Fucking bullies

[aprilia_RS250]

Feel sorry for this kid...

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/education/4662058/Bullied-boy-too-scared-to-attend-school

How did YOU deal with dickheads making your life miserable, we've all likely encountered one or two?

I remember back in high school if someone bullied me a punch up was inevitable. Just cause a mad ruckus show 'em you're not scared and try and land a few good punches. It show's 'em you're not scared and can put up a fight, it was my old man's advice.

I took it literally, had a guy who was bullying me on the bus, he was fifth form I was a fresh new third former. Lasted for about a month, name calling etc.

One day he got off at my bus stop and kneed me on the hip and pushed me into the ground. Kids on the bus were (mainly his mates on the back seat) were laughing. Next day I took 1L of week old yoghurt and a cricket bat, but I found out he went off for a week long soccer tournament. Kept bringing the yughurt and the cricket bat with me everyday for another week and bang one day he was getting on the bus. This time I got off at his stop. He knew immediately something was up. Name calling starts and threats etc, I take the cricket bat and I stared running after him! I was still fuming from what he did a week before. He got scared and started running away, I caught up quickly and ankle tapped him with the cricket bat and he fell down pretty hard. Put my shoe on the back of his neck and took the 1L of "green/yellow" yughurt and drowned his face and school uniform with it. Told him if he keeps fucking with me I'll set him on fire next time (don't know where that came from but it felt good). He never bothered me again... ever.

I found out this guy is a cop now in Wellington. Saw him in a mall with his girlfriend and there was a bit of eye contact but he looked away.


Fucking bullies, although they help you in a way find out how to treat assholes. I heard for women bullying is much more severe, all the psychological shit they do one another...

[avgas]

Watch out. Some people on here think gangs are ok. And that we should morn for dead gang bikers because they ride motorbikes.

I grew up with bullying at school from all sorts of different people (including teachers).

Standard punishment for bullies should be a steel toe to the mouth.

Make it difficult to spout shit after that.

[buellbabe]

I read that article earlier today and it sparked a bit of a 'discussion' here at work. Almost everyone had a story to tell but in each case the bully was dealt with pronto and the situation really WAS resolved.

In this particular case the school say that they have spoken to the student(s) involved and as far as they are concerned its all ok.

FFS. Its obviously NOT OK and since when is the word of a bully to be taken at face value?

Seems to me that the school teachers/headmaster/whoever the hell is supposed to be giving a damn about the pupils should bloody well grow a set of balls cos by doing next to nothing they are enabling the bullying to continue.

[White trash]

After being attacked in public by groups of bullies from my school on two separate occasions I now hate meeting new people and suffer from mild agoraphobia. Big groups of people make me quite anxious so I'll do anything to avoid meeting large groups of new people at once. It makes partners work Christmas parties and the like very difficult. Public swimming pools scare the shit out of me, I tell people because I'm scared of germs and child piss but it's more likely the above to be honest.

All of my kids are and will be well trained in how to handle and defend themselves. They will have my blessing to unleash on anyone bullying them or anyone else for that matter but by Christ if I find they've been tormenting some poor nerd similar to what their dad was, there'll be hell to pay.

[Crasherfromwayback]

but by Christ if I find they've been tormenting some poor nerd similar to what their dad was, there'll be hell to pay.

As long as you don't smack them!

[admenk]

Feel sorry for this kid...


I found out this guy is a cop now in Wellington. Saw him in a mall with his girlfriend and there was a bit of eye contact but he looked away.


..

Just don't ever get pulled over by him....

[Deano]

I took it literally, had a guy who was bullying me on the bus, he was fifth form I was a fresh new third former. Lasted for about a month, name calling etc.

I found out this guy is a cop now in Wellington. Saw him in a mall with his girlfriend and there was a bit of eye contact but he looked away.


Bwahahaha........a bully who became a cop.........how bizarre !!

[Bald Eagle]

I read that article earlier today and it sparked a bit of a 'discussion' here at work. Almost everyone had a story to tell but in each case the bully was dealt with pronto and the situation really WAS resolved.

In this particular case the school say that they have spoken to the student(s) involved and as far as they are concerned its all ok.

FFS. Its obviously NOT OK and since when is the word of a bully to be taken at face value?

