Men's rules

[forty two]

Hopefully not posted before. Good though, and important
:drinknsin just waiting for the rugby again. :Punk:

Subject: THE RULES

we always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
from a male perspective!

Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching
about you leaving it down. :drinkup:

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if
we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Saturday = Football. It's like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive
than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say
it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look
good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse
to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your
girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee
or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're
saying anyway.)

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like
camping.

1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

[placidfemme]

*thinks men can't count past 1* hehe

[Sniper]

Hey we can two <------ see

[placidfemme]

lol your an exception to the rule :)

[Phurrball]

Men's rules perhaps?

Or maybe just rules for men who are innumerate and challenged in the punctuation department? :devil2:

Funny though! Perhaps the odd grain of truth in both the women's and men's rules that do the rounds...:whistle:

[ManDownUnder]

*thinks men can't count past 1* hehe

Are you inferring we have a one track mind??? :clap:

[James Deuce]

*thinks men can't count past 1* hehe

*thinks someone is looking for a bliss ninny nomination*

[placidfemme]

*thinks someone is looking for a bliss ninny nomination*

whats bliss ninny?

*goes to find out* hehe

lol and the can't count past 1 thing is because all the rules above are: 1.

lol

[Waylander]

whats bliss ninny?

*goes to find out* hehe

lol and the can't count past 1 thing is because all the rules above are: 1.

lol
Must have been from Florida...

[ManDownUnder]

whats bliss ninny?

*goes to find out* hehe

lol and the can't count past 1 thing is because all the rules above are: 1.

lol

I can count in twos as well - especially when surrounded by women in bikini tops...:Punk:

[placidfemme]

I can count in twos as well - especially when surrounded by women in bikini tops...:Punk:

lol well that would make sense... :hitcher:

lol this emotion --> :hitcher: is called Hitcher hehe cool

*is easily amused*

[ManDownUnder]

lol well that would make sense... :hitcher:

lol this emotion --> :hitcher: is called Hitcher hehe cool

*is easily amused*


LOL like it...
as for me - I'm easily distrac... :chase:

[placidfemme]

LOL like it...
as for me - I'm easily distrac... :chase:

Oi !!! Pay attention!! lol

We need an emotion that has boobies on it like this:

http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/ups/layla_phoenix/boobies.gif

hehehe... there are lots here:

http://www.mysmilies.com/?cat=obscene

[Waylander]

lol well that would make sense... :hitcher:

lol this emotion --> :hitcher: is called Hitcher hehe cool

*is easily amused*
I want a smilie named after me.

[ManDownUnder]

Oi !!! Pay attention!! lol

We need an emotion that has boobies on it like this:

http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/ups/layla_phoenix/boobies.gif

hehehe... there are lots here:

http://www.mysmilies.com/?cat=obscene

OOO I feel like Noah - watching pass by two by two LMAO...

Nice to be able to speak with a woman who appreciated a fine set of lungs too - cheers PF LOL

[Wolf]

I want a smilie named after me.
invoked by :yank: ? :devil2:

[ManDownUnder]

invoked by :yank: ? :devil2:

I found one that kinda rhymes with that - but I think it reminds me more of Winja

:tugger:

[WickedOne]

I have done a search for this and can not find it so if it is a repost (which it probably is) just get over it, it's still worth looking at.....

37952

[Dangerous Dane]

Haha well worth a look.

[MSTRS]

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say "you better be" , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewellery is for pussy's and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words fcuk you and grab the other girls arse. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop b*tching about the cold right now you're going to be b*tching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say "No she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

22. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

23. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

24. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.

25. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now don't call. That's also quite funny.

[sAsLEX]

MSTRS this is a repost from mere hours ago....... disgraceful

[MSTRS]

MSTRS this is a repost from mere hours ago....... disgraceful
:gob: :eek: :Oops: :o
Actually I take them back....Mine posted 10.24am, Dover's at 10.23am:nya:

[B0000M]

THIS IS THE WAY IT IS

We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Pleas note… these are all

NUMBERED “1”ON PURPOSE!

1. if this is a repost, i dont give a shit. and if your a man, you wouldnt winge about it.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask us for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints don’t work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help to solve it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 15 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask you what is wrong and you say “nothing” we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you’re lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. if you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. really

1. Don’t ask us what were thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. you have to many shoes

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.


