent context for friction and energy changes in science :)). A girl asked if she could sit on it, so I said yes. What she did next defies belief - she bent over and LICKED the tank!! :weird:

The next time I took a class out to look at it, there were no unforeseen and bizarre incidences. The principal did walk past though and thought it was an excellent lesson :D