cyber .....erm...... yeah

[Dadpole]

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse and a miniskirt and high heels. My measurements are 36-24-36. I work out every day. I'm toned and perfect. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I am also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner - it smells a little funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK.
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and I accidently rip a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back and undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your spit off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a *plop*.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out, nibbling on your ... umm ... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed, aching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark. I'm lost. Where's the bedroom.
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Wellhung: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked bodies pressing against each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take off you glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom. It's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my ... you know ... thing ... in your ... you know ... woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide it in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around, an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet, nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

[GROOMER]

And I thought I was weird!! :rofl:

[Wolf]

The worst part is, this (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=13404) is "Sweetheart"... :devil2:

[GROOMER]

The worst part is, this (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=13404) is "Sweetheart"... :devil2:

Ok, so I had slightly longer hair back then, no need to be mean :whistle:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Uncle B]

That's it, no more rides to the Wairarapa

[Dadpole]

And I am the only normal one around here :weird:

[placidfemme]

The worst part is, this (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=13404) is "Sweetheart"... :devil2:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: LMAO that is perfect!

[Wolf]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: LMAO that is perfect!
Bugjuice deserves credit (or blame) for posting the original pic in his t-shirts thread.

[pete376403]

Ok, then this is "well hung"

[bugjuice]

lamo.. funny.. See, that's the reality of it (story, and pics!!)
And yeah, all the way thru that, I was thinking of those two pics! Nice one Wolf & Pete!

[Sniper]

Hahaha, I didnt know that would get around so fast. A workmate and I did that about 6 months ago. We sent it in to Big-boys.com, hahaha. Im a legend

[feistyredhead]

and here i was expecting a man packing a big banana not be a floppy squashed rotten banana! :banana:

oh well reality can be cruel like that...now i wonder what these guys on here with spunky names really look like? :kick:

And no pics i will keep the fantasy alive...oh the voices the voices... :rofl:

[Wolf]

...now i wonder what these guys on here with spunky names really look like? :kick:

Well, according to the pics in their profiles, most of them look like racing bikes...

[feistyredhead]

:love: well damn the men i will stick with their bikes! :ride: :rofl:

[Eurygnomes]

Hey Sniper...did you really? I only ask because it's on http://www.office-humour.co.uk/item.cfm?itm=1741 and there's a whole load of them that are farking funny (as in, I couldn't breathe for laughing so hard). Especially the rhinocerous one...

[Sniper]

Hey Sniper...did you really? I only ask because it's on http://www.office-humour.co.uk/item.cfm?itm=1741 and there's a whole load of them that are farking funny (as in, I couldn't breathe for laughing so hard). Especially the rhinocerous one...

Shit, it gets around. I dont know where that guy copied it from but it obviously goes with his themes

[Sniper]

sweet17 : Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17 : just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17 : nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17 : well sorrrrrry
sweet17 : I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17 : nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17 : yes?
bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
sweet17 : paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17 : of what?
sweet17 : me?
bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
sweet17 : LOL
bloodninja: Don't ******* laugh at me!
bloodninja: This **** is serious!
sweet17 : What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17 : gimme a ******* break
bloodninja: I'm serious.
sweet17 : I don't get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17 : For what?
bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
sweet17 : For???
bloodninja: It's kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17 : You are ******* sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17 : why?
bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
sweet17 : One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17 : I'm not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17 : hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: **** you, cop!
sweet17 : Hey sorry
sweet17 : I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Weren't you!?
sweet17 : thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17 : I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops aren't
sweet17 : IM NOT A ******* COP YOU ********!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17 : fine. What's your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17 : alright *PIC*
sweet17 : Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
sweet17 : That was me back in may
sweet17 : I've lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17 : what?!?
sweet17 : that hurt my feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17 : Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17 : yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17 : kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17 : this isn't you.
bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!
sweet17 : You don't look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17 : cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17 : You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17 : Go **** yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
sweet17 : I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
sweet17 : You've done nothing but slam me.
sweet17 : you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
sweet17 : I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17 : I can't believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17 : **** YOU!!!
bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
sweet17 : You're a ******* *******!
sweet17 : I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17 : and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
sweet17 : No you aren't
bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17 : I'm done with you
bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
sweet17 : I'm putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17 : No
bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty
sweet17 : You'll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
sweet17 : I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17 : I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17 : Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17 : I don't know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17 : I'm afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17 : cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17 : well lets see
sweet17 : you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17 : doesn't that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17 : well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
sweet17 : I didn't say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17 : I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17 : What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17 : ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17 : You can't be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: It's my fantasy.
sweet17 : this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17 : Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
sweet17 : sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth ****.
sweet17 : mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
sweet17 : Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17 : HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your **** bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17 : mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I **** harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17 : HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17 : this is stupid
bloodninja: ...still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17 : HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your *******.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17 : WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17 : OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17 : YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a ******* candy apple...
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17 : **** YOU *******!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: ...going limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

[bugjuice]

lamo.. blood ninja fukin rocks.. that is a funny cunt..
infact, any red 636 owners, like Nhuan, should change their name to blood ninja..

[feistyredhead]

that is damned funny keep it up or should i say harrrrrr :rofl: :killingme