101 uses for a Dead Motorcycle

[Rincewind]

Hi all you lateral thinkers...

I would like some help with the above idea for a coffee table book (no I don't want to make the book into a coffee table, I just want to...) (oh forget it).

The object is to come up with a hundred and one uses for a dead motorcycle, they must be humorous in some way and can be as obscure as you like....

WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I can hear your brains tikkin from here .. Ha Ha

[Waylander]

How about..... a coffee table.

[ZorsT]

You could bend your best lady over the seat.....

[Rincewind]

How about..... a coffee table.
well I suppose it's a start

[Rincewind]

You could bend your best lady over the seat.....

Hmmm we must start closing the curtains at night !!!!

[Waylander]

well I suppose it's a start
Oh come one you know that was funny. Think about it. You have this book right and it's sitting on your bike coffee table. A guest picks it up and what's on page one? a motorbike coffee table!! :killingme:rofl::killingme:rofl::killingme

[FROSTY]

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A DEAD MOTORCYCLE,

[Rincewind]

yes I can see how that woodwork !!!

[ZorsT]

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A DEAD MOTORCYCLE,
IS YOUR CAPS LOCK ON?

have races down hills on it... like we used to do with our "go-karts" (wheels with a place to sit)

[Rincewind]

O.K. calm down let's just pretend it's dead then shall we, and we will think of how we could immortalise it forever (or bit's of it) in a different guise.. Happy now !!!

No real motorcycle will be harmed in any way throughout the making of this book.

[Waylander]

Desk lamp? Some of the pistons and maybe the headlights.

[ZorsT]

No real motorcycle will be harmed in any way throughout the making of this book.
so you will just use Suzuki then? PT, i own two

[Rincewind]

I ain't wearing a cap !!!

[Waylander]

so you will just use Suzuki then? PT, i own two
Just the GSXRs :rofl:

[Rincewind]

so you will just use Suzuki then? PT, i own two
we can use any motorcycle in the bloody universe as a refference O K, as long as it has two wheels or even three !!!

[Waylander]

we can use any motorcycle in the bloody universe as a refference O K, as long as it has two wheels or even three !!!

What? You mean like a Gixxer trike?:rofl:



Sorry mate but you make it too easy to hassle ya. Haha ok i'll stop now.

[Rincewind]

Desk lamp? Some of the pistons and maybe the headlights.
Ah yes I like it very practical too !!

[FROSTY]

2 gixxer frames would make a goood dining room table
one gixxer frame on legs would make a good ironing board

[Waylander]

Ah yes I like it very practical too !!
lol I think it would be mean as to have a set of R1 of CBR headlights sitting on some chromed pistons and crankshaft lighting up my work desk.

[raster]

Ceiling fan, laying on it's side hanging from ceiling, motor running wheels as fans. :eek5:

[Rincewind]

What? You mean like a Gixxer trike?:rofl:



Sorry mate but you make it too easy to hassle ya. Haha ok i'll stop now.
Yes I think we digressed just a little,never mind it's all good clean fun (unfourtunatley)

[Rincewind]

Ceiling fan, laying on it's side hanging from ceiling, motor running wheels as fans. :eek5:
If the motors running it's not technically dead is it Hmmmmmmm

[Waylander]

If the motors running it's not technically dead is it Hmmmmmmm
Maybe if you used the wheels and axels as a ceiling fan.
Hook them up just like a normal one or something like that.

[raster]

won't be long before it will be on it's side????

Don't think you'd be able to hear the TV either.

Try electic motor.

[Rincewind]

lol I think it would be mean as to have a set of R1 of CBR headlights sitting on some chromed pistons and crankshaft lighting up my work desk.
can you imagine the face of some would be motorcyle restorer in years to come, attending your office for an interveiw and seeing exactly what he needed to finish his latest project illuminating your desk Ha Ha

[ZorsT]

Maybe if you used the wheels and axels as a ceiling fan.
Hook them up just like a normal one or something like that.
But you would already be using the wheels for unicycles....

[Waylander]

can you imagine the face of some would be motorcyle restorer in years to come, attending your office for an interveiw and seeing exactly what he needed to finish his latest project illuminating your desk Ha Ha
They can bugger off that's my work light dammit!! lol.
Crap I think I might actually do this one day...

