When Grampas go bad

[slofox]

Since my involuntary retirement some six months ago, my daughter has returned to full time work. This entails me getting a lot of grandchild minding exercise (and I mean exercise). I have two of the little buggers to look after. One is after school only (7 yo boy) but the other is full time twice a week and after (pre)school the other three days (3.5yo girl).

This has been an interesting exercise. I have become well acquainted with kids' programs on TV and have more episodes of Oomizoomi and Dora the Explorer recorded than anything else. I have also regained my skill at defusing tantrums (usually by saying something like "Shut the fuck up you little shit or I'll leave you here ALL ALONE!"

But sometimes I do mean things too. Like yesterday f'rinstance...

Some clown cut through our exit from a roundabout. I blasted the horn, as you do. 3.5yo says "What was that noise?" I reply "The horn. It's loud." (Stebel Nautilus).

"Huh!" says 7yo. "Didn't sound very loud to me." And his sister agreed "Not very loud!"

So I says "well, when we get home, you guys can stand in front of the car and I'll blast the horn and you can see if you still think its not very loud, OK?" :devil2:

So we get home and they leap out and go stand in front of the car. With the closed garage door directly behind them...at which point I blasted it.

Hell's bells, the look of pure horror on my grand-daughter's face (and the lad's too I might add) was something else. It went through pure panic, to disbelief, to anger to "I am about to melt down." I should add that even I was surprised at just how loud it sounded when I heard it in that environment.

I managed to avoid the meltdown and was saved by Grandson who proceeded to piss his pants laughing. Herself joined in after a moment of doubt.

Little buggers wouldn't let me do it again though. :angry:

Maybe I shouldn't tell their Mum, eh.

[Road kill]

Good skills Pop.
Mine would tell their mum as soon as they saw her next.

That's solid gold memories mate.
Plus they'd probably tell that story about their Gramps at your funeral many many years from now.

Chur.

[Big Dave]

Aye.


We look after our granddaughters two nights a week while mum works. 3 and 5yo. Tonight it's just me. My Mrs is visiting family in Hobart.

I have set them up a nice iMac and the 3yo can boot it up and open the Dora playlist in itunes.
Viva Dora and that one Fry narrates is good too.
She sits in front of the educational software doing puzzles for hours as well. Easy one.

The 5yo loves to draw. We're working on trees.


No BS at gran-pa's.

[SVboy]

I was watching a middle eastern version of Dora the explorer the other day-"Doda the Exploder"!

[awa355]

I know all the Winnie the Pooh movies. " It's playtime Pooh" is my fav.

Bad Grampa is when they get told ' all the chocolates are gone' but really, there's still two left. :Playnice::Playnice:

[buggerit]

Aye.


We look after our granddaughters two nights a week while mum works. 3 and 5yo. Tonight it's just me. My Mrs is visiting family in Hobart.

I have set them up a nice iMac and the 3yo can boot it up and open the Dora playlist in itunes.
Viva Dora and that one Fry narrates is good too.
She sits in front of the educational software doing puzzles for hours as well. Easy one.

The 5yo loves to draw. We're working on trees.


No BS as gran-pa's.

I thought a bloke with your contacts would be able to lay your hands on a sidecar for the evening,:shit: now that would give
the grandkids something to talk about at your funeral:niceone:

[Big Dave]

I thought a bloke with your contacts would be able to lay your hands on a sidecar for the evening,:shit: now that would give
the grandkids something to talk about at your funeral:niceone:

Yeah - I bought them nice bicycles - but at the moment sitting on the KLR and tooting the horn and they are happy.

[Trade_nancy]

Thanks for that hoot of a yarn...

[awa355]

Grand children here for 3 days. A 7yr autistic boy, and a 2 1/2 yr girl. I have never seen two children that have bonded together like these.

Today we have been dragged through all the toys in the Warehouse and paper plus.
I have to be grateful that they are generally well behaved and respond well to doing what they are told ( generally ). Haven't hardly had to growl too many times.

Walking two dogs and a almost 3 yrs through the local park is an exercise in patience.

Right now they are in the bath with half the kitchen ware. Nan is trying to keep an eye on them, clean up the lounge floor, and cook tea. Grandad cant hear them cause he's listening to Julie Felix singing ' this world goes round and round'

All in all , a neat day. But by Wednesday will be glad to see their parents arrive.

