Tele-marketers

[Mom]

Bit of a bonaza of these fuckers up our way tonight.

First was Mercury Energy...

Not interested, goodbye!

Then the "Private Caller" called again. Said to Maha, "bet that's SKY". And it was.

Young fella, "hi I'm calling from sky", I asked him to hold the line and said to Maha, "what did I fucken tell you?"

Finished the call with sorry not interested or similar. I was actually very polite for me, I normally tell them to fuck off! Loudly!

Then another call, from "private number" apparently, the caller felt "threatened". FFS!

These fuckers piss me off, I have registered this phone number to not receive calls, makes no difference.

Maha is going to attempt to do the same tomorrow, I feel sorry for the next poor baby that rings here, in my relax time, to attempt to sell me something I dont want, is all I can say.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, young fellas trying to make a living and all that. But to get a call back , because he felt threatened? Lucky I did not launch as I can do...

How many of you guys have asked NOT to be rung that still get these calls?

[Laava]

Ask them to hold and put the phone close to tv with maori channel on. Esp good with Bombay call centres!

[MIXONE]

My wife is still niave enough to beleive some of the bs tactics they come up with.:blink:
I find that either "not interested" or "fuck off" depending on the caller works for me.

[Mom]

My wife is still niave enough to beleive some of the bs tactics they come up with.:blink:
I find that either "not interested" or "fuck off" depending on the caller works for me.

I did not even tell this little pincess to fuck off and they called back 'cos he felt threatened :baby:

Worst of all, we dont have the name of the marketing company, nor the female that called back to tell on me to my husband :spanking:

I am offended :sunny:

[madandy]

We dont answer the landline after 7pm. Friends and family call/txt to our mobiles so no risk of offending a telemarketer, though when caught out I just hang up :facepalm:

[Mom]

We dont answer the landline after 7pm. Friends and family call/txt to our mobiles so no risk of offending a telemarketer, though when caught out I just hang up :facepalm:

Stupid us :lol:

We still rely on a landline for our communication.

But seriously, I want to know who else has asked not to be called and still is?

[madandy]

Well, I must come clean now as 15 years ago, while desperate for a dollar I worked for a few weeks as a Telemarketer. We were given a copy of the Nationwide directory and told everyone listed was to be phoned. Only those who witheld their details from being printed in a phone book wer spared:shutup:

[Oakie]

But seriously, I want to know who else has asked not to be called and still is?

Yep. Did that a few years ago and it seems to have worked a treat. The only ones it doesn't seem to have stopped are the ones who call up wanting a donation for the disease of the week ... althogh to be honest that's probably only once every 3 months or so. Oh, and Microsoft wanting to fix my computer every now and then of course.

[pouakai]

I tell'em I charge for my time and if they would give an address where I can forward my invoice I keep talking to them - they generally hang up pretty feckin quick !
;-)

[awa355]

Years ago it was recommended to blow a high pitched whistle into the phone as a way to deal with obcene ph calls. Worked a treat

Fuck my ears haven't been the same since. :shutup::shutup:

[Akzle]

unplug thn phone

[davereid]

Well my step mother Maureen is the winner.

Maureen "Hello"

Private caller "Hi do you want your windows fixed he has the virus" <---- or whatever

Maureen "So nice of you to call. I live alone and have no family. I'm so lonely"

Private caller "Hi do you want your windows fixed he has the virus" <---- or whatever

Maureen "Is it nice where you are. Its nice here. I took the cat for a walk to the vets its has ringworm on its arse. Do you have a cat, I love cats"

Private caller "Hi do you want your windows fixed he has the virus" <---- or whatever

Maureen "yes, what sort of cat do you have. I had a bird but its dead. Or maybe resting. My friend John Clease says its resting, do you have a bird, do you know how to tell ?"

Private caller "Hi do you want your windows fixed he has the virus" <---- or whatever

Maureen "it doesn't eat much food which is good cos I'm on the pension. Do get the pension where you live"

CLICK

[Flip]

I just say "no thanks" and imeadiately hang up.

Very few call back.

[gijoe1313]

I just do the "Hello, this is an automated message. In 10 seconds at the tone, it will be 12 o'clock. All calls are charged at $4.99 for this service ... 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 ..." or "I'd like a hawaiian pizza, thin crust" and hang up ... even done the blood curdling scream, dropped a phone book on the floor and then hang up ... depends how creative I'm feeling! :innocent:

[Banditbandit]

I invariably hang up as soon as possible .. Sometimes I play with the silly fuckers .. as in:


Me: Hello?

Them: Hello I'm from (wherever).

Me: (said very slowly in a Forest Gump style) Hello? I'm sorry, I am blind. I will get my guide dog to listen to you and tell me what you are saying. Can you please count to five, while I put the phone by the dog's ear and then you can start talking again.

