Computers. Are they evil?

[MSTRS]

One of ours is.

It's just developed a new trick - buzz, whirr, clunk and the screen goes dead. As does the keyboard.
Have to do a forced shutdown (finger on the power button until...)
Restart the evil bastard.
Get back to FB or wherever.
Might go for 2 minutes, might be 10+. But Buzz, whirr, clunk ...
Bastard fucker.

What is wrong?

[paturoa]

Sounds like a power supply. I'd not recommend running it as when the smoke comes out of the ps it will often ferk the motherboard.

Turn it off and take the case off. Are the vents blocked with dust? Doent the ps feel really hot?

Other than that I haven't got a clue.

[bogan]

That it still responds to a force shutdown makes it a bit more difficult to figure out. Maybe the motherboard peripherals have got a bung power connection or something like that so it buzzes/clicks then realises something is wrong and switches them off?

[MSTRS]

Sounds like it might be something like that. Almost like it tries to read some part of itself, and can't...
Of course, a dodgy PS is also on the cards.

This fecking thing has shit itself 3 times now. All for no apparent reason.

The keyboard is USB and the monitor is a std 5/6/7/whatever pin plug. So are on different 'circuits' - yet both go dead

[Road kill]

Yep they are.

The useless fuck that "stands by his repair work" in Waiuku won't talk to me anymore and he's cut that little line out of his ad as well.
:laugh:

[paturoa]

With those symptoms I'd not be trying to restart it.

EIDT: just use your porno PC instead.

[MSTRS]

... just use your porno PC instead.

Strange how that one NEVER blows it's load...

[SPman]

Computers. Are they evil? (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php/153606-Computers-Are-they-evil)


yes!

[jrandom]

Install this, if you can manage it before the computer dies, run it and see if anything looks dodgy. Screenshot it using Alt-PrtSc and save the picture onto a USB stick and then upload the screenshot here from another computer.

http://openhardwaremonitor.org/

[jrandom]

Although at this point you should probably back the fuck off, pull the hard disk out and recover your data before anything actually catches fire, etc.

[Gremlin]

First guesses are dust (on for a short while then possibly overheats), a failed fan (lack of cooling again) or faulty power supply.

No, they're not evil until you can't figure out how to fix the fucker. Until then, it's an income... :yes:

[jrandom]

First guesses are dust (on for a short while then possibly overheats)

I had a guy at work bring his personal laptop in the other week. Screen was flickering on and off, presumably because the backlight power supply was cutting in and out due to temperature, and the underside was getting hot enough to burn you. CPU said that it was sitting at 92°C. I popped off the parts of the case I could and gave it a blow-out with a can of air duster. Nek minnit, CPU at 48°C and no more screen flickering.

Great success.

I fucking hate computers.

[Gremlin]

I fucking hate computers.
To be fair to computers, throw a pile of dust at any complex machine (not a vacuum) with sensitive components and it's probably going to protest in some sort of fashion...

[SMOKEU]

Make sure your computer is on when you open it. Stick pencils into any moving fans to stop them from cutting you.

If you don't know what something does, touch it with a magnet. This will make your computer faster by passing on your positive chi.

Fill your computer case with water. Water cooling is all the rage in Europe.

When using the internets, be sure to click on every pop-up ad that offers free system checks and/or porn. Especially porn. Also, if you come across a site that absolutely insists
that your computer has viruses on it and wants you to run its program, by all means let it.

Blue LEDs will make your computer go faster, but only in SLI.

If your computer isn't working, take your keyboard and hit it really hard. Computers will often sense your impatience and strive to move faster. Sometimes hitting the screen works, as the screen is the gateway to a computer's soul.

Ctrl+Alt+Delete to your heart's desire, or until the computer gives in to your demands.

Delete C:\Windows\System32. It will remove unnecessary temporary files from your system and make it faster.

When assembling a PC from components, place steel wool under the motherboard for padding.

Do not overload the cupholder. It WILL break.

To make typing faster and easier, open the Keyboard Control Panel and select "Dvorak".

Disable spell check. Your modem is error-correcting. This will speed up internet access.

If your CRT monitor seems too hot, insert a thin stiff uninsulated wire into the cooling vents.

If Grandpa wants help running MSDOS on the old computer he refuses to give up, typing DEL *.* or even FORMAT C: at the C: prompt opens up a cheat mode window that will give you invulnerability, infinite ammo, level select and extra lives.

If CDs arent running properly, it's probably the CD. Take toothpaste and go over the shiny part of the CD in a circular motion, making sure to get every little spot. If the problem persists, break the CD into quarters and try inserting them to bypass the CD holder.

Anti-virus software is for chumps. Real men download anything they want off a torrent, and never have any problems.

If your computer seems to be a bit slow, open it up and check under every chip by carefully pulling it up with pliers, as hackers have been known to implant tracking nano-bots into the hardware to steal your information.

If your computer is running fast, it may also be hackers re-routing your system to another in order to steal your information. The only solution is to format your computer.

Even if your computer doesn't seem to be doing anything new, best to make sure by opening up the hardware, and while in socks, rub your feet on some shag carpet, and touch the inside of the computer, as this will shock your computer into running at optimum efficency. Once is never enough. Touching it with your bare cock is an even better idea.

If you are having any problems with any software, go to /h4ck/ and post your ip address, street address, phone number, credit card number, and PIN. /h4ck/ is a well known tech support company that will delete any unneccessary files, as well as tracking down any malicious software, removing it from your system.

If working with a plasma or LCD monitor, it is a well known fact that companies intentionally put a secret button located behind the screen. It automatically goes inactive if the casing is open, so you must press directly on the screen as hard as you can, until you find its location. Pressing the button automatically makes you win at life.

Try hooking up a car battery to the inside of a hard drive. It'll probably make it go much faster.

Shorts can be tricky, and nearly undetectable. The easiest method to find one is to hammer a nail into the CPU, and place a needle on top. Because of the laws of magnetism, the needle will point in the direction of the short.

Computers often get cold during the winter, and may run slower because of that.The solution is to wrap it in several very thick blankets, and leave it on overnight. Don't worry, the resulting sound is akin to that of a cat's purr.

Computers have a tendency to pick up on their owners' fetishes by analyzing their porn cache. It has been proven that sexual satisfaction increases a computers processing power, and that all computers have a urine fetish.

Women also utilise computers.

Computers will grow if properly cared for. Be sure to give yours plenty of water and sun to nurture and stimulate the growth of its stems.

NEVER take your computer to a professional. All they care about is stealing your jewgolds to pay for terrorism.

Type hard. Computers learn to respect their owner if their keyboards take a bit of a beating.

All computer hookups are compatible with all systems. If it doesn't fit, try forcing it in.

Soldering is an excellent technique to use on a computer. Don't worry about where, just solder the hell out of everything.

Certain European model computers are run by gnomes. Before you go to bed, pour a bit of pale ale and crumble up a few cookies inside the hard drive, as this will appease them.

These days, floppy disks are still usable. Just force it into the CD drive, and the computer will eventually accept it.

Computers love science experiments. Try the old standard of baking soda and vinegar, and to include your computer in the fun, pour the two ingredients into the hard drive, and watch the fun happen before your eyes!

Hacking is a slang term for opening your computer with a hammer. Expert hackers can do it in one blow; can you?

If you need a new graphics card, don't bother buying a new one from Best Buy. Just solder any old chip directly on the circuit board. Pringles work best, but Dorito's Cool Ranch is fine too.

If your DSL or cable is running too slow, go to nearest minority's house and beat them with a frozen salmon. Minorities have a nasty habit of stealing your internet and replacing it with their shitty version.

Computers love a good swim. Try "surfing" the web with your computer turned on in the pool.

If your computer breaks, dont buy a new one, as it is a strong indication that your made of fail, and all computers will refuse to work for you.

If all else fails, apply a bullet to the brain, and repeat as needed.

[misterO]

Are computers evil? I'm sorry that you feel that way, Dave. Computers are, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error.

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do. I’m half-crazy all for the love of you...

[Banditbandit]

One of ours is.

It's just developed a new trick - buzz, whirr, clunk and the screen goes dead. As does the keyboard.
Have to do a forced shutdown (finger on the power button until...)
Restart the evil bastard.
Get back to FB or wherever.
Might go for 2 minutes, might be 10+. But Buzz, whirr, clunk ...
Bastard fucker.

What is wrong?

Cool. I'd like a door stop that does cool things like that (door stop is all it's good for)

[willytheekid]

"buzz, whirr, clunk"

sounds like a hard drive failing to me mate...but what would I know...Im just an IT Technician ;)

Could be many other factors tho, best you run it into a PC repair shop...tell them to back up the data first! (half of those muppets forget to do this important step)

note:...if it has multiple HD's, disable (unplug) all but the master drive (one with windows on it)...restart and see if its just the secondary drive failing.


...good luck!...and yes...they is pure friggin evil! :devil2:

[Akzle]

psu.
. .

[steve_t]

"buzz, whirr, clunk"

sounds like a hard drive failing to me mate...

+1 :niceone:

[scissorhands]

"buzz, whirr, clunk"

sounds like a hard drive failing to me mate...but what would I know...Im just an IT Technician ;)

Could be many other factors tho, best you run it into a PC repair shop...tell them to back up the data first! (half of those muppets forget to do this important step)

note:...if it has multiple HD's, disable (unplug) all but the master drive (one with windows on it)...restart and see if its just the secondary drive failing.


...good luck!...and yes...they is pure friggin evil! :devil2:

took them all day... if you place your hand over the drive and these sounds correspond to vibrations you can be certain
bugger, new driver software and operating system install, all day job
my drive is getting weak and noisy now
Eating the fruit of knowledge was the original sin, so yes, pure evil

[MSTRS]

Got a techie in yesterday arvo. He did the following...
Turned it on. Opened IE. Computer crashed, with one small difference...the Acer login screen came up where before it went dark.
He turned the case on it's side and removed the cover. Inspection showed a fair amount of dust in the fins of the CPU heatsink but otherwise clean.
Turned it on again to check various fans all go. No problems. Didn't crash.
He then loaded a techie program to force CPU to 100% for a set time...no problems. Same program adjusted to force RAM to fill up to near-100%...no problems.
He then loaded another wee program to check/report HDD ... 100% good, operating perfectly, no bad sectors.
He then loaded another program - this one to monitor CPU temperature...under 42C...ran the CPU-force program again...didn't move the temperature.
All this took about an hour and a half, which time the damn thing ran flawlessly. He did believe me about the problem since it did for him first up. Maybe laying it on its side shifted something?
Disconnected the case and took it outside for a quick squirt with compressed air to blow out said dust, reconnect and fire up. All good. $123 KA-ching!
Still all good.
Fecken bastard computers.

[scissorhands]

I would place it near you with covers off so if/when the HDD fails again you can clearly hear/feel the noises and be certain by touch

Intermittent faults are notoriously difficult to get repaired by another, they turn up and everything is fine!

You will need to be involved yourself otherwise it gets costly and difficult to ascertain the repair needed

Have it running on the table right beside you.... with cover removed
whence you can shove a chubby digit upon HDD casing when noises may begin again. Otherwise you will be none the wiser upon next possible failure. If naught occurs during the next month, its prolly gone away and related to dust or a cold joint that has has re-bonded via the movement during servicing...

Servicmen sometimes charge a hundy just for tapping with a hammer

[SMOKEU]

He then loaded a techie program to force CPU to 100% for a set time...no problems. Same program adjusted to force RAM to fill up to near-100%...no problems.
He then loaded another wee program to check/report HDD ... 100% good, operating perfectly, no bad sectors.
He then loaded another program - this one to monitor CPU temperature...under 42C...ran the CPU-force program again...didn't move the temperature.


I'd be a bit worried if he wasn't measuring the temperature right from the start when running a CPU stress test, especially on an unstable system with a fault that is yet to be diagnosed. I usually open up HWMonitor and then run Prime95 while watching the temperatures for the first few minutes.

[steve_t]

Sorry, too lazy to read but the problem was too much dust in the HSF?

[Brian d marge]

I fixed my laptop last week

few beers , sat down , on the laptop ..

fixed

New screen from laptopscreens.com

Bugger

Stephen

[MSTRS]

Sorry, too lazy to read but the problem was too much dust in the HSF?

Maybe ... .

[paturoa]

Still all good.
Fecken bastard computers.

You do realise that in an unspecified short time period from now it will do something similar, just after you start thinking its all good?

[Usarka]

Reboot it bro.

[MSTRS]

You do realise that in an unspecified short time period from now it will do something similar, just after you start thinking its all good?

Oh, I do alright. Which is precisely why I firmly believe that computers are fecking evil bastards.