Seems to me that the school teachers/headmaster/whoever the hell is supposed to be giving a damn about the pupils should bloody well grow a set of balls cos by doing next to nothing they are enabling the bullying to continue.

not likely to happen as there is an endemic culture of management bullying of staff in the education sector so they really don't know how to do it any different.

[DEVVIL]

not likely to happen as there is an endemic culture of management bullying of staff in the education sector so they really don't know how to do it any different.
Managers cant help themselves they just need a good kick in the ass from the union every now and then.

[ecko_nzed]

I read that article earlier today and it sparked a bit of a 'discussion' here at work. Almost everyone had a story to tell but in each case the bully was dealt with pronto and the situation really WAS resolved.

In this particular case the school say that they have spoken to the student(s) involved and as far as they are concerned its all ok.

FFS. Its obviously NOT OK and since when is the word of a bully to be taken at face value?

Seems to me that the school teachers/headmaster/whoever the hell is supposed to be giving a damn about the pupils should bloody well grow a set of balls cos by doing next to nothing they are enabling the bullying to continue.

Sounds like the principal has his head in the sand. It's bound to escalate and will probably end badly. :-(

My daughter has been bullied before, by boys and girls. With the girls it was psychological, so I told her to be mentally stronger and just ignore them, they're just looking for a reaction. With the boy it was physical so I told her to knee him in the nuts. :shit:

Both times the school didn't really do stuff all, the bullies just deny it and if no one else see's it, they take their word for it.

I think as a parent you have to educate your children about bullies. Tell them the best way to avoid trouble, is to walk away. When that is not an option and you know you're going down, hurt them as much as you can.

[raftn]

My son was getting bullied, came home from school a couple of times in tears. Spoke to the scholl about it twice, but nothing was ever done, it kept happening.

So I sat him down and explained to him that next time it happens thump him. Under no circumstances will I tolerate you starting it, never hit a women, and never bully other kids.

Three weeks later I got the phone call from the school, turns out he was getting picked on in the school grounds at lunch, so he thumped him then ran away. They found him hiding in a class room. Princepal said to me when I got there that they dont tolerate violence, and the parent of the kid that natty thumped wanted to lay a complaint. Told her to pull her fucking head in, as it was all ready on record that Nat was getting bullied from this kid.

Nathan was still pretty upset when we got in the car. I just said to him I was proud of him for standing up for him self.... he has never hit any one since, amazingly the bullying stopped to.....funny that. I never encourage violence with my kids, but some times they have to fight there own battles and stand up for them selves.

[ducatilover]

I got bullied a heap as a kid, due to my awesome lazy eye and my once epic coke bottle glasses :rockon:
I learned to stand up for myself and not to intimidated by the pricks, went for the throat, problem solved :innocent: Violence is not usually the answer, but, in those cases it was better than being kicked in the kidneys, glasses being broken etc :facepalm:

[MSTRS]

Violence is not usually the answer...

Then what was the question?

The one constant with bullies is they are almost always cowards too. Which is why when you deal to them in like fashion they leave you alone after, or want to be your friend.

But cyber-bullying is a different thing altogether. I don't know how that is best dealt with. Perhaps a physical smack works there as well (if you KNOW who it is, that is)

[ducatilover]

Then what was the question?



:innocent: "Are they my shoes you are wearing?" was a fairly common question in Wainuiomata when I was a kid...

[Crasherfromwayback]

in Wainuiomata when I was a kid...

Funny. I first went to school in Wainuiomata, then Naenae College. Defending yourself was a regular thing!

[Bald Eagle]

:innocent: "Are they my shoes you are wearing?" was a fairly common question in Wainuiomata when I was a kid...

You had shoes :gob::gob:

[MSTRS]

:innocent: "Are they my shoes you are wearing?" was a fairly common question in Wainuiomata when I was a kid...

You should have sent them to the Principal for a jolly good caning. To teach them the merits of correct grammar.
"Are those my shoes you're wearing?"
:innocent:

[ducatilover]

Funny. I first went to school in Wainuiomata, then Naenae College. Defending yourself was a regular thing! :facepalm: Seemed to be they way it was.


You had shoes :gob::gob: Only once every year :innocent:


You should have sent them to the Principal for a jolly good caning. To teach them the merits of correct grammar.
"Are those my shoes you're wearing?"
:innocent:
It was Wainuiomata, not known for eloquence. :yes:

[Usarka]

Bwahahaha........a bully who became a cop.........how bizarre !!