Them: Are you ... (whatever)

Me: I'm sorry my dog told me that you had already finished before I got the phone to his ear .. can you please count to five and then start talking again so my dog can hear you.

Them (whatever)

Me: You are not very good at this ... my dog tells me that you had already started talking when the phone was beside his ear. Please Please count to five as I am not very quick at getting the phone to the dog's ear as I am blind and I cannot see the dog's ear and will have to feel for it. Are you ready?

Them: Yes

Me: No the dog still tells me that you said Yes before the phone got to his ear ...

(and so on)

It's just amazing how long some of the silly shits will hang onto the phone for and try to follow the instructions ... I once made four minutes doing this .. and fell over laughing when the shithead finally hung up .....


Very entertaining ..

[Scuba_Steve]

Get rid of your home line & they stop calling, funny that. Naked broadband FTW :lol:

[Gremlin]

I just say "no thanks" and imeadiately hang up.

Very few call back.
One rang back, saying "Hi, we seem to have been cut off back there"

Was rather speechless :blink: You think of plenty of responses later like "What, like this?" *click* but at the time...

[MSTRS]

One rang back, saying "Hi, we seem to have been cut off back there"

Was rather speechless :blink: You think of plenty of responses later like "What, like this?" *click* but at the time...

I had one ring back 3 times after being polite and then hanging up.
Which is why, when Gupta rings, it now generally goes ... Hello, am I speaking to*... FUCK OFF! *click*

*variations are "Is this the billpayer?" or "My name is Andrea and I'm from..." etc The response is still an emphatic and oh so rude FUCK OFF!

[Swoop]

If everyone just hangs up on them, or tells them to "fuck off" they are obviously just going to keep you on their database.


I went through a phase of getting a few calls and always stop them by saying "I formally require you to remove my details from your database AND any others you have access to".

Works a treat. No hassles any more.

[ducatilover]

I hate 'em.
But while desperate for money last year I decided to try it. I didn't last long, you feel like/are a right wanker just ringing people up and trying to sell 'em some solution to a problem that doesn't exist, 'till you convince 'em it does.

I just tell them no and to put me down as not interested, do not follow up.



Sent from my office in L.A, using your I.P

[nathanwhite]

Best one I heard was from my little brother. Silly bugger phoned up to ask if we wanted to participate in a survey for his masters (or whatever) about alcohol consumption. Even promised a free somethingarather at the end.

I reckon it was about fifteen minutes he kept them on the phone.

"Do I get free beer?"... well what's the point then? ... free pass? Sounds interesting... Will there be free beer there?.... oh ... Do I at least get to drink beer? ... Howabout now? ... But its about alcohol consumption isn't it? ... So there is no beer drinking involved. That's alright, I'm more of a whiskey kinda guy anyway. This one time I ... Oh, but I was telling you something amazing, nobody could believe it actually happened."

He finally tells the guy that he's a minor and doesn't drink at all. Hangs up in despair when the guys keeps going.

[misterO]

Put them on hold with an important message of your own:

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?sns=fb&v=8-yU5Ekv14U&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D8-yU5Ekv14U%26sns%3Dfb

[awa355]

The phone rang, A towelhead accent said Hello, is this mr ***? I replied " fuck off gollywog" and hung up.

A minute later the wifes mob sounds. Her Zimbabiwan work mate texted to say she just tried phoning my wife. I was not very popular for a while.

[leathel]

I often think I should have some fun with them and leave the phone on the desk while I "search" for the smoker/ oldest/ bill payer etc etc and make Random noises, play some out there music or something

But I just say fuck off or hang up :)

[Karl08]

I used to enjoy it when my youngest would answer the phone and try and engage the telemarketer in conversation...

[Maha]

HRV are another one...and some Double Glazing outfit, they read of a prompt card (sounds so false) I let them get to the end of the yabba and tell them ''not interested''...but that is never enough, because they continue to ask dumbshit shit questions like ''have you heard of double glazing sir''...hasn't everyone? I tell them we have central gas heating and we are totally insulated, then its goodbye from me.

I am however, on the Canteen call list and get calls from them several times a year, which I am happy to slip them some money, don't really buy what they are offering at the time, a donation is nice and easy.

[Oakie]

I heard of someone (may even be on You Tube) who when rang said "I'm Detective so and so, the person you called was murdered earlier this evening. Now can you explain how you know him" .... "Oh you don't know him? ... Well why are you calling a deceased man you don't know? Can I have your name please" etc etc .... It went something like that anyway.

[carburator]

somedays its interesting..

ring ring.
Hello New Zealand Aumunition supplies limited, Carb's speaking..

er.. hi im dave from HRV

Hi Dave, so what do you want to kill today.. and don't forget todays special on 7.62mm
buy 1000 rounds and the next 1000 are 10% less...

er I don't want to buy anything Im trying to sell HRV ..

