My 82 year old mum shocked me!

[Oakie]

My dear old mum is 82 years young and is a great old bird. She lives in her own villa at the old folks home and still pretty independant. I almost have to make an appointment to see her she's got so much on.

She's ridden a bike. Once. My brother's TS125 (?) He convinced her to hop on and told her to twist the throttle to make it go. The sight of mum wheelying down our driveway and getting dumped off the back on her arse will live with me until the day I die.

She's a proper lady but not like false-posh. Loves all her grandchildren to pieces and is pretty much the way a refined great-grandmother should be. I've only ever heard her swear once ("shit").

Imagine my surprise then when talking to her yesterday and she informed me that a couple of weeks ago she'd been in Whitcoulls and "I saw that book that everyone has been talking about" I got an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach ...'Fifty Shades of Grey' " Oh no, thought I. "Well I bought it and a couple of people I went with on the bus with noticed it and asked if they could read it after me.". My jaw dropped as I waited for the inevitable shock, horror and embarrasment .. but she continued "So I started reading it and goodness me ... it was quite racy!" I said, "so what did you do with it?" expecting her to say she threw it away in horror after the first page and she said ..." well I finished it". I said "the page, the first chapter?" and she replied "no, I read the whole book". I'm still coming to terms with it.

So what have your mothers shocked you with?

[tri boy]

So what have your mothers shocked you with?


Jug cord, after she had tried the dog lead, and broken two wooden spoons on me.
Pays not to laugh, as your mum is trying to give you a hiding.
(PS,jug cord really hurt when your six yrs old).

[Oakie]

Jug cord, after she had tried the dog lead, and broken two wooden spoons on me.
Pays not to laugh, as your mum is trying to give you a hiding.
(PS,jug cord really hurt when your six yrs old).

The old wooden spoon! My big brother when he was six got a smack with the wooden spoon so he swiped it when he thought mum wasn't looking and buried it in the garden. Mum was looking though and gently slipped into conversation later on "You know that if you bury a wooden spoon it will grow into a wooden spoon tree?". Apparently it was dug up very promptly.

Oh yeah, and I always remember mum on one occasion chasing me around the table with the wooden spoon saying "Stop running so I can hit you!" Would you believe I actually stopped!

[Maki]

My mother is a virgin and never read a racy book and she sure never ever shocked me.

[ducatilover]

My mum never shocks me.
When I get a phone call it usually starts with "oi, nigger nuts" :eek5:
Too many times that woman has attempted to tell me strange, strange sex stories. :sick:
People think I've got a rude mouth, but, I'm fairly sure she's a real life pirate

One nice one was "I'm glad you're playing with bikes instead of rooting around and getting woman pregnant"
Fair enough



She scares me...

[Owl]

So what have your mothers shocked you with?

Death.....:weep:

[Paul in NZ]

She scares me...


Its good to be scared of your Mum.... and yes - I suspect she may well be a pirate...

Seriously - it seems that every generation thinks that they invented sex (of all flavors) and pornography when I'm sure there was a cave painting someplace that was R18... Its a part of what makes us human and keeping the genie in the bottle is what makes us civilized.

[ducatilover]

Its good to be scared of your Mum.... and yes - I suspect she may well be a pirate...
I wouldn't trade her for another ;) best pirate I've met

Seriously - it seems that every generation thinks that they invented sex (of all flavors) and pornography when I'm sure there was a cave painting someplace that was R18... Its a part of what makes us human and keeping the genie in the bottle is what makes us civilized.
Civilised? Au contraire
:innocent:

[Hopeful Bastard]

My mum shocked me by openly admitting she smokes weed on occasions... Boy oh boy! Not what one would expect from their 50yr old mother! :eek5:

[Paul in NZ]

My mum shocked me by openly admitting she smokes weed on occasions... Boy oh boy! Not what one would expect from their 50yr old mother! :eek5:

As a 56 year old grandfather all i can say is why shouldn't the young folks have a bit of fun....

[SMOKEU]

My mum shocked me by openly admitting she smokes weed on occasions... Boy oh boy! Not what one would expect from their 50yr old mother! :eek5:

At least now you know what to buy her for her birthday and Christmas.

[yungatart]

Priceless!

My mum aged 76 at the time, on holiday in America..we had been cooped up in the car for ages and were dying for a toilet stop, as you do.
Eventually we pulled in to the rest rooms (fancy they are too, over there) and head into our separate cubicles. "Oh, the relief" thinks I. And my mum, from the next cubicle lets out a huge sigh, and says, quite loudly I might add, "There is nothing quite as orgasmic as a pee that you have waited for!"

