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wkid_one
28th March 2005, 20:45
TESTICULATING
Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a
project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, cr*ps on everything, and
then leaves.

ASSMOSIS.
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement y
sucking up to the boss rather than working hard. >

SALMON DAY. >The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get
screwed and die.

CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and
people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also
applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake.)

MOUSE POTATO.
The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato

SITCOMs.
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into
when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with
the kids or start a "home business".

STRESS PUPPY.
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the cr*p out of an electronic device to get it
to work again.

ADMINISPHERE.
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and
file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly
inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" needless
paperwork and processes.

404.
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not
Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OHNOSECOND
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just
made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')




New Oxford Dictionary definitions

GOING FOR A McSHIT
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're
just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your
declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a
McShit with Lies.

AEROPLANE BLONDE
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

AUSSIE KISS
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

BEER COAT
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise
at 3am in the morning.

BEER COMPASS
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze
cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you
got here, and where you've come from.

BOBFOC
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

BREAKING THE SEAL
Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After
breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be
required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

BRITNEY SPEARS
Modern Slang for 'beers', e. g. "Couple of Britneys please"

GREYHOUND
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who
works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges
displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show
their level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES
The contents of a Wonderbra, i. e. extremely impressive when viewed from
the outside, but there's actually nought in there worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Ho!
Aa!Aa!Aa!".

MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the
toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people
so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake
up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in
your bed instead.

NELSON MANDELA
Rhyming Slang for 'Stella' (the lager).

PEARL HARBOUR
Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl Harbour"
out there (there's a nasty nip in the air)

PICASSO BUM
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's
got four buttocks.

SALAD DODGER
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive woman.

TART FUEL
Bottled Alcopops, e.g. Hooch, regularly consumed by young women.

onearmedbandit
28th March 2005, 20:57
Brilliant, plenty of new ones there. Thanks for the laugh!

wkid_one
28th March 2005, 21:00
Brilliant, plenty of new ones there. Thanks for the laugh!

That's alright - most of these conversations tend to make one cry from the ignorance displayed

Aaron
28th March 2005, 22:07
...shall try and use a different one each day :D

riffer
28th March 2005, 22:52
Great. SITCOM. Just what I always wanted - a label.


;)

Sniper
29th March 2005, 07:12
Very nicely said Wicked, thanks

Skyryder
10th June 2005, 21:00
Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing of one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's (2005) winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


Picked this one off another site.

This is mine

Idollatry (n.): Asian compulsive gambler who unable to give up his addiction now worships pokie machines.

Skyryder

StoneChucker
10th June 2005, 22:09
Haha, Osteopornosis :rofl:
I can admit to a few of those, like the Dopeler effect. I also suffer from Arachnolepsy.
Some good ones there, thanks!

placidfemme
14th July 2005, 12:42
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.


LMAO I've done that one :ride:

pete376403
14th July 2005, 13:05
Not as clever as those in the original post but still mildly amusing

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow `remove' all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the 'open here' spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the `illegal' side.

7. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

More here http://www.unwords.com/alpha/s0-L.html

Fishy
1st February 2006, 12:48
TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking B******s.

BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline Was
missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps On
everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and
advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only
to get screwed and die.

CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube
farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
(This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be
cake.)

SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies
turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay
home with the kids or start a "home business".

SINBAD. single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the
rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed
to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" -
needless paperwork and processes.

404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not
Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OHNOSECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that
you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit reply all')

GOING FOR A McSH*T. Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of
buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff
member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is
known as a McSh*t with Lies.

AEROPLANE BLONDE. One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black
box'.

AUSSIE KISS. Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze
cruise at 3am.

BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home
after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you
live, how you got here, and where you've come from.

BOBFOC. Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

BREAKING THE SEAL. Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of
drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the
toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

BRITNEY SPEARS. Modern Slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple of Britneys please"

GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS. A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical
adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the
badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to
show their level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive
when viewed from the outside, but there's actually nought in there worth
seeing.