Sorry Dave the last unit we took out to the range and shot the shit out off, should have
seen wha the 50 does to it...

( silence on the other end )

So dave, guess your not in the market for some 7.62 then.....

[Laava]

Put them on hold with an important message of your own:

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?sns=fb&v=8-yU5Ekv14U&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D8-yU5Ekv14U%26sns%3Dfb

Hands up if you listened to the whole 3.03min!

[Maha]

I just took a call from Niagara health bla bla?...anyway, the ramble was about all sorts of joint/back pain and ''do we suffer from any that she had read out''...''no no, we all fine''...''ok sir, well you do sound young''....:killingme

''Ok then bye bye''.....click.

[F5 Dave]

If everyone just hangs up on them, or tells them to "fuck off" they are obviously just going to keep you on their database.


I went through a phase of getting a few calls and always stop them by saying "I formally require you to remove my details from your database AND any others you have access to".

Works a treat. No hassles any more.
Hasn't worked for me yet, might have to go back to 'FUCK OFF!'

[awa355]

Hasn't worked for me yet, might have to go back to 'FUCK OFF!'

"Fuck off" doesnt work either. Just had HRV phone again. I thought my tirade of abuse last time might've done the trick. The girl got in " thats not very nice mr**. before I hung up. Going to do the high pitched whistle trick next time.

[Mom]

"Fuck off" doesnt work either. Just had HRV phone again. I thought my tirade of abuse last time might've done the trick. The girl got in " thats not very nice mr**. before I hung up. Going to do the high pitched whistle trick next time.

Wait till her supervisor rings back to complain that girl felt threatened :facepalm:

HRV better not ring here is all I can say...

[blue rider]

Stupid us :lol:

We still rely on a landline for our communication.

But seriously, I want to know who else has asked not to be called and still is?



i did.
i find it helpful to ask the caller where they had got my phone number from? Who authorized the unsolicited call after business hours? They usually don't like questions.

In saying that, the call takers are usually young, unexeperienced and it is a shit job. And for many pretty much the only job around.

[nzspokes]

You lot do it the hard way. Just ask them to wait a tick and put the phone down. The longest one has held on is 20 mins.

Never get call backs.

[cc rider]

When asked "Is this Ms....?"
I reply "Yes but I don't have a phone." :scratch:


Make 'sex' noises... or just have sex next to phone :devil2:
(ok... doesn't have to be related to cold calls... as you were)

[Madmax]

Tormenting Telmarketers: A Game You Can Play at Home!
Everyone has gotten a call from a Telemarketer. The new Scourge of the Telephone System. Previously when the phone rang, you always wondered if it was someone you knew, or another schmuck with something to sell. Well, the time has come to turn the tables. We need to take control of our own phones. We need to take the ``market'' out of Telemarketing.
Premise:
Telemarketers take the brute force approach to making sales. If you talk to a whole bunch of people, someone will buy what you are selling.

Counter-Tactic:
Waste as much of their time as you can. For each minute that you waste means several potential customers that will not be reached. Make Telemarketing unprofitable. Hanging up only increases the changes for them to make a sale. Don't let this happen!

Hints:
Most of the preliminary stuff is done by someone making minimum wage, and reads a script. Let them finish. It's easy points, and you were watching Star Trek and weren't using your phone anyway. It's easy to keep them interested using ``attentive grunting'', similar to when your mother calls.

Scoring:

Basic Point System:
For each minute spent on the phone 10 pts.
Getting transfered to someone who makes
more than minimum wage 15 pts
For each minute spent on the phone with
person making more than minimum wage 25 pts

Bonus Points:
Getting them to repeat part of the "script" 5 pts/each
Getting answers to stupid questions 15 pts/each
Changing the subject 50 pts/each
Making the sales person angry 175 pts
Making the sales person use profanity 750 pts
Get their boss on the phone, and tell them
the salesman used profanity 1500 pts
Getting their 1-800- number 10 pts
Posting their 1-800- number to alt.sex as
a free "Phone Sex" line 50 pts
Checking the number a week later and it is
busy or disconnected 5000 pts