One of the "main" bullies at my school went on to become a cop too..... :sherlock:

[Camshaft]

Bwahahaha........a bully who became a cop.........how bizarre !!
not realy, bullys love power so cops is a gud choice for him to bully people for a living, not saying all cops are bullies, but ive met a few tht thnk there job is to make your life hard

[Murray]

Funny. I first went to school in Wainuiomata, then Naenae College. Defending yourself was a regular thing!

I went to Wainui college in the 70's never really had any trouble. Did have one guy in my class who was a bit of a bully but when he got smacked over by someone half his size and everyone laughed at him it stopped. Went there for 5 years and never saw it as a major problem and thought most of the teachers were pretty onto it!

Of course there was the threat of the strap or cane in those days!!

[wingnutt]

bullying as an age old problem, even in my day, and I'm old bastard.

my son had problems with it, and I suggested learning martial arts of some sort.

he took to it like a duck to water, and went on to brown belt with black tips.

what came out of it, was more than I expected, it matured him mentally, and physically, it gave him the confidence to walk away, which he did most of the time, as he now saw the bullies as just brainless wankers and cowards.

it taught him that violence proves nothing, but gave him the means if it couldn't be avoided. it got rid of the anger and frustration he was feeling.

there was only one occasion, when he had a leg in plaster, and on crutches, where a moron thought he could take him, and found out real quick that he didnt need two legs to makes things hurt.

[Brett]

Sounds like the principal has his head in the sand. It's bound to escalate and will probably end badly. :-(

My daughter has been bullied before, by boys and girls. With the girls it was psychological, so I told her to be mentally stronger and just ignore them, they're just looking for a reaction. With the boy it was physical so I told her to knee him in the nuts. :shit:

Both times the school didn't really do stuff all, the bullies just deny it and if no one else see's it, they take their word for it.

I think as a parent you have to educate your children about bullies. Tell them the best way to avoid trouble, is to walk away. When that is not an option and you know you're going down, hurt them as much as you can.

Because it is easier to believe that nothing is happening than it is to realise that there is a problem and work out how to fix it. Head-in-the-sand syndrom...the problem really rears its head when it has become too big to be handled easily and this is now what many schools and organisations face.

It is always easier to pull out the seedling than it is the whole damn tree.

[Brett]

The other problem now that never existed 16 years ago when I was 10 was that back then kids could get into a fight and it was all fisty cuffs and no one really got hurt. Now days there are street kids/youth gangs in most towns and they do generally carry screw drivers, small knives etc. and it only takes one stab in the wrong place for it to be all tickets.

As a kid I was raised that if someone bullied me verbally, I should be strong enough to take it, if they bullied me physically, I was to fight back and win. However I would struggle to encourage the same with my kids due to the very real threat that the school yard brawl could turn into something much bigger out of school or could end in someone upping the ante with a weapon.

Same goes for adults, once upon a time guys with a dissagreement would have a scrap and many times go on their way and the thought of upping the violence to cause grevious bodily harm was not really considered.
Now, if you even are assumed to have been "cheeky" to the wrong guy you run a real risk that his views are so warped that he considers causing you serious and permanent damage as justifiable.

I have been training in Close Quarter Battle for a little while now and the guy who heads our programme is the Master Instructor for the NZSAS in Papakura and they make fundamental to our training that if we can safely evade the situation, then that is the choice to be made rather than feeling the need to 'be the man' and always confront someone.

[Brett]

what came out of it, was more than I expected, it matured him mentally, and physically, it gave him the confidence to walk away, which he did most of the time, as he now saw the bullies as just brainless wankers and cowards.

it taught him that violence proves nothing, but gave him the means if it couldn't be avoided. it got rid of the anger and frustration he was feeling.

there was only one occasion, when he had a leg in plaster, and on crutches, where a moron thought he could take him, and found out real quick that he didnt need two legs to makes things hurt.

Absolutely, knowing how to use your body as a weapon definitely makes you more self confident but at the same time makes you feel less of a need to prove yourself.

[JimO]

i didnt get bullied as i had a couple of older brothers but at the high school i attended there were a couple of 5th formers who used to pick on the 3rd formers until they started on a skinny guy with curly white hair, turned out he was a pretty good boxer and gave them both a seeing to, same guy punched a teacher who was giving him a hard time when he was a 5th former and got expelled

[Virago]

Bwahahaha........a bully who became a cop.........how bizarre !!


One of the "main" bullies at my school went on to become a cop too..... :sherlock:

C'est la vie...

The bullies became cops. The meek and mild swats became accountants. The prefects and hall-monitors became teachers. The ones who stole your lunch or bus money became politicians.

Life goes on, and nothing changes...

[rachprice]

I went to that school and funnily enough they didn't punish a few friends for hitting back but punished the ones who started it first!

[admenk]

Absolutely, knowing how to use your body as a weapon ....

I like to think of my body as some sort of heavy tank..:Offtopic:

[eelracing]

C'est la vie...

The bullies became cops. The meek and mild swats became accountants. The prefects and hall-monitors became teachers. The ones who stole your lunch or bus money became politicians.

Life goes on, and nothing changes...

Don't forget the kids round the back of the bike sheds smoking became bikers.
(the seat sniffers raced them)

[Crasherfromwayback]

Don't forget the kids round the back of the bike sheds smoking became bikers.
(the seat sniffers raced them)

Some of us already were! I used to ride my RM400 to school and sniff seats!

See you at the world vintage ATV champs?

[Oakie]

Common thread in this thread. Stand up to the the bully and they leave off. That was my experience too. After months of it from 3 guys at school I lost it and whacked one of them. He whacked me back and it was me who needed 3 stitches in my eyebrow but they never hassled me again.

I was talking to a workmate a couple of weeks ago and she told me a story about her son. He and his mates were playing football at school and as luck would have it the ball finished up at the feet of the local bully boys who were hanging around. They refused to give the ball back when asked by the son. The biggest started pushing the wee fella around ... not knowing he was already a black belt of some description. After much dodging of the bully's pushes, a flying roundhouse kick to the bully's head settled things. The wee guy now owns 4 dojos in Japan.

[oldrider]

Don't forget the kids round the back of the bike sheds smoking became bikers.
(the seat sniffers raced them)

:rolleyes: Ahhhh, them were the days but not all of them sniffers raced bikes. :whistle: (too busy sniffin and beyond!)

[Winston001]

I remember back in high school if someone bullied me a punch up was inevitable. Just cause a mad ruckus show 'em you're not scared and try and land a few good punches. It show's 'em you're not scared and can put up a fight, it was my old man's advice.



Yeah I wish someone had told me that years ago. Not that I was bullied much but I was a boarder at Waitaki Boys and life was pretty tough for everyone. We had the English school system of fagging and seniority which actually worked, except there were always pricks who enjoyed the power and became bullies.

I tried to tell my son to physically resist and fight bullies. That way the event couldn't be denied or ignored by teachers and parents. However...my wife was horrified and so were the teachers who were strongly pushing the non-violence ethic in the school. Pretty hard to argue with that so I shut up.

It has turned out fine for him because he's a laid-back popular boy and doesn't get picked on. Plus he's a gymnast and fit as a buck rat so not an easy target.


?

The one constant with bullies is they are almost always cowards too.



I know everyone says this but some of the bullies I remember from high school weren't cowards by any stretch of the imagination. They just took advantage of their age, and physical size, or position if they were prefects. Basically they were immature youths who liked to humiliate others. At the same time they were talented cricket and rugby players who showed no fear and played while injured.

[Brian d marge]

I landed off the boat in CHCH in 1974 , I was about 9 years old from East London

that bell for playtime was round one

round two was called lunchtime for some strange reason

then home for buttered scones and tea

Bullies usually have character deficiencies , and if you are smart enough , you can make them look small

but sometimes , you need to hit the reset button.

My two will have the same problem being Half Japanese and not speaking English as their main language, I am going to have to enroll them in an Akido type self defense class , more of a Zen ish defense type of Martial art or something similar

The oldest is gentle and good with people , the youngest ,,,well I wouldn't be surprised if I get a phone call from the police one day,,,,,,,

Stephen

Dont get me started on office management ,,,,,

<iframe title="YouTube video player" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/JnPfgX82GmM" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="390" width="480"></iframe> and the knobel art of <iframe title="YouTube video player" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/TJxGi8bizEg" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="390" width="480"></iframe>

and my favorite is ..all mouth and trousers
<iframe title="YouTube video player" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/yw7dL2JssPM" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="390" width="480"></iframe>and then theres Margret <iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/2KFHAd29oBc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[Gremlin]

I was bullied for most of college (and some before that, but that was South Africa). It stopped in 7th form because I was no longer the little one (seriously, for those that went to Howick College, I walked under the lockers in 3rd form, 7th form I looked over the top).

One of the common games was to get pushed into me hard by a mate, sending me sprawling, him apologising that he got pushed. That stopped in 7th form as well, when I saw one coming, side stepped and sent him on into the lockers. The school tactics to deal with bullies were so shit that I never bothered reporting it (not to mention the retribution). Their idea was to put you in a monitored classroom for all breaks. :facepalm:

The net effect of the whole lot had its pros and cons. I no longer tolerate shit from anyone (but don't go looking for fights... I still prefer to avoid them, but my size helps in defusing the situation before it gets out of hand), but its also made me reasonably unemotional and I gain satisfaction from some people's pain and suffering. One of the reasons I actually ride is that I really enjoy it, so its one of the few occasions I actually get emotional about something.

The hard part was learning to control my rage, and I had major anger problems as a teenager. Parents got worried when I literally shook with rage. The kind of rage where consequences have no meaning, and the person being dead is a perfect outcome.

Now I have a nice long fuse and deliberately try to keep a funny demeanour by seeing the funny side of everything, but when I do occasionally lose it (less than once a year), it's not pretty.

[Str8 Jacket]

School - Possibly the worst time of my life. I was moved to 5/6 different primary schools due to bullying and none of them could control it. Unfortunately I was a kid born covered in ezcma and physical defects from a hard birth (not that I remember) along with other factors so I was always picked out to be bullied by other kids as I was ugly, strange and a complete retard in their opinion.

Growing up in a small town (Rotorua) was hard too as the shit just follows you through your school life. I know what it is like to be the 'nerd of school' where they would arrange for people to bash me on the school bus or school field along with so many other nasty things. Bullying caused me to attempt (really attempt) suicide at least half a dozen times. Fortunately I have moved on from that part of my life now.

I have to honestly say that the school teachers and principals were useless, but then again what could they really do. I just started wagging school which was a shame as I was quite bright as a youngun.

Moving on in life I have to admit that I am glad to have experienced the crap as I have truly learnt that I really don't give a flying fuck what people think about me now, I have very thick skin and can stand up for myself verbally and physically. I don't think I would be anywhere near as mentally strong as I am now if I hadn't experienced such bullying.

Bullying will alway's exist because their is always someone who has to put down someone they perceive as weaker than them to build themselves up. Kiwibiker is rife with Internerd bullying and those people are probably breeding too......

[doc]

The new idea is that those that see bullying and don't do something about it are part of the problem.

[Goblin]

Bwahahaha........a bully who became a cop.........how bizarre !!


One of the "main" bullies at my school went on to become a cop too..... :sherlock:


not realy, bullys love power so cops is a gud choice for him to bully people for a living, not saying all cops are bullies, but ive met a few tht thnk there job is to make your life hardClint rikard springs to mind. He and an islander thug were at high school with my sister and a few of my friends today remember them(and most of the 1st 15) being bullies at school. My sister had a run in with the islander fulla when he was a cop here. He would follow her around then pull her over looking for anything to ticket her for so she ended up complaing of harrassment. He eventually moved to Oz. Saw a bit in the paper a few months back about him being questioned on historic rape charges.

My youngest son has been bullied at school too. His bully was a kid from Murupara with a mongrel mob father, domestic violence a normal part of life. This kid moved to Rotorua to live with his grandma who has shown him some love, routine and some boundaries. He still loses the plot on occasion but my boy now knows he can outrun him! End of last year the principal phoned me to tell me the kid was stood down from school for bullying.

The problem with kids these days is the celphones. Text all their mates there's gunna be a fight and they all gather round and film some poor kid getting the crap kicked out of them, then send it on to their other mates. What I want to know is wtf are their parents teaching them? Just last week driving home I saw 4 cop cars down the road. Got home and told my 13yr old and his mate not to go down there and his mate says "oh yeah theres a fight on today". WTF??

[Jdogg]

Bullies are weak....look what happens when they figure out they are not dealing with someone weaker then them


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWfetF1jCO4

[Winston001]

Bullies are weak....look what happens when they figure out they are not dealing with someone weaker then them

I'm not sticking up for bullies - I detest them - but really, isn't that video just about a young aggressive guy, possibly slightly intoxicated, trying to be smart? Billions of young men act like that. Its driven by testosterone.

[James Deuce]

Fighting back doesn't always work and is the worst advice you can give anyone. It just escalates the level of violence the bullies will use in retribution. Sure, there's plenty of tales where habitual bullying is broken by a kid deciding to stand up for himself and the bullies suddenly click that they've been getting away with picking on a kid much bigger and faster than them because they've been doing it since kindergarten.

But.

I got my arm broken 15 minutes before I was due to go on stage to collect the prize for 1st in my class for academic achievement.

How did that happen?

The ringleader cracked a raw egg on my head 20 minutes before I was due to go on stage. I tried to wash it out in a drinking fountain and the ringleader's bigger mate pushed my face into the bowl and held me there with the tap running.

I lashed out with a foot, caught him in the balls and he went down. There was stunned silence and then all half a dozen piled in on me, breaking my arm in the process.

The next year, I made the hockey first XI and was playing representative level soccer as a reserve for North Shore. This upset one of the bullies as he fancied himself as a football player and he wasn't selected. He waited for me in the changing room after PE, his mates locked the door and he took to me with a hockey stick. The injury to my left knee got infected, I got septicaemia and spent two weeks in bed unable to move and my football and hockey careers were over permanently. Knee is still dodgy. I never told anyone who did it. Still got first in my 4th form class.

I was little, unassuming and good at my school work. I never, ever started anything, but after months of torment it would build up and I'd snap inappropriately at an inappropriate time. Then, as it is now for bullied kids, it was obviously my issue due to my inability to moderate my reaction to the torment or deal with the problem by becoming friends with the bastards. No one saw or acknowledged the months of torment, I just used to over react. Stalked on the way home from school, dogs set on me on my paper run, kids stealing and hiding my bike while I was doing the paper run, they'd just keep doing it until they got the reaction they were after.

I started reading Science Fiction in the library at lunch times because there was some invisible force field at the door that the dunderheads couldn't breach, plus the librarian was the scariest woman you've ever seen (but looking back I think she got it) and then started playing Dungeons and Dragons with some other victims, some of bullies, others victims of life in general, in a science lab that a friendly teacher would let us nerds use. One teacher in all that time and when I look back she would have been about 25, a very junior teacher and the only one willing to provide a haven. She used to hang out in the store room of the science lab to scare the bullies off when they started throwing stuff at windows and trying to break into the locked room.

Kids are good at spotting other kids who are "different". If you're not large and robust and weird to boot, you're screwed. They'll steal your stuff, pretend to be your friend one minute and then hold you down for the bully to spit in your mouth the next.

It's character building in a way, but it's not the sort of character I'd like my kids to develop.

School should be safe. Many of the "weird" kids come from homes or backgrounds that aren't exactly safe or conventional and many of the bullies seem to come from either privileged homes full of opportunity or out and out crack houses. Girls shouldn't end up with brain injuries because three other girls decide to beat the shit out of a "weird" kid for no reason other than they're different.

The thing I would say, is if the bullied kids don't end up dysfunctional drug-dependant psych patients, they tend to be made of sterner stuff once they get out of school and seem to avoid some of the classic traps that the "cool" kids do. You know, pregnant girlfriends, a couple of divorces before 22 and a stalled career in waste management.

I've a kid (http://waxingofflyrically.blogspot.com/2011/02/calling-all-bullies.html) currently getting the shit kicked out of him because he simply can't understand that some people are fundamentally nasty oxygen thieving scum and he strives to see the good in everyone and simply wants friendly consistent behaviour from kids programmed to claw their way to the "top" (Top of what? Life sucks. You should do your best to make it better for other people) at any cost, by any method.