MONKEY BATH. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you
go:"Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".

MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're
in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive
people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning
before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a
10-Pinter in your bed instead.

NELSON MANDELA. Rhyming Slang for 'Stella' (the lager)

PEARLHARBOUR. Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit
"Pearl Harbour" out there (there's a nasty nip in the air)

PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks
like she's got four buttocks

SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person

SWAMP-DONKEY. A deeply unattractive woman

TART FUEL. Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

CLITERATURE. 'Rhythm' Magazine

WANKIOUS. A male who is desperate to satisfy himself, often after purchase
of a new CLITERATURE

Colapop
1st February 2006, 13:08
I actually laughed out loud at work and then watched the prairie come alive. You gotta be blinged green for that!!

hXc
1st February 2006, 13:23
Bloody awesome! Legend!

Big Chim
1st February 2006, 19:33
I thought a prairee dog is when you walk past cubicals side by side and fart the the whole length of them and watch everyone stand up seeing who it was

Back Fire
1st February 2006, 20:21
I thought a prairee dog is when you walk past cubicals side by side and fart the the whole length of them and watch everyone stand up seeing who it was

I always thought prairee dogging was when you really need to shit and.... yea....

Shadows
1st February 2006, 20:51
I always thought prairee dogging was when you really need to shit and.... yea....

You took the prairie dog right outta my mouth

HDTboy
1st February 2006, 21:05
Half of those were last years

Swoop
2nd February 2006, 10:46
I thought a prairee dog is when you walk past cubicals side by side and fart the the whole length of them and watch everyone stand up seeing who it was
I believe this has been coined "mine laying" when done silently... simply stroll through the office with an innocent look upon your face while depositing little "mines" of fragrance...

Big Chim
2nd February 2006, 12:08
I always thought prairee dogging was when you really need to shit and.... yea....

I thought that was a turtle head.

Some one should create a dictonary or something cause man its confusing

hahaha

*sic
2nd February 2006, 13:10
dictionary you say?

my good man have you tried urbandictionary.com?

WRT
2nd February 2006, 15:21
I believe this has been coined "mine laying" when done silently... simply stroll through the office with an innocent look upon your face while depositing little "mines" of fragrance...

Actually, its called crop dusting . . .

phoenixgtr
3rd February 2006, 09:00
SWAMP-DONKEY. A deeply unattractive woman


Love it!! :laugh:

Wolf
3rd February 2006, 09:48
Love it!! :laugh:
Suppose it makes a change from "Bush Pig"

ManDownUnder
3rd February 2006, 10:17
* TESTICULATING. - HEY THAT'S ME!
* BLAMESTORMING. I'm normally the blamee - I don't like this word...
* SEAGULL MANAGER. This ain't me, but I know a couple...
* ASSMOSIS. Yup had a woman report to me - just like this. She moved on to look for another role. The recruitment agency asked if I'd give her a reference, I said "sure - but you won't want to pass it on". It was a long conversation, but I understand I didn't contribute to anyone else getting lumbered with her "talents"
* SALMON DAY. HA - I only have 5 of these a week... between 8 and 5
* CUBE FARM. *looks out of office* THAR IT IS!
* PRAIRIE DOGGING. Only works when a good fart is dropped... works well though (and it's hard to pinpoint because of the baffles boucing the sound around...)

* SITCOMs. Single Income Three Kids Unyeilding Mortgages (SITCUM?)
* SINBAD. Hookers? They're not around here for another 6 hours...
* STRESS PUPPY. *looks out of office and counts them... one... two... and... three!).
* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. aka "The drop test"
* ADMINISPHERE. Pay clerks - WHY CAN'T THEY GET IT RIGHT. IT'S JUST A NUMBER!
* 404. I might change my handle to this.
* OHNOSECOND. Been there - hated it for weeks
* GOING FOR A McSH*T. Handy to have kids with you on this one. They ask "are you buying something?" I reply, "No, but let me know if you'd prefer the poo out here or in your toilet - coz it's on it's way".