[Rincewind]

The amount of shite I see on the T V in the corner of my house I reckon that wouldn't be too bad a thing...

[Rincewind]

2 gixxer frames would make a goood dining room table
one gixxer frame on legs would make a good ironing board
Oh god I think we have hit on a new furniture craze, what shall we call it ....

[Waylander]

Ok you have the headlight on top, parts of the fairing still attached to make it look pretty. This is mounted lengthwise on top of the piston heads that have been chromed and polished. You can have them all even or stagard (sp) cause they are still mounted on the crankshaft. wich is mounted to two metal brackets on the ends that allow it to turn only when you apply force to it. and then all on another metal bracket that you can mount to a desk or a wall.

Know what I mean?

[raster]

The amount of shite I see on the T V in the corner of my house I reckon that wouldn't be too bad a thing...

True Dat..................................

[N4CR]

Instead of using the motor to make a fan... use the (watercooled only) radiator fan which is electric. :weird:

How about chopping the 'exhaust box' eg can, to be shorter and using it to hold pencils or waterproof it and clean it up and use it as a vase (for the missus.. gets you brownie points), put a false bottom in it though so the flowers etc don't dissapear into it...

Attach the foot pegs somewhere (wall by some cupboards or something) that you might need a foot ladder but cant be bothered, reverse the springs so they dont stick out.

And thats all I can think of for now.

[Waylander]

Some pretty keen bar stools could be made with the seats, part of the fram and farings and the pegs.

[ZorsT]

or de-grease the chain, loop it through a disk, and use it as bling :cool:

[Waylander]

The horn could be a new doorbell, maybe.

[Artifice]

i find this thread very morbid. makes my skin crawl it does. why not just buy the book "101 uses for a dead cat" and put that on your coffee table. mind you i dont know where youd fit it with all those tv remotes, coffee cups and old motorcycle mags allready taking up space.

[ZorsT]

sprockets could make good many ponted throwing disks....

Put the fairing on a push bike

[thehollowmen]

Oil rings and cut down chains could be popular as bracelets if fashion went that way.

My brother once had a valve stuck through his ear.

I can think of many uses for a chain :whistle:

Sprockets set into cement can be boot cleaners.

Make homebrew (or pruno) in the tank.

Grow climbing plants on the frame in the garden.

Disk brakes can be used in Xena movies (someone photoshop that one)

A tyre makes a comfortable alternative for a beenbag when set on a race stand and you're reading or watching TV.

Funny.. I've only ridden for three years and I can come up with these and mroe.. how many do you need?

[Waylander]

Hmm, maybe make a mold out of the Front fairings (tank, headlight thingie and the bits that cover the engine) Then mold steel or something that can withstand a fair bit of heat for a good long while. Cut out the top of the tank and put a BBQ grill down in it from right behind the headlights to the back of the tank.

The propane goes in the engine area or if you prefer wood that's where the wood burns at...

[Waylander]

I plan on somehow useing a chain as a belt at some point. perhaps two put together to get the width and then a bit of leather at the ends that attatch the clasps to it.

[parsley]

The object is to come up with a hundred and one uses for a dead motorcycle.
A teapot. You know, for making tea in.

[mstriumph]

thinking about dead motorbikes makes me morbid - heck, i can't even go to a motor museum without sobbing :crybaby:

[Waylander]

Oh come on peaple... Think outside the box!!

Besides using parts of bikes that couldn't be fixed is kinda a way of paying tribute to them. Like getting a pet stuffed or something...

[myvice]

Impractical clothes hanger.
Swing arm and rear frame staple remover.
Basted taxi forks boomerang.
Petrol tank bedpans.
Katana pop up toaster.
MX tire tooth brush.
Handle bar golf club set.
Carbon fiber fearing oven trays.
Air box Tupper wear set.
Brake lever doorknocker.
Race bike foot peg tooth pick.

[Rincewind]

Ok you have the headlight on top, parts of the fairing still attached to make it look pretty. This is mounted lengthwise on top of the piston heads that have been chromed and polished. You can have them all even or stagard (sp) cause they are still mounted on the crankshaft. wich is mounted to two metal brackets on the ends that allow it to turn only when you apply force to it. and then all on another metal bracket that you can mount to a desk or a wall.