Example:
<Ring>
Me: Yes?
Them: Hi, I'm with Fly-By-Night Carpet Cleaning
and we're in your area [...] [start clock->]
Them: [...] would like to know it you are interested?
Me: Sure...
Them: Well, we are currently offering [...]
Them: [...] depending on the size of the rooms.
Me: Well, how much for the whole house?
Them: Let me transfer you to <???> [15 bonus pts!]
Them: Sir?
Me: Yes?
Them: How large is your house? [25 pts/min!]
Me: Oh, about 2,000 sqft.
Them: [...] Well, that would be about $xxx
Me: It won't hurt the floor, will it? [stupid ?]
Them: Oh, no! We use a [...this usually takes some time!...]
and is completely safe.
Me: Even with my pets? [stupid ?]
Them: Oh, yes. The chemicals we use [...]
Me: Do you have to pre-treat, since I have pets?
Them: Yes, and we do that with [...] [repeat!]
Me: But the original offer was for $39.95, does that
include treating for pets?
Them: [...]
Me: Well, it is kindof dirty. The guys were over for
the game. Did you see the Cowboys vs. the Rams?
[subject change]
Them: Yes.
Me: What a game! That last touchdown pass! Wasn't that
a great play?
Them: Well, back to your house...
Me: Oh yes, what about moving the furniture?
Them: [...]
Me: Do you clean furniture, too? Those guys spilled some
beer. Have you smelled old beer on furniture before?
But what a game, eh?! I couldn't believe that they
couldn't move the ball in the second quarter...
[...] [subject change]
Them: Ahem... Would you like us to come out? [angry???]
Me: Well, when could you come out?
Them: How about next week?
Me: Hmmm... Morning or afternoon?
Them: Either would be fine.
Me: Do you have anything the week after?
Them: Sure, can I put you down for Tuesday?

[Okay, let's try for those last big bonus points:]

Me: Well, I don't think it matters, since I have all
hardwood floors here!
Them: Dammit! <Yes! 250 points!>
<click>

[MSTRS]

Had one just now.

**RING - RING**
"Hello....hello...HELLO-O"
"My name is Steven"
**CLICK!!**

[SMOKEU]

Put the phone up to your computer speakers and play some porn or Hitler speeches, loudly. That will teach them.

[Murray]

I just took a call from Niagara health bla bla?...

I think you heard wrong - I think is Viagra Health and rumour has it MOM asked them to call you.:yes:

[Maha]

I think you heard wrong - I think is Viagra Health and rumour has it MOM asked them to call you.:yes:

Yes I stand corrected, she did mention something about the ups and downs of appendage direction, went straight over my head...;)

[PrincessBandit]

I invariably hang up as soon as possible .. Sometimes I play with the silly fuckers .. as in:


Me: Hello?

Them: Hello I'm from (wherever).

Me: (said very slowly in a Forest Gump style) Hello? I'm sorry, I am blind. I will get my guide dog to listen to you and tell me what you are saying. Can you please count to five, while I put the phone by the dog's ear and then you can start talking again.

Them: Are you ... (whatever)



...............................

It's just amazing how long some of the silly shits will hang onto the phone for and try to follow the instructions ... I once made four minutes doing this .. and fell over laughing when the shithead finally hung up .....


Very entertaining ..

Must spread more around before giving to banditbandit again. Feel the lurve!


My favourite (although since getting an unlisted number the frequency with which we get telemarketers has dried up to almost non-existant) used to be "oh, hang on there's someone at the door, hold on a tick" then walk away from the phone without hanging up.

On the rare occasion we've had one call I've usually resorted to "excuse me, this is a private unlisted number. How did you get hold of it? I'd appreciate you not calling this number again". Never do.

[FROSTY]

My reply is.
Hi XXXX what is the address there to send the bill to. My charge out rate is $200 an hour. And the clock starts NOW.
Or -so which vehicle are you interested in purchasing.
Every time they try to start on their speil I go back to telling them the virtues of various cars

[pete376403]

I thought i was fairly reasonable:
Them: Hello, is this the owner of the house?
Me: Yes it is and no you can't sell me anything, Goodbye.
hang up.

[Gremlin]

I receive a call around 5pm.

Indian: Hi, I am calling from the Windows Service Centre, how are you today?
Me: Sorry?
I: How are you today?
M: Oh, OK.
I: I am calling you about your computer. We have noticed during the last 2 weeks that when you go online that it is downloading infected files
M: Oh
I: So if you’ll please go ahead and turn on your computer…
M: Which one?
I: How many do you have? Less than 4?
M: No, more than that.
I: Oh, I see, but you have one internet connection?
M: Yes
I: OK, so power one computer on…
M: But which one? You said one was infected?
I: OK, so you have more than 4 computers and one internet connection?
M: Yes
I: Do you have more than 10 computers?
M: No
I: Ok, so please power on one computer…
M: Which computer do I need to power on? You said one was infected?
I: Well, all of them are infected
M: Ok, so I need to power them all on?
I: Yes, we need to fix the problem

*OK, so at this point I’m struggling to keep a straight face, maintain concentration and silence someone laughing in the background. I’m also slightly bored, annoyed, but somehow want to make him pay*

M: OK, don’t worry, I work in IT, I know exactly what you’re doing
I: Oh
M: Please stay on the line for a further 20 seconds while I finish tracing the call so that I can report you to the authorities
I: OK

*The Indian fella goes quiet but I can still hear background noise, so the line is open*
*Some time (probably around 10 secs) passes, but I’m not counting, as I’m slightly incredulous he’s actually doing it, and hasn’t panicked and slammed the phone down*

M: Thank you, the trace is complete.
I: *silence*
M: I hang up the phone.