It's not a bluff - it's a fact!

* AEROPLANE BLONDE. LMAO!!!!
* AUSSIE KISS. Ever thought about my KB Handle? :whistle:
* BEER COAT. Works well.
* BEER COMPASS. Mine's working fine
* BOBFOC. aaaa the Waikato where men are men and women turn off the lights
* BREAKING THE SEAL. I have been blessed with a "long haul" bladder. Can fly the Pacific without hopping up for a pee. This usually translates to having quite a number of beers then REALLY NEEDING to pee on the way home, just as I hit the fun roads, after dark, with my wet weather gear and bike gear on.
* BRITNEY SPEARS. They'd be Jugs then? Or Handles?
* GREYHOUND. Gotta love Summer. They're all over the place.
* JOHNNY-NO-STARS. Ouch.
* MILLENNIUM DOMES. See my reference to BOBFOC
* MONKEY BATH. WAIWERA!
* MYSTERY BUS. A regular in my parts of town!
* MYSTERY TAXI. ...ouch... time to gnaw one's arm off...?
* NELSON MANDELA. Truely worthy of respect
* PEARLHARBOUR. LOVE pearl Harbour. See Budby (http://www.langmaker.com/db/eng_budby.htm)
* PICASSO BUM. ecchhh - a pronounced VPL. I prefer the thought of nothing there... livin' free and easy...
* SALAD DODGER. "Hey lady - get off the beach you're bringing the tide in!"
* SWAMP-DONKEY. That's a Bush Pig where I come from
* TART FUEL. Legopnr...(Le-gopner). Comes in a variety of flavours, Gin, Bourbon, Beer or Tequila
* CLITERATURE. Not to be lightly dismissed by the blokes. Lots of GOOD learnin' in here!
* WANKIOUS. NOT ME - THAT'S NOT ME... it's err... hers!

Beemer
5th February 2006, 22:02
They made me laugh out loud!

But I think testiculating should be rejigged - surely if you are testiculating you would be jumping around waving your hands in the air and talking like a dick?

Highlander
5th February 2006, 22:19
I got tears rolling down my face. Brilliant.

Holy Roller
5th February 2006, 23:37
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. aka "The drop test"
I'll have to get this one introduced at work:nya: :nya:

ZeroIndex
6th February 2006, 00:50
Oh... that is just damn good :)

Wolf
6th February 2006, 16:11
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. aka "The drop test"
I'll have to get this one introduced at work:nya: :nya:
Definitely not a new term for 2006, we were using the term (and the technique) back in the 80s and it was probably an old expression then.

Introduced at work? Where do you work? Most places I know, Percussive Maintenance is SOP!

Str8 Jacket
11th July 2006, 09:55
My biggest apologies if this has been posted before, I did a few searches but found nothing....

New Words for 2006

TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline
was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on
everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and
advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream
only to get screwed and die.

CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube
farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on.
(This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be
cake.)

SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies
turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay
home with the kids or start a "home business".

SINBAD. single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and
desperate.

STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above
the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are
often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were
designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded
"administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.

404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404
Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OHNOSECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that
you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')

GOING FOR A McSHIT. Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of
buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply
staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food
afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies.

AEROPLANE BLONDE. One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a
'black box'.

AUSSIE KISS. Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a
booze cruise at 3am.

BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home
after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you
live, how you got here, and where you've come from.

BREAKING THE SEAL. Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of
drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the
toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the
night.

GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS. A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical
adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from
the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often
wear to show their level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely
impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught
in there worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go:
"Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".

MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while
you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the
unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when
you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning
before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves
a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she
looks like she's got four buttocks.

SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

SWAMP-DONKEY A deeply unattractive person.

TART FUEL. Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young
women.

James Deuce
11th July 2006, 10:07
Originally written in 1975.

Str8 Jacket
11th July 2006, 10:08
Originally written in 1975.


Yeah that'd be right! Still I couldnt help laughing when I was emailed it this morning some of them are great!