288073

[Oakie]

I love being a naughty grandad.

One of my favourite things to hear a grandaughter say is "Poppa's funny!"

[Brian d marge]

Mine are outside somewhere , have left food in the hope they return


Stephen

[slofox]

I love being a naughty grandad.

One of my favourite things to hear a grandaughter say is "Poppa's funny!"

Have you shown them what happens when they pull Papa's finger yet..?

[turtleman]

Have you shown them what happens when they pull Papa's finger yet..?

lol - My older 2 grandkids (~7 and 3) refuse to pull my finger any more !

I have taught master 7 to make fart noises using his armpit - seems to keep him amused for quite a while (and his little sister). Not so much his mother, though....

[unstuck]

Have you shown them what happens when they pull Papa's finger yet..?

I used to do that with my grandson, but he got bored with it so I pretended I was trying too hard and shit my pants, that got the little shit giggling.:Punk:

[Drew]

Fucken hell there's a lot of grandparents on KB.


Hmmm, with these old cunts, pretty soon I'll be able to wind them up with the same shit I did six months ago.<_<

[Blackbird]

Fucken hell there's a lot of grandparents on KB.


Hmmm, with these old cunts, pretty soon I'll be able to wind them up with the same shit I did six months ago.<_<

Hahaha - we have 4 grandkids and we do all the things with them that their parents wouldn't normally give permission for - it's called payback from when our kids were in their teens :laugh::laugh:

[Drew]

Hahaha - we have 4 grandkids and we do all the things with them that their parents wouldn't normally give permission for - it's called payback from when our kids were in their teens :laugh::laugh:Yeah, the old man was quite proud to get my kids a recorder each. They go tlost pretty quickly.

[avgas]

Father in law came to visit. Brought the 2 year old boy bag of toys. Inside was a toy soldier that when you put batteries in would crawl and shoot. Well the boy was super excited. INSISTED I put batteries in so he could play. So put batteries in it. Turn it on. Stuff like this happened:
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/cRm1DL7jhIk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>

With the look on the boys face, you would have thought he had just seen this:
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/or-0aKdiI7k" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
Poor little fella needed the device turned off and a big hug.

[Naki Rat]

So y'all be looking forward to learning some more child minding tips from the Jackass boys :niceone:

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/_MSrAwfagG4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[slofox]

Granddaughter (in car seat in back of car): "Where we going Papa?"

Me: "To the Supermarket."

She: "What you gonna get Papa?"

Me: "Food. I think I'll buy a dead sheep's leg!"

Long silence ensues...

She: (in quiet querulous voice) "Will it have wool on it..?"

Me: "Nah. They peel it in the shop!"

She: (sounding greatly relieved) "Oh That's OK then."

[awa355]

What Grandpas should pass on

Poems
" Mary had a little lamb
Her father killed it dead
Now Mary takes that lamb to school
Between two slabs of bread"

Words of wisdom, " Only dirty people have to wash "

Grace, " One, two, three, four
Thank Christ, there's no more"

There must be more worldly sayings out there.

[slofox]

What Grandpas should pass on

Poems
" Mary had a little lamb
Her father killed it dead
Now Mary takes that lamb to school
Between two slabs of bread"

Words of wisdom, " Only dirty people have to wash "

Grace, " One, two, three, four
Thank Christ, there's no more"

There must be more worldly sayings out there.


I have taught her a few alternative versions of nursery rhymes...eg

Mary had a little lamb
Its face was black as charcoal
Every time she swung it round
Sparks flew out its arsehole...

Actual words can be varied depending on age and level of decadence of the grandchild...oh and the tolerance of the parents of course...

[awa355]

Parents have no role in handing down gems from old farts to innocence.

That's specifically the domain of ' has beens '. or call it revenge on ya kids. :ar15:

[slofox]

Parents have no role in handing down gems from old farts to innocence.

That's specifically the domain of ' has beens '. or call it revenge on ya kids. :ar15:

My daughter (the kids' mother) thinks anything they bring home from me is hilarious. S-I-L not so sure though...

[nighthawk]

I have the pleasure of being Granddad to a two and a half year old munchkin who can hold her own with anyone, she is a great mimic so when g/d was working on a car recently I let slip " well it's fu...ed" she put it to immediate use.

