help/ advice

[SARGE]

hey all.. i know tis is REALLY off topic.. but i would like some advice from any parents or teachers in the group..

here is my problem.. i am a single dad of a 13 year old boy.. he is a GREAT kid.. heaps of personality, very popular, independant, good looking and bright. he is SO far behind in his schoolng though.. he is NOT dumb, just lazy.. he hangs out with mates or veg's in front of the TV instead of studying( and my work schedule is such that he does spend a couple hours a day alone.. cant be helped .

the schools he has attended are more interested in Engrish as a Second Language and helping the truly slow kids.. the bright, english speaking kids fall through the cracks.. i canot allow him to go onto college next year if he is not ready and it will break my heart to hold him back. we do spend alot of time together after work and weekends, and i do try to motivate him on learning ( museums, planetariums, zoo, etc) but he can be bothered ( i am fairly educated myself and i want him to have better opportunities than i had)


no, we dont have a Playstation for this very reason..)
how can i light his fire?..

[enigma51]

Difficult one. I dont have kids myself but have a brother that was very lazy at school. The problem was that he nothing that stimulated his intererst. I was at that stage at a technical school (teach you a trade from an early age) so my dad decided to send him there as well. Although he still scraped by from one year to the next he did end up finding something he loves and after school he ended up going to a college to get his apprenticape (the school we where at only takes you half way) then ended first in his class there and then moved to uni where he just finished at the top of his class. He is what is considered a slow learner but as soon he found something he loved nothing could stand in his way.

Now the thing is my dad always said to him that although he only wants to do what he likes live is about doing things you dont like as well and before he can do what he want to do he has to get the shitty stuff out the way. And used examples like having paper work etc

I know im not giving much help but what im trying to say is that its important for him to find out what he wants to do with his life. Take me for instance by trade im an electical engineer and I wanted to be one at 13 but as life went on I ended up doing something completly different still in the realm of what I studied but yet so far from it and I love it well at least most days

Hope this helps

[Sniper]

A large stick?

[enigma51]

A large stick?
It does help!

[MSTRS]

hey all..
how can i light his fire?..
I personally think that there is way too much emphasis on 'school results' BUT unfortunately that is the system we have. The other unfortunate thing is that motivation is an inside job - some take longer to find the thing that creates the 'burn'. All I can say is you should expose your young'n to a varied range of interests, hobbies, whatever & eventually there will be one that takes his fancy. After that, he will be more likely to see the point of putting in more effort with the other stuff too. P'raps is just a maturity thing - was he always slack at school?

[Mr Skid]

Kill your television

[eliot-ness]

Sounds like a normal boy to me Sarge. It's frustrating, but all boys go through that stage between the ages of 13 and 15. Not a lot you can do about it. Keep him away from the more extreme of his mates, the obvious losers. Don't try to force education on him, he'll work his way through it and catch up. I had two sons, one very bright, who both lost the plot completely at that age. Both quit school at 15, with my permission on the proviso that they had a secure job to go to. The youngest is now general manager of a company. The other started a company from scratch, sold it for a huge amount, and is now building another company. Both have done better than I did.
My oldest grandson went through the same thing, he has a steady job and is doing ok. The next grandson is just going through it, but by now I've stopped worrying. If they have the ability they'll come right. Keep up the quality time, do things that he can be involved in, renovating a bike for him would be a good long term project to get him through it. Try to remember what you did at that age, it might come as a surprise to realise you were the same. One last thing. Don't blame the teachers. If you think one is frustrating imagine how they must feel with maybe 200 af the same age.

[vifferman]

Hey Sarge.

