A Pam Ayres poem

[Robbo]

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view)



The missus bought a Paperback,

down Shepton Mallet way,

I had a look inside her bag;

... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".



Well I just left her to it,

And at then I went to bed.

An hour later she appeared;

The sight filled me with dread...



In her left she held a rope;

And in her right a whip!

She threw them down upon the floor,

And then began to strip.



Well fifty years or so ago;

I might have had a peek;

But Mabel hasn't weathered well;

She's eighty four next week!!



Watching Mabel bump and grind;

Could not have been much grimmer.

And things then went from bad to worse;

She toppled off her Zimmer!



She struggled back upon her feet;

A couple minutes later;

She put her teeth back in and said

I am a dominater !!



Now if you knew our Mabel,

You'd see just why I spluttered,

I'd spent two months in traction

For the last complaint I'd uttered.



She stood there nude and naked

Bent forward just a bit

I went to hold her, sensual like

and stood on her left tit!



Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;

My God what had I done!?

She moaned and groaned then shouted out:

"Step on the other one!!



Well readers, I can tell no more;

Of what occurred that day.

Suffice to say my jet black hair,

Turned fifty shades of grey.