Nana inquires of little one has g/d fixed the car,with out missing a beat out comes, " nah it's fu...ed".

This little munchkin has been around technology since she could blink and has mastered iPad and iPhones therefore sleep ins are rare in our house at the weekend as munchkin face times g/d the moment she gets up and finds where mum has left them.

I had an inkling that we were going to have our hands full, when at six months she would pick up the sky remote and hit channel 42 time and time again.....now it's YouTube

God help us when she hits five.......

[Geeen]

I have taught her a few alternative versions of nursery rhymes...eg

Mary had a little lamb
Its face was black as charcoal
Every time she swung it round
Sparks flew out its arsehole...

Actual words can be varied depending on age and level of decadence of the grandchild...oh and the tolerance of the parents of course...

You should try the old..

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck,
She put the in a cupboard to see if they would


Be friends:msn-wink:

[MIXONE]

Keep it up guys.My gd is only 7 months old but this thread is full of gems for the future.:devil2:

[Geeen]

Keep it up guys.My gd is only 7 months old but this thread is full of gems for the future.:devil2:

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water.
I don't know what they did up there,
But they came down with a daughter..

My Wife glares at me every time I try to teach that to my 6yo Son

[avgas]

Great aunt found my son grabbing a chocolate bar from the wifes bag. "Please can you open Chocolate" came from 2 year olds mouth.

Great aunt said, "No, that is mummies Mood Relaxation Bar, daddy gave it to her"

He is now repeating this.
....


Fantastic <_< - now my son thinks I feed my wife date rape. I can't wait for her to explain that coffee is infact "Hyperactivity Stimulant" aka ecstasy.

[Oakie]

My brother-in-law improved on the timeless 'pull my finger'. Bends over a little and says to my then 4 year old daughter, "Can you come and see if there's dirt on my pants bottom?"

[slofox]

Grand-daughter gets out of the bath at the end of the day today. She walks into the lounge, draped in a towel, for me to dry her off and for her to choose her next set of clothing (her choice and ONLY her choice - since the age of one).

Half way across the room she stops, bends down and looks at her leg. "Fuck" she says...I'm a little stopped in my tracks. "What did you say?" I ask. "I said FUCK" she replies and goes on "Look! There's this speck on my leg! You didn't wash it off!"

"Hey, dammit, don't blame ME! YOU were supposed to wash that bit!" She bends down and removes the "speck" of whatever it was. "Well, I'm sticking it on your carpet" she informs me and she delivers the withering look that only a three year old can.

Fucked if I know where she learned that word...oops :o

God help any future boyfriends I say...

[awa355]

" Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get poor Rover a bone.

As she bent over, Rover showed her, he had a bone of his own."

Nah, that might be over the top for wee littleies.

[Drew]

Grand-daughter gets out of the bath at the end of the day today. She walks into the lounge, draped in a towel, for me to dry her off and for her to choose her next set of clothing (her choice and ONLY her choice - since the age of one).

Half way across the room she stops, bends down and looks at her leg. "Fuck" she says...I'm a little stopped in my tracks. "What did you say?" I ask. "I said FUCK" she replies and goes on "Look! There's this speck on my leg! You didn't wash it off!"

"Hey, dammit, don't blame ME! YOU were supposed to wash that bit!" She bends down and removes the "speck" of whatever it was. "Well, I'm sticking it on your carpet" she informs me and she delivers the withering look that only a three year old can.

Fucked if I know where she learned that word...oops :o

God help any future boyfriends I say...I'd have played that a tad differently. Damp bum+"Fuck"= WHACK, "you know damned well you're not allowed to say that word"!

[awa355]

Another gem to hand down.

(Row Row Row Your Boat) Roll, roll, roll your joint twist it at the end, take a puff, that's enough and pass it to a friend.


Mary had a little lamb, His fleece all white and whispy,
Along came foot and mouth disease,
And now he's black and crispy.

[slofox]

I'd have played that a tad differently. Damp bum+"Fuck"= WHACK, "you know damned well you're not allowed to say that word"!

Oh...err - I was gonna give her a Gold Star award for mastery of the use of the expletive. Correct grammar, appropriate context, excellent intonation etc.