I have three (3) boys, and all of them (and me too) have 'suffered' at times from the malady you described - it's typical for boys, partly because school doesn't cater well for the way boys like to learn things, and isn't the ideal environment. Doesn't help that there's probably an imbalance in teacher gender now towards more female than male teachers.
There's no easy answer; he's at a tricky age, and will probably settle down over the next couple of years. And hopefully you will find something to pique his interest, or he will end up with a teacher that inspires him to push himself, or some schoolmates that he starts to compete with.
Just keep encouraging him to find out what he wants to do when he leaves school, as that will help him to become motivated. Try to be encouraging in general, rather than being on his case all the time - like say, "Have you any homework tonight?", rather than nagging him about it.
I found with #3 that he was really slack in his first and second years of college, but this year I talked to him right at the beginning of the yeat about how important this year was, and how if he stuffed it up it would affect his future prospects, and it seemed to make a difference to his attitude. The last two years he was, well, pretty lazy, and worked out it was easier to do detentions than homework, so he was on detention all the time. This year, the only detentions were the teacher stuffing up taking the roll, not him deliberately misbehaving. His results still don't reflect his abilities, but he's happier, and we're not on his case all the time and can find things to praise him about.

[inlinefour]

A large stick?

I got beaten growing up with an assortment of items, eventually it just was the old farts fist. Eventually I learnt some martial arts and knocked the old fool out cold. I don't have anything to do with the tosser now and really never want to. Find something he is into (maybe MX?) and buy it. Let him know that if hes motivated then you'll be very accomodating for him to do what ever it is when your not at work. Results = more rewards, nothing = just that, nothing. I've just brought my 5 year old a bike and sent it up to him (much to his mums disgust). However I made it quite clear that he needs to work hard at school and sports for that sort of thing to continue. He knows if he does his best then dad will get him a bigger bike as he gets older. He also know if he slacks off that dad will also take the bike back home with him. So far, it appears to be helping (touch wood). :woohoo:

[MSTRS]

He knows if he does his best then dad will get him a bigger bike as he gets older. He also know if he slacks off that dad will also take the bike back home with him. So far, it appears to be helping (touch wood). :woohoo:
Bribery eh. Works a treat - if the recipient is mercenary. Most are.

[zadok]

Eliot-ness and Vifferman have made some very good comments which should be encouraging for you. My boys were in NZ with their mother when they hit that age. I found girls are ok until they discover boys!

[vifferman]

My boys were in NZ with their mother when they hit that age.
Dang.
Wish I'd thought of being in a different country to my teenagers...
Still, I'm through the worst of it now. I've had 9 years and 8 months of it; only 4 years and two months to go...

[crashe]

Sarge - I have a daughter... and she went throu the same sort of stuff... all I got was a 'uh' when she walked in the door after school....lol.
so I ended up sending her to 'coventry' for a little while she soon noticed that I wasn't speaking to her... she pulled her socks up for a while...

Keep doing what you are doing.... be there for him.. find out what he is really interested in.. and get him into a club.... and join in with what he is interested in.

Do try to keep him away from 'so called bad mates' and that can be hard.
Mind you if they all hang out at your place then you will know what they are up to....

Ask the school in their opinion whether or not he should be held back....
as this may not be the best thing for him.. as it may make him rebel against you.

When they get to high school they find another new set of mates.... and you won't know much about them..as to what they are really like.

Teenage years are the pits.... not only for them but also for us adults.
They want to be treated like adults, but they still act or want to be kids...

If he is home alone for a couple of hours after school then thats his TV time... and then homework when you are there to help him out....

BTW Girls can be so much worse than boys in their teenage years.

[inlinefour]

Bribery eh. Works a treat - if the recipient is mercenary. Most are.

I like to think of it as encouragement into motorcycling and working hard at schoold :devil2:

[SARGE]

Keep him away from the more extreme of his mates, the obvious losers.


i just went in and had a meeting with the deputy principal and his teacher.. turns out that his best mate ( i have met the boy and he SEEMED like a nice enough young man) is in with some of the less desirable members of the school.. he has been to my house overnight and was very polite and all.. but if he is a wannabe banger.. i will end this relationship right fucking now.

Shelby is behind his age group in reading, i really push the "books over TV " angle with him, but as we all know ... books are boring..


i feel like a bad father right now..his real mom is back in the States, and has had fuck all contact with him in 4 years ( not even so much as a birthday card.. yes she has our addy and phone numbers.. just cant be bothered..)
i am trying to be mom and dad for him while working 2 jobs

[Keystone19]

Shelby is behind his age group in reading, i really push the "books over TV " angle with him, but as we all know ... books are boring..


i feel like a bad father right now..

Nah, you're not a bad dad, it's just the way things are going right at this second.

In terms of books, boys and reading is often a problem. Don't try and encourage him to read stuff he doesn't like or want to. I know he'll have to read some stuff for school but try and get him to enjoy reading by finding books and magazines that he enjoys. For example, comics, Asterix, Tintin, magazines. It may not be what we would traditionally class as reading, but it is reading. A number of researchers in this area suggest that this is a good place to foster a love of reading rather than making it hard work. Talk to your local librarian about some good books aimed at boys. Captain Underpants is quite a good series although might be a bit young for your lad depending on his reading age.

Hope this helps...

[crashe]

i just went in and had a meeting with the deputy principal and his teacher.. turns out that his best mate ( i have met the boy and he SEEMED like a nice enough young man) is in with some of the less desirable members of the school.. he has been to my house overnight and was very polite and all.. but if he is a wannabe banger.. i will end this relationship right fucking now.

Shelby is behind his age group in reading, i really push the "books over TV " angle with him, but as we all know ... books are boring..


i feel like a bad father right now..his real mom is back in the States, and has had fuck all contact with him in 4 years ( not even so much as a birthday card.. yes she has our addy and phone numbers.. just cant be bothered..)
i am trying to be mom and dad for him while working 2 jobs


Sarge You are NOT a bad father.... you are doing the best that you can to help him and keep him on the right track.

Is he interested in the "Harry Potter" books as that has helped many youngsters get back into reading... hey even if he reads comic books...they still have words in them... or books on what interests him...
Take him to the library and join him up and get him to pick out whatever books he likes.... oh except the porn books....

Raising kids alone is one of the hardest things to do.... I did it... 24/7 for 19 years.

[Beemer]

When I was at school, bribery worked for me! My parents didn't have much education themselves, although my father went to night school and ended up with a BA years after he left school, so they wanted me to have the choice of career that they didn't have when they left school. I was one of those kids who did like school and was too goody-good to have bad mates anyway, but they did bribe me with things I wanted -although I'm still waiting for the horse... :nono:

I'm just doing an article on educational ICT tools and that may be the answer for your son. Many kids don't 'get' traditional book-based learning and whereas years ago there was no alternative, now there is. I'll PM you with some website addresses and details. You need to find something that grabs him and keeps him interested. I know he's still fairly young, but have you asked him if he has any idea of what kind of work he'd like to do when he leaves school? If he says "rubbish collector" then you're stuffed, but if he says he's keen on being a mechanic or a computer programmer, etc., point out the skills he'll need to have to get these kinds of jobs. If he really wants something, he will be motivated to get those qualifications.

[Lias]

Few thoughts.

If you can possibly afford it send him to a private school. Gifted children very much tend to fall through the cracks in NZ's public school system, particularly if they arnt self motivated. Without floating my boat I was a pretty smart kid, and I experienced both public and private schools in my teens. At the private school (Wanganui Collegiate) I was put in the "A" stream, and challenged like nothing on earth.. I loved the educational side of the school and thrived academically.. I ended up getting kicked out because I couldnt control my temper thou (I had a very short tolerance of rich snobs looking down their noses at me and tneded to break said noses).. After collegiate I ended up going to a public school in Wellington, and the diffrence between Private and Public is enourmous.. At collegiate the staff motivated and challenged the bright kids, at the public school the staff didnt care.. If you didnt want to learn they wernt going to make you and I dropped under the radar and stayed there.

My 2 cents

[kerryg]

[QUOTE=SARGE turns out that his best mate ( i have met the boy and he SEEMED like a nice enough young man) is in with some of the less desirable members of the school.. he has been to my house overnight and was very polite and all.. but if he is a wannabe banger.. i will end this relationship right fucking now.

[/QUOTE]


Dunno about boys except that the horny smelly insolent chinless little spotty herberts :bash: :2guns: :kick: ring my house at 30 second intervals most evenings (I've got 2 teenage daughters live with me) ...


However I know one thing for sure about teenagers: the biggest influences on them come from their peers. If they get in with a certain group they just buy into that group's values, so it's a bad thing if their mates are all little shits and a good thing if their mates are good kids. So...if you can have a say in who they hang with it may make a difference

[MSTRS]

turns out that his best mate ( i have met the boy and he SEEMED like a nice enough young man) is in with some of the less desirable members of the school.. i will end this relationship right fucking now.


i am trying to be mom and dad for him while working 2 jobs
It's your parental duty to do the best you can to keep your kids from poor role models - anthing less is doing your kids no favours. Good to see you are onto this one.
Shame about his mother - not your fault. And as a father who has been there too, I can say 'Don't try to be a mother. You are a man & our conditioning does not allow us to be anything else.' Does your son have an adult female that he respects, who could fill some of the 'mother' role for him? A male friend or neighbour seems to work for a lot of fatherless boys.

[vifferman]

However I know one thing for sure about teenagers: the biggest influences on them come from their peers. If they get in with a certain group they just buy into that group's values
True dat. :yes:
By rights I should've been in with the geeks and dweeboids at school, but by the fifth form I could see that the guys with cars/bikes who were party animules were more fun, so I became a pisshead. Luckily this was before drugs really took off, or I could've been a druggie instead. :confused:

[SARGE]

True dat. :yes:
By rights I should've been in with the geeks and dweeboids at school, but by the fifth form I could see that the guys with cars/bikes who were party animules were more fun, so I became a pisshead. Luckily this was before drugs really took off, or I could've been a druggie instead. :confused:

when i was in school in the "stoned age".. i was a complete cunt.. never cared about school... always high,drunk or in a fight ( or a combination..)


i coulda been a contender

Shelby says he wants to be a scientist or an inventor.i took him to McDonalds the other night after work and there was a 50-something guy in there clearing tables.. i pointed him out and told him " that could be your future...pull your head out.."

[Motu]

[QUOTE= there was a 50-something guy in there clearing tables.. i pointed him out and told him " that could be your future...pull your head out.."[/QUOTE]

I may be a bit deaf....but I can lip read - so,how are you this morning? clean bowels?

[SARGE]

the biggest influences on them come from their peers. If they get in with a certain group they just buy into that group's values, so it's a bad thing if their mates are all little shits and a good thing if their mates are good kids. So...if you can have a say in who they hang with it may make a difference


i think if i forbid him to hang out with who he wants, he will rebel and do it anyway.. i might just try and cultivate his friendship with the smart Korean kid at the top of his class..

maybe take them both to a movie on the weekend and ask if Doniel can stay over...


thoughts?

[kerryg]

...thoughts?


Thoughts? Vifferman has thoughts (some of them very strange) :doobey: ...I don't have thoughts...Mate, my kids do as they bloody like......I know what the problem is (dopey friends) but how to get them to pick good ones.....???


I can spot a problem OK, it's the solution that eludes me.. :weird:
Is the Korean guy cool??? :Punk: Cos if he's not cool ...you're probably pushing it uphill

[SARGE]

Is the Korean guy cool??? :Punk: Cos if he's not cool ...you're probably pushing it uphill

the Korean kid seems ok.. they already hang out quite heavily.. Shelby is so open minded and makes friends very easy and im very proud of him for that, but i need to temper his naivety (sorry.. spellchecker just commited suicide..)

[mikey]

sarge, dont worry mate, you dont need to do good at books an shit to do well i nthe world, as long as he can read an write an stuff hell be fine, gotta remember early years best years of your life, let em do what he wants

[SARGE]

sarge, dont worry mate, you dont need to do good at books an shit to do well i nthe world, as long as he can read an write an stuff hell be fine, gotta remember early years best years of your life, let em do what he wants


i agree Mikey.. but i want better for him than i had ( as all parents do..)

[kerryg]

i agree Mikey.. but i want better for him than i had ( as all parents do..)


He's 13 which I guess means year 9 (first year at high school)?? If so a possibility is to consider a change of school, because that's where they seem to acquire friends (and influences) mostly. I could never find the budget to send mine to private schools (I've got 4 girls and what you do for 1 you have to be able to do for 4), and was never rich enough to live in one of the areas that put you in zone for best public schools, but if you can afford a private school (or maybe a house in Grammar zone) it's a good investment in your kid. They seem to churn out kids who are set to succeed. I know quite a few people whose kids are similar ages to mine and who sent them privately and they are mostly doing real well. Then, their marriages are still mostly intact too, so that's another factor. It's possible too that they get more discipline and structure, better quality teaching, smaller classes, more emphasis on success (not that "not yet achieved" crap), good mentoring, etc at a private school which might be needed more than ever when there's a parent missing.

Good luck. Seems like you are one step ahead of some parents: you care!

[Lucyloo]

Hi Sarge.
Don't want to butt into your business, but if you are thinking of changing schools for your son, have a think about Dilworth. They are a scholarship school for, mainly, one parent families. So, no fees involved. It is also a boarding school. The boys go home for weekends, so not too many chances for outside influences. A work colleague's son goes there and it sounds like a great school. He has turned out to be a very nice young man.
Could be worth investigating.
Luce.

[vifferman]

Don't want to butt into your business, but if you are thinking of changing schools for your son, have a think about Dilworth.
That's not a dumb idea.
Friends of ours sent their boy there after their marriage broke up. He did very well - a lot better than he would've otherwise, as he was struggling at school.

[SARGE]

Hi Sarge.
Don't want to butt into your business, but if you are thinking of changing schools for your son, have a think about Dilworth. They are a scholarship school for, mainly, one parent families. So, no fees involved. It is also a boarding school. The boys go home for weekends, so not too many chances for outside influences. A work colleague's son goes there and it sounds like a great school. He has turned out to be a very nice young man.
Could be worth investigating.
Luce.

thought about that.. have a friend whos sons go there , but at the end of the day,, he is my best friend.. we were seperated after his mom and i split.. she denied me contact with him ( LOOONG story) and i about went mental without him.. boarding school isnt an option

[Lucyloo]

That's not a dumb idea.

I have heaps of ideas that are not dumb ;)


Sarge I understand you not wanting to be seperated from your son, but if it means that he is going to get a good education and a kick start in life, it may be worth reconsidering.
Only a suggestion, you will know what's best for the both of you.
L.

[enigma51]

I recommend a bording school it teaches kids to stand on the own two feet.Well at least in my case but then again i did go to military type bording school where you were preped for army. (Military service was compulsary after school)

[Keystone19]

thought about that.. have a friend whos sons go there , but at the end of the day,, he is my best friend.. we were seperated after his mom and i split.. she denied me contact with him ( LOOONG story) and i about went mental without him.. boarding school isnt an option

Dilworth have a day boy option too now I think. I do know they do weekly boarding i.e. your boy would be home Friday through Monday.

[yungatart]

You aren't a bad Dad, or you wouldn't be asking the questions on how to help your son. Lots of boys have trouble at school between 12-15 ish, one of my own included. You have to find the "hook", the thing that motivates him the most. Pay $$$ for good marks or progress. Keep him away from the losers. Send him on to High School next year (unless he is special needs, he has to be out of the primary system by his 14 birthday anyway). Look for the high school that suits him, will provide motivation, recognises achievement and has a mentor system in place (either student or teacher mentoring). Be a good role model, take him to the library and make sure you get a book out too and read in front of him! Discuss politics, current events etc with him( over dinner - away from Tv!) Make sure you let him know that he is a cool kid and you love him heaps. Tell him you are really proud of him. Enjoy it!

[oldrider]

Hey there Sarge, you are seeking a little help fatherwise. That is a pretty big call giving advice on that subject. I have a few theories that seem to have worked for our family. Have you ever worked with horses or dogs? I used to do a lot of pig hunting and you really have to get into the head of a dog to get any value out of it. If it doesn't want to work for you it won't and it ruins your day and you come home empty handed. If you can't fix it you end up shooting the dog and that ruins his day. Solution, dog psychology you have to learn to think like the dog and outsmart him. He has to think it was his idea all the time and you are just celebrating how smart he was.
The art of diplomacy is telling some cunt where to go and have him looking forward to the trip. Take a horse for instance. he is sunning himself out in the paddock eating selected herbs, flicking the flies, doing just what he likes. He's five times bigger than you, ten times stronger and can run like the wind. Why would that horse want to swap that for some wacky hard work that you want him to do? Horse psychology, you got to get into his head. He has to think it was his idea and you were just helping him. Then you can celebrate his achievements with him.
You have got a thirteen year old boy/man there with you if you try to impose your will on him without his approval you will get the same result that you would get from the dog or the horse. The only difference is that where the animals are physically superior this one has got a head full of cerebral cortex and if you try to out muscle him he will screw you big time. That is not the solution you want. So what is the answer? People psychology, you have to get inside his head then "guide him",using all your life experience to help him get to where hes going. Remember, it has to be his own idea, you are just there helping him through as he makes his own mistakes and he will make them. Let him, just be there for him.
Shit a brick you only asked for a bit of help and I'm here writing a book. I don't know if that's any help but it kinda worked for me. Good luck, John.

[kerryg]

.. boarding school isnt an option
FWIW it's actually really difficult to get kids into Dilworth. There are a lot more candidates than places so the criteria for acceptance are quite high, not to say that your boy would not get in of course...just that it's not a given by any means. But it is a terrific place, as good I'm sure as other private schools that cost megabucks a year.

My partner's boy left there last year after having been there since year 7 and what an education he got!! Absolutely great! He's set for University (he's having a year off this year) and he'll do well. It was particularly good for him possibly because his Mum was around, but not his useless Dad, so he got a lot of good input from the predominantly male staff there. And he was a fair little shite before he went and he's come out pretty good...still a pain in the arse but what 18 year old isn't eh?

[kerryg]

The art of diplomacy is telling some cunt where to go and have him looking forward to the trip. luck, John.


Now that's funny...and wise :2thumbsup

[Oscar]

i just went in and had a meeting with the deputy principal and his teacher.. turns out that his best mate ( i have met the boy and he SEEMED like a nice enough young man) is in with some of the less desirable members of the school.. he has been to my house overnight and was very polite and all.. but if he is a wannabe banger.. i will end this relationship right fucking now.

Shelby is behind his age group in reading, i really push the "books over TV " angle with him, but as we all know ... books are boring..


i feel like a bad father right now..his real mom is back in the States, and has had fuck all contact with him in 4 years ( not even so much as a birthday card.. yes she has our addy and phone numbers.. just cant be bothered..)
i am trying to be mom and dad for him while working 2 jobs

This is very good thing you've done, which takes guts.
Boys of that age are looking for role models and if he hooks up with the wrong type, it could fuck up the rest of his life.

There is an excellent book called "Raising Boys", by Steven Biddulph (I think). Get a copy.

[SARGE]

John:

i actually grew up with Horses and Dogs..i need to buy you a beer or 7 one day


everyone on this thread has been a great help to me and i really appriciate it.. i have had a pretty full on life as you can probably imagine and very little to base "good father" on

wheres the fucking owners manual for this thing???

[FROSTY]

Sarge --Im about 7 years behind ya with my kid -baby bikie -same senario exactly. He just aint interested in book learning -put a spanner in his hand or toss a ball to him and he will learn fast as.
Dont beat yaself up mate but I do think you are doing the right thing by thinking about it.
I'd suggest ya might wanna find what it is that sparks HIS imagination and go with that to help his reading.
Ohh and DO kick up a stink at school -It seems to be the squeaky hinge gets the oil really applies with teachers

[FROSTY]

Ohh and where were ya this morning at 9.00 when I was hunting for boots ??

[SARGE]

Ohh and where were ya this morning at 9.00 when I was hunting for boots ??


meeting with the teachers .. shit man... let me know when yr in the 'hood and i'll shout ya a cuppa

[SARGE]

bit of background on the boy.. his air-thief mom moved a junkie in 2 weeks after she broke it off with me.. he ended up beating spud up one night when he was 7.. junkie and i had a long chat in the alley behind the house the next night...

wasnt pretty, but was worth the jail time...

[Motu]

Funny how we all went off the rails as kids...but turned out OK in the end - and yet we don't want to offer that experiance to our kids.

I've written a couple of long involved replies to this thread....then hit delete.Fatherhood's a damn site harder than riding a bike,none of us are ''naturals'',but we seem to be wobbling along in the right direction....

[SARGE]

Funny how we all went off the rails as kids...but turned out OK in the end - and yet we don't want to offer that experiance to our kids.

I've written a couple of long involved replies to this thread....then hit delete.Fatherhood's a damn site harder than riding a bike,none of us are ''naturals'',but we seem to be wobbling along in the right direction....


damn Motu.. woulda loved to see the replies

i was a bit of a dirtbag when i was a kid.. the Military put me right though ( ive already told him he's gonna go into the US Navy or Air Force when he hits 18.. no Marine Corps or Army.. gotta learn a trade/ skill)


i guess what im worried about is that ive got a mini-me in the making..

[SixPackBack]

damn Motu.. woulda loved to see the replies

i was a bit of a dirtbag when i was a kid.. the Military put me right though ( ive already told him he's gonna go into the US Navy or Air Force when he hits 18.. no Marine Corps or Army.. gotta learn a trade/ skill)


i guess what im worried about is that ive got a mini-me in the making..

You have just answered your own question Sarge. the 'minime' bit. Cast your mind back, what would have motivated you and set you on the right track?
My two sense worth.....talk lots and make sure there is never any doubt in his mind how much you care for him. Encourage him to get a hobby, it does'nt really matter what it is, the motivation and interest it provides will spill into all areas of his life. Sending him to another school is running.....American's do not run, they stand and fight!

[oldrider]

Sarge, when I talked about the people psychology thingy there is a way to begin the process and it doesn't have to cost you a dime. It means you have to begin with your self. If you don't really know your self, how can you possibly hope to know the boy? You are such a lucky guy, there's so much for you both to look forward to. It's a bit like riding your bike really, what you focus on you can bet your bottom dollar you will hit it. If you go through life focused on negatives you will find them in their thousands. You gotta get focused on what the two of you really want out of life. Now there's a starting point, ask him (Don't tell him) has he ever really thought about it?
Once you are able to engage him you can start exploring all the options together. The opportunities you can dream up are endless and can be as exciting as you want it to be. A good place to start is trying to understand each other honestly. He's a brand new man and you are a brand new old man swapping notes should be a lot of fun. I have a few tools you can use if you are interested but you might think I am a bit off the planet if you are not familiar with some of the concepts. You don't need a Fathers manual. This situation is unique it's about you and him and no book has been written for it. You are writing the manual together. Good luck, I am here for you if you want anything more from me. you are more than welcome. Cheers John.

[SARGE]

talk lots and make sure there is never any doubt in his mind how much you care for him. Encourage him to get a hobby, it does'nt really matter what it is, the motivation and interest it provides will spill into all areas of his life.


we do spend alot of time together ..during the summer.. he is my little backpack on the FJ.. we are always out in the yard looking at the stars together ( maybe in his lifetime we will set foot on one of them) and i have started reading with him every night ( making him read out loud to me)
he really is a great kid and im so glad i have the opportunity to see him grow up