Shocked, I was, not to mention, a little stunned.

[allycatz]

My daughters funeral, the casket was being lowered and my 85 year old Mum did the loudest fart. Fortunately it was mainly only the family that heard it ..oh and the minister who had to cover his face with the bible, reading the blessing bit, as he was trying very hard not to laugh. Ditto that to the rest of us who had our faces buried in our hands.

[Madness]

My mum shocked me by openly admitting she smokes weed on occasions... Boy oh boy! Not what one would expect from their 50yr old mother! :eek5:

My mum shocked me one day when she replied to my question as to wether she had any pot I could have to tie me over. She said she had a few "butts", which turned out to be a collection of half-smoked cigar sized 3-papers. Thanks mum.

[Road kill]

Mine fucked off an left my older sister and I alone for three days while the old man was away on an apprentice course.

Real nice thing to do to a 4 and 5 year old:crazy:,,,and it set in motion some serious bad shit for anybody that got to close for the next 15-20 odd years.

Oddly enough I get on with her "sort of" ok today,,,but some subjects are well off limits.

[haydes55]

My mum shocked me by openly admitting she smokes weed on occasions... Boy oh boy! Not what one would expect from their 50yr old mother! :eek5:

My mum always told me "If I ever catch you smoking cigarettes I'll kill you. Smoke weed all you want, that's natural"

My mum doesn't surprise me any more. I build a sweet plywood jump, about 1.3m high, and a landing ramp, I was jumping over 3m (measuring for cool points) on a 20 year old womens mountain bike with no brakes :sweatdrop the olds were at Paeroa for the day for the street races. Got home a lil tipsy, convinced her to have a turn, we pushed the ramps together and she had a go, went too slow, made it to the top then fell off the side. Broke a couple ribs, one of my proudest moments as a son :yes:

Also on the list of fails, I was moved out of home, She txt me saying come round for cheesecake........ 15 minutes later I use my key, open the door as my dad runs through the kitchen in boxers and mum jumps under a blanket in the lounge. . . she forgot she txt me then started playing strip pool :weird:

The cheesecake wasn't even that good:weep:

[Madness]

Also on the list of fails, I was moved out of home, She txt me saying come round for cheesecake........ 15 minutes later I use my key, open the door as my dad runs through the kitchen in boxers and mum jumps under a blanket in the lounge. . . she forgot she txt me then started playing strip pool :weird:

The cheesecake wasn't even that good:weep:

Got any pics of your mum?

[haydes55]

Got any pics of your mum?

I can get you pics of the cheesecake, after it's been digested?

[Madness]

I can get you pics of the cheesecake, after it's been digested?

Is that what your mum looks like :gob: Don't bother.

[Subike]

My mum shocked me by openly admitting she smokes weed on occasions... Boy oh boy! Not what one would expect from their 50yr old mother! :eek5:

For the last three weeks my dad was alive,
Dad was living my partner and I till he passed away.
Each evening we would sit on the deck watching the sunset sharing a good pipe full of happy baccy.
He said that it was the best pain relief he had been having since being diagnosed with terminal cancer age 83.
Mom and my partner had a couple of puffs with us on Sundays, mom, now aged 87 still enjoys a cone once a week.
They were some of the best weeks I had with mom and dad, as we talked out heads off, relaxed, and happy.
I dont see this as being anything unusual at all. I was 50 at the time.

[mashman]

I put absolutely nothing past my mum, nothing. Ain't they great :)

[Oakie]

Oh yeah ... and about a year ago when mum figured out that her mum and dad must have had pre-marital relations some 83 years ago as she turned up about 7 months after they married. And she laughed about it! My mum is a bastard!

[neels]

82 year old mums, and well to do mums that have led sheltered lives, are the very people that are supposed to get excited by reading that (those) books.

Absolute marketing win, never mind the quality of the literature.

[Usarka]

Going to school camp, "mum can you buy me a hip flask of vodka ha ha"

Sure son!

:woohoo:

[Oakie]

Absolute marketing win, never mind the quality of the literature.

Ha ha. Mum commented on that. She said she wouldn't read the next two because the quality of writing wasn't great. Said it's about the quality of a teenage girl's writing. "I got sick of reading 'I stared into his smouldering gray eyes' " she said.