[Gremlin]

I was little, unassuming and good at my school work.
I don't know about others, but that's definitely how I think my bullying started in NZ. I was new, so no-one knew me (ergo, no history from previous schools), but I was too smart for my peers. I quickly learned not to study, do bugger all, blend in, and still achieve respectable results above average. The bullying was still there, as I had already come onto their radar, but it lessened when I attempted to blend in...

[Teflon]

My advice:

Don't look like a victim. Simple things like correcting their posture, make them walk with confidence. Fuck wits look for weak looking targets.

Boxing - simple and effective

Teach them to walk away because its not worth it. It fucking sucks when you have look over your shoulders every second of the day for weeks/months on end and wondering when that crack head you've just knocked out decides to fuck you over.

[MSTRS]

That's a shocking tale, Jim. Definitely an extreme case.
But I still stand by the advice to dish it back. I reckon for every tale such as yours, there'd be 5 where hitting back worked.
I, too, was little as a kid. Skinny. Knock-kneed. Not very self-confident. At around age 10, I was bullied by a same-age kid and his mates, who were all much bigger than me. Life was miserable at the bus stop. I convinced Mum to have a word with the bully...you can guess how that turned out. So my father 'advised' me. One bully sent home crying, his nose splattered all over his face. Him and his mates all wanted to be friends after that. And I never had another issue with bullies. Something about me must have changed.
Teflon is right about the targeted types. We can all recognise people who are 'different', or weak or whose demeanour screams of not wanting to be noticed. It's almost as though they carry a blazing sign on their head that says Pick On Me.
Surely fighting back gives some self-confidence, let's the current bully know you're not scared of them, and reduces the victim look so future bullies don't have a 'reason' to start?

[James Deuce]

What if you have a kid with no concept of hitting back, who gets back up off the ground and immediately wants to start playing with these bastards, who won't tell anyone because he doesn't want to miss the opportunity to be their friend? Not in a needy "please be my mate" way either. He just keeps hoping for things to change, despite no evidence that they ever will. If ever you wanted the definition of an enlightened soul demonstrated I have the perfect candidate. Shame we aren't Hindu, because then at least there's the potential for some sort of reward in the future.

He WON'T fight back.

So they just escalate the level and intensity of the violence. Schools will pay lip service to "fixing" bullying, but when the perpetrators have been doing it since Kindergarten it's now an entrenched behaviour, and often the schools have been prepped to expect this sort of relationship dynamic and the victim is entirely at fault.

My case isn't extreme. Start digging and you find hundredss of thousands of tales of physical harm dished out in NZ schools by children to other children. You also find thousands of people for whom it all went wrong the moment they stood up to the bullies, or worse, told an adult who was doing what to them.

[MSTRS]

At the risk of sounding flippant - is the Messiah among us again?

Sorry Jim, I can understand how awful this must be for you and the child in question. I only know how it was for me, with the fighting back. One of YTs kids was the same - victim written all over him. He got the same advice as my father gave me, with the same result.

[superman]

At my school things were a lot more verbal luckily, probably due to the fact that if you did anything violent towards someone you'd get expelled.

Luckily most bullies are jock retards, and can't handle being verbally abused without wanting to get physical. They don't take too kindly to being told they have a brain deficiency causing them to want to touch people when their testosterone starts pumping because someone has retaliated and called them some clever name.

If you wanted a bully to get hurt you could easily manipulate another one to beat him up. Crazy mind games on dumb ape men, it was almost a sport. Funny thing is one went to England to become a cop... :facepalm:

The only physical abuse I seem to remember getting is from my older brother. And fair enough really I was an annoying little shit. I don't know when I started seeing bullies as people to have mind games with, but seemed to work quite well. Just had stupid teachers telling me that the friends I decided to hang out with when I was 12 made me "socially inept", just because they were trouble makers who hated school. But he got fired a few years later for touching a female student innapropriately... but did he?... :p

[Brett]

What if you have a kid with no concept of hitting back, who gets back up off the ground and immediately wants to start playing with these bastards, who won't tell anyone because he doesn't want to miss the opportunity to be their friend? Not in a needy "please be my mate" way either. He just keeps hoping for things to change, despite no evidence that they ever will. If ever you wanted the definition of an enlightened soul demonstrated I have the perfect candidate. Shame we aren't Hindu, because then at least there's the potential for some sort of reward in the future.

He WON'T fight back.