Reckon he's made my year, couldn't stop laughing for a few minutes, that he actually did as he was told. :laugh:

[Mom]

I receive a call around 5pm.

Indian: Hi, I am calling from the Windows Service Centre, how are you today?


Good shit! I might try that next time I get one of those. Seems to happen a bit at work at the moment. I work for a really family friendly, Christian outfit where expressing myself as "bluntly" as I can would not go down too well. "Buzz off scammer" can now be turned into some light relief entertainment for the entire office! Fantastic stuff.

[Laava]

Nice one Gremlin.
I have to say I am reluctantly impressed with anyone who uses another language to make their living. I like to further their education by placing the phone next to the tv on the maori channel.

[Tazz]

I receive a call around 5pm.

Indian: Hi, I am calling from the Windows Service Centre, how are you today?


Oh man, just had my first one ever now, but she was no where near that fun.
I asked if she was able to tell me the internal network IP of which computer it was as I have 8 and she went ballistic and asking me how old I am and saying I'm behaving like a child and then hung up on me!

Bloody unprofessional behaviour! You guys must be stressing them out XD

[Akzle]

'windows'... Whats that?

[Tazz]

'windows'... Whats that?

http://www.memehour.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/funny-image-1698.jpg

[Akzle]

pic

but if car parts were open source, and free....


Dont you have a bike to be riding?

[Tazz]

but if car parts were open source, and free....


Dont you have a bike to be riding?

People pay for Windows? =O
The workplace computers have to be legit, but they come with it installed for 'free' anyway.

At work. What's your excuse?

[G4L4XY]

When I signed up with telecom they asked if I wanted my number in the phonebook...I said no. Is your number listed in the phonebook? Or does it not really matter

[husaberg]

when they ring i play a little game that goes like this.

Me ..hello

Them ..I am such and such...Note it's important let them do a tiny little bit of their spiel ...

Me.... i am very sorry my dad is not home at the moment. if you give me your home number i will get him to call you back later.

Them ...usually ah ah oh... oh...we don't give out our number.

Me why is it f-ing annoying getting waste of time phone calls at home...

them usually silence..



Method two.........

Me Hello

Them blah blah. its is whatever" from

Me..... So "whatever" MMM.. what are you wearing....

Them.... ah...oh..ummm

Me...giggle .... No you hang up first and giggle....

other variations include the Joey classic How you doiiing

[Akzle]

i didn't know whether to dredge or webz. but here:

http://www.callhating.com/

[pzkpfw]

When I signed up with telecom they asked if I wanted my number in the phonebook...I said no. Is your number listed in the phonebook? Or does it not really matter

Some people have claimed an unlisted number stops them getting these calls; but I seriously doubt scammers in India are carefully leafing through the phone book (or the electronic equivalent).

They use auto dialers, and call a bunch of numbers at a time; whoever picks up first gets the next available scammer.

This is why you sometimes get "phantom" calls - the scammers ended up with other people dialed at the same time - so you pick up and there's "no one there".

Also why there's sometimes a delay between picking up the phone and the scammer talking. It wasn't one person who dialed you and was waiting for you to pick up.

[haydes55]

Some people have claimed an unlisted number stops them getting these calls; but I seriously doubt scammers in India are carefully leafing through the phone book (or the electronic equivalent).



They use auto dialers, and call a bunch of numbers at a time; whoever picks up first gets the next available scammer.



This is why you sometimes get "phantom" calls - the scammers ended up with other people dialed at the same time - so you pick up and there's "no one there".



Also why there's sometimes a delay between picking up the phone and the scammer talking. It wasn't one person who dialed you and was waiting for you to pick up.









That may be true for scammers, tele marketers in NZ go through the phone book (usually physical copies) alphabetically.

[Gremlin]

A family event kept one from "Microsoft" out of circulation this evening for more than 25min.

Apparently called a while ago, Dad tried the "my wife normally works with the computer" and the guy said he'd ring back. Sure enough, rang back, unfortunately wife had gone to bed.

25min+ of hilarity (they're incredibly persistent actually if they think they have a bite). Everything done from the couch, no need to actually move obviously. :msn-wink:
- Mike up first
- Turned the monitor off and on a lot (pity they didn't specify the tower)
- Checked the power connections (under the desk twice)
- Talked about CPUs
- Finally located a tower and turned that on
- Turned the monitor on
- Wanted to run Windows + R and it didn't work (some keyboards actually have a lockout for gaming)
- Mike gives up and hands over to a senior technician
- Michelle the next victim wanted a browser
- Michelle explains what a browser is, haha, Mozilla Firefox and Google Chrome, what funny names
- Only the Recycle Bin on desktop, nothing else and more time wasting
- Finally gets the blue E and wants us to visit ammyy.com (Remote control software)
- Unfortunately it's Page Not Found
- Checking of Internet connections
- Michelle gives up and escalates
- Sam comes on but we've all grown bored so tell him we know what's going on
- Sam denies it's remote control software

Good bye... 25min wasted, on both sides, but hey, it was amusing and TV is boring :lol:

[Akzle]

http://www.callhating.com/

[Swoop]

Just having a clear out of the jokes folder and stumbled on this:

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?"

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...." When they try to get back to the sales process, just continue on with telling about your problems.

3. If the person says he's Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask him to spell his name, then ask him to spell the company name, then ask where it is located. Continue asking personal questions or questions about the company for as long as necessary.

4. This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with Canter and Siegel services.... You: "Hang on a second." (few seconds pause) "Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?"

5. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy!! Is this really you? I can't believe it! Judy, how have you BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the heck she could know you from.

6. Say, "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"

8. If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood - chicken blood too?"

9. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or, "That's fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. They get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn't give your credit card number to someone who's a complete stranger.

10. Tell them you work for the same company they work for. Example: Telemarketer: "This is Bill from Watertronics." You: "Watertronics!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?" Telemarketer: "Uh, Dallas, Texas." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees! Oh well, see ya."

11. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their phone number you will call them back. If they say they are not allowed to give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call them at home (this is usually the most effective method of getting rid of Telemarketers). If the person says, "Well, I don't really want to get a call at home," say, "Ya! Now you know how I feel." (smiling, of course...)

[willytheekid]

That may be true for scammers, tele marketers in NZ go through the phone book (usually physical copies) alphabetically.

Very true!...and its is actually illegal! (NZ telecommunications act CLEARLY states that no individual or company/corp can call random numbers for the purpose of sales or marketing etc etc)

My two ways of handling these pricks!

1- I give the phone to my 3yr old son Ryder...he loves talking to them! :laugh:

OR

2- I ask them "how did you get this confidential/unlisted number?...
When they advise me that they "just call random numbers" etc, I ask for the manager and advise them that I will be reporting this call to the telecom call investigations team* (remember that term!) as they have just breached the telecommunications act of NZ!...but thanks for the call...you can expect one back tommorow!:laugh:

Strangely...I dont seem to get many calls from these maggots anymore :confused:

[Mike.Gayner]

Very true!...and its is actually illegal! (NZ telecommunications act CLEARLY states that no individual or company/corp can call random numbers for the purpose of sales or marketing etc etc)

Really? Show me which part of the Act prohibits this:
http://www.legislation.govt.nz/act/public/2001/0103/latest/DLM124961.html

[willytheekid]

Really? Show me which part of the Act prohibits this:
http://www.legislation.govt.nz/act/public/2001/0103/latest/DLM124961.html

Jesus, thats a read eh lol
it comes under section 112
http://www.legislation.govt.nz/act/public/2001/0103/latest/DLM127408.html
This is whats enforced!

And the marketing Association has there own "guild lines" concerning tele marketing
http://www.lawcom.govt.nz/sites/default/files/publications/2010/03/Publication_129_460_Part_18_Chapter-15-Direct%20Marketing.pdf

-Hence we have a division call "call investigations"...whos primary job is to ensure that malicious calls and such are investigated..and there time is also taken up with contacting such marketing agencys to ensure that they are adhereing to the Code of Practice for Telemarketing...and NOT calling people who are on the DNC (Don NOT call) registers list, and are upholding the marketing associations guild lines(who also get us to investigate certain tele marketing groups that are flagged to them...and they DO enforce this, in referance to the telecomunicatins act under Misuse of a telephone device if found to be in breach.


And if you want your name added to the DNC list-

"3(g) Removal of name/s from telephoning lists: If requested to do so, telemarketers
must flag the name of any person ”Do not call” on their telephoning list and on lists that are
offered to other organisations. As far as practicable, such persons should be informed of the
existence of the Marketing Association’s DNC Register, and given the opportunity to have
their name listed on that Register. In such cases, the telemarketer should direct the person
to the Marketing Association’s website – www.marketing.org.nz – where they will find a link
to the DNC service"

...that suffice?

[Big Dog]

I tell'em I charge for my time and if they would give an address where I can forward my invoice I keep talking to them - they generally hang up pretty feckin quick !
;-)
I have done that one. Especially effective if you lead off with "I'm going to need a payment authorisation or purchase number before we continue. Here at (insert business name, real or fake) we like to ensure that each customer gets fair value for their call, our rates are" usually they hang up about here with no further comment.

If I get recidivist callers I do the whole misuse of electronic communications act (spam act) speech.



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[Big Dog]

Jesus, thats a read eh lol
it comes under section 112
http://www.legislation.govt.nz/act/public/2001/0103/latest/DLM127408.html
This is whats enforced!

