Zen sayings for those who are too serious

[feistyredhead]

Zen sayings for those who take life too seriously!!!!!

1. SAVE THE WHALES. COLLECT THE WHOLE SET.

2. A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE IS LIKE...NIGHT.

3. ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU HAVE DIFFERENT FINGERS.

4. I JUST GOT LOST IN THOUGHT. IT WASN'T FAMILIAR TERRITORY.

5. 42.7 PERCENT OF ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP ON THE SPOT.

6. 99% OF LAWYERS GIVE THE REST A BAD NAME. (xoxoxo Hohosh)

7. I FEEL LIKE I'M DIAGONALLY PARKED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE.

8. HONK IF YOU LOVE PEACE AND QUIET.

9. REMEMBER, HALF THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW ARE BELOW AVERAGE.

10. HE WHO LAUGHS LAST, THINKS SLOWEST.

11. DEPRESSION IS MERELY ANGER WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM.

12. I DRIVE WAY TOO FAST TO WORRY ABOUT CHOLESTEROL.

13. SUPPORT BACTERIA. THEY'RE THE ONLY CULTURE SOME PEOPLE HAVE.

14. CHANGE IS INEVITABLE, EXCEPT FROM VENDING MACHINES.

15. PLAN TO BE SPONTANEOUS TOMORROW.

16. IF YOU THINK NOBODY CARES, TRY MISSING A COUPLE OF PAYMENTS.

17. OK, SO WHAT'S THE SPEED OF DARK?

18. HOW DO YOU TELL WHEN YOU'RE OUT OF INVISIBLE INK?

19. WHEN EVERYTHING IS COMING YOUR WAY, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG LANE.

20. HARD WORK PAYS OFF IN THE FUTURE, LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW.

21. EVERYONE HAS A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY. SOME JUST DO NOT HAVE FILM.

22. IF BARBIE IS SO POPULAR, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BUY HER FRIENDS?

23. HOW MUCH DEEPER WOULD THE OCEAN BE WITHOUT SPONGES

24. EAGLES MAY SOAR, BUT WEASELS DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO JET ENGINES.

25. I COULDN'T REPAIR YOUR BRAKES, SO I MADE YOUR HORN LOUDER.

26. JUST REMEMBER - IF THE WORLD DID NOT SUCK, WE WOULD ALL FALL OFF.

27. LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND, WHICH IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL YOU HEAR THEM SPEAK.

:rofl: :devil2: :clap: :rofl:

[vifferman]

5. 42.7 PERCENT OF ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP ON THE SPOT.
Not true.
It's more like 83.6% :yes:


11. DEPRESSION IS MERELY ANGER WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM.
Close.
It's more like "Depression is like being in a rut and unable to get out. A rut is a grave with the ends kicked out."

[Beemer]

I just got this set of quotes from a friend:

A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone else's?

Every time you open your mouth you have this wonderful ability to continually confirm what I think.

I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.

If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.

If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.

If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.

If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.

If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.

Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?

It's the team that matters. Where would The Beatles be without Ringo? If John got Yoko to play drums the history of music would be completely different.

Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.

Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk.

Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.

Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.

Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.

Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.

Remember the 3 golden rules:

1. It was like that when I got here.

2. I didn't do it.

3. (To your Boss) I like your style.

Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky scenario.

Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!

Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination.

There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.

There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.

Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.

You don't have to be mad to work here! In fact we ask you to complete a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.

You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!!

You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.

[Wolf]

There's no 'I' in 'team'.
Correct - it's too busy being used in "Bullshit"


You don't have to be mad to work here! In fact we ask you to complete a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.
At our work, you do have to be mad to work there but don't worry, on-the-job training is provided...

[SpeedyGirl]

Sorry if has been in here before, but it made me smile

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like...night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

7. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

14. How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.

15. OK, . . so what's the speed of dark?

16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

22. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

23. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened?

24. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

25. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

26. Life isn't like a box of chocolates.... it's more like a jar of jalapeno's. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

[Sparky Bills]

Thanx HEAPS!!!

I really did need a laugh.

[phoenixgtr]

23. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened?



I like that one. It makes sense. Well done :niceone:

[JWALKER]

man, that is is a good laugh. my sense of humour. cheers for that.:first:

[vifferman]

Hey! No fair!!
This shoulda bin called "Not Even a Giggle for Friday".
I'm disappointed, I am.

[SpeedyGirl]

Hey! No fair!!
This shoulda bin called "Not Even a Giggle for Friday".
I'm disappointed, I am.


Damn shame!! :eyepoke: are you over it yet?:bleh:

[ManDownUnder]

22. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Now that's something I've wondered about - and why do you have to call THEM?

HMM????

[vifferman]

Damn shame!! :eyepoke: are you over it yet?:bleh:
No.


I want to go home.
My short (and noisy) ride at luncheontime to buy coffee beans just didn't cut it. Neither did my coffeerobot coffee. I'm sure the gremlin inside the machine pisses in the cups, and adds a shot or two of toxic waste.

[SpeedyGirl]

No.


I want to go home.
My short (and noisy) ride at luncheontime to buy coffee beans just didn't cut it. Neither did my coffeerobot coffee. I'm sure the gremlin inside the machine pisses in the cups, and adds a shot or two of toxic waste.


What about now?????

[YellowDog]

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2.. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6.. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

[Spazman727]

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isnt for you.
2nd hand parachute for sale. Used once, never opened.

[Laxi]

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