Thank you for reading this. Yes, i know, I have to sleep on the couch to night, but did you know men don’t mind that, it’s like camping.



Pass this to as many men as you can- to give them a laugh. Pass this on to as many women as you can–to give them an education

[Grahameeboy]

You must be a Kiwi then<_<

[Laava]

Ha! That was funny! I liked No1 the best!:msn-wink:

[Grub]

God some of those are soooooooo true!

Of course I am not allowed to say this, I am being sexist. It is only acceptable for women to put men down, there is not supposed to be a balance.

[Mikkel]

Good stuff. It's ONE rule btw - we just cut it down into segments to allow women to comprehend the enormity of it.

Also worth mentioning - X^0=1, for all Xs...

With regards to the toilet seat - anyone who's had a proper upbringing knows that you should close the lid of a WC when you leave it (after having cleaned up your mess, obviously). As such it's redundant to complain about leaving the 1st part ot the seat configuration down since you'd always have to lift one part anyway...

[steveb64]

Good stuff. It's ONE rule btw - we just cut it down into segments to allow women to comprehend the enormity of it.

Also worth mentioning - X^0=1, for all Xs...

With regards to the toilet seat - anyone who's had a proper upbringing knows that you should close the lid of a WC when you leave it (after having cleaned up your mess, obviously). As such it's redundant to complain about leaving the 1st part ot the seat configuration down since you'd always have to lift one part anyway...

Haha. Yep, the 'dunny lid down too' rule is one we practice here... then everyone gets to lift or lower the damn thing... Equal rights!

[Subike]

We always hear ' the rules '
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Bike Ralleys : It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Captain James Cook did NOT need travel directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Motorbikes , Rugby,
Fishing, or Sex .

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Last rule.
If you want to question any rule
refer to rule no 1 first!

[Kendog]

Don't forget this rule:

Men don't use search!
http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=15613&highlight=mens+rules

[Livvy]

It's true. They don't.

They're not mind-readers, you see, they don't think that someone else might have posted it up before. :bleh:

All very good rules though and I follow most myself...

Kinda sad for a chick.

[Fatjim]

Rule #1

Men don't do relationships. Get a cat!

[MVnut]

................we have rules ?

[Livvy]

................we have rules ?
Yeah. Another rule is men don't tell each other anything. :bleh:

[steveb64]

It's true. They don't.

They're not mind-readers, you see, they don't think that someone else might have posted it up before. :bleh:

All very good rules though and I follow most myself...

Kinda sad for a chick.

Ahh, so young - but learning so fast... :niceone: :msn-wink: :D

[Livvy]

Ahh, so young - but learning so fast... :niceone: :msn-wink: :D

I try my very best. :innocent:

[munterk6]

The Man Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
At last a bloke has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the Blokes ' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear 'the rules'
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

Please note.. These are all numbered '1'
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
Or the changing of the tides.
Let it be..

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.

That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour.

Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,

Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere,

absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Footy (any code Or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
To give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -

To give them a bigger laugh.








--------------------------------------------------------------------------------










--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Mom]

Oh really, have a listen to this and have a think....:blip:

[munterk6]

Oh really, have a listen to this and have a think....:blip:

aaaaaaahhh Wot?

Hahahahahaha!!

[slofox]

Oh really, have a listen to this and have a think....:blip:

Hey dat's cool Mom.......:rofl:

[007XX]

Oh really, have a listen to this and have a think....:blip:

Excellent!!

[Tink]

You may have already seen this but funny anyway!

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the Rules "
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want..

Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes or No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
And if you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..

1. If you ask a question that you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer that you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, hockey
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes..

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

:doh:

[Laxi]

lmfao! too true

[FJRider]

Apart from being posted before.. its still good.... you forgot to add the other rule.

Men are always right .... eventually :devil2:

[Tink]

Sorry about that folks did not realise it had been posted before only got the email myself this morning....

I guess when one reaches a certain point in life... all the trivial shit flies out the window... and the facts walk in... I see it all as fact ... apart from

MEN are not always right... but they do have their moments in the sun... :hug:

[Tink]

Oh really, have a listen to this and have a think....:blip:
Hehe thats a classic!!!!

[FJRider]

MEN are not always right... but they do have their moments in the sun... :hug:

Fleeting moments .... savoured accordingly ...

[Laava]

Following on from Mens rules is the advice column by men.

[=cJ=]

http://www.alcade.net/me/junk/housewife.jpg


I'm so dead... :chase: