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placidfemme
9th August 2005, 12:39
I was cleaning out my inbox earlier and found these amongst all the other crap I get sent... and thought I'd share them... sorry if they've been posted before :)

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WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her walletI noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse."So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. “No," she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, “You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause its sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own........... so does she.

WIFE VS. HUSBAND (My Fav one)

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00AM andhe had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

scumdog
9th August 2005, 12:55
Now that last one is SO true!!
Why the fear of mice and spiders?? When has anybody ever been dragged off and devoured by one of them?? :weird: r

placidfemme
9th August 2005, 13:04
Now that last one is SO true!!
Why the fear of mice and spiders?? When has anybody ever been dragged off and devoured by one of them?? :weird: r

Mice are fine... daddy long legs are fine... but all the other spiders.... yucky... they look at you (yes woman can see thier eyes) and they're thinking (yes women can read thier minds too) "I'm gonna jump on you... and bite you"

lol

*hates spiders* they're just creepy, and fast... lol

I jumped in the shower the other day and there was an avondale (I think?? Big black spider)... and I had already turned the water on before I noticed it... then once I did notice it... I was out the shower like a flash... took me about 15 minutes to figure out how I was going to turn the shower water off without actually having to get back into the shower... got to love brooms lol

Sniper
9th August 2005, 19:30
Hahaha, top notch PF

Beemer
9th August 2005, 21:25
Now that last one is SO true!!
Why the fear of mice and spiders?? When has anybody ever been dragged off and devoured by one of them?? :weird: r

Not me, they don't bug me, if you will pardon the pun! Besides, when you have three cats, mice are a fact of life. At some stage - usually in the middle of the night - one or other of them will drag something in through the cat door and disembowel it on the carpet. Mice are fine, but trust me, a fully grown rabbit is another matter! I have to get rid of it before more of it gets spread around the house, then clean up the mess.

I hate cockroaches though, they really do give me the creeps. Thankfully we don't have big trees near our house so we don't see very many. Huhu bugs aren't nice either, but if I have to get rid of them, no problem. Spiders I quite like, but I will stomp on them if I can't be bothered doing a catch and release!

feistyredhead
9th August 2005, 21:40
Not me, they don't bug me, if you will pardon the pun! Besides, when you have three cats, mice are a fact of life. At some stage - usually in the middle of the night - one or other of them will drag something in through the cat door and disembowel it on the carpet. Mice are fine, but trust me, a fully grown rabbit is another matter! I have to get rid of it before more of it gets spread around the house, then clean up the mess.

I hate cockroaches though, they really do give me the creeps. Thankfully we don't have big trees near our house so we don't see very many. Huhu bugs aren't nice either, but if I have to get rid of them, no problem. Spiders I quite like, but I will stomp on them if I can't be bothered doing a catch and release!

spiders i am fine with cockroaches hell no!