Know what I mean?
Sounds like a piece of work mate !!

[Ramius]

Instead of a rocker horse, a rocker bike instead.
Take out the engine and put a TV in it.
Sit on it and pretend it still goes.
Attach pedals and use it as an exercycle

[Rincewind]

Impractical clothes hanger.
Swing arm and rear frame staple remover.
Basted taxi forks boomerang.
Petrol tank bedpans.
Katana pop up toaster.
MX tire tooth brush.
Handle bar golf club set.
Carbon fiber fearing oven trays.
Air box Tupper wear set.
Brake lever doorknocker.
Race bike foot peg tooth pick.
"oh I like you" your a bit more imaginative,
How about
Foot rest coat pegs
Inner tube condoms
Spoke scewers
Cogs for pastry shapers
cylinder head ash trays
Handle grip marital aids (one for the ladies)
Petrol Tank ash tray (special one for the mother in law) Ha Ha Boom
Front fork pogo sticks (one for the kiddies)
Engine parts mobile for above the baby's cot (go to sleep ya little bastard or I'll start it up)
Exhaust pipe's mounted over fire place like a 21st century version of moose antlers!!
Crank case cover nibbles holders (for the coffee table)
oh somebody stop me

[Rincewind]

Hmm reminds me of my current bike, it doesn't have a tv but I get all the exercise I wan't starting the F******g thing

[Waylander]

"oh I like you" your a bit more imaginative,

Meh he may have more imagination but mine are practical.

[Rincewind]

Meh he may have more imagination but mine are practical.
Ok calm down I'm just being subjective here, I like practical too, but the point was HUMA !!!

[SPman]

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A DEAD MOTORCYCLE,
Tell that to the people at last years Cold Kiwi - couldnt get much deader!

[Mooch]

Hi all you lateral thinkers...

I would like some help with the above idea for a coffee table book (no I don't want to make the book into a coffee table, I just want to...) (oh forget it).

The object is to come up with a hundred and one uses for a dead motorcycle, they must be humorous in some way and can be as obscure as you like....

WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I can hear your brains tikkin from here .. Ha Ha


Make it into a kids playground ride.

[scumdog]

The horn could be a new doorbell, maybe.

And the mirrors for shaving (for those that shave)

Handle-bars would add 'class' to a rotary-hoe.

Hang rear sprocket at back door, makes good 'gong' to get you in for tea.
(worked for me)

[Waylander]

And the mirrors for shaving (for those that shave)


Might have to use that one. Some idiot put the sink under the window in my bathroom so the mirror is on the wall above the tub wich is no where near the sink. Stupid architechs...

[Wolf]

Might have to use that one. Some idiot put the sink under the window in my bathroom so the mirror is on the wall above the tub wich is no where near the sink. Stupid architechs...
Same as at our place - proof that the oft-stated "if women designed houses they'd be more practical than the men" is dead wrong - who ever designed our bathroom had to do nothing more to their face than apply make-up and had to shave nothing more than legs and armpits... :rofl:

[Rincewind]

That's quite a cool idea dude,don't wanna make ya guest's too comfy though, they'll stop and drink all your beer, probably best to use some old trials bike seats for that one Ha Ha

[Waylander]

That's quite a cool idea dude,don't wanna make ya guest's too comfy though, they'll stop and drink all your beer, probably best to use some old trials bike seats for that one Ha Ha

Better yet use that seat of that confederate bike someone posted awhile back.

EDIT: This one here. (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=13297)

[Matt Bleck]

A Boat Anchor
A paper weight
A speed hump/bump
A conversation piece for when you have guests.
A mobile bomb fire.....simply add petrol and a match!

[Indiana_Jones]

use the fairings as sleads lol, or better still tape them into your arms and use them as wings! :D

-Indy

[Waylander]

Here are a few other things that you could use the chain for...

http://www.wyenot.com/images/alanross/dragon.jpg

http://www.wyenot.com/images/alanross/Centipede.jpg

[raster]

Like the dragon Waylander

[Waylander]

Like the dragon Waylander

Me too. Just wish I had been the one to think of it and make it.

