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Riff Raff
14th June 2005, 10:28
Since everyone else is clearing their hard drives I thought I'd do the same. If you've read this before I don't really care - they're funny!

MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

JACK Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

WINNING Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

CRICKETER Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

CLAIR Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

STEVE Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."

THE new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away..."My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

WILLIE Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."

CARENZA Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight
inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford
crew."

Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

From the Fanny Craddock cooking program(Norfolk). It was the one where they had been making ring dounuts. At the end of the program her husband "Johnny" said to the viewers; "and I hope all your dounuts turn out like Fannies".

MSTRS
14th June 2005, 10:32
That sent the rainclouds packing. LMAO

Biff
14th June 2005, 11:27
One of my favourites, by the late Ron Pickering covering an athletics meeting, "And he opens his legs and shows the world what he's made of"

Hitcher
14th June 2005, 13:08
I liked the one from the Sydney Olympics along the lines of: "And now we're crossing to the weight-lifting pavilion to see the women's snatch"...

mikey
14th June 2005, 13:47
good ole murray mexHEAD


"" thats as smoooothe as a brazilian......""

v.ros`
14th June 2005, 14:24
OMG that was a good laugh..

Really liked that NEWS ANCHOR one about the 8 inch of snow.... would actually pay money to see that clip...