unstuck
9th January 2014, 09:51
T¹was the night before Christmas, in good old Auckland Town
And in his robe, in his chambers, was the mayor, Len Brown
The office was festive, though decorated with haste
And his trousers, unusually, were still round his waist.
The counsellors sat round the table of wood
Discussing Len¹s antics, that weren¹t very good.
So while every one else thought of Christmas and Heaven
All they could picture was Lenny and Bevan
When from Aotea Square, there arose such a clatter
Wee Lenny sprung up, to see what was the matter.
He had been very nervous at this part of his life
With all of the stuff to explain to his wife
The moon of the evening shone in to the Square
So Lenny could clearly see all that were there
And then what to his wondering eyes should appear
But a bloody big sleigh, and 8 bloody reindeer!
With a red suited driver, looked a bit like a Whale
Lennies hopes for the future then started to fail.
And then up to the mayors own window it sped
And the Cameron Santa shouted ³Get this through your head!²
The windows before him were flung open wide
And the man in the red suit strode quickly inside
He looked at the mayor, and grumbled ³Sit down.²
³you¹ve been bloody naughty this year Lennie Brown!²
³You¹ve lied and you¹ve cheated, you¹ve been quite a fool².
³You¹ve completely ignored each regulation and rule.²
³You¹ve broken your wife¹s heart, you¹ve broken your word²
³As a man and a mayor, you¹re fucking absurd!²
³Your council despise you for pulling this stunt²
³Your ratepayers reckon that you¹re just a c ... ²
³You stay in your office and won¹t show your face²
³You are simply not worthy to stay in this place!²
³You stayed in hotels when you should have been home²
³Far from the marital bed you did roam²
³You¹re spirit was weak when it should have been strong²
³You¹ve been rooting around from here to Hong Kong²
³I doubt you¹ve a shred of your dignity left²
³Of values and morals you¹re completely bereft²
³I have nothing for you in my sack for this year²
³But you know too much about empty sacks, I do fear!²
³You¹re spending much more than the city can stand²
³As the people must pay for each little demand²
³But now you must reap all the seeds that you sowed.²
³You can¹t even make sure the berms are all mowed²
³You tried to tell people you¹re just a good bloke²
³But it¹s clear to us all now, that you¹re just a joke²
³The people all point at you, they laugh and they scoff²
³Take the hint Mr Mayor, it¹s time to fuck off!²
Cam Santa stepped back to behold the sad sight.
Of the trembling mayor, all pasty and white.
And to make sure that mayor would heed all the calls,
He swung his leg back and kicked Len in the balls.
Then Cam Santa leapt back on his sleigh to depart..
³All that I told you came straight from my heart²
³And to give your fair Auckland a happy new year²
³Do us all a favour and just disappear!²
He paused before leaving to make sure Len had heard.
And that he had clearly understood every word
He grabbed hold of the reins, and his tongue gave a click.
He just couldn¹t believe Len Brown was so thick.
And in his robe, in his chambers, was the mayor, Len Brown
The office was festive, though decorated with haste
And his trousers, unusually, were still round his waist.
The counsellors sat round the table of wood
Discussing Len¹s antics, that weren¹t very good.
So while every one else thought of Christmas and Heaven
All they could picture was Lenny and Bevan
When from Aotea Square, there arose such a clatter
Wee Lenny sprung up, to see what was the matter.
He had been very nervous at this part of his life
With all of the stuff to explain to his wife
The moon of the evening shone in to the Square
So Lenny could clearly see all that were there
And then what to his wondering eyes should appear
But a bloody big sleigh, and 8 bloody reindeer!
With a red suited driver, looked a bit like a Whale
Lennies hopes for the future then started to fail.
And then up to the mayors own window it sped
And the Cameron Santa shouted ³Get this through your head!²
The windows before him were flung open wide
And the man in the red suit strode quickly inside
He looked at the mayor, and grumbled ³Sit down.²
³you¹ve been bloody naughty this year Lennie Brown!²
³You¹ve lied and you¹ve cheated, you¹ve been quite a fool².
³You¹ve completely ignored each regulation and rule.²
³You¹ve broken your wife¹s heart, you¹ve broken your word²
³As a man and a mayor, you¹re fucking absurd!²
³Your council despise you for pulling this stunt²
³Your ratepayers reckon that you¹re just a c ... ²
³You stay in your office and won¹t show your face²
³You are simply not worthy to stay in this place!²
³You stayed in hotels when you should have been home²
³Far from the marital bed you did roam²
³You¹re spirit was weak when it should have been strong²
³You¹ve been rooting around from here to Hong Kong²
³I doubt you¹ve a shred of your dignity left²
³Of values and morals you¹re completely bereft²
³I have nothing for you in my sack for this year²
³But you know too much about empty sacks, I do fear!²
³You¹re spending much more than the city can stand²
³As the people must pay for each little demand²
³But now you must reap all the seeds that you sowed.²
³You can¹t even make sure the berms are all mowed²
³You tried to tell people you¹re just a good bloke²
³But it¹s clear to us all now, that you¹re just a joke²
³The people all point at you, they laugh and they scoff²
³Take the hint Mr Mayor, it¹s time to fuck off!²
Cam Santa stepped back to behold the sad sight.
Of the trembling mayor, all pasty and white.
And to make sure that mayor would heed all the calls,
He swung his leg back and kicked Len in the balls.
Then Cam Santa leapt back on his sleigh to depart..
³All that I told you came straight from my heart²
³And to give your fair Auckland a happy new year²
³Do us all a favour and just disappear!²
He paused before leaving to make sure Len had heard.
And that he had clearly understood every word
He grabbed hold of the reins, and his tongue gave a click.
He just couldn¹t believe Len Brown was so thick.