Str8 Jacket
15th July 2005, 07:49
CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let
her.
As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears,
and
promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the
ball,
but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella
agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2:00 a.m.
Any
later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour comes and
goes,
and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella shows
up,
looking love struck and very satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands
the
Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin
three
hours ago!!!" " I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of
everything."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of
power!
Tell me his name!"
Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, ...Peter, Peter,
something or
other..."
___________________________________________
PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about
splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit
Gepetto to see if he could help.
Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and
Pinocchio
skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through
town
and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
_____________________________________________
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the
Big
Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her
throat,
said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket
and
pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're
not.
You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
____________________________________________
MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said
to
Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "I
didn't
say she was crazy, I said she's f**king Goofy."
___________________________________________
SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind
him,
knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to
me!
Lie to me!"
___________________________________________
Did you know...Captain Hook died from jock itch.
____________________________________________
her.
As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears,
and
promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the
ball,
but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella
agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2:00 a.m.
Any
later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour comes and
goes,
and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella shows
up,
looking love struck and very satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands
the
Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin
three
hours ago!!!" " I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of
everything."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of
power!
Tell me his name!"
Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, ...Peter, Peter,
something or
other..."
___________________________________________
PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about
splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit
Gepetto to see if he could help.
Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and
Pinocchio
skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through
town
and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
_____________________________________________
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the
Big
Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her
throat,
said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket
and
pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're
not.
You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
____________________________________________
MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said
to
Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "I
didn't
say she was crazy, I said she's f**king Goofy."
___________________________________________
SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind
him,
knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to
me!
Lie to me!"
___________________________________________
Did you know...Captain Hook died from jock itch.
____________________________________________