And the marketing Association has there own "guild lines" concerning tele marketing
http://www.lawcom.govt.nz/sites/default/files/publications/2010/03/Publication_129_460_Part_18_Chapter-15-Direct%20Marketing.pdf

-Hence we have a division call "call investigations"...whos primary job is to ensure that malicious calls and such are investigated..and there time is also taken up with contacting such marketing agencys to ensure that they are adhereing to the Code of Practice for Telemarketing...and NOT calling people who are on the DNC (Don NOT call) registers list, and are upholding the marketing associations guild lines(who also get us to investigate certain tele marketing groups that are flagged to them...and they DO enforce this, in referance to the telecomunicatins act under Misuse of a telephone device if found to be in breach.


And if you want your name added to the DNC list-

"3(g) Removal of name/s from telephoning lists: If requested to do so, telemarketers
must flag the name of any person ”Do not call” on their telephoning list and on lists that are
offered to other organisations. As far as practicable, such persons should be informed of the
existence of the Marketing Association’s DNC Register, and given the opportunity to have
their name listed on that Register. In such cases, the telemarketer should direct the person
to the Marketing Association’s website – www.marketing.org.nz – where they will find a link
to the DNC service"

...that suffice?

What he said, keep in mind most of them hang up before you get to the part of the act in question.


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[haydes55]

Very true!...and its is actually illegal! (NZ telecommunications act CLEARLY states that no individual or company/corp can call random numbers for the purpose of sales or marketing etc etc)



My two ways of handling these pricks!



1- I give the phone to my 3yr old son Ryder...he loves talking to them! :laugh:



OR



2- I ask them "how did you get this confidential/unlisted number?...

When they advise me that they "just call random numbers" etc, I ask for the manager and advise them that I will be reporting this call to the telecom call investigations team* (remember that term!) as they have just breached the telecommunications act of NZ!...but thanks for the call...you can expect one back tommorow!:laugh:



Strangely...I dont seem to get many calls from these maggots anymore :confused:





I've been talking to the telemarketers at work. So here is what I know.

Telecom sell your contact details to companies to call you. If you wish to not allow telecom to sell your contact details, get added to the DNC list as stated above. Telemarketers still use phonebook's, if they can't reach you on the number supplied by telecom.

"But I'm on the do not call list! Why have you called me?". Companies don't have to buy contact details. If a company is given your contact details from a third party. A lot of companies now ask for referrals from existing customers, that way they get new details without having to pay for them. (to give you an idea, I get paid $1 for every referral I bring back to the office).

Also, unless previously agreed with by the customer, no company can ring you after 8pm (not sure about what time in the morning they can start calling, our team don't start work until 11am anyway).

If you get a telemarketer call you after 8pm, or if you are on the DNC, ask who referred your details, if it wasn't a referral, lodge a complaint.

[R650R]

2- I ask them "how did you get this confidential/unlisted number?...
When they advise me that they "just call random numbers" etc, I ask for the manager and advise them that I will be reporting this call to the telecom call investigations team* (remember that term!) as they have just breached the telecommunications act of NZ!...but thanks for the call...you can expect one back tommorow!:laugh:

Strangely...I dont seem to get many calls from these maggots anymore :confused:

I do a Tom Mabe take on that.

"You have just made an unauthorized call to a secure USA military phone line. Please identify yourself in the next 3 seconds with full name DOB and address. Failure to comply will initiate dispatch of a rendition team to your location."

I usually just hang up on anyone that even starts to sound like a telemarketer...

[Mom]

Yesterday I had a call from a foreign sounding female asking to talk to a bloke, we don't have any guests by that name and no one by that name works here, She apologised for bothering me.

An hour or so later the same thing. Asked her where she was calling from. Singapore. From a marketing company. I told her to stop ringing and take the motel number off the database.

Another hour or so later, same thing. I was still polite, but told her not to ring me again, as this was the 3rd call asking for the same bloke today. Warned her that if she rang me again I would simply start a string of swear words until she got the message. Did not get another call, wonder if they will ring today?

[Hobbyhorse]

Mom, I am really surprised that you know any swear words ..... now were it Maha, that would be different.

[Mom]

Mom, I am really surprised that you know any swear words ..... now were it Maha, that would be different.

I say things like gosh and golly :innocent:

I got 2 more calls yesterday, honestly drives me crazy. I have had a re-read of this thread and I will adopt a few coping strategies today :D

[Edbear]

What we need is the phone equivalent of, "Add sender to blocked sender's list. "

[schrodingers cat]

When I hear the obvious delay (of an overseas call centre) I hang up before they get a word out.
Life's to short to put any more energy into worrying about them.