The_Dover
11th July 2006, 10:09
You forgot one

DOVERED - fucked beyond all repair.

Swoop
11th July 2006, 11:01
Originally written in 1975.

????

404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

So this means the WWW is a lot older than first thought!!!:gob:
Maybe we should send some bits off for carbon dating perhaps????:blip:

James Deuce
11th July 2006, 11:18
So this means the WWW is a lot older than first thought!!!:gob:
Maybe we should send some bits off for carbon dating perhaps????:blip:

Yes it is. Hypertext development dates from the late '60s. Just because the technology has only been available via a universally accessible WWW interface since the mid-90s doesn't mean that the building blocks and functional basis hasn't been around longer. Web technology is based on SGML of which HTML is a subset.

The Internet has been around since 1967. Web technology is overlaid on a much older concept and framework.

404 is merely an error message that is part of the TCP protocol which has been in use (and much revised) since 1969. Much like the original post is part of the apochrypha of society that make up urban legends and universal jokes.

PuppetMaster
11th July 2006, 13:09
Most email jokes come around again.
Still, some of these still make me laugh.

Beemer
9th February 2007, 15:04
I've had a search but can't find this anywhere. No doubt someone will let me know if in fact it is a repost!

The Washington Post published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of the winning entries:
Coffee (n.) a person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent
Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.) an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Circumvent (n.) the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Frisbeetarianism (n.) The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
Pokemon (n) A Jamaican proctologist.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (this one got extra credit)
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you have been smoking marijuana.
And, the pick of the year:
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole - my favourite! :first:

Motu
9th February 2007, 16:07
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an arsehole - my favourite!

Beemer
9th February 2007, 16:11
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an arsehole - my favourite!

It probably goes well with what I heard a nursing friend tell this guy once - "you need an optorectomy". He looked at her blankly and said "a what?" She repeated "an optorectomy - it's when they sever the connection running between your optic nerve and your arsehole - it improves your shitty outlook on life" - perfect!

Wasp
9th February 2007, 16:54
a quick search for "Washington Post published" reveals all

Beemer
9th February 2007, 18:22
a quick search for "Washington Post published" reveals all

I tried doing a Google search using the same line as that usually finds all the KB posts with the wording you are searching for in it - it's easier to find KB amongst the results than find the relevant post using the search function here as that comes up with oodles! Sorry for the repost - at least I added a new joke... and my list has two years' results in it - they start after circumvent.

I went and did the search and found our esteemed Mr Hitcher had posted the same thing twice in two threads... so I'm in good company!

nadroj
11th July 2007, 12:49
New Words for 2007

* SALAD DODGER.
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

* SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive person.

* TESTICULATING.
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

* BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

* SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and Then leaves.

* ASSMOSIS.
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

* SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

* CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.

* PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

* SITCOMs.
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".

* SINBAD.
Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

* AEROPLANE BLONDE.
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

* ADMINISPHERE.
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.

* GOING FOR A McSHIT.
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies.

* 404.
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found" meaning that the requested document could not be located.

* AUSSIE KISS.
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

* OH - NO SECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just Made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').

* GREYHOUND.
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

* JOHNNY-NO-STARS.
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

* MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from The outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

* MONKEY BATH.
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!".

* MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

* MYSTERY TAXI.
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10 Pinter in your bed instead.

* BEER COAT.
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise At 3:00am.

* BEER COMPASS.
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.

* BREAKING THE SEAL.
Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

* TART FUEL.
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

* PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's Got 4 buttocks.

TerminalAddict
11th July 2007, 12:59
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you have been smoking marijuana.

that;s not quite right .. it is actually:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they are delivered very fast

Hitcher
11th July 2007, 13:54
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

PuppetMaster
11th July 2007, 15:55
it's easier to find KB amongst the results than find the relevant post using the search function here as that comes up with oodles! Sorry for the repost


Actually, its easier to just post it and let some faghat do a search and tell you its a repost.

avgas
11th July 2007, 16:05
I stirred up my friend once say that if he got the ird documents in the wrong order then he would have to face a syntax penalty.
He believed me for a good 5 mins.....fretting and checking everything was in order in the envelope. Then i could not hold back the laughter

Beemer
11th July 2007, 17:04
I have a couple of books called 'The Superior Person's Little Book of Words' and the 'Superior Person's Second Little Book of Words' and there are some great ones in there. Of course as the first book was published in 1979 many of the words are now in common usage - such as arcane, adulation, plethora, keratin, etc, but some are still uncommon enough to be used on idiots without fear of them knowing you are actually insulting them!

Example: "My, you are very steatopygous, aren't you!" It means fat-buttocked - and the beauty of it is the listener is unlikely to be able to remember it long enough to look it up in a dictionary and even less likely to possess a dictionary that includes it.

Or how about taphephobia - a morbid fear of being buried alive. "No, not with you on top Colapop, I don't think I could handle that, I'm taphephobic, you see."

And here's another name for Jehovah's Witnesses - gyrovagues - originally monks who were accustomed to wander from place to place!

I bet there are a few gynotikolobomassophiles amongst the KB community too - those who have a fondness for nibbling on women's earlobes!

I've met a few who practice opsablepsia - not looking into another's eyes.

Here's one for the guys who need a new illness to confuse the boss: didymitis - inflammation of the testicles.

As for me, I am a fan - and indeed a follower - of opsigamy - which is marriage late in life. I just hope I never have to experience opsiproligery, which is an ability to have children late in life...

Bikernereid
1st February 2008, 07:08
Ignoranus- a person who is both stupid and an arsehole.

Heteroflixible - a hetrosexual person who is open to sexual encounters with people of the same sex. Especially common amongst girls in their 20s.

Glamping- a form of camping that includes expesive equipment, fine food, and other luxuries.

Mommy makeover- cosmetic usrgery designed to make a mother look the way she did before having kids.

Multi-daddying: - having multiple kids with multiple men.

Cashtration -nthe act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

Gadget porn - Images and text that glorify ot fetishize high-end or high-tech devices or gadets.

any others....?

ukbandit
1st February 2008, 07:42
mass debation. alot of people talking a lot of WANK!:bleh:

Disco Dan
1st February 2008, 07:50
Shorian - Living off 5 different credit cards, owns a 'toy' dog and drives a BMW then spends free time sipping lattes in fancy cafés.

Fancy-Pants - owns a cell phone with more features than the person can understand, usually drives a 4x4 or BMW.

ukbandit
1st February 2008, 09:10
E jac ulotion. face cream made from animal products!

Beemer
1st February 2008, 10:54
Retrosexual - man who wears op-shop clothes

Ziturgy - what you learn as a teenage Catholic

Nightee - old teeshirt worn as night wear

007XX
1st February 2008, 10:57
Oh boy!!! Hide this thread from Hitcher...someone...have mercy on the ol' fella, please!!!

ukbandit
1st February 2008, 11:05
go-a-tie beard. something cher has cos of to many face lifts:bleh:

Swoop
1st February 2008, 11:07
Retrosexual - man who wears op-shop clothes
Gulp. Went and bought some new shoes yesterday. Kid in shop saw my old nike's and went nuts "those are classic, man!"

Huh?

"Yeah, those are worth $1200- in good condition!"

What???
I might have to put them on tardme for a laugh.

Hitcher
1st February 2008, 11:07
Freegan -- somebody who eats foods found in trash cans.

ukbandit
1st February 2008, 11:10
Bunfluff, something u get if you wipe your arse on little wittle cutie wootie bunny wabbits:Playnice:

nodrog
1st February 2008, 13:51
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

Maha
1st February 2008, 14:04
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

Deja Loo.....where all the Deja Moo finally ends up....:wacko:

Bren
1st February 2008, 14:56
vegansexual n.

A person who eats no meat, uses no animal-derived goods and prefers not to have sex with non-vegans.

Bromance:

a strong relationship between two heterosexual men

ukbandit
1st February 2008, 15:51
vegansexual n.

A person who eats no meat, uses no animal-derived goods and prefers not to have sex with non-vegans.
[B]



only does it with a selection of well formed vegtables! if you know what i mean:rolleyes:

Swoop
1st February 2008, 19:52
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.
<tencharacters>

Deano
1st February 2008, 19:56
"Hawt"

.......

ukbandit
5th February 2008, 15:51
SPINK! the result of dipping your pen in and out of the ink pot in quick sucksession :shutup: ok i will!!!! have a great day off work this wed:clap:

Wheeliemonsta
28th July 2008, 14:41
New Words for 2008

* SALAD DODGER.
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

* SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive person.

* TESTICULATING.
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

* BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a
project failed, and who was responsible.

* SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and
Then leaves.

* SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get
screwed and die.

* CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.

* PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and
people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also
applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

* SINBAD.
Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

* AEROPLANE BLONDE.
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it
to work again.

* AUSSIE KISS.
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

* OH - NO SECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just
made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').

* GREYHOUND.
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

* JOHNNY-NO-STARS.
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who
works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges
displaying stars that staff at fast-food rest au rants often wear to show
their level of training.

* MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from
the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

* MONKEY BATH .
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: 'Oo! Oo! Oo!
Aa! Aa! Aa!'.

* MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the
toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so
the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

* MYSTERY TAXI.
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake
up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your
bed instead.

* BEER COAT.
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise
At 3:00am .

* BEER COMPASS.
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze
cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how
you got here, and where you've come from.

* BREAKING THE SEAL.
Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After
breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be
required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

* TART FUEL.
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

* TRAMP STAMP
Tattoo on a female

* PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's
got 4 buttocks


Cheers

:rockon:

Mully
29th July 2008, 10:24
TRAMP STAMP
Tattoo on a female


I thought this was only if they had the tattoo in the small of their back....


I'm trying to get "Veitch" into common usage.... as in:

"Shut up, or I'll Veitch you"

sleeqe2000
29th July 2008, 13:34
Cheers Wheeliemonsta

Having a shit day and your post put a smile back on my face..........

Swoop
29th July 2008, 14:12
The word "repost" didn't make it onto the list? Oh dear.

Slyer
29th July 2008, 22:28
Yeah I'm pretty sure this was 2007 and 2006's list too.
Oh well.

Wheeliemonsta
11th August 2008, 13:55
Cheers Wheeliemonsta

Having a shit day and your post put a smile back on my face..........


Excellent... :yeah: thats what it all about

Cheers

:rockon:

<G>
14th January 2009, 19:26
Mensa Invitational

Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational
which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter
it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new
definition:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of
breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresent ation about yourself for the purpose of getting
laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who
doesn't get it.

9.. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidental ly walked through a spider web.

16.. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.


The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for
common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj.. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n.. Emergency v ehicle that picks up someone who has been run
over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

15.. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men.

Hitcher
14th January 2009, 21:31
Those Mensans aren't very clever. They haven't noticed that their competition has had exactly the same answers in 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 and now 2009. I wonder if they'll catch on before next year...

<G>
15th January 2009, 13:55
Looks like I gave this post its annual airing :)

Does that make me a recidivist?

FJRider
20th February 2009, 13:17
Testiculating.... Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

Seagull manager...A manager who flies in,makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, then leaves.

Aeroplane blonde...One who has blonde hair, but still has a "black box"

Percussive maintenance... The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Aussie kiss.... Similar to a french kiss but given "down under"

Greyhound... A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

Millennium domes.... The contents of a wonderbra,extremely impressive when viewed fromthe outside, but actually nothing in there worth seeing.

Sidewinder
20th February 2009, 13:22
fooking lovely dude

Maha
20th February 2009, 13:26
Mormon Few....Stunters that dont stunt.

carver
21st February 2009, 14:56
Mormon Few....Stunters that dont stunt.

describe a stunt, no one seems to be able to define me