[Rincewind]

Now don't try this at home children we are only playing, if you take daddy's fairing off he will be most displeased and won't come and visit you in hospital when you discover that it doesn't work "Man cannot fly" well not without effort and technology and stuffff....

[Rincewind]

its not a centipede, it's afourty two a pede (now where have i heard that number before Hmmmm

[Waylander]

its not a centipede, it's afourty two a pede (now where have i heard that number before Hmmmm
haha Now that couldn't have been a coincidence could it?


(Are you so bored that you actually counted it's legs?)

[Rincewind]

haha Now that couldn't have been a coincidence could it?


(Are you so bored that you actually counted it's legs?)
I'm a recovering counter, just had a momentory lapse !!!!

[Rincewind]

i find this thread very morbid. makes my skin crawl it does. why not just buy the book "101 uses for a dead cat" and put that on your coffee table. mind you i dont know where youd fit it with all those tv remotes, coffee cups and old motorcycle mags allready taking up space.
We got that book, most dissapointing, I thought there would be a good curry recipie in it Oh well guess I'll have to ask Wong next time I see him !!!

[Rincewind]

Oil rings and cut down chains could be popular as bracelets if fashion went that way.

My brother once had a valve stuck through his ear.

I can think of many uses for a chain :whistle:

Sprockets set into cement can be boot cleaners.

Make homebrew (or pruno) in the tank.

Grow climbing plants on the frame in the garden.

Disk brakes can be used in Xena movies (someone photoshop that one)

A tyre makes a comfortable alternative for a beenbag when set on a race stand and you're reading or watching TV.

Funny.. I've only ridden for three years and I can come up with these and mroe.. how many do you need?
Many as you can think of Bro, the finished book will contain 101 of the best, and illustrations in black n white (cartoon format) hopefully if I can find some one willin to put in the effort !!!
Thank's

[Rincewind]

Hmm, maybe make a mold out of the Front fairings (tank, headlight thingie and the bits that cover the engine) Then mold steel or something that can withstand a fair bit of heat for a good long while. Cut out the top of the tank and put a BBQ grill down in it from right behind the headlights to the back of the tank.

The propane goes in the engine area or if you prefer wood that's where the wood burns at...

you know that's a real cool idea, as sort of cast irion ZZR barbie, jees we could market that one ...

[Rincewind]

A teapot. You know, for making tea in.

Nice one I guess you could dispense it through the fuel tap Ha Ha

Bloody big t pot my Pari Dhakar would make though ... :clap:

[Rincewind]

Oh come on peaple... Think outside the box!!

Besides using parts of bikes that couldn't be fixed is kinda a way of paying tribute to them. Like getting a pet stuffed or something...

A sort of taxicycledermy !!!

[Beemer]

Hey, Solakid, no one has asked the obvious - if we all come up with great ideas for your coffee table book, do we get any financial reward? Or do we just get mentioned in the foreword "and a big thank you to all those who contributed ideas for this book - your reward will come in motorcycling heaven..."

I reckon you could use a Harley as a mobile flogging rack - tie the offender's hands to the ape hangers and then use a cat 'o nine tails to flog 'em! :devil2:

[Rincewind]

Hey, Solakid, no one has asked the obvious - if we all come up with great ideas for your coffee table book, do we get any financial reward? Or do we just get mentioned in the foreword "and a big thank you to all those who contributed ideas for this book - your reward will come in motorcycling heaven..."

I reckon you could use a Harley as a mobile flogging rack - tie the offender's hands to the ape hangers and then use a cat 'o nine tails to flog 'em! :devil2:

Oh the old what's in it for me routine, while I bust a gut putting it all togeather and sorting out a publisher (who will be reluctant to fund the book because of it's limited readership blardy blardy blah,) (so I have to coff up the mular to go to print with the first 2 thousand copies)meanwhile you wanna piece of me as well.Ha Ha

I tell you what though, a mention of the Forum and how helpfull it was wouldn't do the membership any harm!!!! and look at all the little spin off buisnesses that will spring up out of all this creativity !!!!