[caspernz]

Meh, usually I just say no thanks and hang up. Anyone who calls back will be put thru the "what are you wearing today sweetie" routine. If it's a bloke and he finds out I was in the navy and like to relive the good old days...the wife just cracks up :laugh: and funnily enough those conversations end up rather brief :doh:

[mstriumph]

...............
I find that either "not interested" or "fuck off" depending on the caller works for me.

would have done that gladly with the Clive Palmer 'vote for us in the WA senate' phone call yesterday

but he thwarted me there ... it was a bloody RECORDED MESSAGE he was sending me

how can they do this? my phone is unlisted and also on the 'don't call' schedule

bastards! All I could do was slam the phone down, but it wasn't nearly as satisfying as sharing my thoughts with them would have been :brick:

[The Reibz]

EDIT: Gah to many beers last night

[Big Dog]

When deciding how to handle spammers you should also keep in mind two things.
- they probably did not want to be earning a low wage being a telemarketer when they grew up and are just trying to make ends meet.
- swearing violates your agreement with your telco for Telecom, irrespective of your provider they can go you for being a nuisance or threatening if that coarse language is directed ins threatening manner or the other party takes offence.

I have no idea re precedence but worth keeping in mind.





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[swbarnett]

- they probably did not want to be earning a low wage being a telemarketer when they grew up and are just trying to make ends meet.
That's no reason for me being polite to them. If they're willing to accept a job that goes against their core principles then they deserve everything that's dished out to them. If they actually think they have a right to do what they're doing then even more so.

[Gremlin]

That's no reason for me being polite to them. If they're willing to accept a job that goes against their core principles then they deserve everything that's dished out to them. If they actually think they have a right to do what they're doing then even more so.
I'd rather they have a job tho...

[haydes55]

I'd rather they have a job tho...







Too true. And for ever abusive answer they get, they usually get ahold of a potential as well. 99% of HRV customers have said yes to getting a quote after being cold called. If it wasn't so effective, they wouldn't do it.

[swbarnett]

I'd rather they have a job tho...
No matter what the job is?

If they actually believe what they're doing is acceptable then more power to them. But they can't expect me to be polite when my quiet time is rudely interrupted for the sake of marketing.

Personally I'd rather cold calling was completely abandoned. If someone doesn't have enough need to seek out a product themselves they obviously don't need it.


99% of HRV customers have said yes to getting a quote after being cold called.
And how many of that 99% actually need the product? A lot of the financial shit that the western world is in is because people are talked in to spending money on things they don't need - rampant consumerism.


If it wasn't so effective, they wouldn't do it.
Being effective doesn't make it right.

[haydes55]

No matter what the job is?



If they actually believe what they're doing is acceptable then more power to them. But they can't expect me to be polite when my quiet time is rudely interrupted for the sake of marketing.



Personally I'd rather cold calling was completely abandoned. If someone doesn't have enough need to seek out a product themselves they obviously don't need it.





And how many of that 99% actually need the product? A lot of the financial shit that the western world is in is because people are talked in to spending money on things they don't need - rampant consumerism.





Being effective doesn't make it right.





1/4 of our children have asthma, the vast majority of houses built in the last millenium are so poorly insulated and damp that they are a breeding ground for mould, dust mites and allergens. People spend all winter time wiping windows to slow down their window sills rotting, then thousands of dollars replacing then when they are fucked. People spend hundred of dollars more than they need to each winter trying in vain to heat damp air.

Modern houses on the other hand are so well sealed that moisture often has no where to go and doesn't show signs of its presence like in older homes (no condensation on windows) but they have sometimes more moisture in the air than older homes.this means dust mites etc thrive. I see a lot of people every day who love the system. A lot of people install another system in their new houses if they move into a house that doesn't have one.

I've had customers credit the system for lowering their heating bill, curing bronchitis, asthma and mould. So yes, I would say they need the product.

[swbarnett]

1/4 of our children have asthma, the vast majority of houses built in the last millenium are so poorly insulated and damp that they are a breeding ground for mould, dust mites and allergens. People spend all winter time wiping windows to slow down their window sills rotting, then thousands of dollars replacing then when they are fucked. People spend hundred of dollars more than they need to each winter trying in vain to heat damp air.

Modern houses on the other hand are so well sealed that moisture often has no where to go and doesn't show signs of its presence like in older homes (no condensation on windows) but they have sometimes more moisture in the air than older homes.this means dust mites etc thrive. I see a lot of people every day who love the system. A lot of people install another system in their new houses if they move into a house that doesn't have one.

I've had customers credit the system for lowering their heating bill, curing bronchitis, asthma and mould. So yes, I would say they need the product.
I've seen the ads for the product and have no doubt that it works. However, there is a much simpler and cheaper solution to the moisture problem - open the windows. Even in winter we have the windows open, just with curtains closed. We have no problems with air flow or moisture build up and we don't spend much at all on heating.

Cold calling is just the same as junk mail - a nuisance we can well do without.