So they just escalate the level and intensity of the violence. Schools will pay lip service to "fixing" bullying, but when the perpetrators have been doing it since Kindergarten it's now an entrenched behaviour, and often the schools have been prepped to expect this sort of relationship dynamic and the victim is entirely at fault.

My case isn't extreme. Start digging and you find hundredss of thousands of tales of physical harm dished out in NZ schools by children to other children. You also find thousands of people for whom it all went wrong the moment they stood up to the bullies, or worse, told an adult who was doing what to them.

I get what you are saying. Despite my earlier post, I was a kid that also just wanted to be friends with everyone. My luck was my size, I was always big for my age and even today an 6ft 3 and 100kg. I always struggled with the likes of rugby because even though I could smash the living shit out of anyone standing in my way and none of them could touch me, I lacked the aggro streak to do so and was so called the "gentle giant".
The same went with bullies. I can count on 1 hand the times in school when I struck back (usually very aggresively with devastating results) and those times were because I really had finally had enough (once) or was because someone attacked me physically first and hurt me or because someone was picking on a weaker kid who could not defend themselves and thus I would get enraged at the injustice and jump in.

But, I can fully understand that some kids (admittedly I would imagine they are a rare breed) just would not have the impule to fight. I don't think that this is at all a bad thing because I would also imagine that such kids have gentle spirits and make awesome mates. I think that the only real defense for a child or person such as this is to recognise when someone is not a good person and to steer clear of them.
Secondly, the body posture and disposition thing is a big part. I am not talking about walking around like a puffed up turkey acting tough (usually just a cover) but teaching a person a self respecting, confident posture with shoulders back and chin up to meet the world. Bullies seldom pick on a person who looks confident and self controlled.

The second thing that I think dissapoints me is how few kids will stand up for others.
However, i did a bit of work with a mate of mine who went around talking in schools, it is amazing some of the stories that these kids have. Never forget, most kids who act strangely, are bullies etc. are displaying complex emotions that come from what is going on in their lives. Some are just nasty little shits, but some are very unhappy and have sorry stories and do not know how to a) deal with what is going on and b) have not been taught another way of dealing with their issues but through intimidation and violence.

That said, I am not quite the gentle giant I used to be as I have realised the need to be able to protect myself. 4 years of boxing and now 1 year of Military CQB (which is an incredibly brutal but efficient form of self protection) has definitely left me willing and able to defend myself, however it has also taught me that there is absolutely nothing wrong with turning around and walking away.

If I have a kid that is on the gentle side, I will nurture that in them, train them to avoid the nasty bitches but do my best to train them how to defend themselves so that if they decide to strike back, they win.

[aprilia_RS250]

Psychologically I remember I always felt good/relieved from a fight with a bully/dickhead. I either beat them or they smacked me up, didn't matter either way as I found out they can't hurt you that much, just a few cuts or bruises.

[Winston001]

Fighting back doesn't always work and is the worst advice you can give anyone. It just escalates the level of violence the bullies will use in retribution.....

Kids are good at spotting other kids who are "different". If you're not large and robust and weird to boot, you're screwed....

School should be safe.


I've a kid (http://waxingofflyrically.blogspot.com/2011/02/calling-all-bullies.html) currently getting the shit kicked out of him and he strives to see the good in everyone and simply wants friendly consistent behaviour from kids....

Jim, you have my admiration and utmost respect for this post from your heart. Thank you for your honesty and realism.

My own thoughts on fighting back aren't that the bullies will be intimidated, but they might respect and approve of the effort. Others are simply nasty and will redouble their efforts.

Thinking about boarding school, I wish I had struck back. I'd have lost big-time but the masters would have heard about it, as would the rector (feared by all), and my parents 250 miles away. I was a good kid and something would have been done. Fighting back would have worked in exposing our culture of intimidation.

Still, I need to be honest and say I wasn't bullied much, and physical and verbal abuse was normal experience for all 3rd, 4th and 5th formers, but not constant. Actually besides older boys, some of my peer group were the pricks and living in a dormitory you can't get away from that. Bullies in my experience are not necessarily older.

I do think it is significant that after 4 years of boarding school, I only have 3 close friends from those days. By contrast I have a raft of friends from university.

Jim -your calm kid who sees the good in others is a gift to society and is a winner in the long term.