[NordieBoy]

I reckon you could use a Harley as a mobile flogging rack - tie the offender's hands to the ape hangers and then use a cat 'o nine tails to flog 'em! :devil2:

Tie the offender's hands to the ape hangers and then make them ride it...

:devil2:

[Rincewind]

Tie the offender's hands to the ape hangers and then make them ride it...

:devil2:

Ah the old derogatory Harley Davidson thing... well one day young man you may find yourself sitting astride one and thinking Hmmm this isn't so bad, then your hand move's slowly towards your wallet, out come's ya cheque book and next thing you know your about to sign up for a ....... but then you wake up all pale and shaky and it was just another bad beer induced dream..Ha Ha
I think Harley's a quite cool actually, horses for courses and all that...

[scumdog]

Ah yes, H-D parts, well the rear sprocket (chromed of course) hanging by the back door makes an ideal 'gong' for your other half to bang on to let you know somebody wants you on the phone. Can even hear it over the noise of the lawn mower.

[idb]

Mount the bike upside down next to the shower head in the ...erm...shower.
Remove the/a spark plug, drill and tap into the top of the piston and screw in a long piece of rod.
At the end of the rod attach a scrubbing brush.
Engage a gear and turn the wheel (or get a 'friend' to do it for you).
As you turn the wheel the brush will move up and down and you can back up to it to get to those hard to reach spots.
Change to the appropriate gear to get the speed you want.
To make things a bit more convivial make sure you use a multicylinder - a twin, triple or even four just multiplies the fun.

[idb]

Put slicks on and use as a pastry roller.

[idb]

Make a mousetrap.
Prop it up on a drinking straw above a piece of cheese (anything heavier than a drinking straw would be too hard for a mouse to move).
Tie a piece of string between the cheese and the straw.
When a mouse grabs the cheese, two hundred kilos of motorbike will topple off the drinking straw and crush the life out of the evil little creature.
Aaahahahahahahaaaaaa!!!!!

[Rincewind]

Mount the bike upside down next to the shower head in the ...erm...shower.
Remove the/a spark plug, drill and tap into the top of the piston and screw in a long piece of rod.
At the end of the rod attach a scrubbing brush.
Engage a gear and turn the wheel (or get a 'friend' to do it for you).
As you turn the wheel the brush will move up and down and you can back up to it to get to those hard to reach spots.
Change to the appropriate gear to get the speed you want.
To make things a bit more convivial make sure you use a multicylinder - a twin, triple or even four just multiplies the fun.

Will you stop it your gonna scare people!!!!! or start some of our female members thinking about dismantling the old mans triumph "so they can reach those hard to get at places in the shower" "like heaven maybe" Ha Ha :rofl:

[Rincewind]

Make a mousetrap.
Prop it up on a drinking straw above a piece of cheese (anything heavier than a drinking straw would be too hard for a mouse to move).
Tie a piece of string between the cheese and the straw.
When a mouse grabs the cheese, two hundred kilos of motorbike will topple off the drinking straw and crush the life out of the evil little creature.
Aaahahahahahahaaaaaa!!!!!

You watch a lot of cartoons don't ya !!! :rofl:

[Rincewind]

Ah yes, H-D parts, well the rear sprocket (chromed of course) hanging by the back door makes an ideal 'gong' for your other half to bang on to let you know somebody wants you on the phone. Can even hear it over the noise of the lawn mower.

That's good I like that one, that will definatley be included, course the illustration will have the old man riding a harley lawn mower round the garden :rofl:

[idb]

An exercycle for folks who don't like exercise.

[Brian d marge]

A toy mouse ...made to look like he is running in his wheel With a photo of a cat pinned behind the wheel

a belt drive off the mouses wheel disappearing into the alternator side and the gear box sprocket connected by drive chain ... to a old Ac 3 phase electric motor ,,which has a lead that the tv runs off

So it LOOKS like the mouse is driving the engine ..which inturn is powering the 3phase Ac motor , which looks like the TV is being powered by the AC motor

you coul even rig up a few amp meters to swing wildly ........

The whole arrangement would of course be powered by a small cheap ac motor hidden in the engine !!!

Stephen

Who is a fan of Sir HEath Robinson